Disclaimer: I only own Destiny, her BOW army, and Lucas and his pack. And his cute little son! I'm mental times ten. Please enjoy!
Destiny: See Joseph? I told you this was a good show.
Joseph: Kinda creepy if you ask me.
Destiny: Says the guy who was torn apart by Cerberi alive.
Joseph: That was death. This show is just really weird.
Lucas: Would you two be kind enough to stop dating for a minute and DO THE DAMN SHOW!
Destiny and Joseph: We aren't dating.
Phillip: THE HARVEST IS OVER! Also, Chris died from blood loss and Wesker keeps poking him.
Destiny: Heh. (Revives Chris, who then kicks Wesker in the happy place)
Claire: You're very weird. And are you and Joseph dating?
Destiny: Yes I know I'm weird but blame my brother, and WE ARE NOT DATING! I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with me. I thought it was funny, and I wanted to see if he thought it was funny. That's it!
Phone: Baby are you down, down, down, down down?
Leon: Nice choice of song this time.
Destiny: Suck up. Hello, Destiny Wesker speaking!
Loveroflaughs: ok , um i dare steve burnside, alfred ashford,nemisis, and salasar to dance the macarana. try to pick up every girl, with lame pick up lines.. cept steve, he belongs with claire. and let me punch alexia in the face for infecting steve.
Destiny: (Does spit take with soda) Hahaha! Oh my God! Him? Do the macarana? He was born to do that! Hahahaha! I can't breathe, just get him out of here!
Steve: Why me?
Destiny: Do it please! I'll give you a cookie!
Chris: I wanna cookie too!
Wesker: Why should you get one of my sister's cookies?
Joseph: Can I have a cookie?
Lucas: Can I eat some of him?
Destiny: I need to make the cookies first! Also, you can't, Lucas.
Lucas: Damn. So close, too.
Destiny: Okay guys. Put on these, (shudders) spandex, and we can get a move on. (Sees Nemisis wearing spandex) OH DEAR GOD! (Runs to bathroom) THAT'S WORSE THAN A FAT GUY IN SPANDEX!
Jill:... I'll be back in an hour. (Runs to bathroom)
Destiny: Oh God. Just do the damn dance, guys. I just lost everything I ate for two weeks in the toilet.
Steve, Alfred, Nemisis, and Salazar: (Do da macarana)
Destiny: (Rereads dare) Wow. This is gonna be so weird.
Claire: So, Steve doesn't get to hit on every one else because the caller believes we should be together?
Destiny: I think you two should be together. But Steve just HAD to die, didn't he?
Alexia: Yes. He cut my tentacle.
Destiny: YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO KILL HIM IN FRONT OF CLAIRE! YOU COULD'VE ONLY WOUNDED HIM BUT YOU JUST HAD TO KILL HIM, DIDN'T YOU? (Breaks down into tears)
Claire: Hey, he's here right now, isn't he? Be glad for that.
Destiny: I guess you're right. (Sees Nemisis come near her) Get any closer and I'l [beep]ing chop you into mush.
Nemisis: STARS!
Destiny:... Does anyone know what the Hell he's saying? I don't even think that's a pick up line!
Alfred: Well, Destiny,-
Destiny: Say one more word and your head gets blown the Hell off.
Salazar:... Yeah, not happening.
Destiny: Good, because you'd be mush.
/After Several Failed Attemps At Picking Up the RE Cast Girls/
Destiny: (Drinking coffe) Pretty good. Didn't know you could make coffe this good, Brad.
Brad: Thanks.
Phone: Baby are you down, down, down, down down?
Wesker: Who let Destiny have coffe?
Destiny: Hello?
Rebecca is NOT amused: Oh dear God this is getting really weird xD
But, uh -cough- onto my dare...
I dare Rebecca to turn into a Tyrant and stab Wesker repeatedly for shooting her in RE1 and Billy knock out Chris for the hell of it _
Destiny: Yes, this is getting weird. Weirder every episode. Also, (Injects sample of her mixed virus into Rebecca) She'll be like me, now. I can remove it anytime, though.
Wesker: OH DAMN! (Tries to run away, but gets stopped by formerly napping Lickers) Woah! Good Lickers... Don't eat me.
Rebecca: It... BURNS!
Destiny: Yep. (Takes sip of coffe) It goes away after a bit, so don't worry Becca.
Rebecca: (Tuns into a Destiny-like Tyrant and stabs Wesker 80 times) RAWR!
Destiny: She said "I got my payback again!"
Wesker: Help me.
Chris: (Pokes Wesker) Heh.
Lucas:... He looks like baby Licker mush.
Destiny: Someone get stick! (Zombie gives her a stick) Oh, thank you. (Pokes Wesker) This is fun.
Billy: (Knocks Chris out cold)
Destiny: What the Hell was that about?
Billy: Just wanted to hit him.
Phillip: Wow.
Junior: Yip. Joseph on rafter, Daddy!
Destiny: DUDE, QUIT IT! I HIDE MY SNACKS UP THERE!
Joseph: ONLY WHEN THOSE DAMN THINGS LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO KEEP SLEEPING IN YOUR ROOM!
Destiny:...
Chris: He just added the the rumor, didn't he?
Destiny: JOSEPH, YOU JUST GAVE EVERYONE ELSE A REASON TO LABEL US AS DATING.
Lucas: What an idiot.
Phone: And if only they could feel it too, the happiness I feel with you they'd know, love will find a way. Anywhere we go, we're home. If we are there together, like dark turning into day, somehow we'll come through, now that I've found you. Love wil find a way. I know love will find a way.
Destiny: I don't program these things in my phone! (Blushes) Hello?
Vampiregirl: Update and please let me turn into a zombie,please and also have Chris and Claire fight.
Destiny: Okay? Mike, get out here! You're needed!
Mike: (Walks onto stage)
Destiny: Vampiregirl, I got a zombie.
Vampiregirl: Shweet. (Walks up to Mike, and has him bite her, then transforms into zombie and leaves)
Destiny: That was strange.
Wesker: You're still blushing, Destiny.
Destiny: S-Shut up!
Chris: Why?
Destiny: DO IT BEFORE I DISEMBOWL THE BOTH OF YOU!
Chris and Claire: Okay! (Begin to fight, and Claire wins after three minutes)
Wesker: Whimp.
Destiny: Times ten.
Chris: STFU, BOTH OF YOU!
Phone: I WANNA PET FISHY FISH!
Brad: What the Hell kinda ringtone is that?
Destiny: One you get off the Internet. Hello hello hello?
Biohazardous Fears: Ya know a lot of callers (like myself) and most (if not all) of the cast LOVE to see Chris in pain. I'm going to up hold to that! (Sorry Chris, your cool and all but Leon and Wesker take the cake ;D)So I dare Chris to have to fight a zombie horde in the outfit that Jill wore in Raccoon City. The cowgirl boots, tube top, mini skirt, jacket around the waist, make-up and all! And while your at if you don't mind, I want to help Joseph and his fear of zombie dogs so could you put him and Junior in a cage for me? Thanks! 3
Destiny and RE Cast: (Do spit takes) WHAT?
Wesker: What the Hell kind of dare is that! That's torture, man!
Destiny: Yes, my brother turned into a normal person for a second. It probably won't happen again. I hope.
Wardrobe Zombies: (Dress Chris in cowgirl boots, tube top, mini skirt with a jacket around his waist, and put make-up on him, with everyone watching)
Jill and Destiny: That was so wrong. On so many levels.
Chris: I hate this. A lot.
Destiny: ARMY ZOMBIES! ATTACK CHRIS!
Army Zombies: (Go after Chris)
Chris: [BEEP]! (Begins to hold them off)
Leon: How many are there?
Destiny: 'Bout a hundred. Use to have at least three hundred.
Claire: What did they eat? How did they not kill you or us?
Destiny: Shock collars.
Wesker: Makes sense.
Joseph: I'M JUST GONNA STAY HERE ON MY RAFTER.
Destiny:... (Quickly climbs up wall and sprints like an animal across the rafters to Joseph and knocks him down to the floor)
Lucas: Must... not... eat him! Woo, that was tough! You okay, man?
Joseph: Ow...
Destiny: (Jumps down and puts Joseph and an iron bar cage with Junior) Don't eat him. Bond with him.
Junior: Okay!
/Eighteen hours later, and after Chris managed to kill all the zombies and get rid of the clothes and leave himself half naked/
Joseph: Who's a good boy?
Junior: Me! Me!
Joseph: That's right!
Destiny: It worked! He's been cured of his phobia!
Joseph: Can I come out of here now?
Destiny: Hm, oh yeah sure. (Opens door, after busting lock) I love to bust locks.
Phone: Give me that fish!
Joseph: Wtf?
Destiny: Can it. Hello?
ResidentEvilGirl: yeah , i poked a hysterical chris XD
ive got a dare
i dare steve to dress up as a rabbit, and leon to dress like a zombie dog , and fight for claire! sissy fight, BTW. xD
Destiny:... I won't ask. I just won't.
Steve: No. It'll make me feel like a pet.
Wesker: Don't say pet around Destiny.
Steve: Why?
Destiny: PET STEVE! (Glomps Steve)
Steve: I see.
Phillip: Someone get a crow bar. It'll take some time getting her off him.
Destiny: I'm not letting go!
Wesker: Oh for the love of God! (Grabs Destiny and yanks her off Steve) Put the damn costumes on!
Leon and Steve: Okay! (Leave to go put on the costumes)
Destiny: (Grabs camera and chases after them) NEED PICTURES! FOR FRIENDS! OF THEM!
Chris:... Is that even disturbing to you, Wesker?
Wesker: You have no idea.
Leon and Steve: (Come out with Leon biting Steve and Steve strongly fighting back)
Destiny: I got my pics.
Wesker: You scare me. And... never mind.
Chris: Go on. I'm taking notes.
Phone: (Werewolf howling)
Lucas: That's... interesting.
Destiny: Very. Hello?
ZombieHunter8000: Hi! Well, here are my dares:
I dare Destiny and Joseph to sing "Love Will Find A Way". And kiss. Don't skip out on the kiss, either.
I dare Wesker and Chris to make out with the fan girls taping them.
I dare Steve to kill Alexia in the most brutal way he can think of.
All I got. Bye!
Destiny and Joseph: What.
Wesker: Go ahead, you two.
Destiny: (Tackles her brother into wall and proceeds to angrily attack, claw, whip, and bite him)
Chris: Holy crap.
Destiny: (Growls and snarls something)
Phillip: Translator, please.
Lucas: Hey! Just because I can speak human and Cerberus, don't start using me for this kind of crap! Anyway, she said and I quote "You can burn in Hell! I will NEVER and I mean NEVER kiss OR sing with Frost!"
Joseph: I feel the same damn way.
Sherry: Please?
Destiny: (Stares at Sherry before growling something and getting away from her brother's badly, VERY VERY badly beaten body) Fine.
Joseph: Why?
Phillip: You were dared to. Now hop to it. Chop chop!
(Music comes out of well oversized speakers)
Destiny: I hate you guys right now.
Chris: Sing!
Destiny: In a perfect world. One we've never known. We would never need, to face the world alone. They can have the world. We'll create our own. I may not be brave, or stong, or smart, but somewhere in my secret heart, I know, love will find a way. Anywhere I go, I'm you are there beside me, like dark, turning into day. Somehow we'll come through, now that's I've found you. Love will find a way.
Joseph: I was so afraid. Now I realize: love is never wrong, and so it never dies. There's a perfect world, shining in your eyes.
Destiny and Joseph: And if only they could it too, the happiness I feel with you they'd know, love will find a way. Anywhere we go, we're home. If we are there together, like dark turning into day, somehow we'll come through, now that I've found you. Love wil find a way. I know love will find a way. (Shyly move in and kiss)
RE Cast: (Cheer, for the kiss and not the song)
Destiny: Either cheer for the song too or you die!
RE Cast: We were cheering for both!
Chris: You guys can really sing!
Destiny: God, I hope the next one kills my brother. And Chris. (Rereads dare and looks up at sky roof) Thank you God.
Wekser and Chris: NEVER! (Have guns pointed at them, and Lickers) Okay! (Begin fierce make-out session with the fangirls taping them and cheering)
Jill: That is so wrong.
Destiny and Claire: GO STEVE GO!
Leon: Why aren't you staying loyal to your boyfriend, Destiny?
Destiny: (Slams Leon into wall) Mock me again, and you won't be able to have children, Kennedy.
Wesker and Chris: (Start to do things that are not ment for a T-Rated show)
Fangirls: (Going insane with happiness)
Jill, Destiny, Claire, pretty much all the girls execpt for Sherry: MY EYES! THE HORROR!
Destiny and Claire: (Run as fast as possible to nearest bathroom)
Destiny: Ow... My poor belly.
Lucas: Go on and comfort her, Joseph.
Phillip: Quit playing match maker.
Destiny: At least SOMEONE has brains, here.
Random Zombie: Brains?
Destiny: Shoo! No brains until dinner!
Random Zombie: Fine. (Sulks away)
Steve: (Rips out Alexia's heart, steps on it, and proceeds to cut up her body)
Brad: Overkill, much?
Destiny: She. Deserved. It. All I have to say on this. (Revives Alexia)
Phone: Can I, can I have a cookie? I wanna cookie, Mommy.
RE Cast:... Okay?
Destiny: I swear, I have no idea how that got on there.
Phone: Mommy, I want a cookie. Please give me a cookie. I've been a good boy. Right? I've been a really good boy? I killed those people for you. And I killed that mean man you really hated. Do you love me Mommy? Will you just leave me alone like all the other people you hate?
RE Cast: Creepy.
Destiny: I swear to God if this turns into Pet Semetary I'm blowing my brains out. I don't even have a child! Hell! I'm a-(Cut off by Wesker's hand on her mouth)
Wesker: We don't need or want the public to know, Destiny!
Destiny: Right. My bad. Hello?
Cheresy: Ooh ooh! Let me join too! :U
So my dare... Make Chris dance caramelldansen with Wesker while they're wearing pink lolita dresses! And someone should get that on tape xD
Yeah, I know I'm weird...
Destiny: Not half as weird as my phone right now. Also, next episode you can come on.
Phone: Mommy, do you and Daddy still love me?
Destiny: I need to ask. You are you?
Phone: I'm your little baby boy. Yours and Daddy's sweet little angel.
Destiny: An angel doesn't kill people!
Phone: But, you wanted me to, Mommy. And Daddy, too.
Destiny: Who's your father?
Chris: You're talking to your cell phone! The even creepier part is that it's RESPONDING!
Phone: I'm Destiny Wesker and Chris Redfield's sweet little angel son.
Destiny and Chris: WHAT?
Phone: Do you two still love me? Do you want me to die, too?
Destiny: I'm scared. I'm very scared of my phone. THIS SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING!
Chris: I HAVE NO SON! IF I DID, IT'D BE WITH JILL!
Jill: Wow. How well kept that secret was until now.
Destiny: Um, son? {I cannot believe I just really SAID that!}
Phone: Yes Mommy?
Destiny: Can you be quiet so we can do the dares?
Phone: Sure Mommy! And then we can talk later, right?
Destiny: Um, sure! But we really need to do our dares. So can you please be quiet until we're done?
Phone: Okay! I'll be quiet starting right now!
Wesker: I have a nephew?
Destiny: Like Hell you do. Anyway, let's get a move on before I freak out.
Chris: Fine! Just to get this out of my head. (Puts on pink lolita dress)
Wesker: (Grumbles and puts on lolita dress as well)
Chris and Wesker: (Do the Caramell Dansen!) [A/N: I like the Caramell Dansen.]
Destiny: I wanna join in! (Joins in for no reason) Leon, tape us!
Leon: I already am!
/After a lot of dancing/
Phone: Can we talk now, Mommy?
Destiny: I need to end the show, son.
Phone: Aww! Okay.
Chris: You can just SEE the phone pouting.
Claire: I don't like this.
Destiny: Same here. Also, this PROVES me and Joseph are not dating! And that kiss meant nothing, too! (Blushes)
Wesker: Why're you blushing, then?
Destiny: BECAUSE I HAD TO KISS HIM! NO PRIVACY AT ALL! THAT AIN'T RIGHT, MAN! IT AIN'T RIGHT!
Lucas: She's very explosive-y.
Destiny: Well, see you guys around. And hopefully my phone will return to normal.
Phone: Don't you like me being around, Mommy?
Destiny: No! I do like you around! It's just... why can't me and Daddy see you here?
Phone: Because I'm not born yet.
Chris: Okay now THAT'S scary as Hell!
Destiny:... Um son, I'm gonna let you go, alright?
Phone: Okay Mommy. I can't wait to be born! And I can't wait to be in your tummy, either! Bye Mommy! Bye Daddy! I hope I get to see you soon!
Destiny: Yeah. Same here, son. (Hangs up) Oh my God. That means, oh GOD!
Claire: Can I finish up, here?
Destiny: Go right ahead, Claire.
Claire: Bye guys! See you next week! Please call in!
Okay, writing everything for the phone scared the CRAP outta me! I was sitting in a dark freaking room when this was written! And I only had my guard cat Fluffly to keep me company! And she was on the floor!
... I scared myself this time. I really did. Uh, please call in. This is gonna take a LONG time to get over.