Fellowship of the Thieves Ring?
Imladris, Reuters: "Bring forth the ring," Lord Elrond said; "before us Elves head off to the never-never land we must decide the fate of Middle Earth, 'lest one is decided for us by Mordor." At this Boromir, first in line to the throne of Gondor stood up – who has been hastily despatched after his brother broke his neck whilst trying to be a faction-heir. "Who selected you as the leader of this outfit?" He shouted. "Gondor has no fate, Gondor needs no fate – for after all one day when Middle Earth wife swap comes to Gondor, we'd say NOW truly has the lords of Gondor returned." Gimli, son of Gloin – a dwarf trouble-maker in this part of the town was seen sneaking towards the ring and suddenly hit it hard with a huge axe-hammer. At this, the Dwarf elder smacked Gimli to the back of his head and told him to drop down and give him fifty squats, when he complained Lord Thurandill's son Legolas got up and insisted the dwarven Elder is an 'Elder', Gimli owes him his allegiance but that was not what beheld the scene. As soon as their eyes met, Gandalf began to sing "I've been waiting for a girl like you..." in Elvish, at the time we all exchanged looks but it seemed there was higher purpose to the track, as it brought back everybody's attention to the matter at hand; the ring.
And of course, the sound of a very, very, very old wizard singing this in Elvish was hard to ignore.
Lord Elrond furrowed his brow, scowling and complained how nobody had uttered this song in over thousands of years, Gandalf winked at Gimli – not revealing the dwarf's lust for his elven counterpart and insisted this song will now be uttered in every corner of Middle Earth if they are not careful, we couldn't help but notice the power of the ring drawing at Frodo, as he kept making wierd faces. One of our reporters bet it wasn't because of the ring, but because Frodo wanted to go to the bathroom – we all took a part in this bet whilst the meeting continued and of course when the pool was at 20 gold coins, he won as Frodo stood up and asked for permission to go number two, and again Lord Elrond muttered how nobody in over ten thousand years has ever left a secret council meeting to relieve themselves. Frodo sat down reluctantly, and the obsidian odour was hard to miss for even the bearded dwarves as we knew now why the elves never left a meeting, for they were after all tree-folk – we are very sure Lord Elrond regretted his decision from stopping Frodo and must have wondered if enduring what followed was worth ensuring a ten thousand year legacy.
As everybody tried to look for handkerchiefs, Gimli stood up and shouted "never trust an elf!" and soon everybody started fighting. We tried to intervene to let them know this was no act of bio espionage by the elves, but they refused to listen. Even Frodo muttered a few words but that didn't stop them. They finally stopped fighting one another when Frodo shouted out "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT I'LL TAKE THE RING... MAY I PLEASE GO TO THE BATHROOM NOW?" Lord Elrond couldn't have agreed more, a fellowship was hastily formed and Frodo finally allowed the much needed reprieve.
The meeting had come to an end.