Hereafter

Chapter Two

Recognition

There was a small update here too. One of Soda's nightmares is near the bottom in italics.

XXXX

"Ahh!" I woke up. I was breathing heavily and sweat was running down the sides of my face. I was shaking and my eyes frantically scanned the area around me. But I began to calm as figured out where I was.

(Oh...It was just another dream) I thought jaded. As if by instinct, my right hand was searching for something beside me, but it found nothing, as I knew I would.

My door creped open, "Hey kiddo, you alright?" I held my head down and sighed, "Yeah, Dare. I'm fine."

He shot a skeptical glance at me, "Soda, this is like the third time the past two weeks that you've woken up screaming." His voice was calm, though I really didn't want to tell him more, I had to tell somebody. Steve? Hell no. Ponboy? If only. Darry helped Ponyboy get through his nightmares before so I might as well tell him.

"Jus' how long have you been having nightmares?" I tried to think back to the last good dream that stayed a good dream...Man that was a long time ago. Some of my dreams are simply empty, but that's better than having a nightmare any day. "If I had to guess, about three or four months ago." Darry's eyes widened slightly but became back to normal right afterward, "But I dunno what they're really about." I told the truth, mostly. Dreams were hard enough to remember when they were nice dreams, but trying to remember a nightmare was even worse.

"And I dunno why I'm having them now, I mean, I've really never had them before." Darry's eyes told me he knew some or one answer of my questions but if there is a reason why he won't tell me now then maybe he wants me to figure it out by myself.

"Soda, you should go back to sleep. Do think you'll be fine here?" (Hell No!), "Yeah Dare, I think I'll be fine." Darry closed the door and left my room. I went back to sleep hoping he didn't though.

XX

It's been how many months again? Five or six I think. Well, it's been kinda hard since then, but I guess it ain't so bad.

Two-Bit's smoking more, but I hear he's trying to get a job for his family. I think that his mom got fired from being a bartender for slapping a customer. Does he still steal things? It's Two-Bit, he's still always looking for a good steal. At least he's also drinking less, for Johnny, I know. And he's even finishing up High School knew, who knew he had it in him? At least someone other than Darry and Steve is getting their diploma...

Compared to us, Steve was a bit more, uh...stoic. He's still drowning all his time in cars, big surprise. He still works at DX, I do too, things haven't changed much there. He didn't seem to take their deaths so hard. I could tell that to him, their deaths were, in the end, all the more reason to beat the tar outta the Socs. He and Two-Bit still stay at our house and we'd play poker or blackjack. Oh, and he cusses more, but it's not really surprising either. And he had that sullen look to him all time. But he still cared, whether or not he'd want you to believe it, but I've never know him to be the sentimental type anyways.

For some reason, Darry and I haven't really changed much. I was still a high school dropout who still worked at DX gas station. I still played football with Darry, Steve, and Two-Bit when I can, and but now I'm able to sit through a movie without causing much trouble. Maybe Pony's gotten to me. I don't know.

Darry still has two jobs to support me and Pony. He still hollered at Pony when I wasn't around, but that was really it. I guess he just doesn't have the time to care that much.

...I haven't been feeling that well. I'm feeling a little, uh, numb? I guess, I don't even know. My nightmares prevent me from sleeping too long so I've been tired a lot. Sometimes I'll trip over the little table in the living room. I might be doing nothing one second, but talking to someone the next second; they usually say we've been talking for minutes, but I don't remember any of it. And sometimes it'll be a random girl at DX that I don't even know.

Ponyboy was a different story. He took their deaths the hardest out of all of us. He's gotten a whole lot smaller now, probably less than 100 pounds now; it'd be a miracle to get him to eat twice a day, and one was hard enough as it is. Granted, he still loves Pepsi and so do I. But he's also stopped doing, well anything, really. He won't leave the house, he's always in his room so it's like he's still never around. He's always got a book with him everywhere he goes and he must sleep for 13 hours a day, or something like that. If he did leave, then he won't tell anybody. He was quiet enough before but if you look at him now, he's like unresponsive. I think he has all but one friend now.

For a short while, he did go out with some friends and went to parties, but not anymore. Something's happened, that much I knew but details, I don't know squat. Not even that Soc girl that Pone's been talking to, never comes around to see him.

But that's not what bothered me or Two-Bit most. He was different now and I missed him, the real Ponyboy. The one I could talk to, who could talk to me. Before there were no secrets between us, but now, who knows how much there are. To this day, no one really knows what happened back then at that old church. The only other two who did are long gone now. I doubt that asking him will clear up anything, either.

He also seems jaded all the time. He's either lost all his feelings or is on some real bad drugs (I don't know which is worse!) Before, he'd go anywhere with any of us, but now he'd just lone it. His eyes, they're empty now; unlike the lively green eyes that gleamed with emotion and shimmered with innocence that I used to know.

I reached out my hand to the right searching for something again. Did I mention he moved back into his old room? Yeah it hurt me pretty bad like a stab at my heart, but I'd never ask him to come back.

Ponyboy's no Greaser, at least he should never have been one, Darry too. But right now he's acting like a Greaser more than ever. He had something, a gift, that both he and Darry had that no real Greaser has. It was no secret, everybody knew even the Socs. Yet he was still considered just as bad as the rest of us, even when he was still a good kid. But why?

...

He's done a lot of crazy shit the past few months, getting in some trouble that only Two-Bit really knows about. If Darry ever found out, who knows what would happen. But I wanted him not to tell me because I still wanted, no needed to still see Ponyboy as my nice little brother. Two-Bit got that, and I'm glad he didn't say anything to anyone.

Oh...Me and Pony had a little fight. It was about, uh, never mind that. But I was telling him not to leave the house...Some how we got into a fight. Ponyboy...He was hollering at the top of his lungs at me. Blood drained from my head and the inside of my chest felt shattered. And I didn't know what to do, I've never been yelled at...it didn't make me feel so hot.

"At least I've still got a future, Soda!"

"At least I'm not a useless dumbass!"

His words really hit me hard; I felt like I was melting on the inside...There were a lot more, a lot worse things said, but I'd rather not remember them...I thought that maybe they wouldn't mean so much if they weren't so true...

But right then, I didn't know what to do - I didn't know what to feel - I panicked and hit him to the side of his face, his nose was bleeding. And his eyes shot back at me with radiating hatred.

I've never really hit anyone. (Socs don't count, are they even people?). But I've never hit Ponyboy, come to think of it, I've really been hit either, or at least not by someone I truly cared about.

I fight was broken up by Two-Bit, who was also mad at Ponyboy, for once. By then a tooth was broken and my mouth was bleeding, my chest was burning up, my white shirt held a faint red hue, and my arms were staggering. He didn't look so good either: he had a bloody nose, a bruise underneath his eye, a swollen cheek, and a busted up knuckle.

In the end, Ponyboy left the house anyway. He didn't tell where, but I knew Two-Bit knew. The others saw us, we told them that we got jumped by some Socs, he played along with it but Darry seemed to doubt it. Two-Bit left soon after Ponyboy did, he had to go home.

"You gonna be okay, Soda?" I was barely paying attention to him.

"Yeah man, I'll be fine," I had a dazed look in my eyes and my body was reeling still. He cocked his eyes brows and smiled slightly, but he knew not to comment.

All seriousness drew back into him, "Now listen, don't you worry too much about Ponyboy. I know he's got a lot stuff goin' on, but he'll be back y'hear?" I really needed to hear that.

"Yeah," I half-heartedly agreed but that wasn't what I was worried about. I was smart enough to know he'd be back, but in what condition?

"Hey Two-Bit..."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks..." I doubt he knew what I was trying to get at, but he simply took it and left.

In those last few months, Two-Bit's been kinda like a guardian to Ponyboy. He says he sees him around his neighborhood a lot and goes to check on him sometimes. Two-Bit's the only one who Pony really went places with now, to like the movies or bookstore; even if he didn't care for movies or books. I wasn't mad he took my job away from me, but I felt like I had been fired first and then Two-Bit just sort of replaced me. Right then, Two-Bit was really the only one of us left that he could stand.

And sure I got hurt pretty badly that day, but for some reason the punches didn't nearly as much as they should have.

Ponyboy moved back into his old room that day...

XX

I came home from work. It was 6 or 7, the house was dark and empty for once. I went to the sofa to rest my aching head.

Not to go off like Darry but, (oh where the hell is he?) Neither me nor Darry like him being so secretive, I hate how he's never telling us where he's headed off to. It had me worried, I know he's been avoiding me and I'm guilty of avoiding him too...But this is ridiculous, I don't think I've seen him in like three days.

(Where is Ponyboy?)

XX

I heard a faint sound. I headed towards our rooms and found Ponyboy crying. He was staggering and his eyes were bloodshot as they locked onto mine...A cold wave found its way into the house and ran down my spine causing me to shudder at the sight of my only little brother.

All I could do was stand there petrified (What happened? Why's he crying? What should I do? What does he want me to do? Should I go over there and help him? Has he forgiven me yet? Have I forgiven him yet?) My head began to pulse as my headache worsened, my face was still fixated in an awkward wry position.

...I decided to waste no more time and embraced my little brother in my arms. His tears ran down and quickly began soaking up in my shirt. They were warm but his body felt cold.

"Soda..." his voice was weak and he was trembling fiercely. I felt my insides welling up, but I kept calm for Ponyboy, I know he needed me to. I think I stood still for an eternity with my arms around the brother I was so sure I lost. From the look of him, he couldn't stand for much longer and neither could I.

I carried him into our room and placed him on our bed. It was much easier than before, he really needs to eat some more.

I sat beside him, he turned away from me and curled up into a ball. "Soda...I'm sorry."

(Sorry for what Ponyboy? The fight? No, it had to be something else, something more.) he struggled to say more.

I placed my hand on his back, "Shh, calm down Pony, please just calm down," though it was hard, I kept my voice quiet and placid. I had to, for my little brother.

XX

For basically the entire night, I sat there by his side. Neither of us spoke as the silence comfortably settled itself back into our home. He cried himself asleep and he was crying out for me, Johnny, Two-Bit, and even Dally, Darry, and Steve. Just like he did the time Johnny and Dally died...Except he wasn't saying that he didn't like baloney. He just kept saying sorry and it deeply pained me not to know why.

XX

The heard the front door close loudly but it wasn't slammed; It had to be Darry. Aside from Ponyboy's breathing, Darry's footsteps were the only sounds I could here; they reverberated in the house and tore through the dense silence like a knife through paper.

I was glad he was here, the silence was starting to get to me.

The footsteps came towards Pony's room but quickened their pace as it left. (What would Darry do?) I had to wonder.

My door opened, I knew he'd come to ask me where Ponyboy was but I sat still since he got his answer and more. For a brief moment, he joined me in just watching over Ponyboy.

It must've been 11 : 00 PM already. "Soda, you should go to sleep now," I agreed silently and laid myself beside Ponyboy. Darry could see that he had been crying in his sleep. I know he's gonna stay up all night in case Ponyboy would wake up early.

I placed my arm over him and he seemed to calm down just a little. It felt good, him being by my side again. In those months without him, I really missed him, a void formed in my heart that may have never healed. He wasn't Ponyboy anymore, that much I know is true. He might never have come back, and that worried the hell outta me.

(Why?) I thought miserably. (Why did he change so much? What happened? I doubt it was Dally's and Johnny's death, but could it have been because of what happened as a result of their deaths? Why hasn't he talked about it to anyone?) He wasn't pure anymore, his eyes looked like Dally's, almost like a snake, and it scared me something fierce. Looking at how he was acting just a few weeks or even days ago, I wouldn't be so much as surprised if he got hauled in by fuzz.

I shuddered at the thought.

The fuzz came by our house and knocked down our door. Within seconds, they grabbed Ponyboy and restrained him. He was cursing the whole way they were bringing him into the police car. From then on, things only grew worse, he broke outta jail and ran away, got his hair dyed back to dark brown, and ran away. To survive, he gambled, sold drugs, and probably even killed people.

The worst part: knowing he'd never come back; knowing he'll always hate us; knowing that at this very moment, he was being hunted down by the government. There would be a wanted post down the street. It said in blood-colored words, wanted dead or alive.

...

I used to think of Ponyboy as my innocent little brother, I lost that image in my head as I knew I'd have to eventually. But I didn't think it would happen so soon. But seeing him now, I think that image was coming back to me.

I hate not being able to do anything, right now. I wish I could do more than just be here until he wakes up. I wanted to let him know that no matter what happens or happened, he will always be my brother, and I'll always love him. I threw my arm around him; somehow I knew he got my message. His breathing steadied and the tears just stopped...his tears at least.

...

Without him I felt hollowed out, but not anymore. (I have my brother back!) I just know it.

As my mind lazily plunged into the darkness, I felt serene and calm. No fear, no angst, no deaths, not even wanted posts. My nightmares were gone.

XXX

I woke up panting heavily. I wasn't in my room, it was different...

I liked it, it was a bit warmer and far more comfortable than the dirty, little room that belonged to none other than me. Not to say that this room wasn't dirty either, a thick layer of clothes and papers covered the floor. Well if there was a floor, that is; you couldn't see it if you tried. (Man, I didn't even know we had this many clothes!) I doubt it's been cleaned since the last time I was here. (Where's Darry been? Why hasn't he said anything about this? I'm sure he would to me.)

I calmed down when I figured out the real reason why I loved this room so much more than mine. An arm stretched around from behind me, I smiled just knowing who it was. Right then, I felt like the last few months just never happened. The fights, the arguments, all that crazy stuff that happened, I, for just a moment, imagined that they never happened. I did a lot of stupid things in such a short amount of time, I felt guilty that no one really knew the whole story, though for my sake, I was relieved to know that. But I knew that was just my imagination, this was all real and there's not much I can do about it. (Oh well...I may have screwed up big time, but that's that. What's done is done...I just hope I can leave it all out.)

...

I lightly pushed his arm off me, trying not to wake him. It wasn't so hard though, months of insomnia could get someone to sleep through just about anything. I knew he had insomnia, he's tried to hide but it was plainly obvious to me; he was never great at keeping secrets, especially not from me. He's been having nightmares, I could tell because he'd wake up screaming in the middle of the night. But he never says what they're about.

I shivered. The side my face was wet and it felt real cold from the air. My pillow felt like it was just fished out from a lake. Soda was sleeping beside me only in his sweats, his pillow was soaked too.

I looked around for a clean shirt but couldn't really find one, I settled for a dark blue, sleeveless one that was the same kind as the one I wore a long time ago. It was big for me, bigger than it was then. Soda probably pulled off my shirt for me; it was raining a lot and I was soaked before even getting home. Knowing Darry, he probably reminded Soda worrying I'd get sick or something.

(What happened last night?) Right now, all I could remember was running home and crying. That's it. I don't even remember seeing Soda, let alone falling asleep. (It was raining, right?)

Soda was first one to find me, I was sure of that, and I was glad he was. I don't know what I'd do if it were anybody else. (Did Darry see me?) I wondered, I honestly don't know how he'd react; you just don't cry in front of Darry - ever. Glory, if Steve saw me, I'd never live it down.

(Wait since when did I care what Steve thought?)

I looked back my big brother.

(What'd Soda do when he saw me? Did he forgive me already for what I did then?)... I scolded myself and wanted those thoughts to be gone.

(No) I thought with conviction. I've left that all behind, I'm sure of it. I looked back at my brother's face, a face that though it was stressed out and was pained; it radiated with vivacity and jubilation. (...I hope he's forgiven me, even if I don't deserve it. All I need as another chance to prove myself. I promise I won't disappoint you, Soda, not again.)

At that moment, my mind was flooded with thoughts, memories, and questions... I really needed to cool off, staying here will only make things worse for me and I don't think I can handle it.

I needed to leave - now!

I ran out the door just running. I didn't care where I was going, I just couldn't stay. Besides, I was used to it by now; y'know running aimlessly, after all, that's what I've been doing for much my life.

(Don't you worry, Soda. I'm coming back, I promise...)

Author's Note:

Thanks to those who've reviewed earlier and thank you for reading.

Okay, so that was a pretty intense dream of Soda's huh? But it's gone now, right?

Yay! Somewhat of a cliff hanger. It was Sappy I know, but this was completely necessary for the advancement of the story. I originally intended this chapter to be be longer but now the 2nd half will just have to be Chapter Three (I haven't named it yet). I've finished making Chapter 3 but now I need to type it up; this story is become a bit more dramatic than I expected, but I'll roll with anyway. I like how this chapter turned out; it was very difficult for me to write.

You can kinda speculate what happens next so I won't give it out too much. Next chapter will be almost all about Ponyboy and Cherry, actually.

Please review.