Title: Cut
Fandom: Bleach
Ratings/Warnings: M, hints of Gin x Kira. Implied abuse.
Pairings: Shuuhei x Kira, Ichimaru Gin/Kira Izuru
Disclaimer: Kubo Tite owns Bleach. I love him for creating such strangely lovable characters.

AN: This story takes place entirely in Sereitei.

Cut

right in front of you

Why did I not die? I deserved it.

Now I am stuck in this room in the fourth division. Has it been a week? A month? I don't know.

Hisagi had been visiting almost everyday. And the occasional visits from Hinamori and Renji. They were concerned about how I ended up like that. I didn't want them to know. I am too worthless for them to care. The nurses come here everyday too, to force down food and pills down my throat which I didn't want while I still have these tubes stuck in me. Funny how I used to be part of the Fourth.

Everything is white here - The ceiling, the bedsheets, even the clothes. It is too pure, too clean for me. It's not for someone like me - I am disgusting, pathetic and so...dirty.

This single thought made me grip my wrist tightly, digging my nails into it. The pain would distract me from thinking these things I shouldn't be thinking anymore. That's why I am so weak and shameful. Fragile like porcelain.

"Mah, Izuru. I said don't speak, didn't I?", the voice said, growing angry.

My chest begins to feel tight. I begin to breathe in harsh, short gasps.

Stop.

I couldn't breathe. Feels like his fingers on my neck all over again.

Stop. Please stop.

I bite myself hardly. So hard that I could taste the blood coming out. I won't scream. I won't let you hear it. I won't let you.

"Kira, stop!"

I continued what I was doing. I didn't care. He doesn't understand. Nobody does.

"Get it off! Don't bite yourself!", a hand tried desperately to pull my bleeding arm away.

"Please Kira. I beg you. Don't hurt yourself like that."

I looked into his eyes. They seem so sincere. Genuine enough. Not like those creepy eyes that revealed nothing.

"Please."

I let go.

He immediately hugged me tightly, muttering words about how thankful he was I stopped. About how everyone would be sad to see me like that.

I pushed him away.

"Hisagi, I don't need anyone's sympathy."

"But...but..."

"I don't need you. I am fine being by my-"

My eyes shot wide open and I muffled in response as Hisagi's lips were already against my own.

He gripped my shoulders harshly. I careened backwards, back pressed against the bed's headboard.

No.

I shut my eyes tightly then, struggling to forget the images that ran through my head.

"Now, Izuru, be a good lil' boy won't ya?", the foxed-faced man whispered, breathing against my ear.

My skin tingled as fingers worked its way down my body. I struggled to moved, but the bruising grip of the kitsune stopped it.

I hit the headboard, and the foxed-faced man put his hand my chest, smirking because now he knows I couldn't push back anymore. Taking this opportunity for himself, he took another kiss, this time a deeper and more passionate one, just waiting to see what his favourite prey would do.

I wanted to scream, fight back, anything - But Hisagi tightened his grip on my shoulders and kissed me harder. His tongue made his way through my teeth and gently caressed whatever it touched.

I ended up feeling something...strange, though I couldn't describe what it was, in my chest. I gasped and pulled back, leaving a breath's space between the two of us.

…What was…that..?

We both heaved heavily. I had this heady feeling lingering around, my beating heart racing fast. Everything clicked together.

"Hi-hisagi senpai?", I said, albeit a bit surprised, "A gathering, you say?"

"Yep. I know you're interested in haikus. I am too. In fact, I love them! There's this weekly gathering for haiku lovers at this store in Rukongai. Do you want to come?", Hisagi offered, smiling widely.

That...smile.

"Y-yea. Sure. Why not?", I smiled back.

The brunette stared at me seemingly enthralled by something.

"Is there something wrong?", crossing my eyebrows.

"N-no. Of course not! Look, I...I have to leave. Schoolwork, you know? I will give you the full details of the gathering later. See you!"

He rushed off. I could have sworn I saw a blush on his face.

"Do you understand?"

I snapped back to reality and stared at him. Something, somewhere within me stirred.

"You insist you're fine when you're not", he said softly, "You have these awful nightmares about...him while you're sleeping."

I continued my silence. He watched me in my sleep?

"You may think you are a broken soul - worthless, pathetic, gone. But I don't think so."

He reached out and brushed his thumb over my face.

He hesitated, seeming to roll something around on his tongue before spilling it out in a quiet whisper: "I love you."

There it is.

This feeling.

I tasted his chapped lips once again, only this time, I didn't protest.