FLIPSIDE
Mario and co. are in front of Merlon's house.
Mario: This should be Merlon's house. I mean I hope it is. He used to live in the Mushroom Kingdom, then he moved to Rogueport, then to Flipside.
Mario knocked. A Toad answered the knock.
Toad: Hello?
Mario: Is Merlon still taking up residence here?
Toad: No, he moved to Canada.
Mario: D*** it, Merlon and you having to d*** move every d*** frikkin' time!
Goombella: Hey, at least we're going somewhere that isn't fictional. For once.
Later in Canada...
Mario knocks on Merlon's house. Merlon answers.
Merlon: Why hello, Mar-
Mario punches Merlon in the face.
Merlon: Wha' te' he'? OOH!
Mario kicks Merlon in the nuts.
Mario: Quit changing residence!
Merlon: I have too every time the rent gets too high! My car insurance needs to be payed!
Mario: Then just switch to Geico!
Merlon: No! Then it would give the geico gecko more power! He strenghthens it even now as more and more people are saving 15% or more!
Goombella: You know, Koopa Troopa Jr., it's funny how in no way are we advertising Geico when we talk about how switching to Geico can save us 15% or more on car insurance.
Koopa Troopa Jr.: Actually...
Merlon: Wait! I have to tell you something!
Merlon pulls out the Light Prognisticus.
Mario: Hey, it's the light prognisticus! What's so important about that?
Merlon: This isn't the Light Prognisticus. It's the Bud Light Prognisticus.
Mario: Really?
Merlon: Naw, I'm just messing with ya'. Yeah, it's the light prognisticus.
Mario: *Sniff* I wanted to learn the secrets of beer! :C
Merlon: Shutup and pay attention as I tell you a long and boring story. You see I had a dream... ...and in that dream there was this koopa who kinda looked like Proffessor Kolorado (That man thinks he has a better mustache than I! That princox!), and he saw the darkness and before the darkness was 15 cars with a percent sign on them. And he saw four heroes approach the darkness and the one with red clothing pulled the Pure heart and dispelled the darkness. So I wrote it down the next day and sent a letter to the University of Boring Professors and when I received... ... letter was covered in a black seal... ... something about Mario... Death and destruction... ... Bombette...and ...she...wasn't...
...hot sex...
...and that's why I must give you teh pure heart.
Mario:...what?
Merlon: You fell asleep after I told you about my dream, didn't you?
Mario:...what dream?
Merlon: Look, just take the pure heart.
Merlon gave Mario the pure heart.
Merlon: I've been keeping it in sub-zero temperatures after you gave me it. I've also hired a guide for y'all since Ichigo Kurosaki got sent to jail, and Captain Jack Sparrow got eaten by that fish in the ice climbers stage in Super Smash Bros. Brawl..
Austin Powers: Yeah baby yeah!
Goombella: Oh god no.
Austin Powers: Your gonna' be saying, "Oh god yes," when I'm through with you baby.
Goombario: No your not.
Goombario head-bonked Austin Powers.
Red dude: You wanna' help save my girlfriend?
Goombario head-bonked him too. Poor little guy. But good if you understood that almost non-understandable joke.
Merlon: Dude! You can't just head-bonk your guide! How am I gonna' explain to Universal Studios that Mike Meyers is dead!
Mario: Wait, what? Did you steal Mike Meyers?
A knock is heard on the door.
FBI: Open up! This is the FBI and we have reason to believe that you kidnapped Mike Meyers and took him to your house.
Merlon: Oh God, my life is screwed! You've got to help me Mario!
Mario took the book and jumped out the window. All his friends took the same course of action. Goombella however, first said, "Now you have a new reason to change residence," and then jumped out the window.
MARIO'S HOUSE
Mario: We're home Twink.
Twink: Ssh! I'm watching the news!
Newsman: Earlier today, Merlon was arrested for being caught as the kidnapper and later murderer of Mike Meyers. Therefore, it can be said that a new Austin Powers movie can not be expected. Wait! I'm receiving new information! Apparently someone else was in the house during the time as well! FBI are looking for more evidence.
Mario: Oh they won't catch us. I always wear gloves, Lord Cranberry always wears gloves, and Goombario and Goombella don't have hands.
Koopa Troopa Jr.: What about me?
Mario: Oh you? Your just screwed.
Goombella: Wait a minute. Why are the FBI investigating in Canada if the FBI is an american orginization?
Mario: Now we just sit and watch the news until the Geico gecko decides to show itself.
Goombella: And why is Mario's TV broadcasting Canadian news if we don't even live in the human world?
Mario: I dunno'. A lot the crap in my house isn't mine.
Goombella:...
Newsman: Breaking news! Apparently, the Geico Gecko is on top of the Tower of London! (You know that giant Clock tower thingy in London?)
Lord Cranberry: Let's roll!
LONDON
The Geico Gecko is on top of the tower and a green luminescense is surrounding him as he builds up energy. Mario and co. are all inside Fox Mccloud's Arwing.
Lord Cranberry: Where the heck did you get this?
Mario: Well...
STAR FOX SPACE-SHIP
Star Fox: 3 pairs. Beat that.
Mario: Oh yeah? How about full house?
Fox: D***! He's taken all our arwings! What else can I bet?...
Slippy: Hi Fox!
Fox grins evily.
LONDON
Goombario: Mario! Don't talk about Poker because the Mario franchise is for kids!
Trix rabbit: Awwwwwwwwwwww...
Shigeru Miyamoto (The creator of Mario): It is not. Kids just like 'em... *sniff*
Mario and co. jump onto the top of the Tower of London.
Mario: Hand me da' pure heart!
Goombario looks for it.
Goombario: I don't understand. I had it just a second ago...
Koopa Troopa Jr. pulls out his lighter and smokes the pure heart. Then he gets super high.
Mario: Koopa Troopa Jr.! You f***ing idiot!
Goombella: Mario! Are you okay?
Koopa Troopa Jr.: Yeah, I'm fine. Life is great man.
Goombella: Oh my god, your high! How many fingers am I holding up?
Koopa Troopa Jr.: I'm so freaking high right now.
Goombella: Koopa Troopa Jr.! Try to concentrate! Mario! You have to help me save his a**!
Mario: I'm gonna' f*** his a** in a minute!
Geico Gecko: Minute...
Merlon: Oh no! It's become self-aware! Now it'll say something other than, "Geico saves you 15% or more on car insurance!"
Goombario: Isn't that supposed to be a good thing?
Merlon: No! Now he'll realize how much Geico sucks and will stop advertising for them! Geiconism will be ruined! Oh Geico God, please forgive me!
Mario: You followed us, didn't you? Merlon, go hide somewhere else. We're running from the FBI too you know, and I don't want to get caught with you.
Merlon: If you don't let me stay with you, then I'll rat you guys out.
Mario: D*** it, Merlon!
The Geico Gecko turned to Goombella.
Geico Gecko: Oh young one, please tell me. Is 15% or more really worth it? What about the other 85%? Oh I've been a fool!
Goombella: Maybe you should make it up to yourself and the world by quitting your advertising profession.
Geico Gecko: I'm gonna' start a new car insurance company called Girlco because Geico sounds gay!
Goombella: You go get em' you creepy talking lizard!
Lord Cranberry: That magician lied to me! This wasn't supposed to happen!
Goombario: What wasn't supposed to happen?
Lord Cranberry: Didn't you find it strange that I suddenly released that Geico on the world by accident? Didn't you find it strange when I ran to your door and asked for help when I have an army of x-naughts?
Didn't you find it strange that I would work with you and just totally forget my grudge against Goombella for rejecting me? And why the heck would I rename myself Lord Cranberry? I'm Lord Crump for goodness sake!
Mario: Give us the info we need.
Lord Crump: Never!
Mario: We have other ways...
Goombella: I'm sorry Mario. But he'll only talk if I go out with him which ain't happenin'.
Austin Powers: Don't worry baby, I got this.
Everyone: Mike Meyers?
Goombario: We thought you were dead.
Austin Powers: You can't kill Love baby. Now let daddy do his work.
Austin Powers turns to Lord Crump.
Austin Powers: Who sent you?
Lord Crump: I'll never tell you!
Austin Powers: Who sent you?
Lord Crump: Go to heck powers!
Austin Powers: Who sent you?
Lord Crump: Dang it! Three times! Dr. Evil sent me!
Austin Powers: Really?
Lord Crump: You have to ask me two more times...
Austin Powers: You jerk. Really?
Lord Crump: Not telling.
Austin Powers: Really?
Lord Crump: No, not really. I can't back that up.
Austin Powers: Then who did send you?
Lord Crump: I ain't telling you!
Austin Powers: Who did send you?
Lord Crump: I spit at the question!
Austin Powers: Who did send you?
Lord Crump: It was the magician! I think his name was D-
Lord Crump's neck got shot with a dart. Lord Crump died. Heck yeah, he just got killed off. Deal with it. A person in the shadows that had a skirt on and looked like a woman, and had her hair in a bun, walked away. Meanwhile on a Tv screen, a dark figure watches.
?: All according to plan. That idiot smoked the pure heart, and it's coverup was the geico gecko. Goombella is making excellent progress.
MARIO'S HOUSE
Merlon: You may have stopped the Gecko from destroying us all. But I fear it is not over...
Twink: Sssh! I'm watching canadian news!
Goombella: Twink? Are you... canadian?
Twink: Who wants to know?
End of Chapter