Title: echoes of whispers unsaid

Rating: G

Summary: Meditation doesn't necessarily always involve clearing the mind of everything.

She used to always feel bad about running to his room every time she needed a reprieve.

(Who was there to give him a reprieve from her?)

Each time, she would smile apologetically and meekly slide out the door, promising herself that this would be the last time.

And yet each time the helplessness arose, she would find herself standing in front of his door once more.

Nice to see you again, Lenalee Lee.

His face swam to the surface of her mind and she shivered unconsciously. No matter what promises or determination she forced on herself, Rouvelier always managed to brush them aside with a mere glance.

Just when she had finally thought she had become independent of Kanda, even just a little, the man that haunted the dark corridors of her dreams and the frailness of her mind had shown up again.

Seeing his face had unraveled whatever strength she pretended she had and before she knew it, she found herself staring at the entrance to his room.

Unhappily, she fingered the knob, hesitating and two seconds away from bolting.

The swordsman's temper was something everyone was well acquainted with, and despite knowing this she had gone to him countless times. Surprisingly, he had never so much as yelled at her or handled her roughly—generally, he would go on meditating and grunt every once in a while in reply.

Nevertheless, she didn't want to continue being a bother. He had his own problems to deal with, his own secrets to burn and watch over.

Her fingers reluctantly slipped from the shiny metal, and just as she was about to steel herself to leave, the door swung inwards.

"Are you just going to stand there all day or are you going to come in?"

Lenalee stared, wide-eyed. "How did you—"

"Doesn't matter, just come in," he answered brusquely, moving to step behind her while keeping a hand on the door.

All but shoved into his room, she stumbled forward, protesting all the while to deaf ears.

Calmly, Kanda closed the door with a soft click and went back to the center of his room, where he had presumably been meditating, leaving her to stand awkwardly. She stood and fidgeted nervously until he told her, eyes closed, to hurry up and meditate with him before she melted from nerves.

She had attempted meditation many times before, starting from when she was just a little girl and still running away from the Order.

Even back then, he had been her refuge.

But no matter how long or hard she tried, she wasn't able to stay perfectly silent and tranquil like Kanda.

As always, she tried valiantly in an attempt to prove herself and repay him but, as usual, her mind was a tumult of thoughts.

She fidgeted and squirmed, settled down for a while, and then repeated the process.

Peeking out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Kanda was perfectly still. She studied his form enviously—he was always graceful and beautiful, even doing nothing. Her eyes traced his contours and angles, caressing his aristocratic cheekbones and finely shaped nose, his loose silken tresses and deceptively slim frame.

Soon, she forgot all about clearing her mind and openly stared at the man before her. She rarely got a chance to appraise him so brazenly and her eyes drank in the sight greedily, like Icarus reaching for the sun.

Her thoughts soon drifted and as she gazed at those firm, expert hands, she gave in to her heart and wondered what it would feel like to be touched by him, to be held by him—

what's inside a heart made of stone?

—to be loved by him.

She was startled when his eyes suddenly opened and stared right at her, a small knowing smirk appearing on his face.

Flushing, she shut her eyes tightly and desperately prayed for the ground to swallow her whole.

When she felt his warm hands on her shoulders, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Twisting around jerkily, she looked up at him.

"What…?' Her breath caught in her throat at the look in his eyes.

"Relax. You're too tense." His fingers gently kneaded her shoulders and she sighed happily as he worked his way through the knots.

She had almost nodded off before his voice gently probed her back into consciousness. "Try it again. Relax and don't think of anything." With a caress so soft she thought she had imagined it, Kanda retreated to his previous position and closed his eyes again. "I'm here with you." And then, barely above a whisper, "And I always will be."

Struggling to breathe properly, she followed suit, determined to close the door to her traitorous thoughts.

But try as she might, she couldn't get the images of warm hands and ebony locks out of her mind.

And there you'll always be waiting.