Dear Mr. Malfoy,
Merry Christmas Eve! (Do people say that? Maybe I can be one of the few who do.) Anyway, I am writing because I think it is only right that I apologize for what happened the other day. (Plus mum said I really should.)
The scarlet train pulled to a stop at precisely 10 AM on the 21st of December. In one compartment were Cassie Granger and Scorpius Malfoy – the former looking extremely anxious and excited and the latter looking very much like a zombie. They were both waiting for the surge of students to exit the train before getting off.
"Stop squirming in your seat. You're making me dizzy." Cassie moaned while rubbing her eyelids.
"Why are you so sleepy anyway? Have you turned into a vampire and stay awake at night?" Scorpius said, still craning his neck looking for something (or someone) outside the window.
Cassie yawned. "Some of the girls from the dormitory decided to throw a Christmas sleepover. We talked all night, fixed each other's hair and exchange wardrobes."
"That doesn't sound very you or very Slytherin-y." Scorpius observed, although not really paying attention.
"I was told my underwear would magically disappear if I decided not to join and well, a huge part of the night was about making a long, long, loooong list of boys they wanted to snog and girls they hated."
"Ah, now that's more like it."
"You're distracted. I can tell even with my eyes closed. I feel you moving around too much." Cassie yawned again.
"I just can't wait to get out of the train. It's pretty stuffy… and crowded."
"It's just you and me in this compartment. You're keeping something from me, Scorpius Malfoy. I know you too well."
Scorpius cleared his throat. "Right. Well uh, anyway, people are off the train. We should go too."
With another yawn and a "sure!", Cassie finally opened her eyes and grabbed her things. Slowly, still very much like a zombie, she made her way out of the compartment, down the aisle and out the train door. Another yawn escaped her mouth and the 11-year old drawled, "Well Mr. Malfoy, this is good bye for now."
Meanwhile, Scorpius wasn't paying attention to her.
"Scorpius Malfoy, seriously, you're not listening!" Cassie scolded. "This only means that you really are keeping something from me."
"Sorry what?"
"I said I think you're keeping something from me and that this is good bye for now. This is where we part ways. The part where I say 'Merry Christmas' and you say it back and we give each other an awkward brother-sister hug and go our way. Well, I run to my mother and you go off with yours and we write to each other until we see each other again here in 2 weeks time."
"Uh huh, good good, then what happened?"
"Scorpius Malfoy, I'm too tired to argue." She picked up all her belongings and said, "It's time for me to go."
Then almost suddenly, Scorpius lit up, "Not just yet, Cassie. Not just yet."
"You're seriously confusing me. What is it that you are smirking ab—"
"Hello son." came a voice from behind Cassie. And all sleepiness was drained off Cassie's body. She didn't need straight O's in her OWLs to figure out to whom that voice belonged to. She knew it all too well even if she has never heard it once in her life. "Hello, Cassie."
Slowly, ever so slowly, she turned around. She found herself face-to-face with none other than him – Draco Lucius Malfoy – her long lost father. She was perplexed, shocked and stunned. She knew those words roughly meant the same things but she needed to keep her mind running so as not to pass out in shock. Almost beside her, she could see Scorpius beaming with a sly smile on his face. She wanted nothing but to punch him on his perfect cheek. In front of her was Draco Malfoy. He had a hopeful and wary look on his face but he was smiling and… calculating? Or maybe just observing her reaction. She wasn't so sure. She just knew that he was watching her and… looking very intently at her. She broke away from his gaze and noticed that not very far away was her mother – mirroring the look on her face. Hermione Granger knew who exactly was standing in front of her daughter and she was not ready for this. Not today.
"It's really wonderful to finally meet you, Cassie." Draco smiled warmly and extended his right hand for her to shake. A normal human being on normal circumstances would have taken his outstretched arm. However, Cassie Granger, accompanied by her erratic heartbeat, ran as fast as she could out the barrier and into the cold London air.
I was… surprised, confused and definitely not myself. I think I only had 4 hours of sleep and it left me confused and not myself that day. I am confusing myself now, too. Merlin, I am making no sense.
She was running – just running and not knowing where to go. She sped past people doing their Christmas shopping, past children ogling cakes through store windows, past Santa Clauses standing on street corners. She didn't stop until she could feel her whole body crashing and when she eventually crashed, she slumped onto a bench in a bus stop to who knows where.
She started crying now. She didn't know why she was crying. She didn't know why she did not seize the opportunity – that was a rare moment that may not come again after what she did. She did not know why looking at the face of her father brought so much pain. She didn't understand why his eyes – very much like hers – pierced through her heart and made her want to scream in agony. She was never dramatic – her mother taught her to be practical and rational – but today she felt as if all the loneliness and the longing she had felt her entire life were resurfacing and she felt suffocated.
I know I must have worried all of you – well at least I'm sure mum and Scorpius were worried – when I ran away. It was just very overwhelming. I thought that the moment when I finally get to lay my eyes on you, I would want nothing but to jump into your arms and just tell you how much I've been waiting for this – how happy I am. But I guess I have been watching too much television cartoons and have been reading too many books with happy endings.
I am not saying we will never have a happy ending. I guess I just had to wake up and see that life isn't as easy as I would wish it to be. I am very happy though that you agreed to see me. I guess I just didn't know that I had to really prepare myself for something like this. Scorpius really did just spring this on me. He is a sly one, you know.
She was angry. She was angry at Scorpius for springing this on her. She was angry at Draco her so-called "father", for never bothering to look them up or to find her or anything. She was angry at her mother for keeping her and her father apart. She was also angry at herself for being a coward and not facing him while he was right there. He had so many things she wanted to tell him. To yell at him, to slap him, to just make him suffer for the many years she suffered. And then she woke up from her walk with self-pity and started to see things more clearly. It took her a couple of hours walking around, thinking and occasionally crying before she calmed down. By that time, it was late in the afternoon and she knew she needed to head home before her mother called the aurors (specifically Uncle Harry and Uncle Ron) to find her.
When I got home that day, mum was pacing the entire living room. If she wasn't so thrilled to see me, she would have scolded me until New Year's. I am not allowed to fly my broom for another week for "pulling off what I did". Scorpius was there too, I was surprised about that. He kept apologizing and apologizing for the surprise and I only forgave him because I knew he meant well.
After her mother frantically hugged, squeezed, scolded and kissed her, she left her with Scorpius to talk. They both sat on the couch in front of the fire.
"I'm sorry, Cass. I didn't think. I didn't realize it was so much more than just a reunion. I forgot about the years and years and years of pain you've had. I thought you were both ready and I just… I just kind of wanted to help grant your Christmas wish."
"Oh Scorpius." Cassie reached over and gave him a hug. "I admit I was angry at you but I knew you only meant well. It's just that there's so much more to all of this than even I thought I knew. I guess this whole afternoon of just wandering off has prepared me more. But I still think that I need to be warned beforehand should he come to see me and want to talk or get to know me. It's just so much more difficult that I thought."
I really am sorry, sir. I know that this is not easy for you too. I know that you must have had to do so much just to be able to prepare yourself to see a girl-version of you. You know, it's really odd though because I've wished to see you, to meet you for more than half of my life. You have always been my Christmas wish, sir, but I guess I just had to be more… realistic, if you may. I mean, let's face it, I don't even know your favorite color or your favorite subject or if you sing or dance.
Someday I still really hope to see you, to meet you, to talk to you, to get to know you. I think I'll be more ready then. I promise not to run away next time. I still really want to get to know you. But maybe we should take it slowly by just writing to each other first until we've gotten to know each other more. Maybe next year we can meet up again and who knows, right?
I hope I didn't hurt you in any way with what I did. If I did, please please please find it in your heart to forgive me.
Scorpius is lucky to have a father like you and I hope that maybe someday, you could be a father to me, too.
Merry Christmas, Mr. Malfoy. Have a wonderful one. Try not to eat too much!
Stuffing my stockings with loot,
Cassie
Draco Malfoy was walking around the grounds of Malfoy Manor when Cassie's letter found him. He was admiring the handiwork the house elves had done in putting up lights on the tree and hanging ornaments on each window of the Manor (which was a whole lot, really). After readings its contents, he ran back into his private office to immediately post a reply.
Dearest Cassie,
I am very thrilled to have heard from you. After what happened the a few days ago, I have been so afraid that I may have jeopardized any chance we had of building a relationship. If only Scorpius wasn't so persistent in reassuring me that you were not angry with me, I would have already apparated to your house and have given you a unicorn or a new cloak. (Scorpius says you wouldn't appreciate it if someone tried to buy your affections.)
In any case, I believe you are right. We should try to get to know each other more, write to each other more, even. I would very much like to know what your favorite ice cream flavor is and if you were ever afraid of ogres in your trunk at night and all that details. To answer yours, by the way, I love the color green and not just because of Slytherin but because I love that it is very natural. I also enjoyed Potions when I was a student and excelled in it probably because my professor was my godfather. (Your mother will agree with that statement, I think.) And I dance, yes, because my mother forced me to take lessons for society gatherings and do I sing? Yes, I do! I am an excellent singer when in the shower. My bath products seem to enjoy my belting of notes.
My dear Cassie, I am so sorry for surprising you and for thinking everything would be okay in a snap. I will wait until you are ready. Our establishing a relationship is very important to me, to your mother and even to Scorpius and I really would want to make this right. For now, we will write. I think I will enjoy hearing your thoughts and letting you hear mine, as well.
Please accept this pendant, as well. I was supposed to give it to your mother a long, long time ago before I found out I was to marry someone else but I never had the chance. It belonged to my mother as a young girl. She loved the star so much she decided to name me after a group of them – just like I did for Scorpius and just like Hermione did to you.
Merry Christmas, Cassiopeia. (Scorpius says you'll yell at me for calling you that.) And I hope that you eat a lot of candies, pies and whatever it is your mother will make tonight. (Scorpius says you dislike your mother's cooking. I think she's an excellent cook when she's properly guided.)
Write to me soon, dear Cassie. I will be waiting.
Wishing you lots of happiness this Christmas,
Draco (Please don't call me Mr. Malfoy or sir)
Oh, Scorpius says hi. Wasn't it very obvious that he was watching me write?