"'Ooos the Fairest of 'em All?"
Imladris, High Elves – Reuters: Its true! We witnessed the notion firsthand how it doesn't rain sometimes – it pours. A reporter was earlier despatched to finally interview the eldest Eldar High Elf "Lord Elrond" after many requests to our offices by both elves and mail, we finally succumbed after finding a dead rat in one of the envelopes fearing for our lives 'lest Lord Elrond put a voodoo curse on us. But to Lord Elrond's grave dismay, 'tis not his interview that made these headlines, as much as he'd like to admit he's fair, hale and hearty. 'Tis what we found on our way is what shook our very foundations! (and truth be told we are not into 10000 year old elves.)
We discovered a hideout, or what resembled one. The smell of crisp meat in the air was hard to miss! But before we could have gone any further, we found the nine hoodies making haste towards the top of the peak, we followed them and who did we find? The trouble-maker Frodo with his two thieves and the fat-hobbit-whose-name-we-still-don't-know sitting across from a fire as two of them cooked meat and one tried to stomp it for extra flavour, and if that wasn't enough Stryder aka Aragorn aka ranger-call-me-faction-heir made his appearance! Hard enough as it was with a storm brewing in the horizons, we could not make out what either of them said, but it was apparent this was the much-awaited meeting which we have been hearing rumours about. With Gandalf out of the picture, these law breakers now need a new leader for their bigotry and what better than a forlorn tower in the middle of nowhere on Middle Earth? But something went wrong, the hobbits found the 9 hoodies' terms unappealing thus they started dancing, at which the nine hoodies unsheathed their swords menacingly! His highness Aragorn appeared and started doing the age old sword dance as well, where you beat a sword against another whilst dancing to try to rid one of rat in their pants, but the hoodies did not respond. Frodo must have found this discomforting, so he decided not to play anymore and disappear at which all of them were in awe and tried to look for him.
In this game of hide and seek one of the hoodies got set in flames and the rest of them carried him to the nearest pond whilst Frodo who was now discovered, was carried by his highness, and the hobbits as they ran in another direction. We followed them and the scene that beheld us seemed more pure than divine justice! It appeared Aragorn's sins had finally caught up with him as one of the Elven damsels put a blade against his throat and asked him why did he rape her in the middle of the forests to which our liege responded he has only mated with mumakils and trolls in the last one year and thus she let him go, realizing how she must have found the wrong person. It must be noted however, she picked up Frodo and decided to take him as compensation for whatever she had to go through and asked the rest of them to chase her.
In other news Saruman had complaint to Bree County how Gandalf is nowhere to be found – Captain of the guard insists they have their very best men on the job.