Reality Bites
Disclaimer: I do not any of the characters.
Have you ever found yourself experiencing a 'perfect moment'? Perfect as defined by Webster's Dictionary is 1) being entirely without fault or defect; flawless; satisfying all requirements; corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept; 2) lacking in no essential detail. Moment is defined as 1) a minute portion or point of time; a comparatively brief period of time; 2) a time of excellence or conspicuousness; 3) importance in influence or effect. Right now I am experiencing a 'perfect moment' just sitting here on the floor of Jacob's garage wrapped up in a blanket. With his arm secure around my waist holding me close as we both sit quietly watching the rain fall outside. I'm not sure how long I've been here and, honestly, I don't care – I could just stay right here forever. Although living in the garage does seem kind of a stretch but I know we'd get by. Jacob leans over and kisses my forehead lightly as I, can't help but sigh contently as I lean into him more and kiss him back.
"I think it's time that we got a shower." Jacob says against my lips and I pull back looking at him. Chuckling he leans back with his arms open and I notice his chest is covered in dirt from my hands. "You're worse off." Jacob says smiling at me smugly and I look down to see I'm in the same condition. His streaked fingers and hand prints cover most, if not all of my body. My chest, my arms, my thighs, my legs; standing up and looking behind me even my ass. Looking back over at Jacob I notice him looking me over proudly; impressed by the proof of our actions from not too long ago. I will admit being able to see all of the places that Jacob has touched, stroked, grabbed and rubbed is a complete turn on. Stretching out my sore muscles I look on as Jacob grabs his jeans putting them on – he's got a great ass. And suddenly a thought hits me; it's completely ridiculous and childish but I can't help but laugh to myself at the thought. "We're going to have to get this washed." Jacob says holding up my dress up.
"Yea, suppose I will." I agree nodding my head. I slowly walk towards Jacob, my hips swaying, ready to take my dress when I notice this look in his eyes. I bite my bottom lip and stop a few feet away from him. It's the same look that he gives right before he suddenly has me screaming out his name begging for more. "Like what you see?" I ask smirking at him as I turn around slowly as his eyes drink in my body.
"Always do." He states licking his lips. "It's hot seeing where I've touched you." He whispers and I stop my spin. "But…I think I may have missed some spots." He says with a frown as he takes a step forward. I jump back from him holding back a giggle – I do too much giggling around this man. "Lee." Jacob says in a playful scolding manner.
"Yes?" I drawl out unable to hide my smile. There's just something about Jacob that just turns me into a giggling, playful girl again. I don't always have to be mature, calm and serious around him; I can just be me. Jacob quickly reaches out trying to snatch at me and I jump back laughing. And you guessed it we're playing a brief game of cat n' mouse in his tiny garage with the rain coming down outside. Our laughter and play fills the garage to the point that I feel delirious with the sense of…joy? I guess that's a pretty close enough description but I'm just so happy.
"Well looks like you've run out of places to run now." Jacob says triumphantly as he has me blocked at the opening of the garage. Damn, his long arms giving him this great reach; I only curse them when I sense I'm going to lose to him. "Guess you better give it up, Clearwater, and let me finish touching you."
"You perv." I laugh out as he shrugs his shoulders not disagreeing with the statement. "But you're wrong." I state matter-of-factly smiling at him evilly.
"Wrong about wha," And I take off running into the rain heading towards the house. I look back over my shoulder to see a stunned Jacob Black watching me streak across his backyard and I laugh at his expression. He quickly overcomes his shock and he takes off after me. "AH!" I'm fast but with his long legs and the fact that I have to hold my boobs as I run to keep the pain to a minimal he quickly catches me. Easily picking me up with his arm he runs towards the backdoor with me laughing like an idiot the whole way. "You, Leah Clearwater, are a complete nut." Jacob says laughing as he sets my feet down on the floor in the kitchen.
"I must always have the element of surprise." I declare trying to control my breathing but still laughing.
"You're definitely full of surprises." Jacob states as he wraps his arms around me in a tight bear hug. "Now get your ass to the shower while I mop this mess up and put your dress in the washer." Jacob orders and gives my ass a good slap. Giggling I nod my head and head down the hall to the bathroom grabbing a towel along the way. I freeze when I look into the closet and notice my favorite shampoo sitting on the shelf in the same spot I left it months and months ago. Smiling weakly I suddenly feel a wave of guilt wash over me. The realization that the last time we actually had sex was over six months ago. And the reason why it's been so long was because I got back together with Sam. Shit, goddamn motherfucking hormones. I continue to the bathroom trying to process exactly what has occurred and why. I had sex with Jacob Black in his garage and, most likely, was getting ready to have sex, again, in the shower. Turning on the water I step into the shower with a deep sigh. This isn't how my life was supposed to be; this isn't how my visit with Jacob was supposed to go. Sam and Bella were the dirty, lying cheaters in our relationships; not us. We were the ones in the relationship that would never cheat no matter what; I was supposed to be the better person between Sam, Emily and I. Now? Now I was nothing more than a cheating whore – even worse I cheated on not just my boyfriend but my fiancé; the man I promised to marry and share the rest of my life with.
"Reality bites." I mumble to myself letting the hot water wash over my face; maybe it'll wash away my guilt or at least the memory – but of what?
"You okay." Jacob whispers as I slowly turn around to see him standing looking at me. One look into his eyes and I see the sadness at my realization of our real situation.
"No, Jacob, I'm not okay." I state turning away and hanging my head low.
"I don't regret it." Jacob states and I only dryly chuckle. Truth is I don't regret it either. Being with Jacob is absolutely the most wonderful feeling in the world. I've not forgotten about our 'perfect moment' back in the garage. Actually, I really wish we hadn't left the garage; it's a whole different world there. "You don't either, right?" Jacob asks and I nod my head in agreement as I feel him step into the shower pressing his body against mine. "Say it, Lee. Admit it out loud." Jacob demands his hands holding my hips in place and his warm breath caressing my neck.
"I don't regret it." I admit softly. "But it still doesn't make what we did right." I add shaking my head. I know I'm in a bad situation; I see it as if it was a barreling train and I'm standing on the railroad tracks. I should push Jacob away, tell him to get out the shower with me, yell at him for baiting me the way he did, for being so fucking hot and taking advantage of my vulnerability when I only came to see him and wanted him to make me…feel…better? Jacob's hands begin to move slowly up my sides and I know he's trying to gauge my reaction. He knows how I want to feel and probably should feel but for some reason I'm not. In fact, I'm certain he knows exactly why I'm not reacting and is just waiting for me to acknowledge it. He moans heavily as his hands move up and squeeze my breasts eliciting a soft moan from my lips.
"It's not right, Lee." Jacob whispers harshly bringing my brain back down to a hint of rational thinking. "But this, what we have between us feels too good to just let it go, right?" I slowly nod my head bringing my left arm up to wrap around his neck as my body cries out for his. Damn you hormones. All I want is to just kiss him, touch him, be with him – the thought of another six months without him seems unbearable. But…I know that if I marry Sam it won't just be just six months…it'll be forever. Forever? Can I do it; not sleep with Jacob anymore? I did it for six-months, right? Sure, it was horrible and…but Sam. Alright girls listen up. This is it! This will be our last romp with Jacob Ephraim Black and then that's it; cold turkey. I tell myself giving into Jacob's caresses and kisses. I kiss him deeply exploring his mouth wanting to memorize it as my hands move all over his body – I want to memorize every inch of this man.
"Jacob." I breathe out as we break our kiss for air and he shakes his head.
"Let's wash some of this dirt off first." Jacob states and I can hear the smile in his voice even though my eyes are closed. He reaches over and picking up the soap begins to lather up his hands before rubbing them over my body. I do the same and we quietly wash each other allowing soft kisses in between. I don't even bother fighting back a moan as his hands run over my ass before gripping it tightly. My head rolls and I whisper his name. "Not yet." He tells me and gently pushes me back against the wall. I watch as Jacob's left hand travels down my right thigh, down to my knee and lifting my leg up. I feel myself growing wetter as I feel his semi-hard cock press gently into my thigh as he washes my leg. Once he's done with my right leg, his hand moves up my thigh and he brushes past my swollen clit so lightly and quickly that I whimper. Putting my right leg down, he continues and proceeds to wash my left leg.
I run my hands down Jacob's abs to his erection and taking it in my hands and begin stroking him. I feel him getting harder as he leans into me pressing my back against the cool tile wall and his right hand slides down my thigh to my knee, again, lifting it up. I squeeze his cock tighter as his left hand moves to my left leg. He washes my leg his breathing becoming heavy and labored from my attention. Unable to hold back any longer he pulls both my legs up and I immediately wrap them around Jacob's waist. Removing my hand from his cock I lull my head back as Jacob positions himself at my entrance and he slowly slides inside me. I gasp feeling every inch of him filling me up and his warmth is welcomed and gladly accepted as I squeeze him tightly earning a groan. Squeezing my hips he pulls me down further on him until he's balls deep inside of me. I want him to fuck me so bad right now and I beg him to but he only shakes his head. "I'm going to enjoy and savor this." Jacob states as he slowly slides out to his tip and wonderfully, slowly and painfully slides back in.
His actions are slow but forceful and every time he slides out he changes his angle before sliding back inside of me. Hitting new spots that, in our time apart, I had forgotten were there. I feel hot tears roll down my cheeks as I feel my climax slowly building. Jacob quietly comforts me telling me that I don't have to cry that this is okay. Deep down I know I should be angry with him, I should hate him even but I don't – I don't think I'm even capable of it. We call out each others names as his pace picks up and I wrap my arms tightly around his neck pulling his body closer to mine – desperately needing him; a small part of me never wanting to let him go. Feeling my orgasm building Jacob curses and pulls out and quickly fills me with his fingers pumping in and out of me as his thumb massages my clit. My fingernails dig into Jacob's back as he thrusts his cock into my stomach telling me to cum for him. Trying to hold onto this moment, this sensation, I try to shift my hips to draw him away from my g-spot and grab his dick squeezing it tightly. "Fuck, Lee." Jacob hisses as he falls forward and I chuckle as he bumps his head against the wall. In that moment, my orgasm hits me and I feel my knees growing weak as the water suddenly feels cold on my overheated body. "Keep cumming for me, baby." Jacob coaxes me before he grunts shooting his load in my hand. Feeling Jacob cum in my hand and on my stomach is all I need to finish off the second wave that Jacob already had me building up to. He crashes his lips against mine and the kiss is unlike any we've ever shared before; it's desperate, begging almost and craving. For me this is our last kiss good bye – it has to be.
When we break our kiss, both desperately, gasping for air I shiver feeling Jacob's hand lightly wipe down my stomach. My arms are still locked around his neck and I'm afraid to look into his eyes; into those warm dark brown eyes that have always offered me nothing but comfort, trust, friendship and love. I know that if I look into his eyes my resolve to make right my relationship with Sam will fade away; I love Sam Uley, I do. Sam is my high school sweetheart; he's been my first in a lot of ways and even has stood by me when I felt that no one else would. I realize now that Sam had a slight slip in our relationship and I know it was because he was drunk – he made sure to tell me that over and over again. When we broke up he tried to get back with me and when I told him how disappointed, hurt and angry I was with him he sadly told me that I was right in feeling that way; that he never meant to violate and abuse my trust like that. He said that he'd give me some space to think things over and that he'd be waiting for me if I came back to him. True to his word, when I finally spoke to him, after he became angry and frustrated that I was 'seeing' Jacob Black and begged me to come back to him. "Lee." Jacob calls my name snapping me out of my thoughts and I hear the shower turned off. "This isn't all there is between us, you know that, right?" Jacob whispers softly before kissing my forehead.
I swallow the lump in my throat and slowly release my hold around Jacob's neck while his hold only tightens around my waist. I realize that I've made a serious mistake in coming here because no matter what after seeing Jacob I always feel so refreshed and carefree. Even now after I know that I've cheated on my fiancé with my former fuck-buddy; is 'former' even the right word? Well it does tack on the meaning of past and not current or even future. I hear Jacob sigh heavily and return his sigh as he buries his nose into the crook of my neck; the problem is that after sex he's just so damn huggable. I hug him tightly; selfishly enjoying his warmth, presence and comfort that only he can give me. I can't keep doing this – it's not fair to anyone; not me and especially not to him. "Jake, we can't do this again." I whisper and I feel him tense up. "I'm engaged to Sam now."
"Call it off. Give the ring back to him." Jacob states frankly giving me a hard frown. "You don't have to marry him." I sigh heavily listening to him as a warm and heavy towel is wrapped around me.
"In your professional opinion what do you think I should do?" I ask Jacob as we walk down the hall towards his room. The truth is we've had this discussion before when I mentioned to Jacob about getting back with Sam. He was against it but I felt that our arrangement was reaching the end of its run. Jacob doesn't answer me but shuts the door behind us and rubs his face with a heavy sigh. What Jacob wants and what should be considered are two different things; it's the only way I can reason with him. As a psychology major he knows that I should probably work out my relationship with Sam to be sure that he is what I want.
"Leah you can't keep doing this." Jacob says reaching into his closet and pulling out a long t-shirt and tossing it to me. I catch it and sit down on the bed looking at him. "Every relationship is different and this isn't just some textbook answer to where you must now go back to Sam to take away your guilt or because you now suddenly think you understand him and his transgression." Jacob says pulling on a pair of jeans.
"I'm not just getting back with Sam because I just feel guilty." I snap standing up, dropping my towel and throwing on the t-shirt. Okay, so maybe not the best way to go about with my point of only being with Sam ever again. "I'm getting back with Sam because I love him."
"You don't love him." Jacob says condescendingly as he leaves the room and I follow behind him. Oh! No, he is not going to tell me how I feel about my fiancé. I don't care if he is working on his Masters in Clinical Psychology – he doesn't know everything.
"Where the hell do you get off telling me how I feel about anyone?" I storm down the hall after him.
"I'm not telling you how to feel anything." Jacob says heading to the washer and pulling out my dress and putting it in the dryer.
"Oh, really because that is exactly what it seems like you're doing."
"Lee, I'm not trying to make you believe or think something that isn't true." Jacob says turning around slowly shaking his head. "I just want you to realize that,"
"That what, Jacob? What is it that I'm supposed to suddenly realize?"
"That I love you!" Jacob shouts angrily whirling around on me as he slams the dryer door shut. I stand completely shocked and stunned. Neither of us has ever said that word to one another – maybe about each others' body, humor or maybe even my cooking; but never to mean it as a whole. Sure Billy just said it but it's completely different hearing it come from Jacob, himself. Jacob is standing looking at me shocked by his own actions too but his eyes look so sad looking back at me. Is, is he waiting for a response back? What am I supposed to say?
"Jake," I'm able to croak out as my hand absently runs through my hair.
"I love you, Leah." Jacob says again closing the gap between us and taking my hands into his. "I loved you before you went back to Sam." And I shake my head in disbelief.
"No, no you don't." I say fighting back tears as I back away from him. He didn't love me then and he can't love me now. Sam loves me and I love Sam…right? We're just great fuck buddies – that's it and nothing more. I hear Jacob call my name and I turn heading directly for his room. Rummaging through the closet I find an old dress that's been left behind since then.
"Leah, wait, please." Jacob pleads as I slip the dress on over my head and then stomp over to his dresser. My cheeks are soaked with tears as I find a pair of panties – I don't need a bra even though I see one. I never even bothered to collect all of my belongings – they've all just sat here as if waiting for me to slip up this time and come back here.
"Baby, please. Don't leave." Jacob whispers pulling me close to him in a huge hug. I'm crying now because this whole room mocks me and my weakness. Without another word I leave the house with Jacob following behind; he's begging, pleading with me to just come back inside and listen to him. That we just sit down and talk this out. But I get into my car and drive away without bothering to look at him. I can't talk to Jacob Black because then the simplest contact becomes something more. Something that right now I can't deal with – so I run. I run home and can only thank God that there isn't anyone home as I run up to my room and crash on the bed crying my heart out over Jacob Black and his declaration of love. I wish it was true, I want it to be true – but it's not.
A/N: So I've finally found the right conclusion to this chapter. Sorry it's taken me so long but no matter what I wrote it didn't feel right. But…if there's anyone left reading this fic you know what to do. Read, review and tell me what you think. Even encourage me requesting me to update sooner. ^-^