5:30 am came quickly for Lily. She always set an alarm to wake up in the morning, but usually it was unnecessary. Her internal body clock was, what Alice liked to refer to as "frighteningly accurate", but this morning it did not rouse her. Jerking awake to an alarm was her least favorite way to start her day. No matter how early, waking up naturally always gave her a feeling of being fully rested, while if she was woken, she knew she would feel tired all day.
She looked at her watch and inhaled quickly, surprised. She had to be in the common room- now! Looking frantically around the room, her eyes landed on one of Alice's oversized sweaters, with impossibly long sleeves that were forever getting in the way. Lily threw it on over her extra long sleep shirt, and rummaged in her trunk for a pair of thick socks.
"How could I be so stupid?" She whispered as she pulled open the door and slipped outside. With any luck, the common room would still be empty, particularly of teenaged boys with messy hair. She abhorred being late. It was her biggest pet peeve when an appointment was made, and someone didn't respect it. And now, that person was she.
She rushed down the stairs, hoping that she didn't trip or fall. It was already 5:40 am. Late, late, late… she thought to herself.
Then she was in the common room. The fires were lit and burning warmly. And there was James Potter, standing back to her, facing the fireplace. In his school robes. She stopped suddenly, pulling the sweater around her as tightly as she could, suddenly terrified.
James turned slowly around, hoping that his mind wasn't playing tricks on him again. He'd been convinced that someone had come to the common room several times, when there wasn't anyone actually there.
This time there was. Lily Evans stood before him, looking utterly ridiculous in a huge lavender sweater that he knew belonged to Alice covering up a very long, very striped t-shirt. And she was wearing lumpy, thick woolen socks. Her hair fell loose, snarly and curly bed head. His hand was reaching for his hair to reassure himself even as he spoke, "You look nice."
Lily fidgeted under his gaze. "Right." She said unsurely. "Right, sorry that I'm late."
"It's okay." James said quickly. "I haven't been here long." Liar. He thought to himself. You've been here all night.
"Oh. Good then." She said. "Right then."
James tried not to stare at her socks. They didn't even match. Lily Evans was standing in front of him in her pajamas, and her socks were different. It didn't seem right, she always was so prepared and so put together. And this morning, she was wearing miss-matched socks and was late to meet him. "Have you given any thought to- I mean, well, what do you say?" He asked determinedly.
Lily tugged her sweater closer, and James noticed that she was shivering. "Yes. I've thought about it."
He took a step forward and her eyes snapped up to meet his. "Lily?"
She stopped fidgeting and stood tensely. "I haven't changed my mind, Potter." She said quickly. "I don't want to be your girlfriend."
"So that's it then?" He asked, feeling shattered. Shouldn't have gotten your hopes up, old boy.
"Well..." She started. "Actually, I mean- I was thinking, but- but it's probably a awful idea."
James felt his brows come together as confusion swept over him. Girls were so hard to understand sometimes. Most of the time. Especially Lily. "What idea?"
She was fairly red in the face by now. She wrung her hands and looked down at her feet, avoiding his eyes again. Then she burst out "Wha- what if we weren't in a relationship? What if we just-"
James sat down on the edge of an armchair and watched her closely. "What do you mean?"
Lily bit her lip. She shifted her weight from one leg to the other. Her socks still looked ridiculous. "Have you ever considered keeping things… casual?" She asked so quietly, he almost couldn't hear her. "Be- between us, I mean."
Us. James thought. Everything she was saying was so contradictory. "You want to just be friends?"
"Not exactly." Her face flushed even redder. She ran her fingers through her hair. "You haven't happened to have heard of the term 'friends with benefits', have you?"
He shook his head.
"Well… it's when two people," here she gestured at herself and him, "agree to be together. They agree to be together, with no strings attached. They set up guidelines, rules, to keep from becoming emotionally involved."
"What are you trying to say Lily?" His confusion was turning slowly into hurt. "You just want a one night stand or something?"
Lily straightened up, stiffening. When she opened her mouth, she spoke in a dangerously quiet voice. "It's your turn, Potter. You think about it and you get back to me." She paused, and then said, "You know I'm not that kind of girl."
James stood still and watched her spin around, disappearing back up the stairs. A few moments passed, and then he heard the familiar sound of a material he knew far too well. Turning to look, he saw Remus and Sirius standing in the corner, looking as shocked as he felt. His invisibility cloak was grasped tightly in Sirius's hands.
Lily sprawled across her bed on her back, and sighed loudly. Then she took a deep breath and sat upright, checking her wristwatch. It was almost 6:30. She glanced at Alice, who was curled up in her blankets so tightly she looked almost like she was in a cocoon. She signed again. "Alice? Alice, you need to wake up."
The brown haired girl flopped onto her side, and opened her eyes. "Lily, not everyone likes waking up this early." She complained.
"Its not early. It's time for breakfast."
"Already? I just went to sleep-" She stopped suddenly, and stared at her friend, wide eyed. "What happened? I can't believe I missed it! What did you say? What did he say?" She yanked her blankets back forcibly and swung her legs out.
Pressing her lips together in a thin line, Lily didn't say anything.
"Don't hold out on me! I know you were down there, I can tell by how you're dressed." Alice said. Then she gave Lily a quick once over. "Oh dear, look at how you're dressed. Did you really let James see your pajamas?"
Ignoring her previous questions, she snapped, "There is nothing wrong with my pajamas."
"Not technically. But you could have tried to give the impression that you wear something a bit more… well, interesting to bed." Alice said with a smile.
Lily looked down at her feet. "Maybe the socks?"
Alice laughed. "Those are probably the worst part. Wait! Don't avoid my questions, Lily Evans!"
"There's not much to tell."
Frowning at her friend, Alice pressed on. "If there's nothing to tell, then why do you look like that?"
"Alright, alright. I told him that I hadn't changed my mind about going out with him." Lily said.
"No, no, that's not all." The brunette scolded. "Tell me everything."
Lily stared at the floor and took a book into her hands and fiddled with it. "I asked him- what I mean is- I thought a lot about what you said last night. I know it was probably supposed to be a joke, but I asked him anyway."
"Asked him what, exactly?" Alice asked, a smile beginning to grow on her face.
"I asked him if he'd be interested in something casual. Oh god," she moaned, "I even brought up the term 'friends with benefits'." She flopped back and closed her eyes. Did I really say that to him?
"Oh Lily, I wasn't really serious about that." Alice said softly.
Lily opened her eyes. "Well, I was being completely serious when I asked him. And you know what he said?"
Alice gasped. "He said no?"
She shook her head. "He didn't say anything. He just stared at me like an idiot and kept asking questions. Potter asked me if I wanted a one night stand!"
"Oh Lily…" Alice said again. "I wouldn't take it like this. Give the boy a minute to think about what you've said to him."
"How am I supposed to take this?" Lily demanded. "I put myself out there, and he basically rejected me."
Alice tried to hold back a smile, but couldn't. "Have you ever considered that this might be exactly the way you leave James feeling every time you've rejected him? Except, it probably hurts him a lot more."
"More? How could you say that?" Lily asked.
"Maybe because he's in love with you? And has been for quite some time now?"
Sirius and Remus were already dressed for the day, so the three of them, at Remus's suggestion, "Breakfast anyone?" headed down to breakfast in an unusually quiet manner. James walked almost on autopilot, his mind buzzing.
"Did you hear everything?" He asked, stopping when they were right outside the Great Hall.
"Yeah. All of it." Said Sirius, anger crossing his face in a scowl. "I can't believe that girl!"
James opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated. He looked at Remus appealingly.
"I think she had a lot of nerve to say what she did." He said evenly. "And I agree with one thing; Lily is not the kind of girl to be out looking for a one night stand. I think she might be giving you a chance, in her own way."
James slouched against the wall and shoved his hands into his pockets. His head sagged.
"Prongs, take your hands out of your pockets and stand up straight. Look smart, you don't need anyone thinking that there's something wrong." Sirius said, a little coldly. "That girl is messing with your mind."
The three entered the Great Hall and made their way to the Gryffindor table, taking their usual seats in the middle of the table. James and Sirius sat next to each other, across from Remus, who was, as usual, accompanied by a sizable stack of schoolbooks.
Breakfast at Hogwarts was always delicious, and today was no different. Except for James. He shoved his pancakes back and forth on the plate, his conversation with Lily playing over and over in his head. "Have you ever considered keeping things casual?" and the look on her face when she said, "You know I'm not that kind of girl."
He jerked when he felt Sirius's elbow make contact with his ribs. "Ouch, Padfoot! Was that really necessary?"
"Entirely necessary. Lily and Alice just sat down. Now eat your pancakes." Sirius hissed.
It took all the strength James had not to look down to the end of the table where he knew Lily was sitting. He cut up his pancakes into small squares deliberately, and then forced one piece after another into his mouth. He glued his eyes on Remus's stack of books, and chewed each piece thoroughly.
"James, is there any particular reason that you look like you're going to be sick?" Remus chided, amusement in his face.
"Ready for Herbology? I need to have a chat with ol' Professor Sprout before class starts. Mind if we head out early?" James said as nonchalantly as he could.
Sirius looked suspicious, but shoved a biscuit in his mouth and nodded. Remus gathered his books slowly, and moved to follow his two friends out. As they passed by the end of the table, James couldn't hold back any longer. He tried to sneak a quick look at Lily, but she caught his eye. She looked so angry; he almost tripped over his own feet.
He stopped, trying to find the words. "You should know… that I don't think that. You know." And with that, he kept walking and caught up with the other two boys, who were nearing the door.
Alice kept her eyes on Lily the whole time. She was picking at her food, reaching for a muffin and nibbling at it before she had a small bit of sausage. Her eyes were darting around the table, obviously trying to find something to focus on that wasn't James Potter. Alice glanced over at James. He appeared to be forcing food down his own throat. She rolled her eyes. Her friends were embarrassingly childish.
Then the three boys got up to leave. Alice heard James mention talking to Professor Sprout, but knew it was a lie. Professor Sprout was still eating breakfast, engaged in an animated conversation with the tiny Professor Flitwick.
As James walked by, he met Lily's gaze, and Alice was glad that she wasn't on the receiving end. Lily looked furious, with a hint of humiliation hiding behind it.
"You should know... that I don't think that. You know." James said, his voice low. Then, he continued walking.
"Lily?" Alice asked.
"It's fine. It's fine." Lily said, but her jaw was clenched. "I'm going to pop back into the dorm really quick before class. Don't worry, I wont be late." And she got up, stuffing a muffin in her pocket at the same time before leaving.