Of Chaos and Horselords
Reuters: A contingent of our reporting entourage decided to stick with Aragorn and his group of riffraff after the untimely departure of Boromir, we received reports how the hobbits have been eventful and decided to continue sticking with this group to ensure we bring you the latest in this edition of the forum of what took, and didn't took place within the fellowship.
Our third day on the endless search for the two hobbits began with Aragorn's complaints; Aragorn has now abstained from harbouring any unclean thoughts for the Middle-Earth wild life for almost three days and it appears to be taking its toll on our 'young' faction-heir. Gimli and Legolas have tried to be very reassuring, but the trick hadn't worked for the remaining three members of the fellowship had been constantly on the move, trying to hunt down the group of Uruk-Hai who took Merry and Pippin. On the second day, it was reported by Legolas (who after giving the plant & weed filled ground thorough licking and smooching, much to Gimli's envy of course) that the hobbits have been taken to Isengard to take part in Saruman's "Strictly Come - Pants Off, Dance Off" special, when questioned about his antics Legolas explained it's an ancient Elven tradition where important knowledge can be gained about abductees by loving the ground. We approached Gimli to share his vision who only insisted "Dwarves have splendid stamina that lasts all night long" which had nothing to do with our query, and once again made Legolas very, very uncomfortable.
We sent a runner down to our main offices in Bree who despatched an enquiring party to Isengard to ensure whether there really was a "Strictly Come – Pants Off, Dance Off" competition being held there. Saruman must have found our presence annoying so he chased off our reporters and his staff asked us to never come back again. In totally unrelated news, several miscreants were spotted tossing small stones and bags of sand at the great eye because of which the eye was temporarily blinded, and the miscreants chased away. No member of the staff at "Forum" is found responsible, case closed.
On our way back to Bree we took abode in Edoras where we discovered the Horselord King Theoden now suffers from an overdose of Halfling's leaf. Once heavily consumed by this population to remove the "Crab Epidemic" in Rohan it is now confirmed the much-praised celebrity Grima Wormtongue should be held responsible for the sudden loss of king's health. When we approached Wormtongue and asked him how he felt about the recent developments, his response was; "Who knows what you've spoken to the darkness in the bitter watches of the night, when all your life seems to shrink. The walls of your bower closing in about you, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in." We have now recorded the riddle and offer a gold piece to anyone who can tell us what it means. During our stay we found one of the Horselords Eomer arrested and banished from the kingdom for not taking part in its Halfling's leaf culture, lady Eowyn tried to intervene but was told how abusers of cocaine are to be banished forthwith to which our lady held her peace. It was a sad sight to behold, Eomer marching away with his band of Rohirrim but before we trouble our readers with pessimism it must be understood the riders turned towards Fangorn, where Halfling's leaf grows wild so there is hope after all.
It was reported moments ago that Merry can fool Pippin, and is one of the better thieves or troublemakers. One of our reporters braved the terrain as he followed them closely and was able to observe as the Uruk-Hai made camp for the night. A few of them insisted Merry and Pippin show them their dance moves but the Elder Uruk-Hai intervened and asked them to shut up. "Meat" was almost back on the menu, and Merry & Pippin about to dance when we heard commotion as Eomer and riders crashed into the Uruk-Hai slaughtering them. Our experts insist Eomer felt left out and if he was invited in the Saruman special dance competition things might have been a lot better. The night was over for a lot of souls on Middle-Earth.
In more news, the great eye is functional again and we have also heard rumours about a donkey that walks upside-down on its head known as the mouth of Sauron, we'll bring you more.