Quinn's parents hadn't acknowledged her presence for over a week; her father had stopped her mother from making dinner for her which suited Quinn just fine; it wasn't like dinner was the highlight of her day. She found herself spending more time at school, staying late to work in the library or work out in the gym when she didn't have Glee or Cheerios practice. Her relationship with Santana had been going slowly downhill and her influence was slowly slipping away. It was clear Santana wanted her spot at the top but for some reason Quinn just couldn't let it go. It wasn't that she enjoyed being a bitch it was that she enjoyed somebody instead of just another generic student. She was known and respected in the school and even though she wanted to change her ways, being respected was something she wasn't prepared to lose without a fight.
Finn had stopped giving her yearning looks after the weekend and Quinn was glad of it. She'd stopped paying him much attention after Monday, focusing more on her school work and getting through the rest of Junior year. Rachel had began sitting next to her every History class and Quinn was becoming more and more fond of the diva, sure she could occasionally speak too much and some of her word choices were slightly pretentious but who was she to complain, the girl had forgive her after over a year of torment without a second thought. Her friendship with Rachel wasn't doing wonders for her social standing as she had practically removed the girl from the food chain, stopping all slushies and verbal attacks but she wasn't sure how much longer she could exercise her power in protection. She could easily keep her spot as head cheerleader being the most dedicated and skilful member of the squad however she didn't think she'd keep her spot as head bitch but that really was her own fault since she was trying her hardest not to be a bitch anymore.
It was the end of another Thursday and time for Glee club. Quinn made her way to the choir room and entered just behind Kurt and Mercedes who were gossiping animatedly about something Quinn didn't really care about, no doubt a new collection from some obscure designer in France. She looked over to the others who were seated in their usual places apart from Finn who was sat by Rachel. The brunette waved happily to her and Quinn waved back with a raised eyebrow. Rachel seemed not to notice her confusion and went back to talking animatedly with Finn. Quinn sat down next to Brittany and Santana who were practically sat on top of each other as usual.
"Looks like Rupaul's making the moves on your man Q." Santana said jeeringly.
"Don't call her that and he's not my man!" She shot at the Latina who smirked in response. Quinn looked over to the girl in question and saw her talking to Finn who was smiling dumbly at her, she rolled her eyes, he really wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.
"Q, you can stop staring, you look like a love sick puppy, it's disturbing. Just ask for him back, it's not like he's gonna say no or anything." Santana said rolling her eyes.
"What? I don't want Finn back, I broke up with him remember?" Quinn shot back turning to look at her friend with narrow eyes, how could she think that was that simple, they'd been happily broken up for over a week and Quinn hadn't shown any sort of regret at the fact.
"Whatever." She said with an annoying smugness that made Quinn want to hit her. She clenched her fists and turned back to look back over at Rachel who caught her eye and gave her a small smile which the blonde happily returned as Mr. Schuester entered the room with his usual bright smile. Rachel turned back to the front leaving Quinn staring at the back of her head. Brittany looked over at her with a worryingly knowing smile causing Quinn to blush and turn away with anger while Santana was facing forward, oblivious to her best friend's interaction.
Practice continued rather uneventfully, they were practicing hard for Sectionals as they had been for the past month, the club was beginning to feel more like Cheerio's practice with the relentless repetition of it all. Well it wasn't really like Cheerios, Mr. Schuester didn't yell at you for making a small mistake, he just sad some corny motivational phrase and made you run through the song again. Today's practice was no different and they'd run through 'Don't Stop Believing' about 10 times, each time Finn cast more and more longing gazes at Rachel as they sung the verses together. At first Quinn didn't really care but she found herself becoming increasingly annoyed at Finn's blatant interest in their resident Diva. Tina and Artie kept smiling knowingly at Rachel, Kurt looked jealous and everyone else continued on oblivious. Puck was too busy checking Quinn out, Mercedes was too busy stewing over being given backing vocals and Brittany and Santana just didn't care. The whole situation annoyed Quinn greatly, she couldn't help the jealousy that sparked in her gut every time she caught Finn directing his lingering glances at Rachel.
She wasn't about to go into another bout of self denial, she was jealous of Finn, not Rachel. However her honesty wasn't helping quench the burning jealousy she felt. She wasn't sure what she was jealous of, it wasn't like Finn was getting anywhere, Rachel was in her blissfully selfish performance centred state of mind; the spot light was on her and nothing else seemed to matter to her, so it clearly wasn't that. She caught Puck smirking lustfully at her body, shameless. That was it. The fact that it was acceptable for Finn, or any guy for that matter, to want to be with a girl and to be completely open and honest about it whereas she had to hide it, pretend she didn't feel anything. She narrowed her eyes at the unfairness of it all. Puck caught her eye and gave her an overconfident nod, as if he could give her whatever she wanted easily. His arrogance made her snap.
"Stop looking at me!" she yelled at Puck, breaking step. The fact that they were halfway through a song didn't seem to register in Quinn's head until after she'd spoken. The band stopped playing and the rest of the club followed suit leaving a sea of curious faces staring at the angry blond. Puck allowed his eyebrows to quirk in ignorance.
"What, you can't blame me!" he said shrugging his shoulders coolly "The Puckasaurus likes what he sees." Santana stifled a laugh while rest of the Glee club looked as confused as before. Quinn made a disgusted noise in the back of her throat.
"You are such a pig! I'm not an object so stop looking at me like I'm here for your amusement!" Quinn yelled. She wasn't sure where her words were coming from but she could feel the weight of her irrational anger decreasing as it was vented out through her mouth. Puck looked taken aback as though he actually believed she was an object sent down to earth by God for his amusement.
"You weren't saying that at my party!" he said smugly, he'd been wanting to boast about laying the head cheerleader despite the fact he could barely remember it for over a week and he was damned if he was missing his chance now.
Quinn's eyebrows rose as though they were being controlled by a rope. Her yes seemed to fill with cold, cold realisation a second later, they widened simultaneously in fear and weak warning. Puck's smirk widened at the girl's fear, it was satisfying to get one over on the Queen of McKinley, useful in fact.
"What? What party?" Kurt's voice cut the tension like a new blade. Quinn turned to face him looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights, a child caught throwing sand, her face was ghostly pale and almost pleading. Kurt looked over at Mercedes who looked just as shocked at the Cheerio's demeanour. Even Mr. Schue was intrigued.
"My party, a few weeks ago." Puck announced calmly to the rest of the club before glancing back at Quinn and giving her a self-satisfied smile. "Oh, didn't you tell anyone?" He asked the horrified cheerleader.
"Don't." She all but breathed. Finn had finally put two and two together and remembered the party, he was intrigued as to what happened.
"What didn't she tell?" Finn asked far too happily for the occasion. Rachel shot him a warning glance and he shrugged at her. Puck turned to face his best friend, this was going to piss him off but the end result would be too satisfying. Quinn shouldn't have left him high and dry.
"She got drunk and practically begged me to sleep with her." Puck grinned triumphantly. Quinn seemed to have lost control of her face which was now pale as bone and bore the expression of someone who'd just been stabbed in the back repeatedly. "And the Puckasaurus is hardly one to deny a fine looking woman." There was a collective gasp, Quinn's head dropped to her hands. Finn was slow but that didn't make his reaction any less explosive.
"What! You slept with my girlfriend!" He yelled at Puck who looked slightly affronted that his friend was yelling at him and not Quinn.
"Hey dude, she was the one who jumped on me!" He said putting up his hands in defiance.
"Why'd you do it Quinn? Why'd you sleep with him?" He asked turning to his ex however Quinn was in a whole different world, completely unaware of her surroundings. "Do you feel good about it now? Was it worth it?" He yelled stepping towards her.
"Finn!" Rachel said pulling his arm back, stopping him from advancing on the motionless girl. The giant teen wrenched his arm away and made a move towards Puck, punching him in the face before storming out of the room. Puck fell backwards into a chair and just as he was recovering Santana went over and slapped him across the cheek.
"Idiot!" she yelled at him. Sure Quinn was an idiot for sleeping with him in the first place but he shouldn't have told Finn, especially not in front of the rest of the club.
"Oww, what was that for?" Puck whined indignantly.
"For being a twat!" Santana said before looking over to Quinn who was stood motionless in a circle of concerned and shocked faces. "Ok, everyone go!" she instructed. "Especially you get out before I castrate you!" she directed severely at Puck. The boy quickly got out and followed Mike and Matt out while the other Glee clubbers dispersed muttering to each other. Even Mr. Schue made a quiet exit, he doubted there was much he could do for Quinn and Finn had probably already left. Brittany wrapped an arm around Quinn muttering innocently comforting phrases to the shell-shocked girl.
In her mind Quinn was seeing the edges of her carefully constructed world crumpling slowly inwards on themselves. The process that she'd started was now occurring impossibly fast. She didn't want to hurt Finn, she didn't want to lose everything she'd worked for and she didn't want people to see all her mistakes, her real life bared before them, blemishes and imperfections highlighted and cross-examined. She was faintly aware of being moved into a sitting position with a warm arm draped caring over her shoulders.
"Quinn?" Santana asked with evident and uncharacteristic concern. "Q, snap out of it! It's not the end of the world." Quinn began to quietly cry. Santana rolled her eyes. "So you slept him, big deal, everyone sleeps around Q, we're teenagers, it's what we do."
"I was with someone else and I was drunk and jealous, I should never have gone to that dumb party." Quinn said guiltily.
"It's no big deal, Man child will get over it, it's not like you were in love or anything." Santana said trying to calm her friend.
"Yeah me and S sleep with people all the time and we don't hate each other." Brittany added cheerily. Santana went slightly red at the comment.
"Err, yeah, right. He'll get over it." Santana said rubbing her neck. Their words were kind hearted but did nothing to stop the guilt and anger that were eating away at Quinn. She knew what she did was her own fault, it was wrong and selfish, and Finn didn't deserve it. The cocktail of self-destructive emotions was mixing dangerously in her stomach.
Santana's phone rang and she answered in Spanish, her voice raising instantly as she argued with the person on the other end of the line. Brittany continued to softly say encouraging things but Quinn wasn't listening; she was silently stewing the feelings, trying to extinguish them and instead subconsciously allowing them to grow and fester. Santana put her phone back in her pocket and turned to her two best friends.
"I have to go, mum's freaking out over something. Do you want a lift home Q?"
"No thanks, I've got my car." She answered evenly.
"Ok then. B, we've gotta go." She said grabbing their bags.
"See you tomorrow Q." The tall blond said, jumping up happily to join the Latina.
"Bye Q." Santana said giving her a reassuring smile.
"Bye." Quinn answered absent-mindedly. They left the choir room to silence leaving Quinn to her thoughts. The door opened again and a new figure entered the room. Quinn didn't look up, she was too far into her own mind to be aware of everything else going on around her. The new body came and sat down beside her before breaking through the silence.
"Quinn?" it was Rachel, the blond came round quickly to look at the girl she thought had left ages ago.
"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly, her irrational anger seemed to coat her like a harsh frost, Rachel cringed at the unfriendly question.
"I wanted to see how you were doing?" she asked undeterred.
"What do you care?" back to square one. Rachel deflated slightly before sitting back up and giving the broken girl beside her a hollow smile.
"Friends care." At this comment Quinn snapped, she wasn't sure why, maybe it was her anger at the fact that they were just friends, barely friends, and that was all they could ever be because of the hands that life had dealt them. Maybe it was because although she knew she was to blame for her actions at the party a part of her wanted to be able to blame someone else, someone who had been the cause of her need to change, the root cause, or at least the perceived root cause, of her loss of innocence. Whatever it was it caused Quinn to allow the rancid vat of emotion that had been building up in her belly for a long time to spill out and be tipped all over the undeserving young women before her.
"It's your fault this happened Rachel! My life would be great if you weren't here! I wouldn't have had to do all these stupid things, I could have been happy with what I had, with what everyone wanted me to have! It's your fault!" she screamed, and with that the vat was emptied leaving Quinn hollow and bereft of motivation. She attempted to stand and move out of the room but instead collapsed back into her chair and broke. Rachel sat stunned and hurt beside her before snapping out of it and pulling Quinn to her at first the blonde tried to fight it, repeating "It's your fault" over and over but she eventually gave in and succumbed to the brunettes embrace, sobbing into her shoulder.
In any normal circumstance Quinn would have been ashamed to show this amount of weakness, of emotion, but this was no normal circumstance. She was finally letting it all go, finally giving in to being a human with strengths and weaknesses, actual emotions and feelings, regrets and ambitions and Rachel wasn't scared or disgusted, she was just there, holding her.
After around about half an hour Quinn had run out of energy and her cries subsided leaving the usual awkwardness that occurs after emotional outpourings. Quinn felt purged, newborn but embarrassment was slowly beginning show its unwelcome hand. Rachel was still rubbing her back comfortingly as she broke away from the secure hold.
"I'm Sorry" she breathed, her voice cracking from the weight of the words.
"I know." Rachel said simply.
"It was my fault." Quinn accepted to herself and Rachel knew she shouldn't question it despite her curious nature. Quinn would tell her what she meant when she was ready and not a moment earlier. "Do you need a ride home?" Quinn asked after a few minutes, popping their small, isolated bubble. Rachel smiled at the head cheerleader.
"That would be most appreciated." She replied; Quinn shook her head grinning. "What?" Rachel asked elbowing the girl.
"You could have just said yes." Quinn laughed as Rachel rolled her eyes. The blond got up and offered her hand to the brunette who took it after a second's hesitation, allowing herself to be pulled up with a warm smile. They left the choir room and stepped out into the deserted parking lot, irrational laughter bubbling up around them.
A/N: Right well that was a hard chapter to write, sorry it goes a bit weird at the end, I'm gonna blame it on the fact that I've been reading Enduring Love for English Lit.
How did you find that chapter? And also, how'd you want the story to progress from here because I don't have a clue what to do next?