Chapter 's Not Over.
I turned away from her, feeling the tears sting in my eyes, not wanting her to see my cry. I'd already laid so many emotions down for her to take and she'd just threw them away, without even giving them a fleeting glance. I turned and walked away from her.
My tears run down like razorblades and no,
I'm not the one to blame: it's you or is it me?
My eyes finally let loose the tears I'd been holding back, each one as painful as the next, as if travelling down my face was a way to slice open my heart. This was it, I could feel my world crumbling around me, I'd lost her forever, and I couldn't even gain the nerve to face her.
And all the words we never say come out and now we are all ashamed.
And there is no sense.
"Fang?" Her voice was a whisper. "I'm sorry,"
"You know what Max?" My voice was venom in my own mouth as I spat each word out. "I don't care, I don't want your apologies, I wanted you, but don't worry, that dream has sailed, I won't bother you anymore."
"Fang, I don't want this…"
"I get that Max!" I raised my voice. "You don't need to tell me again, just rejecting my whole heart was enough to shatter it, you don't need to rub the broken pieces into the dirt!"
In playing games, when you done all you can do.
I turned away, ready to leave, ready to get out of there, unwilling to listen to her rip away at my heart little bit by little bit. "Fang!" He voice was a yell at my back. I paused, my hands clenching into fists.
"What?" I spat out, I could feel my anger seething, I needed to get out of there! I couldn't take this out on her, I understood that she didn't want to be with me that way, but she still wanted my friendship. I was just distraught at my own declaration of love. I sighed. "Look, Max, I'm sorry, but I can't do this, just like you couldn't,"
"Fang!" Her voice was almost a whisper.
"Please Max, let me walk away." I took the silence as an allowance to disappear. Just as I started walking I felt a hand grip my elbow. Max.
"Fang…" she murmured.
"Let me go." I said. Unwilling to stay where my heart was destroyed. She let go of my elbow, her hand dropping, and I carried on walking.
But now it's over, it's over. Why is it over?
We had the chance to make it.
Footsteps where behind me, following me.
Now it's over,
It's over. It can't be over.
"Fang, wait, please." Her voice echoed in my head. I stopped, slowly turning to face her.
"Look Max, I can't do this now, I wish I could take it back, but it's over. I lost, let me leave with at least some dignity."
I wish that I could take it back, but it's over.
"Fang, seriously, just wait!" Her voice was full of authority, but I was way past asking how high to jump. I was past this. I was past waiting for her to love me back, waiting for her to want to kiss me.
"What do you want Max? Can't you just let me leave?"
I lose myself in all these fights;
"I could, but you promised me you'd never leave me." A hint of a smile played across her lips as she looked up at me slowly.
"Not now Max, maybe later." And I turned again. Walking away and turning the corner to the stairs.
Suddenly Angel stood in my way. "Fang! What are you doing?"
I lose my sense of wrong and right.
"I'm following our great leaders performance, I'm running away Angel, I can't deal with it right now!"
"You really think the flock can deal with losing you again? Max defiantly can't deal with that!"
"I think she can Ang, she stopped me, she doesn't feel the same way, she doesn't love me!" I could feel the tears falling from my eyes, and with Angel, I wasn't ashamed.
I cry, I cry.
I'm shaking from the pain that's in my head.
My head was shaking back and forth, tears running down my face as Angel pulled me into the stair well. "Come with me Fang." She dragged me up the stair well up to the roof. We stood, on top of the hotel. Breathing in the high, cool air. "Fly with me Fang."
I shook my head. "No Ang, hun, I just want to go to bed, just forget this night happened."
I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away
The life I led. But I won't let it die.
But I won't let it die.
"Fang, I think you need this, you need to fly, you need to forget everything." I nodded. I jumped into the air, throwing my wings out behind me and taking flight, knowing Angel wasn't going to follow I flew quick and fast, further and further away, feeling better to be away from everything. Away from Max. Away from the flock, away from pretending it doesn't hurt that the one girl who I love doesn't think it's possible, and doesn't feel the same way. A heavy weight of relief fell away onto the winds back as I flew.
Before I knew it, I was at the cave. The cave me and Max had had our second kiss, our first major one. The image of her fleeting figure hit my like a boulder.
But it's over, it's over. Why is it over?
We had the chance to make it.
I sat back against the wall, reminiscing about that kiss, falling into the same part of the wall that first time. I groaned, trying to get Max out of my mind, but finding it impossible.
Now it's over, It's over.
It can't be over. I wish that I could take it back.
I looked up into the distance, seeing that figure in the distance, the black shadow of her flying form in the night, only, instead of getting further away, it was coming closer. I sat up, trying to fold myself into the shadows, as well as being able to see what was happening.
Max landed into the cave entrance, he voice called out "Fang? Are you here, we need to talk." I covered myself in the darkness, trying to hide from her, wanting just a couple of minuets without her. "Please Fang, I want to talk about this!"I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart.
She sighed, turning away and setting of to fly again. I sprang up, quickly running towards her, not wanting to see her fly away, even if I hadn't had anything to do with the reason. "Max," I whispered. Grasping her elbow. She jumped slightly, startled, before folding her wings back in and pulling me into a hug.
Don't say this wont last forever.
Our hug went on forever. Time itself seemed to stop around us. "Fang, we need to talk about this." She pulled away, stepping away from my grasp, so that we weren't touching. I nodded, looking to the floor. "I'm sorry."
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart.
"Only people say sorry for things beyond there control, when really they just mean 'I share your grief'" I smiled. "Look, I'm tried of you saying sorry, I understand."
Don't tell that we will never be together.
"No Fang, you don't, look, you think I want this? For you to tell me you love me and for me not to be able to say it back?"
"Oh, that must be so hard for you." I almost spat, but I tried to keep cool, knowing that, as the leader of the flock, I had to listen to her.
We could be over
And over, we could be forever.
"Shut up and listen!" She grabbed my arms, holding me where I was, trying hard to keep me where I was, keep me from leaving. I wasn't going anywhere.
"Fine, I'm listening."
"I know you want to hear an 'I love you' back, but you have to understand how hard it is for me. My whole life I've had to hide how I truly feel, for the good of the flock I've had to have my own emotional block. You can't just spring this on me, you can't just tell me you love me and then get angry that I don't say it back! This is hard for me, the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and it's not that I don't feel the same way, it's not that at all Fang, because I do, I really do, I just can't say it yet."
I smashed my face to hers, joining our lips together in a passionate kiss, my hands wrapped around her waist, circling between her wings, her hands wrapped around my neck as fireworks exploded in my mind.
"It's not over Fang, it's not over." She smiled, leaning in to kiss me once more, lightly and sweetly. This was what I'd been waiting for.
It's not over. It's not over, it's never over,
unless you let it take you, it's not over,
It's not over, it's not over,
unless you let it break you.
It's not over.