Thu 23rd Aug 2012
11am- Ok. Have speech prepared. Must practice. Will memorise if last thing I do.
11:32am- Very odd. Harry got phone call, went outside to take it, came back in and now saying must leave.
"What's wrong?" Realised looked bit pale.
"Nothing," Might have imagined it, but think saw him shaking as packed up briefcase. Didn't believe his assurance. "Really, Niks, there's nothing to worry about," If there's nothing to worry about why didn't he just tell me what it was? "Just knock 'em dead tonight, ok? You'll be brilliant," He wasn't going to be there?
"Well, it must be pretty important if you're missi..."
"Nikki, please, just this once, don't be stubborn and just trust me,"
3pm- No way can concentrate on speech. Does he realise being all mysterious about it makes me worry more? V. annoying. Tried asking Leo, but said didn't know either. Have feeling is lying.
4pm- Chocolate bar count: 7. Hate compulsive need to comfort eat.
5:21pm- Hoorah for Janet. Feel little better. Wish he would at least text me.
9pm- I did it! No mistakes, no forgetting, nothing! Perfect. Whole 20 minute speech to room full of people probably cleverer than me! Have been congratulated by v. many people have never seen in life. This is brilliant.
9:41pm- Finally, Harry. Will go outside, can't hear properly in here.
9:45pm- "How did it go?" Sounded v. different to normal Harry. Knew something was wrong straight away.
"It was amazing."
"Good,"
"How was your day?"
"Errr...not so good." Crap. "Niks, I need you to come to the hospital." Whole double-decker bus full of crap.
10:11pm- Spent whole journey worrying about what the hell he could have done to himself. Now can't even find a bloody parking space.
10:19pm- Rushed into the reception area and took one look at the amount of people waiting. Phoned him again.
"I'll come meet you." He was allowed out of the bed?
10:24pm- He didn't even say anything, just hugged me, really tightly. If hadn't been so worried about him would have complained about difficulty breathing.
10:26pm- "They brought Mum in." My god. "She collapsed at a coffee morning." He didn't look like he had cried, but he definitely looked like he wanted to. "And they brought her in, and she seemed fine and she kept insisting it was just dehydration or something." Squeezed his hand, wasn't sure what else to do. "They did a CT scan." I think it was at this point that I understood what was going on. "She's got a brain tumour."
"Harry," Really had no idea what was meant to say. Maybe should have said it would all be ok, but I'm a doctor, knew there was no way could say that and truly believe it. He knew it too. "Do you want to go home or..."
"She'll be out until the morning." Stood up from v. uncomfy hospital seats (had stupid plasticy covery things on) "Can you drive?"