Thu 30th Dec 2010
3pm- First proper argument with Harry, entirely my fault. Said no when asked to move in. Stupid. Must find chocolate stash.
3:41pm- Realised enormity of mistake. Played morning events over in mind.
"I just...I think we're moving too fast, I mean, you only started having a drawer a few months ago," Realised said wrong thing.
"A drawer? Wow. I should be more grateful, shouldn't I? I mean a whole drawer!" V. sarcastic and bitter, wish had time machine like Back to the Future and could erase silly mistake. "How long do I get to stay at drawer status before I'm worthy of a promotion? 6 months? A year? 2 years?"
3:53pm- Can see self as Susan Boyle like character, dying alone with cats as only friends, not being found until weeks after death when postman notices funny smell, by which time I shall have been mauled by kitties to extent where must be identified by dental records. Funeral shall be similar to Eleanor Rigby's.
4:01pm- Decided to write list of reasons for saying no:
1. Am stupid
2. Am v. stupid
3. Commitment phobia
4. Alcohol was still in blood stream from 4 nights ago
5. All flaws will be revealed (slouching about in unattractive manner; wearing embarrassing jumpers when cold; large, ugly knickers)
4:03pm- Revised list, crossed off 4.
4:06pm- Crossed off 5. Realised Harry already seen knickers, and also wears embarrassing jumpers.
4:07pm- Imagining threatening calls from Mrs C for breaking only son's heart. Maybe won't even live long enough to become Susan Boyle like character.
8pm- Couldn't bear it anymore, went to Harry's. Apologized, said I'd love to move in. He knew I was worried, so suggested, if I wanted, I could keep my place, as a backup, though also assured me no backup needed. Cuddled up on sofa.
"I hope it's not this dramatic when I ask you to marry me," Think he thought I was asleep.
Feel like giddy schoolgirl.