One Elven Joyride!
Reuters: We have just received reports about the elven damsel previously spotted with Aragorn – who was merciful to our future king in hopes she might use the bargaining chip later when he actually becomes king and can torture him – was recently seen riding at full speed towards Imladris with Frodo in her knapsack. Locals claim five of the hoodies were spotted chasing her whilst the other three were busy nursing their wounded friend who got set in flames the night before. What seemed like an innocent cat and mouse chase soon turned into a fully fledged pandemonium.
The five hoodies barked how Frodo as the new leader of their outfit should be returned, to which the elf-maiden responded how they can have him, but only at the river crossing a few miles ahead. The five hoodies smiled and still tried to grab for him. Frodo in all this commotion seemed unperturbed as he kept picking his nose and tossing his new found gifts at the hoodies who did not like it much. If that wasn't enough, we spotted Captain Faramir right behind the hoodies who shouted out he needs to catch this new leader and forever ensnare his name as the new faction-heir to the throne of Gondor. Our vision was quite clear as the hoodies dodged every time and some of the boogers landed on Faramir who didn't seem to mind much and kept on charging. Things could have stayed this way, but it was for naught; we saw Gandalf – the so called wizard – on the back of a giant bird as he soared at the top. "A race! Ha! I'll win it!" And indeed he took the lead, our elf-maiden tried to gain on him but Gandalf after all was a conjurer of cheap tricks as he kept playing dirty and disallowed her any such commodity. We learnt from a local source the elf-maiden goes by the name of Arwen and is Lord Elrond's daughter, which still doesn't explain now why Aragorn and the other three hobbits joined in the chase as well and began to throw last night's bacon at the five hoodies.
One of the hoodies screamed and fell from his horse only to have his foot tangle in the spur and was dragged for the remainder of the way. We knew the river crossing was fast approaching, but to make matters worse Gandalf was struck in the head with a banana as someone else rode behind him on a similar giant bird. "I've got you now, Gandalf! Let's join Sauron!" Saruman shouted out, Gandalf pulled at his beard and found the huge dragon cracker which he threw at Saruman and dismounted him – we would like to make you aware this was the same sort of firework stolen by Merry and Pippin on Bilbo's birthday. The firework had a domino effect as it struck Captain Faramir, second in line to the throne of Gondor on the chin and dismounted him as well. His last words before he passed out were "I was a little boy who sparred less and played a lot... " As promised, the elf-maiden stopped and flashed herself at four riding and one tangled hoodie at the end of the river crossing. They rushed forth and were washed by the waters, which makes our lady a liar, Aragorn a sex manic, Gandalf a cheap conjurer, and Frodo an expert booger tosser. The two hobbits are still thieves and the fat one is not known at all.
Middle Earth Wife Swap
Week 1 – The she-dwarf shows up in Mordor and is greeted by several orcs as they take her to the new husband. Our new husband is an Uruk-Hai renowned for his fierce behaviour, and we hear a shouting match followed by muffles and some rumbling as one thing leads to another. The she-dwarf teaches this orc the real meaning of proper Dwarven cookery and puts the orc kids to go to bed on time.
Across the middle Earth, the moment our she-orc arrives at Dain's Halls she's taken for an enemy and is now imprisoned in the Dwarven jails, our program admin is now headed for the mountains to clear up the misunderstanding so the program can proceed as seen on MTV.