I Kissed A Girl and I Didn't Like It
Rachel sat still in her room for a few minutes before standing up and leaning on the doorway. She stared down at their semi-furnished living room. Kurt, Santana and Rachel had gone furniture shopping but all they've managed to purchase was a lousy (and utterly expensive) beanbag with all the payments they were staggering to pay including the rest of their down payment and the month's first rent. Kurt was seated at the counter his face plastered with a sense of mocking solemnity. Santana on the other hand was sitting in their (ridiculously expensive!) beanbag, her face glistening with sweat while her eyes flashed a look of worry. She was busy looking at some papers.
Rachel tried to make her face look as stern as possible and she said in what she imagined to be a very professional voice, "Step into my office."
Santana stood up, squared her shoulders and breathed, "Whew. It's like you're asking me to have sex or something…."
Kurt didn't do anything to restrain his laughter. He giggled uncontrollably and Rachel flashed him an angry look.
"Kurt! Stop it! I want to make this as realistic as possible!" Rachel hissed.
Santana had already sent in her resumes and she was preparing for several job interviews. The thing was…for all of Santana's rather brash outspokenness …she totally sucked when it came to being interviewed. It had all started after she got a call back from one New York medical institution. Kurt had made Santana look slick and professional; Rachel thought that she looked like she had been doing psychology for years with her green pencil skirt and matching blazer.
However the interviewer intimidated Santana so much that she ended up peeing in her skirt and she stuttered so badly that the interviewer told her that she was talking some sort of alien language. She was on a rampage after that and since then Rachel and Kurt have been subjected to helping her prepare for all her interviews. It hadn't been exactly easy. When they interview Santana she always talked to them conversationally as if they were simply themselves—her friends—and not some bigwig interviewer who probably holds the decision if she gets the axe.
So today Rachel decided that it will be no nonsense this time. She planned on making the atmosphere as realistic as possible although it was very difficult considering their only 'furniture' was a (extravagantly priced) bean bag. And whenever it was Kurt's turn to interview Santana he would get distracted by talking about Vera Wang or some other fashion designer.
So Rachel laid down the law. She had watched and researched how cold-blooded interviewers act and timed their expressions and tried to perfect it. She decided that this would be a great acting practice.
"Sorry," Kurt said through muffled laughter.
Santana took a deep breath and strode towards Rachel in her most respectable gait. As she passed Rachel, Rachel grabbed her shoulder as she spotted the wad of papers tucked under her armpit.
"Santana! No cheat sheets!" Rachel whispered.
"Says who?" Santana shot back.
"I can't believe you! You didn't even bother to read the tips I took the liberty of printing for you!" Rachel said in a low voice.
Before Santana could utter a reply Kurt snorted, "What's with all this whispering? It's just the three of us you know!"
"We're supposed to be in a corporate setting and I supposedly am a concerned friend who is giving her a friendly tip before the interview! Should I be yelling to the world that she's bringing a mass of papers with answers on them to an interview!" Rachel snapped.
"Wait. I thought that you were the interviewer," Kurt said in confusion.
"Let's just get this over with!" Santana huffed before stomping inside Rachel's room.
Rachel sighed and sidestepped letting Santana pass through. Santana entered her room and sat on Rachel's mattress as Rachel dragged the (outrageously expensive) bean bag. Then with her nose held high she said in a stiff voice, "Do not worry Mr. Hummel. I will give you the results of her interview and my recommendation."
"Okay—what?" Kurt said, his voice now colored with more and more perplexity.
"You're supposed to be the boss!" Rachel sighed in exasperation.
"Ray! I'm dying in here!" Santana called from her room.
Rachel gave another annoyed sigh before slamming the door after her. Santana was already sitting on the mattress and she looked edgy, her bravado slowly fading. Rachel sat on the bean bag and looked at Santana with her most critical and stern eye.
"So Miss Lopez, shall we begin?" Rachel asked making herself comfortable on the (absolutely expensive) bean bag. Santana squirmed on the bed and made a gagging noise in her throat. Rachel raised a brow then Santana seeing Rachel's subtle prod, quickly smoothened her expression.
"Yeah, sure Ray," Santana said and Rachel sighed. She was slowly lapsing into her conversational manner.
"It's Miss Berry, Miss Lopez," Rachel corrected.
"Fine! Miss Berry," Santana retorted.
Rachel rolled her eyes and started her first question, "What is it about psychology that interests you?"
Santana looked at Rachel for a while before a look of panic spread on her face. She began to twirl a lock of hair and she groped for her answer, "I like psychology because…well…you know….it's real good shit—''
"Miss Lopez!" Rachel said pretending to be scandalized.
"This is like a friggin' exam," Santana muttered.
"Miss Lopez?" Rachel prodded.
"Oh…right. Well I am interested in psychology because—'' then Santana's face lights up.
"Oh, right! Because it bridges biological sciences and social sciences, and as a medical specialty it stresses patient-psychologist relationship on the standpoint of mental health and humanity. It's a specialty evolving more quickly than any other medical specialties," Santana dictated saying it as if she was memorizing something.
"Oh…and I like its dynamics," she added.
Rachel groaned. Santana answered the first question as if it was a test. She fumbled for the answers and she didn't answer the question with the natural ease as an interviewee usually does.
"Um…okay. What do you expect doing as a psychologist?" Rachel continued her mind whirring with ways as to how she could gently reproach her friend with the way she was going about the interview.
"Well….I believe that—hey Ray, is that a new jacket?" Santana said getting distracted. Rachel tried to remain in her formal composure.
"That is the shit! Did Kurt pick that out for you?" Santana said.
"It's Miss Berry and how many time do I have to tell you? We do not swear—well…no actually. I picked this out," Rachel said proudly completely forgetting her 'realistic experience'.
"You've got to be kidding me. Up until now Kurt still has to screen your wardrobe choices!" Santana scoffed.
"Ask Kurt yourself! This is quite a fashionable number," Rachel said proudly.
"Hell to the yes! It's fabulous! Can I borrow it?" Santana said fingering the sleeve.
"Why, of course Santana. I am always more than willing to lend my friends—wait! We're supposed to be in an interview!" Rachel huffed.
"Still where did you get that? Because it's fucking awesome," Santana said ignoring Rachel. She leaned in closer and began to examine the jacket more closely.
"Well I do admit that I had a little help. I bought this at a store in New York tucked away beside one of those big fancy shops. Puck gave his opinion regarding the matter—''
Rachel froze completely aware that she had just made a very, very wrong mistake. Santana froze and narrowed her eyes. She pursed her lips and sat back twirling a lock of her brown hair.
"Puck? Puck?" she hissed.
"Puck? Oh heavens no! I didn't say Puck! I said…..duck! Yes, duck!" Rachel said tittering in the (absurdly priced) bean bag.
"So a duck helped you pick out that jacket," Santana said disbelievingly.
Rachel gave a nervous laugh and all coherent thoughts left her brain. She immediately began to babble nonsense, "Well, the store I went into has…um…this duck that has incredible fashion prowess. It quacks if it thinks that the clothes are quite fashionable enough."
Santana glared at Rachel with heavy skepticism.
"You know….like the octopus that predicted the winning team during FIFA…," Rachel murmured. Santana rolled her eyes and clicked her teeth.
"I heard Puck. Try and fool me as much as you want Ray but I'm not dumb…or am I deaf," Santana said.
"Don't be ridiculous! You are my friend! I would never try to fool you. Now let's get back to the interview….," Rachel said nervously.
"Ray, you know what I told you about Puck—''
Suddenly the door opened and in came Kurt looking just as nervous as Rachel. Santana snapped Kurt an annoyed look but Rachel quickly stood up and saw this as her chance of escape.
"Yes, Kurt?" Rachel asked trying to sound nonchalant as if she wasn't in a tense situation.
"The phone's been ringing and it's your dad…or daddy…or whatever," Kurt said. He sounded like a really bad actor who was pretending to sound cool. Rachel immediately fled from the room and said, "Oh I'll get on it."
"Wait. We don't have a phone," Santana protested.
"This interview will resume in a few minutes," Rachel said ignoring Santana before closing the door.
The moment the door shut off any of Santana's protests Rachel breathed a sigh of relief. Kurt pressed his back against the door to prevent Santana from coming out.
"Thank the Lord that the owner of this building is a cheapo because I would've never managed to bail you out without these really thin walls," Kurt said fanning himself with his hands.
"Wait? You were eavesdropping?" Rachel hissed.
"I'm just a concerned boss trying to find out if the hired interviewer is doing her job properly," Kurt said primly.
"I do my job fine, thank you very much!" Rachel snapped.
"That's not the point! Did you swallow a whole bottle of kerosene or maybe you drank vodka or Tequila Margarita? Mentioning his name! Santana advised you…."
"She was only advising. Technically I can choose to follow it or not," Rachel said in a low voice. Suddenly she noticed that something was amiss and she realized that she hadn't told Kurt that she and Puck now have a daily routine every afternoon that involved him stopping by with new schemes and plots to eliminate the Thing running amuck in their apartment unit. She was also very sure that she hadn't told Kurt that it was a weird habit for Rachel and Puck to jog around the creepy neighborhood every morning because Puck was concerned that it might be too dangerous for Rachel to jog alone.
"What? You know?" Rachel whispered faintly.
"I'm gay, not blind," Kurt said flatly.
"But how?" Rachel faltered.
"Subtlety is not your best attribute. Really, you wake up in the morning as if you were spearheading a nuclear war," Kurt said flicking a speck of dirt from his nails.
"I move about perfectly fine!" Rachel retorted. Suddenly the door opened and in came Santana looking extremely indifferent and bored. She sauntered over at Rachel and Kurt and said quietly, "So are you two done PMSing because if I suck at this interview then I swear I'll hang you on my window by your heels."
"Ms. Lopez!" Kurt smiled in a professional tone.
"Shut up, Queen. You, come here. We need to finish my interview," Santana said gesturing Rachel to re-enter their room.
Rachel cleared her throat and tried to regain her professional tone, "Miss Lopez, I am currently in a trying situation right now so if you could—''
"Oh, for fuck's sake Ray!" Santana howled.
Rachel and Kurt stepped back. Suddenly Kurt's eyes brightened and he said in a very excited voice, "Is that Brad Pitt!" He pointed at the window.
"Nice try Queen. But I majored in psychology. It would take more than something as dumbass as that to fool me," Santana scoffed.
"He really was there you know," Kurt said shrinking away looking offended.
Rachel sighed and decided to just tell Santana once and for all. It was after all, just a friendship. It was nothing more than that. And despite Santana being offended when her advice is not taken into consideration, Rachel believed that she would understand enough.
"Santana—''
"Please, can we just finish the interview!" Santana sighed.
"But—''
"Oh, fuck! Ray, I hate to break it to you but you're not really good at this secret thing than you thought," Santana said exasperated.
"What? For your information I am quite skilled in the art of secrecy," Rachel said forgetting herself.
"See! Even Santana said it! You suck at espionage. If you were in Charlie's Angels, Demi Moore will probably have figured you out even before you took off your butler costume," Kurt said triumphantly.
Santana rolled her eyes and said, "I mean you can't be more obvious. Jogging in the morning? The place reeks with Puck's disgusting and sweaty smell."
Rachel opened her mouth to say something but drew back as she considered this. Yes, Puck did smell awful, especially when he was sweaty.
"So…you….I…..wait, what?" Rachel muttered in confusion.
"Oh sweet Gucci! You knew this whole time?" Kurt gaped.
"Doi," Santana said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"So we were pretending for nothing?" Kurt said.
"If you knew why didn't you just tell us?" Rachel demanded.
"Because you two are really crappy actors, no offense. It was fun watching you pull all kinds of stunts just to keep me from knowing," Santana said with an impish grin.
Rachel and Kurt both looked stony-faced after being called bad actors.
"I mean I already told you that if you wanted to do him, I'd be down with it. But no….you had to cover it as if it was some big fancy secret….like you getting herpes or something…," Santana said in between fits of laughter.
"Miss Lopez, I do not appreciate inappropriate intervals of laughter," Kurt said returning to his phony professional voice.
"And if you expect me to take you seriously in a work area, then I suggest you stop laughing. Let us resume our interview," Rachel said standing a little straighter and entering the room.
Santana stopped laughing and gave an eye roll. She muttered as she followed Rachel to the room, "Seesh. Executives can be real sensitive."
…
"So I think if we made a smoke bomb and like…you leave the apartment unit and we set the smoke bomb on, then the thing will die and it'd be grade A fucking fantastic!" Puck said excitedly as he showed a rough and crude sketch of a smoke bomb written with magic marker on a tissue.
"Noah, first of all, that plan is utterly ridiculous for the raison d'être of the malodorous results of the after effect of the stink bomb. And anyways, I would think that Santana or Kurt would be very irritated with me if the whole apartment unit smelled like farce—even if the thing is destroyed," Rachel muttered as she scanned a page from a booklet.
"Damn. Why do you always shoot my plans down?" Puck sighed.
"I'm sorry but I don't think turning our apartment unit into a putrid pit hole of poop is the answer to the Thing problem and neither is dressing a rat up to look like a female version of Thing to attract it! I mean we're not even sure if it is male or female!" Rachel said absentmindedly, eyes still firmly locked on the booklet.
"Fine! But it's not like you're making any great plans!" Puck spat. They then lapsed into a thoughtful silence. Suddenly Puck's eyes shone and he snapped his fingers.
"We could like…fill this whole place up with water so it would drown," Puck said. Rachel, however, did not answer. Instead she continued to read the page from the booklet silently.
"Berry! Berry! Rach! Listen! I think this might work!" Puck said shaking her seeing as she wasn't paying attention.
Rachel snapped an irritated growl before saying fiercely, "Noah! You know that I am practicing for a really important role in Broadway! Stop undermining my preparation training!"
"And besides, that plan is completely ludicrous! Ruining our furniture by getting it wet is not the answer!" Rachel added.
"All you have as 'furniture' is a fucking expensive bean bag," Puck chortled.
"Ugh. You are so insipid!" Rachel said in an annoyed tone.
"Well you're a fun sucker!" Puck shot back. Suddenly, with a mischievous look on his face, he grabbed the booklet from Rachel's hand and sped off into the corner of the room.
"Noah!" Rachel cried.
"Spring Awakening?' Puck said reading the cover as Rachel stomped her way over to him.
Puck then turned to the page where Rachel was reading and his eyes went wide.
"You have to strip down naked?" Puck said flabbergasted.
"That is no concern of yours!" Rachel said her cheeks reddening. She tried to grab the copy but Puck held it up higher.
"They soon begin to kiss. Wendla is reluctant, sensing that what they are doing is something very powerful, and very unlike anything that she has known before. They begin to have sex. Song is "I Believe"," Puck read out loud. At this Rachel's face turned cherry red and with a final leap she managed to retrieve the booklet.
"What the hell?" Puck said trailing after Rachel who was speedily walking back to the (deliriously expensive) bean bag.
"It's a play I'm auditioning for," Rachel said quietly sinking into the (extremely costly) bean bag.
"I thought you were auditioning for Le Cage," Puck said.
"I am auditioning for Le Cage but Spring Awakening is much more important and seemed to be a much bigger production," Rachel said her face still beet red.
"So you're going to roll around with some douche with hundreds of people watching you?" Puck said his face contorted into an angry look.
"Yes. I am willing to break into the business. As long as no animals will be harmed then I will be perfectly fine with this scenario," Rachel said stiffly.
"I'm not!" Puck snapped.
"Excuse me?" Rachel retorted.
"I mean….," Puck faltered for awhile. Why does he care? Rachel is just his friend. If she wants to get naked with a gay theatre douche then he's perfectly fine with it. As long as the douche isn't going to be...well….a douche. Puck tried to think of a good reply when the door opened and Kurt stormed in looking annoyed.
"Divalicious! I just had the worst day ever! Lousy Saks! Wouldn't know fashion if it danced naked in front of—Oh sweet Ferregamo! You're face is a very unflattering color of red," Kurt said sitting next to Rachel on their (ridiculously high-priced) bean bag.
Before Rachel could speak Kurt saw Puck and commented dryly, "Oh, it's you. I hope I am wrong in my assumption that Rachel's face is a very horrendous color of red 255 and your face's ashen color is not a result of some sort of ruckus tuckus you two had going on—''
"Kurt!" Rachel flushed.
"What? It's a very possible scenario," Kurt shrugged.
"I was just telling your friend here that it's totally whack that she's gonna get down with some gay theater pansy," Puck snarled. Then seeing Kurt's look at the word 'gay' he quickly added, "No offense."
Kurt raised an eyebrow in a brief flash of annoyance then smirked.
"This utterly delicious! You're jealous!" Kurt accused.
"I'm not!" Puck roared defensively.
"Don't be ridiculous," Rachel scoffed.
"Yes you are! Why else would you be so disturbed by the possibility of Rachel getting intimate with another man?" Kurt said his eyes shining. Rachel gave an exasperated sigh. She knew that look of Kurt all too well. It was when he was about to go to full frontal gossip mode.
"Well it's because she's going to be doing it in public!" Puck answered nervously.
"But it's all show right? Nothing is real yet you are still so bothered….."
As Kurt yammered on Rachel flashed Puck a look and nodded towards the door. Puck, taking the hint, silently stole out the door but not before flashing Rachel another uncomfortable glance.
"You obviously have….wait, where is he? Did he leave while I was speaking? How rude!" Kurt said looking around.
"You're the rude one for assuming something so despicable! Imagine me and N—Puck doing all sorts of indecent things!" Rachel shuddered although that thought wasn't entirely displeasing.
"That wouldn't be too bad. You are both undeniably attractive," Kurt said twirling a lock of Rachel's hair.
'Thank you," Rachel said falling into a thoughtful silence.
"Is this the Spring Awakening thing? Oh my Dolce and Gabbana! This is long overdue. Last calls are this week. Just audition! If you want we could go there right now and we would sill have time to get a frappe and a blueberry bagel," Kurt said wiggling his eyebrows.
"It's just that…I'm really nervous….," Rachel trailed off.
"You're nervous? You're Rachel Berry. I thought you started performing since you were a fetus," Kurt said in mock gasp.
"Eight months old!" Rachel corrected.
"Whatever. Anyway none of the songs here are out of your vocal range. I bet you could rock this," Kurt said taking the booklet and flipping through the pages.
"No it's not that it's…the very last scene of Act II," Rachel sighed giving up.
Kurt flipped over to the page and sighed, "You're afraid of the getting naked part?"
Rachel threw her hands up in the air and scowled, "I thought I would be able to do it. I mean…full frontal nudity wasn't in my plan…..at least until I have won at least a Tony but the more I think about it the more I realize that this Spring Awakening thing….could be my big break!"
"Awww….come here Divalicious…..," Kurt said sympathetically hugging Rachel. Rachel took up Kurt's off of support and hugged him back. Truth to be told Rachel really did feel nervous. She didn't feel as if she wasn't ready. She knew she wasn't ready. But she also had big, big dreams. She never even considered what would happen if she could'nt break into the Broadway business. Failure was not an option. There were many Broadway shows but Spring Awakening was something the media hyped up and they repeatedly mentioned that whoever would get the lead in that musical would star in their breakout role.
Rachel was basking in the comfort in her friend when Kurt murmured, "So what was Puck doing here?"
Rachel jumped and scowled.
"Kurt! You're supposed to be comforting me!" Rachel said.
"Yes, but at the same I am awfully curious. Now are you going to tell me or what?" Kurt demanded.
"Kurt!" Rachel whined.
"Rachel!" Kurt whined back.
"Why must you be so interfering?" Rachel asked grumpily.
Kurt sighed and said, "Fine! But anyway aren't you going to comfort me?"
Rachel twirled a lock of her hair and drawled, "And why would I do that? After you've been so prying when it comes to matters concerning me?"
Kurt rolled his eyes, sat up straight and said, "Okay, first of all this kind of scenario doesn't cut it. Ask me how I feel and make sure you play up on the waterworks."
Rachel sighed and muttered, "You are so dramatic" before screwing her face in pout and stretching her arms out to Kurt, saying, "Aw poor baby, what's wrong?"
"It all started at Saks when no one wanted to sell my collection. I mean honestly I've gone all over New York and not even some lame broke down store I've found in some tucked away corner called Hoochy House would sell it!" Kurt said.
"Oh Kurt. I'm so sorry about that. But honestly Hoochy House?" Rachel said offering Kurt a hug.
"Okay, I exaggerated a wee little bit," Kurt said but then he fell into back into the (annoyingly priced) bean bag.
"I guess I never expected to encounter any hardships whatsoever since I am a powerhouse of talent," Rachel said matter-of-factly.
"I'm beginning to see through Santana's cynical and disturbing perspective that we've been cheated like a pair of illegal immigrants who thought that they would be spending their life cooking enchiladas when some government worker might be stalking outside their house," Kurt said in a rush, his cheeks flushing from the long rant.
"Why is it always Mexicans?" Rachel said incredulously.
"Because thinking that Mexicans are always the illegal immigrants is in now," Kurt shrugged.
"Just like hating gay people is in," Kurt added thoughtfully.
"Well, I do admit I am starting to feel as if our New York dream was just a waste of time. I mean we have a lousy apartment unit," Rachel groaned putting a hand to her forehead.
"We live in a very disturbing neighborhood," Kurt drawled.
"We've got no jobs," Rachel said and Kurt gave in an extra moan.
"And there is some sort of ugly creature running about in our house," Kurt sighed.
"Honestly, I mean why would all those stores deny me? Those talentless losers are discarding an opportunity to house a star," Kurt said waspishly.
"Oh…Kurt. Don't worry. One day they will regret it when they hear me a few months from now, accepting my very first Tony wearing your dress," Rachel said dreamily picturing herself with a Tony in hand.
"Fabulous! But sadly you are not even in a play and I got rejected by almost the entire New York fashion world," Kurt said tucking a lock of Rachel's hair which fell out of place when she launched into her dreamy rant.
"I feel horrible enough to gorge myself with some chocolate," Rachel admitted.
Kurt snapped his fingers and gave a knowing smirk.
"I know how we can make ourselves feel better!"
"How?" Rachel asked leaning closer to him.
"Chocolate," Kurt said evilly.
"Chocolate? How is making ourselves fat helping us?" Rachel demanded.
"It's just one time. Besides we're really de-stressing ourselves. Situations like these call for an eating fest. I know a delicious shop that sells the most scrumptious chocolate," Kurt said excitedly.
"Well….if you put it that way but…don't you think that we shouldn't be spending on unnecessary things. We still haven't paid the down payment you know. And this month's due date for the payment is nearing," Rachel said reluctantly.
"Stop being such a prude. Now c'mon. We've still got to walk there to save on gas," Kurt said standing up.
He held out a hand for Rachel and Rachel took it for support as she stood up.
"You know I feel as if someone up there hates us," she grumbled dusting her skirt off.
Kurt nodded but then added thoughtfully, "Or we could be punk'd."
…
Kurt and Rachel had already bought their choice of chocolates as with the other kinds. They had a fun time picking chocolates with funny names and shapes. Rachel bought a small box of dark chocolate, while Kurt preferred his semi-dark. Rachel was already on her third piece when she felt a tap on her shoulder and spun around to find a very tired-looking Santana. Her immaculate bun was loose and she was carrying her heels in her hand.
"Chocolate? Thank fuck," Santana said exhaustedly sinking into the seat next to Rachel.
"Indeed. You look terrible," Rachel said passing her platter to Santana. Santana took a piece and bit into it before proceeding to spit it back out.
"I don't want this lame- ass shit. I want milk chocolate and make sure you put an entire bowl of sugar on top of it," Santana snapped.
"Okay, okay," Rachel said before giving Santana a box of milk chocolates.
"So…how did your interview go? Will we be getting some greens, more vert, a little bit of berde?" Kurt said leaning towards her wagging her eyebrows.
Santana avoided Kurt's gaze and began devouring her food.
"Well?" Kurt said impatiently drumming his fingers.
"You know that feeling you get when you just know that you've already been junked? Like hints the Almighty Father is dropping you—''
"Oh Good Dolce! What on earth did you say?" Kurt snapped.
"Okay so maybe I said a few things that were stupid—''
"Great! We've got no money for rent and the only money we have left has been spent on chocolates!" Kurt growled putting his hands up.
"Excuse me! You're the one who demanded to spend them against my better wishes—''
"Well, you should've tried harder to stop me," Kurt said snottily.
"Shut up Queen! I don't see you shitting your ass to get a job. And for the record I think this both of your faults," Santana barked.
"WHAT!" Kurt and Rachel yelled in unison.
"I knew going to New York was lame idea and I just had to be taken in with your…theater powers!" Santana sputtered.
"So you'd rather be stuck in Lima and Be a Lima loser?" Kurt shouted.
"It's better than being jobless in New York where it's bumper to bumper traffic everyday and where my feet have now permanent blisters!" Santana yelled.
"ENOUGH!" Rachel screeched. Both Kurt and Santana focused their attention on her.
Rachel sighed and said, "I know that it isn't exactly what we expected but we can't fix this if we're all arguing and yelling at each other."
"I cried after the interview," Santana suddenly said.
"No one wants my clothing line," Kurt admitted.
The two of them looked at each other and raised both their brows. Rachel gave a sigh and hugged both of them, trying to envelop them with her petite arms.
"Ohh….."
"Sorry Queen."
"You too darling."
Rachel gave a cough. Santana gave Rachel a one armed hug and said, "Sorry Ray."
"Yeah, sorry Divalicious," Kurt said squeezing her hand.
They were all silent for a while before huddling closer toe ach other. Santana popped more milk chocolates into her mouth while Kurt simply smoothed his hair.
"So you cried?' Rachel prodded.
"I don't know what you are talking about," Santana said indifferently.
"You just said it. You cried," Rachel snapped wearily.
"I didn't cry!" Santana said exasperatedly.
"You just dove into Confession 101! No backing out now sister!" Kurt said drawing closer to Santana.
"Fine! I cried! But as my friends you shouldn't let me expound more on a really, really painful experience," Santana said snippily.
"It's all right to be vulnerable Santana. Its part of human nature," Rachel said emphatically patting her back.
"I cry all the time," Kurt shrugged wrapping an arm around her.
"That's because you're gay," Santana said softly.
"Why did you cry? You are a very strong person," Rachel said stroking Santana's hair.
"I don't know. I guess flopping every interview made me feel like…..like…." Santana trailed off confused at what word she should use.
"Like a loser?' Kurt offered.
"Shut up!" Santana wailed.
"Kurt…," Rachel said warningly.
"Oh, fine! Sorry!" Kurt said trying to appease Rachel who was now helping Santana shove chocolates into her mouth to prevent her from crying.
"Now that Santana has revealed her moment of lapse and weakness…it is now my turn," Kurt said dramatically. Rachel and Santana rolled their eyes at Kurt's theatricality but paid attention nonetheless.
"I was rejected by almost every fashion powerhouse in New York. With the exception of the Hoochy House," Kurt said in a seemingly sad voice. Rachel and Santana simply stared back at him.
"Well….comfort me," Kurt said impatiently. The two laughed and both said, "Just joking" before proceeding to sympathize with him. More chocolates were consumed and more, "They're so wrong" and "You're just too good for them" followed before all the chocolates were wiped out and Rachel, Kurt and Santana were lying together in Rachel's mattress staring at the ceiling. They had dragged it out to the living room where they now gorged on pizza.
"I can't believe I just made myself fat. I swear I'll work out non stop after this….," Santana sighed.
"Who needs jobs anyway? I mean who ever invented the concept of jobs? Honestly, I want to strangle that little dick," Kurt said taking a slice of pepperoni pizza.
"Santana, I think that in most cases you should just be in your own skin during the job interview. Just be fairly honest. What's the worst that could happen?" Rachel said.
"You might end up poor and will spend the rest of your life in ugly clothing foraging for food in wilderness and seeking shelter under a really creepy tree or maybe just the awning of a shopping store that has gone out of business," Kurt replied dryly.
"Or you could just end up not getting the job," Santana added mournfully.
The three continued to discuss tactics on how to spruce up Santana's job interview skills and trying to get Kurt's collection in some stores when Santana suddenly smiled and snapped her fingers.
"Oh hell to the yes! We don't need to worry about these things….for now anyway…," Santana said
"And why is that?" Kurt asked raising a brow.
"Because we're gonna get some green, more vert, a little bit of berde. We have out very own ATM in this very room," Santana said staring expectantly at Rachel.
"You're going to be like some….Broadway songstress right?" Santana said.
"So you two would just take advantage of my wealth when I become rich and famous?" Rachel said raising a brow.
"If you become rich and famous," Kurt interjected.
"What?" Santana said faintly.
"If I become rich and famous," Rachel breathed. Santana stared at her with a confused look.
"I still haven't auditioned," Rachel admitted bitterly.
Santana groaned and slapped her forehead before hissing, "What the fuck? Is it the whole sexing it up scene? 'Cause that shit is getting old."
Rachel mumbled something incomprehensible while Santana's eyes narrowed. Kurt on the other hand lights up considerably, his eyes having a look that obviously said that he was excited for a little more gossip because it was the very thing Kurt lived for.
"Your turn Divalicious," Kurt said poking Rachel's arm.
Rachel said nonchalantly, "My turn to what?"
"To share," Kurt said impatiently. Rachel shifted in he replace nervously before opening her mouth to speak. Santana however beat her to it.
"No need Queen. It's pretty clear what's happened. Rachel's scared to ride unto a man's hicky farm in front of so many people," Santana stated calmly. Kurt looked a bit disappointed to be denied a confessional from Rachel.
"That can be solved," Santana said matter-of-factly.
"How? Rachel gets all squeamish even when sees random people getting down on the street," Kurt scoffed.
"I just think that people shouldn't display sexual interactions so publicly," Rachel said defensively.
"Oh please, Ray. The reason why you're so afraid is because you rarely get some," Santana said mockingly.
"That's not true!" Rachel spat.
"Okay! Okay! Time out! The obvious solution to this is to teach Rachel how to…like…do the nasty," Santana said thoughtfully rubbing her chin.
"Because we now that Rachel would totally rock this audition but she might not get it all because she couldn't do a tiny put-out," Kurt said drolly flicking some dirt from his fingers.
"So we're going to help her so she'll get the part and we'll get some green, more vert, a little bit of berde," Santana said her eyes glinting wickedly.
"And how do you propose to do that?" Rachel asked nervously.
"One of us will make out with you," Santana said in a tone that implied that it was the most natural thing in the world.
"Excuse me? That is quite impossible because you're a girl…," Rachel said turning to Santana.
"And you're gay," Rachel said pointing at Kurt.
"Well Divalicious is right. Don't look at me to do the deed. No offense Divalicious, you're hot but I've already made out with a girl and I would never live it down no matter how hot she was," Kurt said smiling a bit.
"No worries. You've still got me," Santana said impishly.
"I don't mean to insult you Santana but I don't think it would be appropriate for a girl to show sexually inclined feelings unto another girl," Rachel said edgily backing away from Santana.
"You are such a hypocrite Ray!" Santana accused.
"What?" Rachel snapped.
"Always flashing to other people how you were born from two gay dads…'My dads are gay!', 'I'll put you to jail because you've insulted my two gay dads'—''
"Okay, fine!" Rachel said in a defeated tone.
Santana smiled triumphantly before scooting over to Rachel who rigidly sat in place. Santana then slowly raised her hand to Rachel's face, leaned over and whispered, "So will we be doing the really slutty type of kissing or the real passionate one?"
"The second one, thank you very much," Rachel said timidly.
Kurt sat in his place excitedly and watch as both Santana and Rachel leaned forwards…
…
Puck was extremely excited to go to Rachel's apartment unit even when Santana and Kurt were there. He had spent the whole afternoon escaping Kurt's gossip feeding frezy by searching for it through almost all of New York. Smiling to himself, he hid the fold of paper under his shirt and with his usual annoying habit, he walked into their apartment unit without knocking. When he realized that they still haven't bought a proper lock he was about to playfully scold them when he saw Rachel and Santana making out on top of a mattress with a pizza box at the side.
Puck felt three things all at the same time.
The first was hunger. He hadn't eaten much since he was scrimping to pay the rent so he was stuck with cans of smelly sardines. When he saw the pizza box he felt his stomach grumble.
The second was the feeling of being turned on. Because seeing Santana run her hands through Rachel's hair and seeing two really hot girls make out was more than he could handle.
The third was—and he was a bit surprised—jealousy. Yup, he was jealous and he was a bit annoyed that the feeling even came out. Because that shit playing in front of him was hot but it was a bad kind of hot because he wasn't in it and somehow he wanted to be in Santana's place. Also he was a bit annoyed that Santana got to make out with Rachel. That was supposed to be him out there.
Puck coughed so the three divas—sorry two divas and one bitch—would see him. Kurt saw him and jumped while Santana and Rachel broke apart. Rachel looked at him sheepishly while Santana just looked satisfied.
"Whoa. You kiss awesome, Ray. Especially that thing—''
"She does with the tongue?' Puck finished for Santana.
Santana looked at him with one eyebrow while Rachel just bit her lip. Kurt looked amused.
"Here," Puck said awkwardly shoving the paper to Rachel's face. He didn't really expect to hand it to Rachel in this manner.
Rachel read the page out loud, "Auditions for the play Phantom of the Opera. Singers will be expected to perform a dance routine and two songs from the play before callbacks….."
Rachel's voice trailed off and she looked at Puck meaningfully. Puck just shrugged.
"I knew you weren't comfortable with the whole scene so I found this," he said uncomfortably.
Rachel smiled at him brightly and began a long rant of thank yous while Santana offered him a slight smile. Kurt gave a clap and they all offered him some pizza.
"So what's with the girl-on-girl action?" Puck asked as he took a bite of a slice of pizza.
"We were trying to prepare Ray for the Spring Awakening but now that you've found her a play then….I guess that shit's down the drain," Santana shrugged.
"At least I got to make out with Rachel. Always wondered what she'd be like. Though nothing was-''
"It was entirely professional," Rachel interrupted understandably.
Kurt looked at Rachel and said, "Soo….what did the kiss tell you?"
Rachel looked at Kurt thoughtfully before catching the funny look in Puck's eye.
"That I am most definitely straight."
Kurt pretended to ignore the relieved look on Puck's face.
…
Thanks for the reviews! Sorry it takes me forever to update every chapter but this one was a bit longer than I intended it to be. Keep reviewing!