*Author's note: I want it to be clear that just because political figures are in this chapter and/or story, does not mean I support them or have supported them. *
OUTSIDE MARIO'S HOUSE
Goombario: Well I guess our adventure is over yo. I mean we defeated the Geico Gecko and everything...
Suddenly Samus's ship appears through a portal. The portal closes. Samus gets out of her ship and turns to Goombella.
Goombella: Samus!
Samus: Goombella! I'm the Samus from the future! You have to come with me! I can show you something you may want to see.
Everyone gets into the ship. Samus's ship starts to drive towards a dead end and is speeding up.
Goombella: Samus! Stop! Your gonna' drive off the road!
Samus: Where we're going, we don't need roads.
The ship flew off the road into the air and into a portal that appeared. (As if it couldn't already fly.) After it went in the portal, the portal closed.
OUTSIDEE MARIO'S HOUSE. YEAR: 3010
Samus: We just traveled 2,000 years into the future.
There were dark, tall buildings with smoke coming out surrounding the ship. And in the sky, there was a floating castle. It kind of resembled the castle Bowser built underneath Peach's castle. But both were slightly altered to a horrific design. And the stone bowser's face was changed to a more realistic dragon.
Bowser: Hey! I'm a realistic looking dragon!
Mario: No your not.
Bowser: Well Mario and Luigi aren't Italian names!
This is actually true. Mario and Luigi are spanish names.
Mario: Oh yeah, well, you and I both know Peach never liked you!
Bowser: Oh contrare. The contradiction to that statement stands next to me.
Bowser Jr.: Wassup guys!
Mario: Peach! WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME! I'll never love another woman again!
Goombella: Why would you love a person, who's head is bigger than Zelda's.
This actually true in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Peach's head is bigger compared to Zelda's.
Samus: You know Mario, I'm always available...
Goombella (Interrupting Mario before he can speak): Where the heck did Bowser and his son come from?
Bowser: I don't know. We just kind of popped into the story...
And then Bowser and Bowser Jr. dissapeared.
Bowser: You haven't seen the last of us!
Samus: We live in a world where one dictator rules the world. He is too powerful to be stopped. So I converted my gunship into a time-machine.
Mario: Why not go back in time and get the Pure heart?
Merlon: Because then that scoundrel, Lord Crump wouldn't have leaked that information we needed to us.
Mario: What can stop this horrible dictator?
Merlon: I believe only te' dark forces of te' pure heart can.
Mario: Where is it?
Merlon: I sealed it into a dimension of dark eternity.
Mario: Where's that?
Merlon: Bowser's stomach.
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY NOT JUST CHANGE THE NAME OF THIS STORY FROM "THE PAPER MARIO CHRONICLES 3: HELL O' A GECKO" TO "BOWSER'S INSIDE STORY 2!"
Goombella: Stupid author writitng that Bowser dissapeared.
And then Goombella dissapeared.
Goombella: No! I'll be good! I promise!
But apparently the author changed his mind and Goombella didn't dissapear.
Mario: Mr. Author, can you write that Bowser appears for us?
And then Bowser appeared naked.
Bowser: What the heck? I thought I was having hot sex with Princess Pe- I mean, hey guys!
Mario: Wait, what was that about Princess who?
Bowser: So Mario, how you been doing? Did you lose weight?
Mario: Hey! I'm not that fat! And between you and me, I think your fatter than I am! Lose some weight!
Bowser: Telling me to lose weight, eh? Well guess what? I ate a baby! That's right, a baby! Baby, the other other white meat! Baby, it's what's for dinner!
Mario: My Lord! You didn't actually-?
Bowser: Um, no...
Bowser Jr.: Hey, daddy, I'm getting hungry...
Bowser: Hey... You kinda' look like a baby...
Bowser Jr.: Um, daddy, why are you staring at me like that and licking your lips?
Bowser: Come over here, I'm gonna' eat chou'! I'm big and your small! I'm high in the food chain! GET IN MA' BELLY!
Bowser opened his mouth big and wide and started sucking stuff in like Kirby. Bowser Jr. went inside.
Goombella: Now's our chance!
Goombella thrust herself inside. Mario and the rest did too. Samus went back in time to the present and kicked Bowser out. Samus followed and ordered her ship to go hide in a safe place. Now when Mario and co. exited Bowser's stomach, they would land into the present.
Meanwhile... INSIDE BOWSER'S STOMACH YO DIGGIDY DOG
Goombella: I can't believe we're in Bowser's stomach!
Goombario: Hey! It's Barrack Obama!
Barrack Obama: It's time for change.
Goombella: Now we know who Bowser voted for...
Mario: Hey! Look! It's John Mccain!
John Mccain: It's time for change.
Mario: Hey, you can't use Obama's slogan.
John Mccain: Yeah, well, the author doesn't know Mccain's slogan. (That doesn't mean he did or didn't vote for him.)
Obama: Haha! Your last name sounds like cocaine!
John Mccain: Oh yeah? Well atleast I got a birth certificate you african, hawaiian, or whatever. Who are you really Obama?
Obama: Does it really matter? Yeah, I may not got a birth certificate, but I'm still in the white house! Yeah!
Mario: Alright! Break it up!
Goombario: Wait! There has to be an equal amount of insults for both of them or people can define who the author supports.
Mario: Your right! Obama insulted Mccain first and last. So to make it even, Obama must get insulted one more time. Mccain, insult Obama!
Mccain: I heard in the news, that just a couple days ago, North Korea shot some 250 missiles or so into South Korea. Did you fire any missiles into North Korea or were you just too busy firing missiles into your wife!
Obama: Don't bring my wife into this!
Michelle Obama: Hey' yall'! Let's party!
George W. Bush: Did I hear someone say party?
Bill Clinton: Yeah! Me and Bush were drinking beers together over there until we heard party.
Mario: George W. Bush + Bill Clinton = friends?
Hillary Clinton: Hey guys.
George W. Bush: Hey, Hillary, wanna' go another round'? I mean, par-tay!
George Washington: Hey guys! Wassup!
Goombella: Exactly, how many historical/political figures did Bowser eat?
Koopa Troopa Jr.: Woah. What's going on? And why does my head hurt?
Mario: It's been like 3 days since you smoked the pure heart. You did not just get off your high.
Koopa Troopa Jr.: Heck yeah I did. But I need something new to smoke.
Bill Clinton: Don't worry man, I got some pot in my pocket.
Koopa Troopa Jr.: Lookout! Bowser just ate a police car!
The party of political figures and Koopa Troopa Jr. hide.
Meanwhile...
Samus: How the heck did you open your mouth wide enough to eat an entire police car?
Bowser: It's easy, you just do this.
Bowser ate Samus's gunship.
Samus: (8 MY GUNSHIP! :C
Samus kicked Bowser in the nuts.
Bowser: Teehee! That tickles! I mean, Ow. Oh man, how it hurts.
Samus:...Do you have nuts?
Bowser: That depends. Can you keep a secret?
Samus: Oh my god. Your not male, are you?
Bowser: The politically correct term is a she-dude. I'm a man trapped in a woman.
Samus: How the heck did you have a kid with Peach?
Bowser: Um...
Samus: Does Peach have nuts?
Bowser: Maybe...
Samus: Then how did Luigi and Peach have a kid?...
Bowser: Um...
Samus: Oh my god. Your a girl! And Peach is a dude! And Luigi's a girl too!
Bowser: Actually Luigi's a dude.
Samus: But Luigi's son... But how...
Bowser: You don't want to know how it happened. Let's just leave it at Luigi's son is an abomination created by two dudes.
Meanwhile...
Merlon: According to this Pure heart tracker that that one Proffessor in Luigi's Mansion gave me, the pure heart should be this way.
Mario and Co. walked for a long long time until in the darkness, they could make out a light. There was a dark shape of a pedestal with a heart shaped thing on it. When they got closer, indeed it was,...
Goombella: Bowser's heart?...
Merlon: Yep. The Dark heart is on that pedestal.
The other pedestal had a living heart on it too.
Merlon: Sorry, I was wrong. It's the other one.
This time the pedestal actually did contain the dark heart.
Goombella: Wait, why does Bowser have two hearts?
Mario: Nevermind that, let's grab the heart and get out of- Where's the dark heart?
A super-high Koopa Troopa Jr. sat on the pedestal where the dark heart used to sit.
Mario: I'm gonna' kick your a** so hard, your grankids' el' feel it!
Goombario: Where'd the political figure dudes go?
Koopa Troopa Jr.: I like to smoke things...
Goombario: XP
Koopa Troopa Jr.: I needs s'more stuff to smoke.
Koopa Troopa Jr. smoked the other hearts that belonged to Bowser.
Mario: I guess we should leave now.
Mario and co. exited through the light.
Meanwhile...
Bowser: And that's how me and Princess Peach had Bowser Jr., even though it doesn't make sense.
Samus: Umm... okay. Can I borrow your phone, I need to call someone and my phone's dead.
Bowser: Sure. But first, where's ya' sh*tter! I've got a turtle head poking out!
Samus: Uh... ok...
Bowser: I'm serious! Oh it's gettin' quinchy! I'm getting all emotional about it too!
Samus: Just go before you gross me out some more!
Bowser: After I'm done, I will do just that if you know what I mean...
Samus: Just go.
Bowser: Ok...
Bowser went inside Mario's house and pooped. But instead of crap coming out, five people did instead.
Bowser: I'm a mommy! I think I'll name this one-... -Mario? What the heck?
Mario: You. Have. No. Idea.
Meanwhile...
LUIGI'S HOUSE
Peach: Hey Luigi, we didn't have sex at all after we tried to have a baby. You wanna' mess around?
Luigi: I don't know... Last time we had sex, it just didn't feel right?
Peach: What didn't feel right?
Luigi: It felt like I was having sex with a dude.
Peach: You mean, you don't know?
Luigi: Don't know what?
Peach: Um...
Luigi:...
Timmy: Daddy, I had a nightmare.
Luigi: Go to bed Timmy and I'll be up in a minute. Mommy and Daddy need to have a D*** LONG TALK.
Timmy: Mommy says not to swear.
Luigi: JUST GO TO BED!
End of Chapter