Shitty Locks in a Shitty Neighborhood
Rachel looked at Noah and she willed her brain into making her say something sensible in a situation such as this but she just found herself standing in front of him, looking extremely shocked. If it had been a different scenario, one wherein he was fully clothed, she would have said something sane and responded with a different more acceptable reaction.
She however didn't get a chance to see his reaction since she heard a chorus of screams followed by yells of "Damn!" and "Fuck!" coming from their apartment unit. Rachel whipped her head and hurried to their apartment worried of what might be happening in there seeing as she heard Santana's voice among the yells. Santana was rarely afraid of anything and as far as Rachel could remember Santana had never lost her calm in any situation.
As she rushed into the room she contemplated on how she would feel about meeting Noah and learning that he is their next door neighbor. She would certainly have no qualms against him living there but Santana on the other hand….Rachel wasn't so sure what her reaction would be. Her relationship with Noah was complicated to say the least. There were times when they were friends and there were times where they were against each other. And there were those times in between when they simply just ignored each other. It was some where along the lines of a love-hate friendship.
Their friendship began after she was forced to tutor him in English. Despite telling him that she was entirely professional about the whole matter that didn't stop him from making a few lewd comments on her while they were sitting on her bed, studying.
Not that the idea of making out with him was anything new. They had a one week fling that was caused by their thirst for their unrequited love for Quinn and Finn. Despite that little detail making things all the more complicated they became sort-of friends as Rachel liked to call it despite their obvious differences.
Rachel felt sure that the only reason for her inability to come up with a comprehensible response was because she had knocked upon his door at the most untimely moment.
She flung their apartment door open to find Santana being carried by Kurt and both of them were yelling at the top of their lungs. Kurt was jumping up and down while Santana looked as if she was trying to climb unto Kurt's shoulders.
"What on earth are you two doing?" Rachel said trying to stifle a laugh since everything looked very comical but from the looks of Santana and Kurt's faces the situation seemed to be serious for them.
"Darling, get off me! I am not built to carry weight such as this! My body is like a delicate butterfly," Kurt said in a muffled tone as Santana jammed a foot into his mouth.
"Oh shut up Queen! And did you just call me fat?" Santana demanded angrily.
"No, of course not although your thighs are getting quite a bit jiggly I'm afraid," Kurt said as Santana continued her climb up.
"Would you two care to explain why you both look like idiots on high?" Rachel asked trying to hide her laughter.
"I'm trying get unto Kurt so that this way the fucking thing would get to him before me," Santana said.
"Nice to know that you are quite a loyal comrade," Kurt said sarcastically.
"What thing?" Rachel said incredulously wondering what it could be to drive Santana unto Kurt's shoulders.
"We're not sure….," Kurt frowned.
"All I know is that it is some kind of mutant bug. Oh shit, was it gross and scary," Santana shuddered as she tried to clamber unto Kurt's shoulders.
"You're afraid of bugs?' Rachel laughed seeing as she found it hard to believe. Santana was not even afraid to dick McKinley's High's football players and they were three times bigger than her.
"Okay so maybe I am but you haven't seen the thing yet Ray," Santana spat. Suddenly Kurt gave a jolt and they both toppled to the ground. Santana gave Kurt a quick whack on his head when Kurt's eyes suddenly were as wide as saucers.
At that very moment Rachel felt something rubbing against her ankle.
"Oh my GOSH! Divalicious, there it is! It's on your ankle!" Kurt yelled.
Santana looked at Rachel before squeaking something unintelligible and quickly hopping on the kitchen counter while Kurt scrambled after. Rachel looked down and screamed.
…
Puck had had a really long day and all he wanted was to take a nice long shower before plopping down on his weather beaten sofa and pigging out on pizza while watching some TV. It had been another day at a job interview and as usual he flubbed it. He growled and shook his head as he stripped off any article of clothing and turned on the hot shower.
He felt his head throb at the thought of the excruciatingly expensive rent he was forced to pay for this crappy apartment. He had no idea why the landlord charged this much for his crap hole but he guessed that since he was in New York everything was twice as much as it would normally cost. Thinking about his apartment Puck groaned. He expected to be evicted any day now since he still hasn't paid his rent.
He had come to New York, truth to be told, in search for his daughter whom Quinn gave away but as usual he hadn't thought it through. He hadn't thought about how expensive living in New York would be, how difficult the competition for a job would be. With all these in mind Puck tried to banish them letting the hot water run against his skin, excited at the thought of a carefree evening.
He was interrupted however by a loud and annoying knocking on his door. He found it strange since during the last two months he lived here no one has ever knocked on his door except the landlord and when he did Puck usually pretended that he was not there by not answering the door. But it couldn't be the landlord since he was on vacation.
He thought hard of who it might be and tried to remember all his neighbors. As far as he could remember the apartment to his left was unoccupied and the apartment next to it was taken by an elderly couple. There were three more apartment units that had residents and they were occupied by Mrs. Thimble, an elderly and senile lady, Coco a recovering drug addict who abated his thirst for Cocaine (hence the name Coco—Puck wasn't really sure what his real name was) by eating moldy cheese and Mr. Scherbatsky a Russian immigrant with a shifty business who only knew the English words boob and cookie. He never interacted with them much because he thought them to be weird and crazy.
The knocking continued and Puck could no longer ignore it. Sighing he grabbed a towel and slung it around his waist before storming over to the door to send whoever was outside away. He hadn't expected however to find Rachel there with a shocked expression.
"Noah?" she gaped.
Puck didn't know what to do or what to tell her seeing as he was half-naked and dripping wet and somehow he thinks Rachel feels that way too seeing as she did not bother to respond even with her expansive vocabulary.
And just when it looked as if she was about to tell him something he heard screams and yells of 'Fuck!' and 'Damn!' and Rachel's eyes widened before she leaves in a hurry to the apartment unit next door . Puck's jaw dropped after her shocked that they were neighbors.
He felt like a total retard as he just stood there, his eyes trailing after her. After the door slammed after her he closed the door and hurried looked through his closet for a shirt and some pants. He wasn't sure why but he felt the need to investigate further of his new found neighbor-ship with Rachel. He was pretty sure that she lived with someone else hence the screams but what he was most curious to know was why she settled for an apartment as shitty as this.
During the period in which they were friends and when they were dating Puck had learned two things about Rachel. One was that she didn't take too kindly whenever he made any obscene comments or actuations unless she gave him permission to and two was that she was obsessed (repeat: obsessed) with fame and if anything or anyone tried to ruin it for her she would not hesitate to stab you pointless with her golden star sticker pad. But if you didn't try to do any of those things, Rachel was actually a very pleasant and nice person to hang out with.
But he was still curious as to why Rachel settled for something as crappy as this. He was busy searching for a shirt when he heard a high pitched scream followed by loud thumps and incomprehensible yells. He decided that to hell with his shirt. He opened (or nearly torn) the door open, worried what might be happening next door. He knocked on the door and when nobody answered thoughts of sexually ambiguous creeps trying to touch Rachel's boobs entered his mind and that made him all the more determined because the thought of Rachel's tiny and petite frame being forced by some pervert seriously made his blood boil—and there was no way some random dude would touch her boobs just like that when he didn't even get any.
He opened the door ready to use his impressive guns to use. He expected to see some creepy pedophile crouching near Rachel but he did not expect however to find himself staring at Rachel's bottom headfirst with Kurt and Santana sitting on the kitchen sink looking scared shitless. If it weren't for the fact that Santana was there and she would probably beat the crap out of him if he even dared to show any sign that he found the situation funny he would have been laughing his ass off.
Santana and Kurt didn't seem to realize that he was there since their eyes were fixed on Rachel who was on her knees, her head under a table (hence why Puck saw her butt first). It had taken him a few moments to realize that she had a broom on one hand and something else in the other. Suddenly Kurt yelled and Rachel banged her head against the table in her haste to get up. When she finally immerged from the table Puck finally got a good look at her and he saw that she had a crazed expression on her face.
"Where is it?" Rachel said manically still oblivious to Puck's presence.
"Oh my fuck!" Santana yelled pointing at Puck's direction looking shocked more than scared.
In startling speed Rachel turned around and sprayed Puck's face with something (perfume?). Whatever it was it stung his eyes. After rubbing his eyes profusely and regaining his vision he saw a very angry Santana glaring at him from the kitchen counter with a surprised Kurt and a jaw slacked Rachel.
"What the hell are you doing here? Are you stalking me now?" Santana demanded.
"Don't flatter yourself! And anyways what the hell are you doing here?" Puck snapped looking at Rachel.
Before Rachel could retort an answer Santana cut her off saying, "We live here, dumb ass."
Puck just stared at her. He wasn't sure what was more shocking, the fact that Santana and Rachel were in the same room and they weren't having a full frontal bitch fight yet or the fact that Rachel's sense of style improved. Now that he got a good look at her he saw that instead of her horrible geeky and nightmarish clothes Rachel was wearing a really, really short black skirt, a sleeveless turtleneck and some long knee high boots.
"So what the fuck is Berry doing here? And Hummel?" he demanded. Kurt flashed him an annoyed look.
"For your information you clueless thug we live together," Kurt growled interrupting Rachel again before she could say anything.
Rachel looked extremely annoyed to be denied talking rights but before she could retort something Puck interrupted her. Again.
"As in together?" Puck said his jaw dropping.
"What other explanation could you possibly procure from this scenario?" Rachel nearly yelled before Santana could say anything.
"So what happened? Has the world gone fucking mad or did you guys just lose a bet?" Puck said.
"Oh good gracious no we haven't lost any bet. I have come here on my own free will," Kurt said a little too dramatically.
Santana and Rachel rolled their eyes.
"And what the hell are you doing here? Shirtless?" Santana demanded.
Rachel and Kurt have not really realized that he was shirtless up until Santana mentioned it since they were both distracted with the mutant bug thing. Rachel tried to cover up the fact that his chest was a very fine example of male masculinity while Kurt wasn't as discreet as her. He gaped openly at Puck's chest.
Puck smiled a little remembering how bitchy Santana used to be. He was a little unnerved at the fact that Kurt was staring at his chest and a bit annoyed at Rachel who didn't look as flustered as he wanted her to. Santana nudged Kurt roughly and Kurt quit his gawking and Santana continued to stare at him as if he a fucking terrorist.
They had left off high school in not the best of terms. They never established a real relationship but sex although he wasn't sure why Santana would get all Charlie's Angels if a girl ever went on a nine mile radius within him. They got into a big fight because he made out (and did more than made out) with Brittany (how was he supposed to know that Brittany was hers?) and after dicking him ten times she told him that if he even bothered to even look at her she'll throw him off the building which was pretty scary.
"Ray there it is! The thing is on his chest!" Santana yelled suddenly.
And before Puck could even say something Rachel begins whacking him with the broom and spraying him with the perfume.
"Stop it! Fuck!" Puck yelled.
Rachel stopped after about seven more whacks.
"There is no bug in sight Santana," Rachel frowned.
"Duh. I just want that bastard to get Berry-broomed," Santana said.
…
Santana and Kurt calmed down and hopped off the kitchen sink after a little coaxing from Rachel. The moment Santana was on the floor again she stormed all the way to her room but not before stepping on Puck's foot purposely.
"So you three huh? In this apartment?" Puck said rubbing his foot.
"It's highly unusual but Kurt, Santana and I have formed a solid friendship over the college years," Rachel said.
"Something tells me that darling doesn't take well to you too much," Kurt said chuckling.
"Whatever. She's the same bitch in high school. Anyway what the hell is the Thing? Because let me tell you it takes little to scare Santana," Puck said.
"If you must know the Thing happens to be a—'' before Rachel could finish Kurt had muffled her mouth with his hands.
"Careful Divalicious. Darling hates it when we go spewing out what gets her scared. Especially to him," Kurt said nodding in Puck's direction.
"Is it a bug?" Puck asked.
"How did you—''
"It all started when we were doing it in the janitor's closet. While Santana was holding my—''
"Please spare us the sordid details!" Rachel said grumpily.
"I don't know Rach! I think it's kind of fascinating," Kurt said staring at Puck with a hungry gaze.
"Oh please! You just want to ogle at his chest," Rachel scoffed.
"Don't be ridiculous," Kurt said turning his head away although Puck could see that his eyes were still trained on his awesome (sexy) physique.
"While you continue to ogle at N—Puck's chest I have much more important things to worry about such as catching that disgusting thing that's parading around our apartment!" Rachel said catching herself when she almost said Noah. Rachel always calls Puck Noah but whenever they were around any other people Rachel called him Puck.
"I refuse to let that repulsive creature mar my soon to be famous household!" Rachel said storming off.
"I guess I'll just be going then….Okay bye," Puck said trying to avoid Kurt's gaze.
Kurt looked disappointed as he closed the door behind him and he began to ponder about…things. Santana still hates him (obviously), Kurt is still very gay and Rachel….Rachel changed. Obviously. She was now living with Kurt and Santana, the two most unlikely persons he expected her to ever associate with.
Anyway aside from the fact that she became more socially adept she was just as hot as he remembered her to be. Maybe even hotter than Santana.
Puck smirked. If he's lucky maybe he'll get a threesome with Rachel and Santana.
But knowing Rachel she'll probably rip her own head off before letting him even touch her boobs.
…
Kurt and Rachel dropped the mattress onto the floor and Rachel knelt down spreading a bed sheet over the mattress. They have decided to make use of the mattresses Santana's parents bought them and they spent the remainder of the evening carrying it (or rather Rachel dragging it since Kurt kept flinching and looking over his shoulder for any sign of the bug-thing) to each of their rooms. Santana hadn't spoken to them or offered to help throughout the entire process and Kurt was becoming more and more annoyed.
"I don't understand how darling could take something such as Puck being our neighbor into such a big deal," Kurt grumbled as he watched Rachel neatly arrange the bed sheet and pillows.
"And what's with you making the extra effort? She hasn't even lifted a single finger and made a slight comment save for when she raised her left hand and said, "My nails look like shit"," Kurt said as he watched Rachel fluff the pillows.
"Santana has had a hard day. I am not sure about you but knowing that your ex-boyfriend who possibly fornicated with your ex-girlfriend is living in the same neighborhood and next door to us at the very least is not something very easy to adjust to," Rachel said as she spread the blanket all over.
Kurt rolled his eyes. In their years of friendship Rachel always played the role of the mediator.
"Are you two bitches back bitching me?" Santana said suddenly coming up from behind.
Kurt and Rachel jump before turning their heads to look at her, fake smiles plastered on their faces. Santana was in a bathrobe, her hair in a messy ponytail with a toothbrush in hand.
"What? No! Santana we would never slander you behind your back," Rachel sputtered.
"Darling, unlike most of your previous friends we actually have finesse," Kurt said nervously.
"Oh cut the crap! You two were bitching on me," Santana said plopping on the mattress.
"Santana! We actually respect you enough so if we ever have any qualms against you we would say it to your face," Rachel said.
"Don't worry! It's fine. I mean I was a bit of a bitch. You two are going to have to let me make it up to you," Santana said cracking into a smile.
"A treat in one of the finest plays in New York will suffice and then we'll call it even," Rachel said quickly while Kurt nodded in agreement.
"Well then….I guess it's safe to do a little talk and by little talk I mean full frontal gossip!" Kurt said excitedly hopping on the mattress pulling Rachel in with him.
"Explain why you were PMSing when you found out that Puck was our neighbor?' Kurt demanded excitedly.
"Because that dick slept with Brittany when I made it clear that I do not want him stepping all over my territory," Santana said.
"Your territory?" Rachel said through a muffled laugh.
"I'm not so sure if you've realized divalicious but darling over here, gets a little possessive when it comes to her…ahem….sleeping buddies," Kurt smirked.
"Hey, I maybe a bitch but I don't do crap on who I am. Yeah, I get a little possessive," Santana shrugged as she continued to brush her teeth.
"A little? Darling if we were cats you'd pee on whoever you laid your claim on," Kurt scoffed.
"Yes, I remember quite vividly about how you told me that you'd burn my hair if I ever continue to date N—Puck again," Rachel smiled.
"Speaking of you and Puck, I noticed that he kept on staring at you," Santana said narrowing her eyes.
"He was staring at everybody. He was rather shock, I might say," Rachel corrected.
"Yeah but he was staring at with his 'fuck me' eyes," she said looking at Rachel with a suspicious glare.
"Oh, don't be ridiculous. He was probably staring at you…or…or at Kurt," Rachel said squirming under Santana's gaze.
"Now that would make one delicious conversation," Kurt said but he backed away after Santana gave him a glare.
"He was staring at you," Santana said. Her voice sounded as if she was trying to sound indifferent but her voice was colored with a hint of worry.
"He most certainly was not! And if he was, I don't see why you're acting callous because N—Puck is certainly not in a sexual relationship with you any longer," Rachel said gaining enough confidence.
Santana's eyes were so narrowed that if possible, they came in only slits. Kurt fidgeted in his position.
"Um…divalicious….I don't think…..," Kurt said slowly shaking Rachel who was now glaring at Santana in anger. Rachel rarely butt heads with Santana but when they do it will be cataclysmic and epic and possibly the whole world could end.
And fights such as this could drag on for weeks, months even because Santana is too stubborn to make the first move and Rachel has an all-too consuming desire to always be right therefore pigs will fly before she ever makes the first move. When arguments like these break out Kurt usually lets them settle it on their own. He would know that they made up when they would drive up to the movie theater, buy popcorn and eat it in the parking lot and by the end of the evening Rachel and Santana would be talking to each other again. Kurt however did not want to start the first day of them moving in together with them arguing.
"If you're thinking that I still like him or whatever then you're thinking shit," Santana said a little angrily.
"You do seem to have a fixation of terrorizing whoever your ex dates or even whoever your ex finds attractive despite the relationship clearly being over," Rachel spat.
Santana was now glaring at her with fire in her eyes. If looks could kill then both her and Rachel would have been dead a million times now because the looks they sent each other were enough to kill an army of U.S soldiers.
"If you don't have anything better to do than to bitch on me then I suggest you get the fuck off my mattress and room!" Santana snapped.
"Fine! I will!" Rachel yelled before storming off to her own room angry that she did bother to make the extra effort.
Kurt froze and tried to avoid Santana's killer gaze.
"Moisturizing cream?" he offered squeamishly to Santana.
…
It was twelve midnight and Rachel found it difficult to sleep. She had this quirk wherein she couldn't sleep well if her surroundings are new. She remembered her first week in college and how it took her half the night before she could fall asleep. She was very pleased however, to know that she had a lot to ponder to pass her time.
Santana and Kurt have turned in earlier than her although they were both still on edge because of the Thing. Kurt had hogged the bathroom for a good one hour because of his nightly beauty ritual while Rachel filled the time by heating up some water and filling her thermostat with hot milk. Rachel's fathers always leave a thermostat filled with hot milk for her to drink whenever she can't sleep or whenever she wakes up unexpectedly.
She felt a bit guilty for the fight she and Santana got themselves into and felt a bit bothered that their first day in their new home started with them yelling at each other. She contemplated if she should go bring the thermostat full of milk as a piece offering but quickly decided against it deciding that she would be asleep and she knew well enough that Santana hates it when she gets bothered in her sleep.
She sighed and rolled over. She knew that it was mostly her pride that kept her from saying sorry but it was mostly her fault. But she supposed she should have anticipated this behavior from Santana since they have been living or at least sleeping in the same room for approximately three years now. In their college years Rachel witnessed Santana bitch slap a girl just because she caught her messing with an ex. She supposed that was just who she is.
The thermostat is almost empty and that's when Rachel began to think of Noah Puckerman. They had always been close in an odd kind of way. And she had never connected and opened up with another person the same way with Noah. Sure, there were plenty of times that they argued endlessly but she supposed that that was part of any relationship.
She wasn't sure if she was supposed to be flattered or wary that Noah found her….attractive. Wary she supposed. She had known of his reputation and she didn't really wish to be another one of his conquests.
Suddenly she heard a sound.
She saw her door knob rattling and she panicked. They were living in a neighborhood where crimes and murders happen on a day to day basis. Cautiously she grabbed her thermostat ready to fling it at the intruder. She was aware that the locks of the apartment weren't as sturdy and she made it a mental note to go shopping for new locks if she ever survives this situation.
Rachel's eyes flashed. She remembered Kurt and Santana. She swiftly grabbed her cell phone ready to call them when the door gave way and open. Rachel squeaked and threw the thermostat and the person ducked.
"Seesh, Ray. What the fuck?" Santana screeched.
Rachel looked at her and saw that she was breathing hard.
"Santana?" Rachel said.
"Santana," Rachel repeated this time sounding more cold and indifferent.
"Ray," Santana acknowledged.
"Anything I can help you with?" Rachel asked raising a brow.
"Yeah…I was busy looking out for the thing when I grew thirsty and decided to go wake Kurt up to go drive himself to the nearest convenience store to get me a bottle of water when I realized that the….thing was near my mattress," Santana said quickly as if she was afraid Rachel would interrupt her.
Rachel stared at Santana and tired her best to keep her lip from twitching. Their fight ended faster than expected.
"Oh," Rachel said stiffly.
Then without saying a word Santana curled herself up in Rachel' mattress and pulled the covers up. Rachel's face softened and with that simple (and completely rude and inappropriate gesture) she knew that their little feud was over. Well unofficially anyway. Rachel snuggled herself beside Santana and said, "Should we invite Kurt?"
She still said it with a hint of acid since they weren't officially friends yet. And she would rather eat herself before she would say something nicely first.
"Not yet. I have something really important to tell you," Santana whispered sounding a bit conspirational.
Rachel cocked an eyebrow.
"I heard that this one movie theater sells the best popcorn although their accommodations suck," Santana said.
They both looked at each other with half-grins on their faces.
"We must go their sometime," Rachel said.
"Yeah…," Santana said softly. The two of them continued to stare at the ceiling.
"I know that I shouldn't have overreacted but….oh shit….I don't know how to do this whole friends-stick-together-forever' shit or the 'BFFs-watch-each-other's-back' shit but….I've….I've seen that look in him a hundred times and well...," Santana said struggling with her words.
Rachel nodded prompting her to continue.
"It's just that you don't deserve someone like Puck. Puck maybe okay for some slut like me—''
"Don't be ridiculous! You are not a slut!" Rachel interrupted.
"Take a pill Ray. It's cool. I know how I can…be sometimes. But despite me saying I do—'' Santana gulped. "Care a lot about you and from my experience the girls Puck like likes end up either being very pissed or being very depressed."
Rachel just stared at Santana.
"I mean if you wanna do him then that's fine but—''
Rachel hugged Santana.
"I think we are all aware of the fact that Puck is a womanizing man whore. And I am quite sure that I would steer clear of any of his shenanigans" Rachel said.
Suddenly Kurt came in looking flustered.
"Oh in Anne Wintour's name!" he said plopping in between them.
"Thanks for giving a warning Queen," Santana said sarcastically.
"Judging by the really sappy girly moment you two just had, I'm guessing that you've made up," Kurt smirked.
"Not yet," Santana said.
"OH of course. The popcorn," Kurt said rolling his eyes.
"Would you care to explain your prescence?" Rachel asked.
"Gladly. That thing just invaded my room. And you darling what led you to Divalicious' room?" Kurt said wryly.
"I saw the thing near my mattress," Santana said sounding ashamed to be driven into such an amount of fear over such a tiny thing.
"Oh….would you two give it a rest? It's twelve midnight and I've done all I could to catch that thing," Rachel said exasperated. Rachel was the only one who did not find the bug frightening. In fact she found it annoying and resolved to hunt it down until it is removed from the face of the earth—or until she gets tired which would be about now.
"Well can we sleep with you? At least until the apartment has been debugged?" Kurt said.
Rachel nodded and said, "That's good. You see I have noticed that the locks are not very functional and we are living in a very….um…."
"Shitty Neighborhood?" Santana suggested.
"Yes, I suppose so. It would be good for us to all stay in one room," Rachel said.
"Great. Just add that to the list of things this apartment has….," Santana drawled.
"Shitty locks in a shitty neighborhood."
…
I know that there isn't much Rachel and Puck interaction but their will be a lot next chapter. Keep reviewing and thanks for the reviews.