Isengard – Sauron safe haven?
Reuters: It was reported long standing allies Gandalf and Saruman today called a mutual end to their partnership in light of the current diplomatic sanctions placed because of Imladris, it must be noted Isengard had been actively avoiding Free People's inspectors for the last several months – who still had yet to turn with proof of Sauron's remains since the last 3000 years. We interviewed several inhabitants in the region who claim the world is coming to an end; "'Tis TREES! I tell ye! Walkin' trees that roam 'round to pick their dead! Don't you laugh at me – I know an orc friend who'll fuck you up!" We have sent our complaints to Bree about the recent merc orcs accumulation in this area as not only do they give cowards a mean to defend themselves, but is a defiance to the true nature of capitalism. Our investigations led us to a nearby pool where we spotted several children rolling in the mud, further inspection proved it was no ordinary pool, it resembled more a ditch which is sometimes used to create legendary Elven Jell-o, much famous amongst the younger populace around the whole of Middle Earth. More habitants have claimed that this jell-o forming ditch shall now be used to create a more powerful form of orcs known as Uruk Hai, at which our resident experts laughed and insisted there is no such thing as 'powerful sort of orc.'
One of the elven inspectors in search of Sauron stated his discomfort how they were undermanned for a reason, and how the search was politically motivated – in his last 5000 years of existence he reported they had yet to come across any evidence that would lead to the Dark Lord Sauron himself, and they didn't know what to do once they even locate him, and if they do he wondered out loud if that's even such a big deal since now Islidur was dead.
We interviewed an orc feller at Isengard who openly said "No sweepin' 'ere!" which leads us to believe that Arathorn's dream of orcs and men, elves and dwarves existing together is no longer a reality, a man fond of crossbreeding whose manuscript "Halt the Crossbreeder's witch-hunt – LURve all" was critically acclaimed as one of the most valiant efforts in an attempt to bring all the factions together, we now have it on good knowledge that he is twisting and turning in his grave, local reporters have been rushed to cover the scene.
Isengard had been a long standing Free Peoples ally, but our elven friends don't seem too concerned with the break-up. "Oh, we? We are going away to Never-never land where we will stay alive forever, 'tis humans – they are fucked." Some even insist the alliance broke not because of sanctions, but the conflict was merely started by a crystal ball. Our reporter followed Gandalf as he made his way into the tower, and after several unidentified rumbling and thumble, it was evident something had gone wrong. "Gandalf wanted it all for 'imself, I tell ya! All for 'imself!" Our resident troll expert said. In other news a horde of butterflies and big birds have been spotted circling the tower of Isengard – the local Wildlife expert had been informed.