Sixth Night: Complicate
'It's not fair', you think, for the millionth time.
Only his eyes betray his fear now, but you know that he's acting tough for you. If you didn't exist, he wouldn't have to put up this front. He could crumble under all the pressure put onto his shoulders. He wouldn't have to pretend to be strong and hold his head high. He could hurt and not be afraid to show it.
"It's not fair", you chant out loud—again and again against his heart.
His palms are firm on your back; he strokes up and down and whispers sweet things in your ear. His presence is so sure and soothing that you forget for a second. You forget that he's in a tremendous amount of pain. You forget he's fighting every minute, every second for you.
"Stupid," he chuckles. The rumbling of his chest reassures you, if only for a moment. You frown, as he raises his brows and grins sheepishly. "It's not like I'm going to die for sure… I mean, come on. There's that 50% chance I'll make it out of this... H-Hey! Don't cry! Oh God…"
Right. His life had always been a gamble.
This time, it's literally a flip of the coin that will decide his fate. He could hold your hand 'till forever, walk with you wherever, be with you whenever. Then again, the chances of him leaving you are just about the same.
When did being with him get so hard? When did all those complications appear?
You feel him shift from beneath you. His strong arms raise you up, and you look down at him. You notice how imperfect he is: tiny scar on his forehead, dark circles beginning to form around his eyes, grin lopsided and goofy.
"I-I love you!" He utters, flushing beet red at his own words.
When you say nothing, he kisses your tears away gently.
The feeling of his lips against yours is urgent, as if he's running out of time, running out of air. The feeling scares you, so you wrap your arms around his neck…you want to hold him there forever. If he's suffocating, you'll give him your breath. If he's dying, you'll give him your life.
You don't even think about your parents, their reactions to your staying with him overnight.
You're overwhelmed by his passion. You're surprised by his actions, thankful for his life, praying for him to take you.
Take you wherever he's going.
x
He's gone in the morning. You know he's gone off to have the operation. He didn't wake you because if he did, he wouldn't be able to leave you.
You hate the him that can't do anything without thinking of you. It makes you feel so selfish and greedy and disgusting.
Your body's sore and tired. Your mind is plagued with thoughts of him.
"I can't guarantee anything, but I want to do my best and get through it," he said, surely.
You repeat it over and over in your head so the lack of his presence doesn't drive you crazy.
END.
I haven't updated in forever.
Gah I hate myself. :B
Bishie in this chapter/drabble/whatever was Kanata Nanami. Yaaaay. I love him. But I honestly didn't do him any justice whatsoever. FML. I had a super huge writer's block for this one... Wasn't sure what to write about Mr. Tsundere. Arg. I made it so angsty and emo and everything... Gar. Sorry. For me, when all else fails, I resort to writing sad stuff. (How emo did that sound?) I really want to talk more in this author note, but I'm so tired that I might just fall asleep and bash my face into my keyboard. So... I'll take my leave for now~
... Why am I writing fanfictions when I have an exam tomorrow? What a mystery. :'D
As usual, thank you very much for reading Beneath the Stars. Harhar.
Next chapter should be more... lighthearted. Again. Stay tunedddd~ :')
Coming up next:
Seventh Night: Intoxicate