He left, or he was leaving, he had turned of age and left the country, he told me so in the letters we had been sending to each other. He had left his owl with the Weasley's for some reason. When I had asked why he was leaving the country he told me it was complicated. I wanted to scream at him, tell him he was being stupid, but I wanted him to be safe. I wanted to come with him; I wanted to make sure he was ok. I knew for a fact that Hermione and Ron would be with him, they were everywhere he was.
For once I wanted to be in on his plans and know what they were up to but I guess that can't happen, plus I think he's going to ask Ginny's hand in marriage when he gets back from wherever he is, I wonder when that will be He seems to have lost a part of himself because he's no longer the Harry I use to pass in the halls of Hogwarts.
I loved talking to him; we had started after the meeting in the bridal shop. That was about three weeks ago, that equals fifteen letters. I wonder how Harry explains my letters to Ginny and with that thought I smile and snuggle deeper into my blue bedspread. The image of her hurt face was a thought I relished; I can be so vindictive when I want to be.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
What am I doing? Sending letters to Cho Chang isn't something that I should be doing but I can't help it. Talking to her is a bit freeing, she doesn't know what's going on to the full extent so she doesn't really ask me a lot of questions and I like not having to say "I'm fine" every five seconds. We talk about the mundane and the trivial, like which one of us would win if we had a swimming contest or who can eat the most whipped cream but then that got a lot of adult associated thoughts into my head, even now I still have the picture of her caked in whipped cream in my head.
Most times I think about how this affects my relationship with Ginny and then I remember, I have no relationship with Ginny and the monster inside me does nothing. Sometimes I berate myself for the things I talk about with Cho buts it's just so much easier to talk to her than any other person, I wish I could talk to my dad or Sirius but they're dead.
It's weird how I can think about such random things and look like I having a great time eating Mrs. Weasley's sweet cakes. I want to go to my room in the Weasley house but they are throwing me a belated birthday party because I had to send my real birthday with the Dursley's, yesterday. Soon it would be time to open the presents and I could sleep, Merlin knows I need it.
An owl flew in through the window and landed on the back of my chair, I knew the owl. It was Cho's; she probably thought it would be safer to give me a present after my birthday because I would most likely be by myself and the security of night was a bonus. The Weasley's looked over in surprise and I smiled, how do I get out of this? Obviously I'll have to lie but it will be hard to lie to Mrs. Weasley, the woman was a human lie detector.
I look up at the bird and saw the small decorated package it carried; the bird looked down at me expectantly. I sigh and took the package and the owl flew off. I pretend I don't know who the package was sent by and look all round the edges as if trying to find something; the Weasley family continued it's staring.
"Who's it from Harry, dear?" Mrs. Weasley asked in her most maternal voice. I shrugged a quick shrug and continued to eat my dinner.
"Maybe you should open it, to see if there's a card inside," Hermione jumped in, what do they care who I get a gift from? Nowadays it seems the simplest thing got me annoyed.
"I'll open it with you guy's presents," I said hoping to appease their curiosity. It seems it did as they all returned to their dinner, eating a bit faster than before I noticed. Before I knew it dinner was over and we all seated in the living room and I was grabbing presents at random.
I got a lovely assortment of presents this year: The usual from Hermione, book, books and more books. When will she get I don't care for reading? I don't hate it, I just don't love it as much as she does, and why does she have to be so damn pushy? Where did that come from?I asked myself as I put away Hermione's gift, War and Peace. Why would I want to read about death and destruction on my birthday? Way to go Hermione, I smiled down at her as she looked expectantly at me, as if waiting for me to pull the book out and read it this point in time.
I move on to Ron's gift, another book of Quidditch this year a new twist; it's not about the Cannons. The art to cheating in Quidditch witch weekly's book of the month. A little off color for Ron but it should be fun to read no less. I moved on and on, going slow in hopes they forget that I hadn't opened Cho present. I opened Ginny's last, it seemed fit.
It was cute, like a five your old she looked expectantly at me; I smiled, I was all smiles lately. Ginny had gotten me a ring, a cute plain silver ring, charming. But what am I going to do with hand jewelry? I smiled again and hugged her thanking her at the same time.
"I really like it," came out of my mouth before I knew it.
"I thought about getting you something else but I guess this is just to remember me by," she said as if knowing the thoughts running through my head, you have to love a girl that can be in your head—well, most of the time.
"It's perfect," lies, lies, lies; that's all that comes out of my mouth every second. I couldn't tell her I thought jewelry was for girls, I couldn't tell her I didn't want to be here, I couldn't tell her I was thinking perverse thoughts about my ex. So every time I spoke another lie spews out; it's an indescribable feeling, not being able to control your body and mind because if I could I'd never wake up when I go to sleep.
Hermione grabbed Cho's gift and was about to rip it open when I yanked it out of her hand, I glared at her and held the box close to me. That was it; I couldn't even open my present? It was ludicrous! I sat back on the floor, crossed my legs and slowly opened the package; why the hell were they so on edge.
"Shouldn't we check if it's jinxed?" Hermione says out of no where. I looked surprised and the wheels in my head began to spin and thoughts became more lucid; get Ron and Hermione into an argument, distracting everyone from the present.
"I don't think we need to check, do you Ron?" I asked as I looked expectantly over at him. He looked up from his third slice of cake and looked over in confusion, obviously he wasn't even paying attention, food was in front of him and that was good with him. He nodded his head; "when in doubt, say yes" was Ron's stand by rule; lucky me.
"I mean come on, do we really need one?" he asked and went back to his cake. Hermione became angry and I concentrated on the present, first removing the paper. I did it in one motion; the package wasn't that big. The present was a box; not more jewelry! I thought as I saw the velvety black box. I quickly opened it and inside was a sliver key with gold engraving. I quickly closed the box and slipped it inside my robe and stood up.
"Well, I'm pretty worn out, night everyone. Thank you for the lovely party," I said as I made my way up the stair and into Percy's old room. I threw myself on the bed and took out the key and box. I looked at it for a while and then turned it over to read the engraftment.
I'm listed
My eyes widened in surprise; did she want me to visit her?
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Six months and nothing, was an owl too much to ask for? I boldly gave him a key and expected something. After two months I gave up hope that he was in Brittan, after three I gave up hope he would visit, after four I just sulked around. I had started dating again, his name was George. I met him while in New York on business.
I have finally found a job. Mama and Papa are really happy for me and I'm quite happy too. I opened my own store, a clothing store, what a surprise you must be thinking but I really like working with my hands and I'm pretty creative when I want to be. Plus with my Ravenclaw abilities I can operate my business much better than a normal person.
Anyhow, his name is George and he's really nice, funny and pretty smart. He's about two years older than me. When I met him I was totally focused on Harry so I didn't even realize when my thoughts slipped from Harry to George. Then I'd berate my self for feeling guilty about thinking about George. Then we were hanging out one Saturday at his place and we kissed… a lot.
We were just watching TV (he's muggle) and he started tickling me and I tickled him back and then I was lying next to him on the couch and we kissed. The kiss was okay, he's not great but not totally bad. My mind was on so many things when his lips touched mine. I find that weird. I was thinking about everything but him and I kept opening my eyes. I must be a lousy kisser, too.
Then we broke up and got back together and then we broke up again! Now he visits me and I can't stand it, he's annoying the hell out of me! He takes my stuff and hides it, he's where ever I am, and I think he's stalking me. I wish I could just tell him to go away, well; a bit more vulgar than that. Now that we're not dating I can't see why we were ever together or why I liked him in the first place; now all my energy will be here when I get word of Harry.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
It was terrible; it was like being in hell and heaven at the same time. There they were, standing waiting for me but I can't move; who to choose? Ginny who's always been in love with me, Ginny who waited six years for me? Or Cho who I've been crushing after since I was thirteen? Wow, I sound so young, crushing. It's hard to believe after what's happened to me I can be this impractical, here I am captured, tortured and beaten yet I'm thinking about asinine thinks such as girls.
Voldemort captured me, during a small battle, rather than kill me he's kept me here and tortured me for information, asinine questions and the same all around bullshit mind games. He hasn't tried to get into my head and it's a good thing because then he might discover my thoughts of Cho—and Ginny.
I can take the beatings, I just want out of here: they've put me in a window less space, it's damp, and smells a foul smell, there is also a beaten man next to me, he's been like that since I got in here. I just need fresh air! Small foot steps alerted me to my hourly beating; they were upset to why I had not made more noise the first time they tortured me so they torture me every hour, I'm sure if they were a second late Voldemort would torture them, too.
Each hour it was different Death eater and each time they stare at me in contempt, I wonder why Voldemort hasn't had his turn at me yet. I heard the door opened up and in came two masked death eater, their white masks in place. They grunted for me to follow them and I sneer in return. I got up and walked out of the cell. I didn't try to escape, why should I? If I tried about three hundred Death eaters will be on my tail and they know the area more than I do.
After a series of turns we arrived at the room, their torture room. Sticking to Pureblood policy everything was medieval style. I stood getting my mind ready for the physical and verbal abuse. I can take what ever they send my way but being here; trapped isn't something I'm up to. I began to wonder where Hermione and Ron were. It had been two days since I was captured and I couldn't take the solitude anymore; I hadn't tried to Apparate out because Voldemort had most likely had charms placed around it to prevent any one from Apparating.
The bigger of the two Death eaters's pushed me forward and a cloaked Death eater step out of the shadows and soon I was encircled in a circle of Death eaters. They slowly removed their hoods to reveal white masks. The lighting bright, the air stale and foul to my nose, they jeered and mocked me. They were loud; seems as if it was my last night but I knew I couldn't die, not by any Death eaters' hand. I wished I had my wand but Voldemort took it from me the first night I was here.
"Prepare for sport Gentlemen…ladies!" Said a hissing voice from the chair above everyone; Voldemort.
"Young Harry will due battle with the man that killed the old codger; Dumbledore," he was suddenly beside me, his lipless face sneering at me. The man in front of me lowered his hood and looked upon me with the same cold, lifeless black eyes as he had done so many times in the past six years.
My heart swelled with hate and vengeance; Snape! He was going to wish he's never met me but I guess he already does. I wish I had my wand, and then I could show him a thing or two. I don't care if he invented those spells; I still felt dirty and betrayed but if they help me defeat their creator victory would be all the more sweet. I looked at him and stepped a bit closer.
"So ready to die eh, Potter?" he spat my last name with unmasked fury. My nose flared in a very McGonallgall like way and I sneered in return.
"If I die it won't be by the likes of you, Snivellus," I hiss in retaliation, my face so close to him I could see every wrinkle in his greasy face; I could almost feel his oily hair on my nose.
"I've always wondered if all Gryffindors are as stupid as they act, judging by your family I'd say three out of four proves me right," he gave me one last look of distain and circled me like the over grown bat he is.
"Realize that you are no longer a teacher and I am no longer a student, six years of hate will not be quelled because Dumbledore asked me to control myself. I will do everything I've dreamt of doing since I was eleven. I may have been young when I met you but I knew you didn't like me, the every instant I walked into that dungeon you never let up on me and I never under stood why, I still don't but I could care less.
"I hope you burn in hell for what you did, I hope you're eaten alive by raging giants, better yet I wish I could kill you myself, watch as you plead to me and hear me say the words that end your life you stinking pile of—"I was interrupted by Voldemort who had let the conversation go on without interruption.
"How about we get on with the show, Harry? Severus? Good! I don't need petty things being discussed before the blood shed!" and he stalked to the side lines with the other Death eaters with a swish of his robe. I sneered and yelled,
"This isn't a fair duel, he has a wand and I don't," Voldemort looked at me and his red eyes narrowed in hate.
"I could just kill you now, I've been debating about it seen my return but being the gracious man I am I have let you live! Boy, I am giving you life! Be grateful!" and suddenly I felt the air leave my lungs and I couldn't breathe, everything was going dark and out of focus after a few seconds. I was gulping like a fish out of water but I could get any air into my lungs, it was like when I had taken Gilly Weed.
And then she came to me, it was like a dream of vengeance and chance, just to show me she could do it; I saw professor Trelawney. Her hair wild and frizzy, her colorful clothes and loud beads making me see and hear her clearly. Her hands were held out for me and I wondered what she wanted but then I noticed she was pointing in every direction.
"Escape...boy you must escape for surely they will kill you, parade your bones as proof that they can not be stopped, escape and go to where is safest," she said in her earthy voice as if she was in her trance, she then faded as I began to breathe.
I gasped as I made my way from the floor I looked around me and saw I was still captured and there was no Trelawney, I was still in the torture room. I hold my self up and began to think, I pretended to be disorientated and looked all around me for a way to escape. I saw many Death eaters all around me and I was mad because I had to admit I was starting to feel scared, an emotion I thought I had lost when Ginny and I broke up.
Suddenly I didn't care about extracting my revenge upon Snape, he would have to wait. Better to be alive to fight another day than to foolishly go into a battle I will loose; there were so many of them and only one of me. I decided to see if Voldemort had made this room to stop Apparition but I needed my wand. How stupid of me to be thing about it but it was the first magical thing I've had; it was special, even if its brother was a killer.
"Will you be a good boy now?" Voldemort asked in his hissing sing-song voice.
"Be fair and give me
my wand, I want to kill the man that destroyed my life with his
sneering lips," I turned from Voldemort to Snape who's lips did
an up turn as he pointed his wand on me and gave me a look that said
if Voldemort allowed him he'd kill me within that instant
It was that moment where I could say "I love you" without feeling the burden of my broken heart but I too afraid to ruin the moment as my back was slammed in my kitchen wall, he was being so rough, what a sight to see, me panting for breath, him with his arms over my head, his face inches from mine, his eyes sparkling like mad. My stomach was in a knot with anticipation; what would he do?
Would he hold me in his arms and ravish me until I screamed his name, or would he take me slowly, pushing me over the edge, daring me to ask for more? Did he forget Ginny? Come to me because he loved me? He looked down at me and I tried to kiss him, just another kiss—I had missed him so much in the last six and a half months—but he turned his head and denied me the things I had waited months for, answers and the taste of his flesh.
It was then when I thought all hope for us was lost when I whispered "I love you" and hugged him tightly.
"Why don't you love me, too?" I asked as I felt the need to cry.
"Am I not good enough? Am I too pushy? Not pretty? Tell me because I love you so much and it hurts to not know how you feel. Is there even a chance for a relationship with you? Am I just wasting my time? Tell me! Help me, I need you!" I told him as I cried and he wrapped his arms around me.
And again I was slammed into the wall, though this time his lips were feverishly kissing mine. Oh! To feel his lips, so warm and smooth, roughly making there way onto my own, his tongue course and swift sliding into my mouth; he was moving so fast it was hard to react.
hello hi my name is Mary and I'm an addict
I've been sober now for...24 hours
I jus have some issues
He was there and so was I, this was most likely another dream but I would enjoy it.
I jus took some benzedrine Percoset codeine
dusted up smoked some weed candy flipped
and popped in Visine
His hands roamed my body in a heated passion, he was eager and a bit angry; why?
so my timing may be off I vaporize to fuel the cough
adrenaline is pressuring Doctor bring the medicine
some ketamine Vicodin Xanax and anthrax
I'm hiding all my needle tracks I'm fighting off heart attacks
nosebleeds cheap speed shitty weed all seed
I stopped thinking, his hands felt way too good.
gettin frisky dirty deeds sippin whiskey on my knees
about to burn out crooked mouth turned out on anotha bout
The taste of him was gone and somewhere in my mind I knew he wasn't real but I wasn't ready to wake up yet.
I'm chillin in a glass house pourin anotha glass out
I'm goin in my stash now there ain't nothin I ain't usin
GHB LSD Valium and Ecstasy
In the lands of dreams he was mine for once, I didn't have to watch as he was with another.
Pop mescaline with Mexicans put ether in my napkin
I've got so many skeletons I'm a chemical reaction
I'm pissed off pissed on express addiction through this song
half my memory is gone the X in me lets me belong
I had half forgotten what it was like, to be taken over completely by lust, love and happiness.
I can't help but 2 help myself I'm losing my mind I need help
filling my mind with doubt I'd do anything to get out
5 AM fully geeked sweat tricklin down my cheek
mouth bone dry can't even speak the cover girl for heroin chic
the enemy inside of me pressures me intentionally
coke wench tweeker bitch cocktease
His hands roamed my sides and I urged my self not to giggle. He was mine and I would show him why I was better than anyone else.
best friend park bench make the switch some of these
a few of them I wake up bent my money spent
how'm I gonna pay my rent
And so I kissed him back, with more passion than I could express with my words, with my voice and maybe even my thoughts because it was so hard to sum up my feelings for him.
my sugar daddy needs the ends
my dealer is my new best friend
waking up in strangers' beds with these voices in my head
My hands took their turn, raping his body as he took the abuse with sighs and moans of pleasure. I would show him who was better.
drunk slut coke blunts junkie bitch bathroom bumps
homeless broken out of luck and really jus don't give a fuck
uneffective unemployed unstable null and void
I told myself to slow down but there was no stopping me, I like a woman gone mad with pleasure and hope. He was here for me! My love had come for me.
my vanity has been destroyed the famine keeps me paranoid
blacked out white lines highballs crooked spine
comatose overdose took it to the borderline
It was a bad path; to love someone this much but it was his fault, and my own. It was both our faults and I was okay with that.
sirens ambulance doctors cuttin off my pants
black & blue in ICU I've got a 50/50 chance
His lips found my neck and I stood with my back to the wall, how sweet to be in love and in the moment.
I can't help but to help myself I'm losing my mind I need help
filling my mind with doubt I'd do anything to get out
I found myself in my bedroom our bodies moving at a fast pace, time was just too slow to catch us; we were moving lightening and I felt all powerful; help.
dope fiend quarantine feed me caffeine nicotine
trade it for some Thorazine morphine or dopamine
itchy veins Novocaine stop these voices in my brain
Lock me away for after this I may never look at any man without burning vivid scarlet, remembering the night my love came for me, took me away to passion.
as my muscles start to strain help me Lord am I insane
fix me quick suck my dick your counseling makes me sick
answer me where's my shit tell me what you did with it
I would forever be happy remembering this moment for I am loved, even for just a while. I moan and move in pleasure but there is no stopping.
I can't stop shaking feel my twitch
I can't stop shaking feel my twitch
I can't stop shaking feel my twitch
I hate you all you fuckin bitch
May we move the earth with our sounds and movements for in this moment we are too powerful to be real; even for a witch and a wizard.
I can't help but to help myself I'm losing my mind I need help
filling my mind with doubt I'd do anything 2 get out
And then the soft knock of my bedroom door caught my attention and I was forcible taken from my day dream, who would disturb as I was having such sweet carnal thoughts of Harry? I sighed and with out thinking got to the door and thought that if mama—it would mostly be mama because she had a key—came in she could just open the door, maybe dad came too.
And I opened the door with smiling face to greet my mother and hopefully father but I meet the dark emerald eyes of my—Harry. I stared openly in shock, he looked so sad, and alone, I stepped aside in my daze and let him.
"Sorry about the hour," he said, standing in the room awkwardly.
"How?" I asked not sure he would understand but then he held out the key. I felt so foolish, I blush a deep red that I was sure made my body catch fire or maybe it was Harry intense gaze.
"Oh," I said weakly. I noticed the key still held out and I shook my head and I felt my blush grow, crawling deep into my skin.
"When ever you need me, just come; keep it," I said not looking at him, I looked behind me into the kitchen and thought of the passion kissed we had shared in my imagination. I turned and looked at him and felt my heart ice over.
"What brings you here?" after six months I thought to myself. Jerk. Coming by unexpected, well there would be no kissing in the dark for him! He looked really sad and I couldn't even stay mad at him for another second before I ran to him and cried, god why can't I stop crying; I know he doesn't like it.
"I'm sorry, It's just I hadn't heard anything for almost seven months and so many thoughts came to my head and I was afraid and worried. I was afraid I'd never see you, I couldn't stop the bad thoughts and I felt so helpless," I said as I backed away and looked up at him, he being a few inches taller than me. It was after hugging him I took in his appearance, he was dirty, black robes slightly wet and muddy, crimson blood on the edges of his sleeves. I looked at him in surprise and scanned to see if he was injured but he didn't look to be in any pain.
"Would you like to take a bath?" I asked my voice low and hesitant as he was being so silent, did he hate me? He nodded his head and I pointed out the room and to the left, he walked somewhat unsteadily towards the bathroom and I looked at his retreating back and heard the swish of the closing door wishing I was could join him.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
AN:How do you like it? I took some of my real experiences and put them in here. I wanted to show the hurt side of Cho and the Intellectual side of Harry. There will be days where all that comes out of my mouth is a lie; my "aunt" (she's not really my aunt but a friend of my mothers that likes me to call her aunt, it fucking pisses me off, I have REAL aunts, Gawd!) calls me a fucking obitual liar, no idea what that means.
But that's what Harry is, BAD HARRY! No lying! any ways, it means (I think) we lie about everything, like the color of a pen will be green we'll say it's yellow, that is in my case; in Harry's he'll just lie to make people feel better even when it's not necessary.
I also dated a guy named George, fucking annoying, wanted to have sex every second and didn't understand "no". And he had the most annoying laugh! And he shows off whenever I'm around, gawd, it never uses to bother me but now it does. That was in there because once in a while if a relationship isn't working we'll move on, especially if the other can't commit, that's what Cho and I did, we picked crappy choices. Crappy!
Anyways, the day dream…I do this all the time, I'll dream about "Kim Possible" or day dream, and it will be so rough and sweet and it would open up my eyes to other sides of him. So that's why that was in there, Cho had an epiphany, though it's not evident yet.
Well, this chapter was about ten and a half pages not including my AN so yes! Sorry for the long wait, life's been crappy lately and I've been stuck in a rut, it goes like this:
Go to school
Buy breakfast
Hate science teacher
Hate science teacher
Wish he was dead
Dream of kicking him in the balls
Make asinine comments behind his back
Go home
Computer
Try to write
Bath
Redo.
Maybe a little TV, RUNT!
Well, with me being in a runt make me happy and review, if only for my well being or to point out my errors, that always cheers me up; pointing out someone's faults, jokingly—of course.
REVIEW!
Ps. The song was called Rehab by Marry Madalan. I no owe.
Finished November 4th, 2006, Saturday.