Yay! Time for another decent sized chapter! I hope you all enjoy. Thank you all for your kind words and speculations! I'm happy that ya'll like my story enough to theorize about it :)

Oh! And give thanks to GeeAnnaB for reminding me to post!

All characters, etc, are property of Stephanie Meyer... but then again, you knew that.

Chapter 6

Rosalie

I was walking home from the university that I was attending when I saw her. It was 1946, and I'd decided it was time to get my degrees again under a new name. I'm not sure what motivated me to change my routine of the last 150 years but I decided to specialize in paleoecology. It was something I was always interested in but never pursued because I was too interested in archaeology. I really enjoyed my classes. That night I stayed late studying – and waiting out the sun – at the campus library. Unfortunately the sun had come out in full force during late afternoon and I was stuck there until after sundown. I was so engrossed in what I was doing that I lost track of time and ended up staying much later than anticipated.

On my way home I caught the scent of human blood flowing freely, a wonderful smell. I followed the scent instantaneously, an automatic reaction. I had to find the source of that sweet smell so I could drink every last drop of it.

I started into a crouch for the hunt and immediately caught myself.

I instantly felt shame, which doubled at the sight of the source of the blood. She was absolutely stunning with her long blonde mane and absurdly long legs. Unfortunately though, at that moment, both her hair and legs were splayed across the pavement and bloodied. She was going to die.

I didn't hesitate in my decision to change her for Edward. Carlisle would have done it, too, considering her condition. She was stunning, even in her state, and everything that Edward deserved. As a human she was as beautiful as a vampire. Once changed, she would be worshipped for her beauty.

I lifted her wrist to my teeth before a second thought and bit, pumping venom into her veins while draining none of their livelihood. I didn't notice how strong I'd gripped her until I dropped her arm and saw the hand-shaped bruises already forming.

Immediately I felt regret. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed. After three fourths of a second I realized I needed to take her home out of sight as soon as possible. I ran with her in my arms and thought about Edward. I wondered what he would think of her, whether or not he would like her. It wasn't until then that I thought about her and felt the guilt plague me again. What had I done? If she hated me she would have every right. My family would have every right. If she needed it I would leave so she could at least try to be happy. She was writhing and screaming by the time I got to the house. Edward and our parents met me on the porch.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked with a bewildered expression. I had never bit a human and I couldn't imagine how shameful it must've been for him to think I had slipped.

I walked past them and laid her on the floor, then turned. "I was coming home from school when I smelled blood" I was so ashamed of the next part of the story I let it show in my expression, "I hunted her at first when the scent caught me off guard." My voice cracked and I paused to compose myself.

"Isa, you have never bitten a human, no one can blame you for one slip" Edward said soothingly. "That is to say no one is perfect, but you're as close as it gets." He smiled his beautiful crooked smile and looked upon me with loving eyes. Eyes that always looked tender, but now that tenderness seemed to speak to me. I suddenly realized something about which I had been denying myself:

I wanted Edward to want me as a mate.

That realization shocked me into panic and I became a living statue. I knew they were waiting for me to continue but I didn't want to tell them the reason why I bit her. I didn't want him to want her. I knew I was not as pleasing to the eye or feminine. I shared the interests of males, and men normally want women who act as they should.

The girl could make him happy in ways my ancient self could not, and all I wanted was his happiness. With that, I unfroze.

When I allowed my gaze to fall back on my family I saw that they, too, were frozen.

"I stopped myself quickly," I said slowly. My statement was met by confused looks.

"I realize this was hypocritical," I nodded in apology to Carlisle, "but she was dying and I had to help. Also I was hoping Edward might…like her." I looked down in shame.

What I was not expecting was Edward's reaction. He was staring angrily at Carlisle who was returning his glare with a look of regret. I looked at Esme who was staring at the girl on the floor. It appeared as though she was going through some kind of inner conflict, which caused her smile to falter ever so slightly. Edward continued to stare at Carlisle who was no doubt talking to him silently. After several moments Edward's expression softened as he hung his head, turned, and walked out of the house.

"Are you not pleased?" I called to his back. He paused momentarily but continued to walk without looking back. My eyes widened completely. "Where is he going?" I turned frantically to Carlisle, panic seeping into my tone. Carlisle turned to Esme and muttered something quickly under his breath.

He then turned to me and said "Come with me, dear."

"Are you angry with me?" I asked loudly.

"Absolutely not!" Esme exclaimed. She was immediately before me, pulling me into her arms. "No one is angry! This girl is a gift! I'll soon have another daughter." She smiled warmly at me then turned to tend to the girl.

I followed Carlisle into his study and stood by the window, staring in the direction of Edward's departure and hugging myself tightly. It felt like a giant hole opened in my chest again, as it did when he left all of those years ago.

"Is he coming back?" I choked.

"Yes, Isa. He left so I could speak to you privately," he said calmly.

"About what father?"

"You may want to sit." He said. I did as he suggested.

"It was very thoughtful of you to go against your beliefs to make your brother happy, but unfortunately it was rather unnecessary."

"I don't believe I follow you." I said.

"No I didn't expect you would. We all know your story, Isa. We know what you had to struggle through and what those experiences did to you. This may seem like an odd question, but have you ever…been with anyone? Emotionally or physically?" He spoke slowly and chose his words carefully.

"I have no experience with any kind of relationship other than friendship and familial love for all of you" I said. "What's going on, Carlisle?"

"What are your feelings toward Edward? He's not here so you can be open." He said caringly.

I knew I needed to be honest. I had caused so much damage without knowing how and the only way to fix it was through full disclosure.

"If I'm being honest… I don't know. I have many feelings that I can't classify, many of which have been there since I first saw him. I know that he has been unhappy for some time and I thought having a mate may change that. All I want is for him to be happy."

I paused for a moment as Carlisle eyed me curiously, a hint of excitement touching his features. He waited patiently for me to continue.

"I can't deny that minutes ago I may have come to the realization that I might be in love with him. I can't be sure, but it no longer matters. He would be insane to not accept her as his mate. She is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen and it will only become more potent. She's also soft and feminine and the perfect wife for such a perfect man." I had to justify my actions if for no one but myself. I noticed suddenly that I was more speaking out loud to myself than to Carlisle.

It felt strange to say I loved someone out loud, at least in this context.

I also hadn't noticed that Carlisle's expression had turned to pure joy during the course of my spoken revelation.

My attention was jerked to the window as I saw out of the corner of my eye the slightest of motions. Before I had time to process it, Edward was standing in front of me and Carlisle had left the room. Edward's eyes were scorching into mine and his face was lit with joy.

"What's going on Edward? Are you pleased with my choice to bring her home?" I asked, not sure how I wanted him to reply.

"I'm pleased that you care for me, though I wish it didn't take you going against your beliefs for me to see it. You're so hard to read Isabella."

"No one calls me that." I said, embarrassed. I didn't want to admit the way it made me feel when he said my full name. "And…I'm not sure what you mean."

He sighed and his sweet breath washed over me, begging me to come closer. His smile stayed fixed despite the conflicting gesture.

"I heard what you said to Carlisle about your feelings for me. You said you might love me, do you mean that?"

"I'm not sure what I feel but I know it's more than friendly." I said sheepishly. "Do you not like the girl?" I asked, hoping he would say –

"No, Isa, but thank you for your consideration."

I was not expecting that, just hoping for it. "Are you blind?" I asked, "She's perfect!"

He took a step toward me, closing the distance between us slightly. He was close enough to touch and I found myself desperately wishing to do just that.

"I guess I am blind in a way. I'm in love with someone else, Isa." He looked at me imploringly.

"Who could you possibly be in love with now? Is that why you've been so sad?"

"I've been sad because I didn't think you loved me back."

He didn't speak again for several moments, I assumed to let me absorb the meaning of his words. He was still staring into my eyes as he took yet another step forward. I couldn't think, nor could I believe his words.

"I know that you've never been with anyone and neither have I. You have always been the only one I see. Do you think you might be able to return my feelings? I'm willing to wait forever if you just need time. Are you willing to try?"

I was frozen again, and I wasn't sure when I would resurface.

Over the years I had become very skilled at controlling my vampire thought processes, but not at that moment. My thoughts ran in a million different directions all focused on the same fact.

Edward wanted me as his mate and that thought terrified me. I had never been with a man, never been unclothed around a man. I had never had feelings for anyone, not even as a human. The idea of touching Edward was overwhelming now, and he continued to move closer. Did I want this? For so long I thought not, but the idea of Edward holding my hand in his and gently brushing his lips across my cheek sent waves through my body, effectively bringing me out of my coma of sorts.

As soon as I regained my bearings I smiled at him. "I will need time" was all I could muster.

His smile became impossibly large and he pulled me into a hug. I jumped back quickly, wrenching myself from his arms. He looked crushed. For a moment when he held me, I could feel every inch of his body on mine. The sensation sent electricity shooting up and down my limbs, permeating every life-giving cell.

"I'm sorry, please have patience? I wasn't expecting it to feel like that." I smiled and giggled slightly. This brought joy back to his face.

"I love you, Isabella Swan."

I slowly reached forward and touched the back of his hand with my forefinger, then pulled back. A thought had occurred to me.

"Aren't you supposed to date and get to know each other before making vows?" I asked naively. He laughed freely, which instantly calmed and confused me all at once. It must have been evident on my face.

"I'm sorry, it's just we've lived and spent nearly every moment of the last 16 years together. I just thought you already knew me well enough. I've had feelings for you since I first changed, but only recently has it turned into an emotional and physical longing. Since Esme was kind enough to join our family and bless Carlisle with physical comfort." We both smirked. Physical comfort, indeed. I could hear faint snickers from the living room.

"Why didn't you say anything before?" I asked.

"How long have you known your true feelings for me, since you bit the girl an hour or so ago? How would you have reacted to the truth before?"

Immediately I knew the answer to that if I was being honest. "I wouldn't have believed you and pushed you away. I'm still not sure if I'm imagining things. I probably wouldn't have allowed myself to return the affections and possibly would have left just so that you could find someone better."

"Promise me you won't do that even now." It wasn't a request it was a demand.

"I don't think I could now." I whispered. His face could not possibly have gotten any brighter.

"Would you like to go to the living room and wait for our newest sister?"

I choked and Edward noticed. My face contorted in pain over what I had done to the poor girl. He looked at me sadly.

"I'm not sure I'm ready, I think I want to lay down in my room for a while. Will you come?" He wasn't expecting the invitation and quickly followed me out of the study.

When we were in the hallway I looked toward our parents and smiled. "I'll be okay soon, I just need to rest if that's possible. I think I'm going to close my eyes and pretend to sleep. I'll put those pajamas to good use." I smiled even wider. Then I looked at Edward and walked into my room, leaving the door open for him. I changed quickly in my closet and emerged in a soft flannel nightdress and housecoat.

I had a bed in my room because I enjoy reading while horizontal. Edward perched himself at the foot of the bed while I stretched out on it and closed my eyes.

"Can I lay next to you?" he asked.

When he saw my worried look he clarified "I'll make sure to keep my distance." He said with a smile. I nodded giving him permission, then closed my eyes once more. Once he was next to me I immediately wanted him closer. Instead I started a conversation to distract myself.

"So you never had a girl during your human years?" I asked.

"No," he replied, "All I cared about was my family and the war."

"Then why me? I'm nothing compared to Esme or the poor girl I doomed to this life. I hardly act like a girl should and I certainly don't hold the same interests as those who make good wives. I don't have much to offer."

"That's what you don't see, Isa, you're already what I want! We spend the same amount time together as Carlisle does with Esme only we don't do certain other things. I was content until I was forced to think about it." He smiled sheepishly and cleared his throat as more giggling erupted in the living room. "Since Esme started dressing you it's been impossible to resist, you're incredibly alluring. You're a pure soul and it's you and Carlisle that make me believe in the good nature of our kind. You most of all, who had never tasted human blood before tonight, were able to bite without drinking a drop. The icing on the cake, Isa, the triple threat is I can't 'hear' you. You keep me forever guessing and your centurion mind works in ways I can't fathom. It's maddening not knowing your thoughts, but because of it your reactions are always captivating. I will never grow tired of unlocking the secrets of your mind."

I smiled at him again before turning my head back flush. I wasn't exactly sure how to respond to him, but I knew I wanted to touch him and this time I was ready. I reached over, slowly sliding my hand along the mattress, until my pinky met his. With my eyes closed I moved my hand closer still, and soon I was sliding my fingers in between his. My smile was so wide it should have hurt and if my heart could beat it would have been in overdrive.

I sighed audibly on accident and he chuckled.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I replied, "It's just intense."

"I know what you mean." He whispered nervously.

The feeling of his skin against mine had always done strange things to me but this was different. I had read some about human love and how even the slightest physical contact was electric between lovers. This was much, much more than just that. I could feel his touch penetrate my nerves to the bone all of the way up my arm. I shuddered at the feeling but didn't pull away. He rubbed tiny circles on my thumb with his, each time sending more waves of sensation and pleasure radiating through my body. It took all of my self-control to contain the strong desire bubbling up within me.

We stayed like that until the sun came up. When the first bits of light began to filter in through the windows I jumped from the bed without warning. Edward froze and watched me with surprise.

"I need to change clothes," I told him timidly. "Can you give me a minute?" I asked.

"Of course, Isa, I'll be outside."

When he left the room I felt the emptiness return a little and I wondered if it would be that way every time we were apart. I dressed slowly to allow myself time to think. It was strange having him in my room. When I was human it was extremely inappropriate for a woman to be in the same room as a man who was not her husband without a chaperone. While I understood that I was above human social norms and laws, I still could not help the feeling of guilt I felt for not at least having left the door ajar. I knew that it was ridiculous but it was important to me. It was part of who I was and I didn't see how I could help that. Edward and I always spent our time in common areas of the house or outside, never behind closed doors. And yet, despite my earlier sentiments, I could not deny it was odd and exciting how private and intimate it felt to be lying on the bed together where no one could see.

My train of thought made me desire to see him again so I finished dressing and stepped into the living room. Carlisle was away, resigning from the hospital so when the girl awoke we could leave. Edward was sitting at the piano playing something lovely and looking completely breathtaking.

"That melody is beautiful, Edward! What is it?" I asked when he noticed my entrance and looked up. He smiled widely at me.

"You're beautiful, love, and I wrote it about you. I'm glad you like it."

If I could have blushed I would have. The song was resplendent and lovely. "Thank you," I replied breathlessly.

The girl on the floor had stilled several hours before I was able to face her. She looked peaceful and intensely attractive. Esme had obviously cleaned her and changed her clothes. Her flesh wounds had long healed though her bones no doubt were still mending.

Guilt, pain, and self-disgust were all I could feel as I watched her lovely face twitch in pain. I hated myself so much for what my ignorance and innocence did to her.

"How can I still be so naïve after so long?" I asked as I watched the girl. Esme floated to me instantly to wrap her arms about my neck.

"You're innocent and pure and good. That's not bad! This girl is young and stunning and shouldn't have died yet. You've given her the opportunity to continue living." She said dreamily, no doubt thinking of her own savior and mate.

"Can we agree to leave out my other motivations when she asks why I did this to her? I'm sure it would be extremely difficult to accept that she was supposed to be the mate of someone who doesn't want her. Plus, I don't want her to know how stupidly I behaved."

Edward and Esme agreed not to divulge my secrets after shouting their protests that I wasn't stupid. We all knew it would be for the best if she did not know.

"I'm prepared for her to hate me, I just hope it's not too much." When Esme released me, Edward stepped toward me, extending his hand for me to take. I almost took it but realized I wanted him closer. I grabbed his hand, pulled him gently toward me, and wrapped his arm around my waist.

His face was surprised but ecstatic. Esme smiled brightly at the both of us, happy to see her children of sorts finally realizing their desires. The sensation of his touch ran up and down my torso, radiating throughout my body.

I was not used to this feeling. The normal sensation of touch was also intense but something I was accustomed to, though admittedly after being a vampire for so long I rarely touched anyone. This new sensation, on the other hand, was completely unfamiliar. I assumed that my body was hypersensitive to him due to my attraction. Judging by the shiver I felt run through his body he, too, was unaccustomed to it.

He held me close to his side with his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. The radiating sensation was still strong, only after a few moments I found myself wanting more. I needed to be closer still. I didn't understand the need, but I knew that at some point I would have to give in to that desire.

Truthfully that idea scared me the most. Besides opening my heart and mind to him, I must also give him my body. I knew he would never force me into anything I didn't want to do and that it would happen only when I was ready. What worried me was the fact that I was already feeling that need.

Neither of us looked at the other, we both kept our eyes fixed on the girl on the floor. After several long minutes we heard Carlisle's tires on the driveway. Esme went out to meet him – they were going to hunt before the girl woke up.

This left Edward and I practically alone, considering the girl was unconscious. I looked up at his face, which looked somewhat stressed.

"Are you alright?" I asked. He nodded slowly.

"I'm just concentrating on my self control." He said as his lips turned up into his crooked smile. I felt the urge to kiss him but I fought it. Though my body craved closeness, emotionally I was not ready for that.

"Should I step away for a moment?" I asked though I didn't actually want to break our connection.

"No!" He responded quickly. "Please don't! Nothing will happen until you're ready, I just don't want to let you go yet." I felt his fingers dig into me slightly and the action sent shivers through me again. It made my desire even greater knowing he didn't want to break our contact either. It felt strange standing beside him when we were the only ones in the room so I turned to face him. The only other time we had been so close to each other was when we went dancing with our parents the night Esme first took me shopping. I easily could have kissed him but I smiled and stared in his eyes instead. He lifted his other hand, the one that wasn't around my waist, to brush my hair off of my shoulder. Using the same hand, he tucked a few runaway strands behind my ear then ran his thumb down my jaw line before placing it on my other hip. Waves of electricity pulsated through my skull and down my spine. I shivered yet again, and he chuckled. I smiled timidly at him as my hands, which had been resting on the tops of his elbows, began to slide up his biceps to his shoulders. Before I knew what I was doing, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my head into his shoulder. I needed his comfort and he sensed that. We stood there for a while, tightly embraced. He rested his chin on the crown of my head and I nestled farther into the crook of his neck. After a few more moments I spoke, my voice muffled by his shirt.

"What do we do now?" I asked. He pulled me back and held me at arm's length.

"What do you mean? The same as we've always done of course. Would you like to listen to me play piano? Or we could play a game of chess. I believe we still have some research to do for our most recent find."

We were reconstructing a prehistoric bird whose skeleton we found nearby to pass the time. We had most of it pieced together, but it was beginning to look as though we might have found a new species. We had to do more research in order to find out.

"Yes I supposed we could do one of those things while we wait, but I was referring to the future." I said plainly.

"Well, we'll have to wait and see, love. I won't do anything you are not comfortable with. I'm just happy to be near you. The night we danced all of those years ago was the best day of my life, with the exception of last night and today. If there's ever a time when you'd like me to leave you be, please just let me know. I can't promise I won't be at least slightly hurt," he added, "But I want you to trust me and be comfortable. Please, don't feel pressured into anything, take as much time as you need."

"I think I'd like to do this the right way." I said quietly, "My soul is probably already cursed. I admit, though, I've always hoped that if I had a chance at getting into heaven one day my virtue would be God's only cause to accept me. If I'm going to lose that virtue I want it to be under his circumstances," I pointed toward the heavens and paused while Edward choked back a laugh.

"I want to get married first, Edward."

At first he didn't know where I was going with my talk of heaven. As I finished my thought realization changed his expression from somewhat mocking to pure elation. His eyebrows shot up toward his hairline and his smile stretched from ear to ear. He looked down bashfully.

"I never thought I would get married. I'd always wanted it if I found the right girl. The fact that I never found her during my human years dashed my hopes of marriage. Before last night I wasn't sure you would ever love me the way I love you. I also wasn't sure how you felt about marriage knowing how you feel about social roles and what not. I thought I would live an eternity without knowing how it felt to be married. All I want is to take care of you Isa, I want to be your husband. And I want to wait until our vows have been made as well… you're not the only one who's inexperienced in that respect." He smiled bashfully and I knew he should have been blushing.

I felt somewhat better after our conversation. I sat on the piano bench with Edward and while he played, I thought about the events of the last few hours. As long as I was not hurting him by taking my time, then I could be happy and truly go at my own pace. I knew it wouldn't take long for me to be ready but it would certainly seem long to a human. It would take me weeks to be okay with kissing him, much less going any farther. I didn't want to get married until I knew for sure I was ready. Since I had lived so long believing that I would never be in this situation I had never even considered the thought of what it would be like to be involved with someone physically. Even in puberty there were no boys that elicited impure thoughts in my mind. No one ever tried to kiss me, nor did I seek anyone who would. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. After having lived as long as I not much is left in the world to experience for the first time. The idea of this being something completely unfamiliar was terrifying.

"I love you, Edward." I said after some time. He looked at me, beaming. I could have sworn his eyes were sparkling.

"I love you too, Isabella." He replied quietly. "I have – and will – always love you."