Hereafter
Chapter Four:
Stand By Me
XXXX
I saw Pony get outta the house, I wanted to tell him to get his butt back here but I knew in the end, it'd be better for him it he leave now.
A list of worst case scenarios played out in my head...As much as I wanted to go after him, I knew he'd resent me if I did. Normally I'll take his resentment over his safety any day, but something's happened a little while back, not just one thing, a whole helluva lot of shit. I know its my own fault about not knowing, I've been too busy and I've missed out on a lot of their lives...Just way too much if you ask me.
Though I'll admit that the rumble we had before did have some short-term benefits for us. But in the long run, nothing's really changed: Socs jump Greasers, and they retaliate. The simple process repeats until the tension escalates into an all-out war. When one is determined the victor, things usually calm down quite a bit, but only for just a little while. It was a deadly, never-ending cycle, but that was just the way things were around here. I can hardly imagine how some people would react if all the fighting just stopped. I knew it wouldn't be pretty.
There was one day, Soda and Ponyboy said they ran into a couple of Socs. They both looked pretty busted up, but nothing that a couple days of rest couldn't heal. Even though I seriously doubted it, I was aware that they really needed me to believe that. So I played along. What really shocked me was: Ponyboy moved back into his old room. And since then, neither of the two had ever been the same, Pony had already been acting out but Soda...Damn that was a dumb move, I can't believe he did all that, I did ask why he left just like that but he never gave me an answer. What the hell happened?
Man I don't know what it is, neither of them are willing to tell me and they don't seem to want to work it out. It was like they were just coming and going in our house, walking around like in a trance, almost. They seemed like Tim Shepard when he came to our house, not saying a word to anyone about anything, but just there, drifting lazily through their still very young lives. The house was like a graveyard, dark, quiet, a bit dirty I'll admit, but also lonely. When we're all in the kitchen, little to no words will be spoken, if there are then I'm usually the one who starts the talking. If that's not a sign of trouble, then I don't know what is.
I don't know why, but I never fully confronted the situation with either of them. I wish I had. And then...Maybe then things would be different.
I remember Ponyboy used to hang out with a friend for a while. What was his name? Trae, I think. From what I could tell, he was a good kid, smart too, but a little bit quiet. He had cool gray eyes that gave him a look like he was always in deep thought. It's no wonder why they were friends, they were so much alike. I liked Pony's friend, he didn't complain and rarely asked questions. Though, he had this shifty feeling that was always lingering about him, kinda like Dally's when we still didn't know him so much. I remember that he and Pony would go out to watch movies or to the bookstore. They both loved art, poetry, and the same kinds of music. But Trae did refuse to smoke, and they didn't share the same look in their eyes.
If Trae was still around, then their eyes would match almost perfectly. The color wasn't too far of in the first place but what I mean is how they looked. They were both cold and uninviting, Pony's were different then. They both showed little to no hope in humanity, a deep-seated hatred for just about anything and anyone you couldn't call a friend. The eyes told me that there was at least one or two things they'd live for; it was that reason they'd defend their lives for. I hope that didn't cause repercussions for either of them... And Pony had better choose wisely what he believes in. I'm gonna have a serious talk with him, no doubt.
I never saw him until about two months after the rumble. Maybe he was new in town. They got real close, that much I know. But after a while - not too long, in fact - I didn't see him anymore, it's he's gone or something else had happened.
If I had to guess; the day Ponyboy got to really acting out was when he got home beaten. There were some bad scars on his face, similar to the time he got jumped when he went to the movies way back then. (This was quite a while before he moved out of Soda's room.) Steve was the one who brought him home, which was odd enough. When I got home, the kid had been unconscious for quite some time, I dunno how long. And I don't think Soda was around at the moment for whatever reason. After he woke up, Ponyboy had this expression on his face, it was a new one, albeit similar to the one he had on when Dally died - very similar if I remember correctly. His friend stopped showing up then.
...
Now about what happened last night? I don't even know. I riles me up; not knowing what their up to and what's going on with their lives. Dammit!
I'm still their brother, right?
XX
I opened the door to the house, it made a shrill shrieking noise that reverberated in my near empty home. Now I really feel bad about hitting Pony that one day, now I know how it feels to just be so tired and doze off; for me it was on a park bench. I was going to be home by like 7 : 00, because I fell asleep, I woke up about 10 : 00 P.M. I looked in the kitchen and saw that the sink was empty and dry. In the fridge, all the Pepsi's were still there...
(Oh Ponyboy...) To be honest, I didn't know what to expect, especially from Ponyboy nowadays. When you have to be a guardian to your brothers, you learn to recognize red flags, and when a day goes by without a Pepsi being drunk by either Pony or Soda, then that there's a problem.
I walked to Ponyboy's room and to my heart's discontent, he wasn't there. I rushed to Soda's room hoping to God that neither of them were gone. When I opened the door and looked inside, I froze up. My immediate fears and worries were gone, but a whole new set of them had just surfaced. I felt a cold wave pass by me from behind and hit me in the spine. I quivered internally but did not do the same with my body.
I saw Ponyboy there, his body was facing away from me, almost curled up in a ball. I could hear his heavy and fluctuating breathing patterns. I knew he was sleeping.
There sitting beside him, was his other big brother. He was sobbing and his eyes were scarlet, he looked real bad. For I don't know how long - a second? A Minute? An Hour? I stood still at the door with out so much as moving an inch. The cold, bitter silence crept it's way back into the house. I wanted it out, now. But right now, it was best not to say anything.
Soda shivered as his unsteady breathing somehow became synchronized with Pony's. Ponyboy was crying too.
...
"Hey Soda..." I finally said, his eyes slowly shifted their attention to me. It was almost as if he had just noticed me.
"It's getting late, you should get some sleep," silently he agreed and he set himself beside my youngest brother. I closed the door slowly, still unsure of the predicament placed before me.
From here on, you can't really expect anything. The situation has become so fragile that even the slightest incident could prove itself irreversible repercussions. I figured I'll let them sort it out by themselves. Some things will just heal on their own, or over time. With no interferences, I'll just let it go by and see what happens. In most situations, I wouldn't be doing that, but this is different, they are different now. I just don't know what's going on, all I can do now is wait...I've found out that that is sometimes the best option in a situation this.
I decided to stay up all night, not exactly the greatest idea, I know. But now there are some things more important than working.
I remember him leaving Soda's room and ran out the door...I let him go...
(Oh Ponyboy...) My heart plead so loudly I swear I was actually saying it. Be smart, dammit. Be smart... I pleaded out.
(Don't make regret this.)
XXX
I slept like a baby that morning. For the first time in a long time, my nightmares have vanished and my back didn't hurt like it had for so many weeks. Even though I had like six hours of sleep, I felt newly refreshed for some reason. Well except for my eyes, they were in pain - but not in the least bit tired: my pillow was real soggy.
My arm still stretched out to the right of me - I began to panic but I quickly calmed myself down. In search of him, I left my room only in my sweats. Yeah, it was real cold, but I could feel myself burning up. He's not here. I shuddered as the words echoed in my head. He must've left to like jog like he sometimes did in the morning. I wanted to go out there, real badly, but I have no way of knowing where's gone off to.
(Oh why Ponyboy!) The words were screaming in my head. (Couldn't you at least tell us where your headed off to?)
I went back to the living room and sat on one of the sofas, literally worried sick. I felt my headache come back, and I even though I was starving to death, I didn't want to eat. I just didn't feel like.
(Okay, just relax.) My thought was directed only to myself.
(It's that kind of thinking that's what got him mad at you in the first place, remember? Pony can handle things on his own, he's a tough little kid, I know. And that's what he's been trying to tell us all, but none of us except maybe Two-Bit really got message.) I let out a deep breath and my face sank. I tried to believe that, i really did, but that wasn't going to stop me from worrying - nothing would. After all, er - anything could happen to him.
I heard Darry walk to the kitchen, he didn't see to notice my presence at first. He looked even worse than I'd imagine me. He probably tried stayed up all night, worrying about us two. Pony probably sneaked off while Darry had eventually dozed off or something.
"Hey Soda." I was idly playing with a crumpled up piece of paper and then my eyes deviated towards my big brother, it had be plainly obvious to me that Darry could sense my emotions, Pony too, even Steve. I didn't like that so much because even though I've always made the greatest effort to try and understand, I was never quite sure about them, really, especially not with Darry and with Pony (now, not so much before). But I don't think anyone could read Darry like that.
I always wondered just how he got to the way he is. But I'm thankful for that, for whatever reason it is. Darry just wouldn't be Darry if he didn't act the way he did all the time, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
"What 'cha doin' kiddo?" For a moment, I was completely unresponsive.
What was I doing?
"Uh, I don't know," I managed to utter. My voice was weak and a bit shaken.
Darry glanced at the clock, "It's about 5 : 30 so I'll make eggs, okay?"
"Sure..." I sighed heavily.
"Yah want your's with jam?"
"Don't I always?" I knew what Darry was trying to do and silently I thanked him for it.
XX
The door opened abruptly and was slammed shut.
"Good morning Curtis'!" A cheery, probably drunk, voice hollered out.
It was Two-Bit, of course, nonchalantly sauntering in the house.
"Hey Soda..." Two-Bit was telling me as he jumped into another of our Sofas.
"Pass me the remote, will ya?" I threw the remote at him. He caught it without so much as looking and immediately turning on the TV to one of his soap operas. It was kinda hard to tell when Two-Bit was drunk, he is exceptionally coordinated when he is.
It must be by experience, hell I bet he drives even better when he's drunk. I mused at the though, Two-Bit could get anyone to laugh if he set his mind to it.
The show was about two girls fighting over a guy, which eventually and inevitably lead into a cat fight. Y'know, all that usual shit on T.V. I looked at him; he was grinning so big that I grinned too. Pony always told me that me and Two-Bit were similar in the sense that we could both do that.
I don't get it, why does he like this stuff? I never took Two-Bit to be one who would like stuff like this. Y'know, sappy, romantic, and all that junk.
My only guess is that he likes all the blond chicks that they always show, and I know he likes them cat fights. I didn't really like them too much because I never liked seeing two girls fight, but they were nothing new to me. I've seen a lot of girls fight when I was in school and at DX, usually over the same guy over and over - me.
"Why are they called soap operas?" My innocence was showing, Two-Bit just sneered in response.
"Why? 'Cuz ain't nobody singin' and you know it's gotta be dirty!" He started cackling loudly.
Yep he's still drunk. I smiled inwardly. It felt good knowing somethings never change.
"Hey Two-Bit, no witches in the house, man!"
XX
The sweet scent of cooked eggs permeated the room - I got up and trudged to the kitchen as if by command. I grabbed me a jar of jelly and got a cup of cold chocolate milk.
*Thud*
We heard a loud banging on the door.
*Thud*
There was another, though I didn't bother getting up. I know I should be more worried when I hear a large bang on the door, but right now, I just didn't care so much. It hurt too much to care, dammit.
"Did you lock the door?" Darry hollered out to no one in particular. "Yep, sorry man." He wasn't really sorry, that was plainly obvious to all us.
Steve busted open the door and came marching down into our home.
"You have a key, Steve?" I didn't really care so much.
"Heheh, no but he's got a foot!" Two-Bit cracked up, reaffirming whether he was drunk or not. Steve didn't find it so funny.
"Glory Steve, if I find out that door's broken, you gonna be paying for it, y'hear?" Darry didn't really mean that sentence; he'd pay for it but not without teaching Steve a lesson. Steve's unprecedented glare shifted from Two-Bit to Darry as did the general attention.
"Okay fine, whatever." His voice was edged with seriousness and irritation, we were all listening.
"Jus' someone tell me why I saw Ponyboy riding off somewhere with a Soc girl!"
"HE WHAT!"
XXX
"Dammit, I told you never to smoke here!" I walked toward the door and buttoned up my DX shirt. I kept blowing paying no attention to his command.
"Listen to me when I'm fuckin' talking to you!" My still stance stayed put but my thoughts were racing. (Alright Larry, I'll play your little game.)
"And why the hell should I?" I made the perfect smoke ring.
"'Cause this is my house and I'm in control!" (Are you fuckin' serious?)
"In control?" I thought out loud hysterically. And my voice, though quiet, was deeply stained with sheer hatred and disbelief.
"And you call sittin' around the house and getting drunk all the time, IN CONTROL?" I felt my right eye start to twitch and my right hand as starting to tremble. In order to keep it under control, I balled up my fist as tight I could, if I hadn't then maybe Larry wouldn't still be conscious.
"Dammit Larry, get a fuckin' job!"
I tried to calm down, but I kept at my glare. He returned it with matching indignation.
(Huh?) In the corner of my eye, I saw a kid out my window. He was running away from the neighborhood at the closer edge. It was a small kid, probably around 14, with long hair and he was wearing a blue sweatshirt. Other than that, I couldn't really make out anything else.
(Ponyboy?) Oh who else could it be, really? (What the fuck is he doing running around the streets at this hour? And only in a sweatshirt too? Dammit, why doesn't that kid ever use that big head of his? Where the hell is Soda? Or Darry? Do they know about this? Ugh...)
At this point I completely forgot about the old man. I turned around and opened the door.
"And where the hell do you think you're going?
(...Oh yeah...) I growled intensely on the inside. I swear if I had gotten any angrier then I would've blow a gasket. But instead, I merely shook off my anger and somehow kept at my composure. I slowly turned with a distinct and wry frown. I looked unto my father now with unparalleled indignation.
"Well wouldn't you like to know." My voice was low but grave.
(As if you ever cared). He turned a down quite a few shades of white and he was speechless at this point.
(Checkmate.)
I left the house and entered my car.
(Now where the hell did that kid run off to?)
XXX
We drove up the unfamiliar road and saw Pony leave a house. And glory was it a big house. There must've been like 12 rooms, or something like that. We could see that the house was obviously well maintained, no holes off to the side, a perfect and stainless coat of white paint (that stank, even from here), and even a purely green lawn (it also reeked but with the intense odor of freshly cut off lawn grass - Man? How do Socs stand that shit?)
I noticed that the this lawn, or any other lawn around here had no flowers. Wonder why. Although I did see a just few red roses being grown but that was it.
I took another long gaze at the house itself. (Hmm..) I thought with a devious grin.
(Maybe I should visit here one day during school.) I mused as I wondered about all the glorious treasure beheld in the aforementioned building (oh uh, did I say that right?)
Man did that kid look messed up. Behind him was a pretty red-head, a Soc girl no doubt. I remember her alright, she's the one that was with that cute girl, Marcia? Yeah, that one. The one we met when we were at the movies way back when. Cherry, was it?
Hah, that reminded my of when I scared the living daylights of ol' Johnnycake. Now that I think about it, it made me sad that that was one of the last memories he'd have of me. (Damn I wish I visited him more before he died, if only Dally didn't go off an' tell everybody that they were out an' tryin' to escape into Mexico. I got into some trouble trying to find them over there, heheh, snagged me a couple bucks getting some guys passed over the border. If I remember correctly, when I came back, I was so happy to find out they were all okay - 'er well alive, that I went to an all-out beer fest. Yeah, not the brightest of my ideas, but oh well.
Man I remember that bitch-of-a-mom Johnny had, who could put up someone like her? I'm glad she left Tulsa, I don't know where, but I really don't care, who would. I know Johnny wouldn't, or at least shouldn't.)
The noticed little red-head had a curious look in her eyes, Pony too. Pony looked a helluva lot different than the last time I saw the guy. Well, at least the long on his face, that is. If I remember correctly; not too long ago, the kid transformed into a sullen creature with an undying hatred of everyone and just about everything. Somewhat like a certain somebody else I remember...
(Dang Pony, what've you been doin' man!)
I saw that face of his begin to red as he slowly quickened his pace towards our car. I grinned internally. (It's nice to know that no matter how tuff or (more appropriately) tough this kid gets, we can still embarrass him like we used to.) That was a good sign. Just like when Johnny was still around, getting him to just talk told us we were doin' something right.
But despite my otherwise conflicting thoughts; all of us kept looking real tuff the Greasy way: cold, emotionless face, hands in our jeans pockets, accompanied by a dangerous-lookin' slouch (if that makes any sense to you.) For at least until we left the neighborhood.
Man for the longest time, I really wanted the gang to be all back together again, but I sure didn't expect it to be like this.
...
Soda's arm was over Pony's shoulders and he leaned ever so slightly towards his big brother.
(Hm...Did they make up? Oh thank God. I couldn't stand the thought of them being so cold to each other. I don't know why, it just didn't feel natural. These two are list two best brothers in the world and to see them fight like that...Well damn, if I though it was bad for me, then how did they take it all? Especially Soda, but right now Pony seemed like needed all of us right now. For no reason except to just be with us.
I felt a whole lot better seeing them next to each other. I know they bluffed their fight to Darry, but I know this wasn't a trick at all. From the look on their faces, they really needed each other, Darry did too.)
For a while, everyone sat still; I was the first to make a move, with a wide-eyed grin, I leaned toward him.
"Hey Pony, what the hell were you doing with that girl," his face turned red like a tomato.
"Yeah, Pony...What the hell were you doing with that girl." Darry's tone was dynamically opposite from mine.
"And what the hell happened to you?" He looked around confused as if he had forgotten how got all them bruises on his face.
"Pony..." Soda placed a hand on his baby brother's cheek. Magically, a red splotchy stain appeared on his fingers. "You're bleeding," he looked real worried, but Pony seemed like he didn't know why.
"Umm..." Man was his voice different from before, it was deeper, more so than Soda's, but not like Darry's. It was also weak from exhaustion, no doubt. I swear the kid looked like he could pass out at any moment. Looked away from us as he fished for the words to say.
"I ran into a couple of Socs-"
He was interrupted by a unified and astonished, "You got jumped?" And now all but two eyes were all on him.
XXX
They kept asking me all these questions.
Who the hell were they?
Do you know them?
Do they know you?
Their names?
What'd they look like?
What does that Soc girl have to do with anything?
Who the hell is she anyway?
There were a bunch more and I answered them for the most part, but I really didn't want to.
Darry said Two-Bit and Steve should go on to high school, and me and my brothers went back into our, Darry's house.
Throughout the drive home, after Soda's comment on me bleeding, he kept a stoic demeanor; Darry too. I trudge slowly in, not only because my body was aching like hell. I knew what was coming, I'm so sure of it.
Great, I wonder what Darry's got to say to me. And Soda, I'll bet money that Soda's pissed off fer' just leaving like that. Ohh...my stomach began to ache as well.
They both looked at me with matching gazes, but I couldn't read it. It felt intensely unnerving and I wouldn't be able to take it for much longer - especially not from them.
...
Their response was much different than I expected.
As soon as they closed the door, I was quickly uplifted up from the ground and tightly embraced by the both of them.
"Oh Hell, Ponyboy, I thought I told you never to go off like that again!"
"You had us worried something fierce! You coulda gotten real hurt, y'know?"
"We thought we'd lost you, man."
"Please, Ponyboy, I'm sorry for not trusting in you - not believing you."
"Dammit, don't you ever do that again."
...
(...Darry? ...Soda?) My thoughts were weak.
They kept at it...I wanted them to stop.
I was speechless, no dumbfounded, here I am thinking they were gonna whip for sure but instead this happens. Wait why the hell did I think that in the first place, anyway?
...I don't believe it, have I been wrong this whole time? Weren't they mad at me? But they thought otherwise. Have I misread them? And this badly too?
I didn't feel so hot right now...But it was so good to be back with my brothers. I could feel their heart beat through there shirts much like the last time I was gone. Back then I was physically gone, this time wasn't. But this time I was gone for a much longer time. And even though I was staggering immensly by now, they gave me consolation. The kind of feeling that only family could give, I guess I really am lucky, huh? I thought back at Johnny, he didn't have a real family. But he didn't need one, he was probably better off without his folks anyway, he had us. He always will.
Out of any of the gang, we were the one and only true family left.
Have we really drifted this much?
I felt like clutching my chest - I shuddered. I wanted to let go of my brothers' tight embrace, but my body wouldn't listen to me. Why don't I ever listen to me?
I gazed at my brothers' faces, they were still sobbing and their eyes were shut real tight by now, still mumbling under their breaths.
No...this isn't right. They shouldn't be sorry for anything, I should be. I'm the one's become a real hood, not in the good way! They didn't do any of that stupid shit I did. And I was the one who was pushing them away, not vice versa. Why should I have? I forget. I mean, they are the only family I've got and if something happen to either of them...I don't know what I'd do without them. I don't ever want to lose them...
I guess that's what they saw in me, they were both losing me like we lost Mom and Dad, Johnny and Dally...I was losing me.
"No!" Somehow they instantly stopped, they both looked at me in confusion.
"Why the hell should you be sorry, it's not your fault..." I trembled fiercely as I fought hard to keep my composure, and man was I losing badly. I felt the floodgates of my mind break and hot tears ran down my cheeks.
(...Darry ...Soda... I was the one who made Soda go down. Dammit I wish I never said what I did. I didn't mean them, I think. Well I don't now. I know Darry just hollers at me because he cares. He has every right to, anyway. I wasn't being myself, I wasn't using my head at all, was I?
"None of it!" I felt like my brain and heart were pulsing and ached like a bomb was dropped on the inside of me. The pain was immense, though it was not at all physical, I was so shaken down - I was gonna blackout soon. I saw Soda and Darry give me looks of concern as they noticed me clinging to my consciousness. I imagined their eyes flare up from the way they were shaking me, but my vision was so blurred I couldn't see. I drifted lazily and fell into an unconscious state.
...
The words, "Pony...Pony!" were the last ones I heard.
XX
From then on, I kept my promise to Soda and Darry. I tried to, at least. I got my grades back together, A's and B's, I go out a bit more. I try smile more often and made some new friends. I tried reading and drawing some, though I'd still never show anyone except maybe Soda. I eat more than just once a day, and I got out jogging for sometime, but never too far off the neighborhood. I eventually got back into the track team.
But there was a problem still.
(Who am I now? Who was I before?) I don't know how to be like that person anymore because he's dead, long dead now. I wasn't like me: he smoked; had shining eyes; radiating innocence, and we just didn't look the same. My hair was long but I still had it bleached, or how I'd call, stained. And my voice was different now; I've gotten even smaller since then; but mostly, we didn't have the same beliefs. The faith and hope in humanity, it has long since died. And maybe most importantly, he had a family, one he could always count on - I have that too. But he had a family that could trust in him, I don't, or shouldn't.
So he's gone now, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try, it's the least I could do for them. You guys deserved better from me.
I won't disappoint you again, Soda, you and Darry both. I promise.
XXXX
Author's Note:
Whew! God that was HARD! If you hadn't noticed, this was a bit more detailed than before since I updated this chapter.
Yeah, so the ending is similar to that of chapter two, I made sure of that. Yes, I successfully made this chapter have the POV of every main character of the story! Yay for me. Hah, Two-Bit likes soap operas. And yeah, I named Steve's daddy Larry. I feel bad that their POV's weren't so long, oh well, I guess.
Until next time...
Please review, I want to see what you guys think of it, where you think it's going, stuff like that.
So concludes Arc 1 of Hereafter, the next Arcs will be about the past and how it'll come back tumbling down at them - whether or not anyone's truly ready for it. It'll incorporate a few elements from a mystery and suspense type story. There will also be a quite a few OC's then too.