Patience And the Playground
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the Twilight characters. If I did I would NOT feel compelled to go home, find my copy of Breaking Dawn and THROW THE PIECE OF CRAP WORK AGAIN! UGH! You WHO-ined my Blackwater love. You hear me who-ined! How could you NOT see that Jacob and Leah were developing a relationship, that although not immediately based upon love but a deeply rooted respect (no matter how sarcastic) and understanding of one another. THAT is how you develop a relationship. Not have it THROWN at you in the package of some hot, sexy, muscular, russet...color...*shakes head* THE POINT IS RE-NAME-ME DOESN'T DESERVE JACOB BLACK! XD And this is ME taking a stand. Blackwater love!
So, my love life is completely and totally fucked up. That's the long and short of it, in a nutshell. Sam sleeps with my cousin and we break up. Jacob proposes to Bella and we, sort of, break up…? Then I get back with Sam, get engaged and break up with him. Okay, so this last one is all on me because I fucked Jake in his garage. I'd like to see any woman hold it against me. Anyone! Isn't that a Bible quote? 'Let she who is without sin cast the first stone.' Yea, that'll work. Really that's all I remember from Bible Study; well that and 'Jesus wept'. Best scripture – EVER!
But the last thing I need to do is dwell too long on the biblical ramifications of my actions. I'm sure He's not too pleased with the way things have fallen into line. But Dad has always told me that 'patience is a virtue' and I've been working pretty hard on that one bit of advice.
So when Sam told me about Jacob, supposedly, playing Devil's Advocate while sticking his hand, fingers, in my cookie jar; I was a bit angry at first. I mean, can he ethically give advice to both parties involved in a relationship dispute that aren't seeking 'couples' therapy? Jacob was telling me that Sam, obviously, had commitment issues and I should take a break from the relationship to focus on me and 'work out what Leah wants'. At the time, all I really wanted to do was to push him down on the sand and kiss that pretty mouth of his. But, I didn't – thank God.
And yet, he was telling Sam to be patient with me, 'express how apologetic and regretful you are about what has happened'. I'm sure the 'why do you think you slept with Emily' came up, but Sam didn't seem willing to share that with me. I'm touched that Sam followed Jacob's advice and a tidbit pissed that Jacob's advice actually worked.
The only thing that kept me from throwing in the last box and storming back over to Jake's garage was the desire to think this all over and be 'patient'. Life on a reservation isn't all bonfires, celebrations and Native pride. We have to deal with alcoholism, abuse (sexual, emotional, physical, psychological and substance), poverty, depression and whatever else you can think of. Jacob is basically La Push and Makah's local therapist dealing with all of these issues from the rowdy, violent 4-yr old that won't sit still in his preschool class to the 67-yr old drunk whose just found the beauty within crystal meth.
The government sends social workers and therapists to our land to help 'aid' in these issues but they never really last long. And the only reason that they come is so that they can write a book on the falling of the Red Man or because it looks good on a resume.
Jacob going into this field, at all, is commendable and that he finished is amazing as well. Jacob loves the work that he does and no matter how trying, challenging and depressing it all is, he still sticks with it. Who else was Sam going to talk to? Paul? Jared? Seth? Daddy? If you can't turn to your family and friends for good advice or support then there's only Jacob.
So my anger at Jake lasted for all about 20 minutes and was replaced with a tender awe and deep respect for him. I mean you gotta give him an A for effort; he tried to help Sam, all the while helping me deal with the issue. He never did anything to compromise what I was telling him and he never let on that he was helping Sam. My issues with the relationship and Sam's were two different problems altogether and he treated them as such. Jacob more than kept his doctor-patient confidentiality.
Now I know that we've both crossed the invisible line that separate casual and professional. It now means that I can't go to Jacob and discuss my issues because he's now personally and intimately involved in them. I can't expect him to step back and look at it from the outside; there are just too many emotions and feelings involved. As I'm certain it explains why he stopped helping Sam.
In light of all of this, I've found myself unable to approach Jake since his bold declaration of love for me. Maybe a simple 'I love you' would've sufficed but his 'I've always loved you' just – just…I don't know. It just kind of unnerved me. How could he always have loved me and yet still proposed to Bella Swan? Why does it bother me so much that Jake would propose to the girl that he dated all throughout high school and most of college? Oh…I don't know. Could it be because she's a worthless, lying, conniving and manipulative whore? That also took advantage of Jacob's warm, kind, gentle and understanding manner? Or maybe it's just jealousy? Jealous that despite the relationship we had going, he still chose her first, over me?
Am I really such a competitive person, that I can't even stand being second in a loving relationship? I mean before there was Jake, there was Sam. Then again, maybe it could be the continued 'friendship' that would still exist even if Jake and I became more than just friends or fuck-buddies? It's obvious that Sam wouldn't be a major player in my life but what about Bella? Would Jake still let her in? How far would she let us go before interfering – again?
"A penny for your thoughts?" I hear a warm, deep and familiar voice interrupt my musing. I can't help the smile that graces my face as I turn to look up at Embry Call.
"I strongly suggest you go find a Coin Star and just cash 'em in for dollars." I reply back with a sigh. Embry turns to stand by me looking out over the playground. Embry is one of Jake's best friend and mine too. It's funny how two of the biggest guys I know have taken up fields where they have to be kind, caring, patient and helpful. Embry and I took the same classes in college which is how we've gotten closer.
Embry's the 6th grade teacher and he's perfect for it. He's able to handle the boys who are caught in between nearing their pre-teens and are still children. He just possesses that sensitivity level that lets the boys open up to him and not feel too mushy. He's good looking in his own way, lacking the square and set jaw that Jacob has or that annoying but sexy over-confidence that Sam possesses. His features are a bit softer, making him more trustworthy, and his eyes are a smooth, creamy chocolate that just make me want to stare at them for hours with a tub of double chocolate chip ice cream.
"That many, huh?" Embry comments with a sigh. I nod my head half-heartedly and give him a shrug just for good measure. "Jake misses ya."
"Yea, I bet." I mumble letting my smile fall and be replaced with a frown. I know Embry's trying to be a friend and get me to confront my problems. But I just want to work out what they are first. Isn't the first step to recovery is admittance? Right now all I know is that I have fucked up relationships…all because of fucking.
"You can't avoid him for much longer." Embry pushes. I turn my head hearing some of the boys getting a bit rowdier than usual. Turning around I see one of my kids and Embry's squaring off.
"MICAH!" I yell across the playground. All the boys freeze at the sound of my voice; the two culprits both turn and look back at me sheepishly. I wave Micah over with a bored expression on my face. I'm not sure exactly what is said but Micah comes running over blushing.
"I'll deal with Aaron later on." Embry adds. I'm sure that Embry has fixed a hard and disapproving glare on Aaron as he quickly turns and runs off towards the swings. Only the girls and a few younger kids head over there.
"Yes, Miss. Clearwater?" Micah asks with a small pout on his round, russet face.
"Is everything alright?" I ask him, giving him a warm smile. Micah is one of my problem kids; he's sharp as a whip, with a tongue to match and is, without a doubt, a pretty boy. The only problem with Micah is the other boys. The girls love him because he can play the sweet, innocent boy that just makes you want to shower kisses all over him. Note the keyword 'play' and on the other he's a real athlete, knocking down any and every boy easily. He's going to be a real ladies man once he's older; but his mother suffered a stroke leaving the left side of her body paralyzed while his father is starting to slip into the early signs of schizophrenia. Micah can go far and I'm worried that something will hold him up; whether it's the problems with his parents, teasing from his classmates or his occasional problem with authority.
"Aaron said my mom was a retard." Micah admits softly leaning into me.
"Christ." Embry grumbles under his breath, but we both hear him.
"We all know that's not true." I offer up. I can understand Micah's desire to defend his parents because I sure as hell would be ready to do the same. "And you know that you're not supposed to be fighting at school."
"So…in other words…wait until after school?" Micah asks looking up at me with a mischievous grin on his round face. I can't help the laugh that escapes me because the smart ass in me was thinking the same thing.
"Leah." Embry scolds as I wrap an arm around Micah's shoulders.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry." I apologize gathering myself together. "No, you don't get him after school. You just have to find some other way to work this out." I continue feeling myself slowly slip into teacher mode. "I know it's easier said than done. But you're a smart kid and Aaron is too. I don't want to see you two fighting over something like that – and I'll let him know."
Micah seems to accept my ruling for the moment and nods his head in agreement. Releasing him to go back out and play, I frown thinking over how my relationship problems with Jake, doesn't seem so big when compared to all of Micah's problems. Yet, its times like these that remind of why I became a teacher, to help the kids out with their problems and make them feel safe, secure and respected while at school.
"You know you shouldn't laugh at comments like that, right?" Embry adds snapping me out of my thoughts. Looking up at him, I notice a small frown as he watches Micah run towards his friends.
"I couldn't help it. It was funny and he looked so cute saying it." I add.
"Well a lot of the boys have a crush on you. So just be mindful of what behaviors you show that might lead them to believe will impress you." I turn and look at Embry with wide eyes. There's no way, me laughing at Micah's joke would encourage him to start a fight after school. Right? "Hey, I'm only speaking from experience."
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"Take it from a guy who's done a lotta stupid shit to get you to notice him." Embry admits with a small smirk. "By the way, have you decided on no longer avoiding Jake, yet?" Embry asks before I can open my mouth to question him more. The last thing I need is another obstacle in figuring out my relationship problems. His question catches me off guard because there's a bit of finality to his voice; almost as if my time was up.
"JAKE!" I hear a few of kids scream across the playground. I am absolutely certain that my face pales as Embry takes a moment to laugh at me.
"Time waits for no man." Embry says patting my back comfortingly. Turning around I see Jake get out of, what can only be the Rabbit, but it's hard to tell with the quickly gathering ocean of children. With his huge frame, he easily towers over all of the kids making the kindergartners and 1st graders look like tiny midgets. The girls all squeal and the boys all try to get as close to him as possible, I think it's just to size him up. Jake is more than able to handle the huge mob of admirers but I still find myself being ushered towards them.
"Alright, let's calm down!" Jake says laughing, his eyes filled with so much excitement and love.
Damn him and those eyes. Damn him and his love of children only making me fall for him all over again. Why did he have to come today? Did it really have to be on the day I had recess duty? Isn't this like the longest recess in the history of the world? I groan internally wishing that my feet would stop moving towards him and just go in the other direction. Or maybe that Embry would remove his hands from off my shoulders; as I am certain that he's doing most of the pushing.
"Hey Jake!" Embry calls out behind me. I feel my body tense at how loud his voice is and quickly realize that I am directly in front of him; thus in Jacob's line of sight. Oh shit!
"Hey Embry. Afternoon Leah." Jake greets as he looks up from the kids. I feel my heart begin to beat like a 100 horses' hooves the moment our eyes meet. As hard as I try, I can't fight the goofy grin that grows on my face seeing him after a week long hiatus. The only consolation is that his grin is just as big, if not goofier than my own. It's like being in high school all over again.
There is a chorus of 'oohs' that snap us both out of our thoughts, daydream and lovers' gazing. I feel my entire body begin to heat up as I realize it's the kids. Oh my Gawd, the kids on the playground are oohing at me and Jacob. To add more insult to injury, a chorus of "Leah and Jacob, sitting in a tree" starts and I wish for once that my skin was actually red so that my blush wouldn't be so apparent.
"Miss Clearwater's blushing!" Some little girl yells and laughter erupts.
"Let's just hope marriage comes before that baby carriage." Embry whispers in my ear. Why? Why can't the ground just open up and swallow me? Embry laughs along with the kids as my hands rush to my burning cheeks, trying to cool them down to no avail. Looking down at my feet, I feel even more like a child on a playground being taunted and mocked by her peers.
"So, Jake, do you lo~ove her." A boy asks and even more laughter erupts across the playground. How come kids and animals are always the first to know anything?
"LOOK! JAKE'S BLUSHING TOO!" I feel some relief as the attention is taken off of me and is turned on our dear beloved counselor.
Fortunately, we're both spared anymore embarrassing comments as the bell rings signaling the end of recess. Saved by the bell. Taking in a deep breath, I find my resolve and finally look up, ready to get the kids moving back to some semblance of structure and place me back as an authority figure.
"Alright, that's recess. It's time to get back to your classes." I call out and the kids head on back towards the school building. I hurry the stragglers along, all the while feeling a pair of eyes boring into the back of my head. In keeping up with the teenage and immature displays of affections, I continue to ignore Jake's gaze and focus on the kids.
Don't you just hate it when someone else is right? Especially when you're really hoping, wanting, needing and, maybe even, praying that they'll be wrong? That's how I feel right now, sitting at my desk in my empty classroom. The kids are down the hall in their art class leaving me all alone when there's a sexy ass Jacob Black loose in the school. So maybe comparing Jacob to some wild animal is a bit much, but when he fixes me with that dark, lustful – NO! I will not let my mind wander down that dark and dangerous road.
Instead, I try to focus on the papers that I need to grade. Ugh, Ramona…would it kill you to use a period? It's hard to focus on grading papers when they are so horribly written. I know my kids are capable of more than this; it's just easy to pick out the hastily written papers and the ones that actually took time to write, proofread, edit and rewrite their assignment. I frown and sigh deeply making a note of all the kids that I'll need to pay more attention when the next writing assignment comes up.
Hearing a throat clear, I look up to see Principal Ellis standing in the doorway. "Leah, you've got a moment?" Mr. Ellis asks and I nod my head as he walks in. Mr. Ellis is the whole reason I even became a teacher. The man is like 70-ish and looks like the quintessential Native American that photographers search all over for to grace the cover of their magazine or article. I'm not just making it up; it's true. But, Mr. Ellis instilled in me a desire to learn and help my tribe through education and dedication. I quickly get up offering him my desk which he declines by taking my hand and patting it lightly. With his leathery face, dark tanned skin and worn wrinkles he reminds me of my Grandpa Henry.
"What can I do for you, Mr. Ellis?" I ask watching him closely as he sits down in one of the desks. Sitting on the edge of my desk I wait patiently for his answer.
"Are you and Jacob alright?" Mr. Ellis asks out of the blue. "I only ask because I've heard a few rumors," Mr. Ellis begins as my shoulders slump. "I just want to make sure that you're up to still working with him and the kids."
"Of course I am, Mr. Ellis." I break in. I've developed a pretty good rapport with the kids, maybe it's because next to Embry I'm the youngest teacher. But, with Jake being spread so thin between two reservations on a volunteer basis; it was decided that Embry and I would help him in handling the kids and teens in the La Push Tribal School. It's never easy but it's rewarding. The last thing I want is Mr. Ellis to think that I am unable to do my job properly. "What's going on between Jake and I will not interfere with our work." Mr. Ellis smiles up at me confidently and I breathe a sigh of relief. "We both love the kids too much to let a little…disagreement deter us."
"That's exactly what I wanted to hear." Mr. Ellis says standing up and patting me softly on the hand. "The two of you make too good of a pair, not to still be able to work out your problems." Mr. Ellis says as he heads towards the door. "You both have the same values, goals and ideals in life. It's hard now-a-days to find a partner like that; someone who shares so much with yourself. Someone who will not only understand your late nights but can walk you through them." My eyes narrow suspiciously at Mr. Ellis' back as he stands just within the doorframe.
"Uh…thank you, Mr. Ellis." I say, unsure of whether to be appreciative or skeptical of the old man's motives. I find that old people seemed to be obsessed with their younger counterparts getting married or at least hooked up.
"No, dear, there's no need to thank me." Mr. Ellis says before turning around to smile back at me. His eyes as sharp as they've always been since I was in 2nd grade and probably back when my parents were in school too. "Just knowing I can count on you is all the thanks I need. You two are a few of the good ones that haven't fallen short of your goals." My eyes widen as Mr. Ellis' eyes drift over to a person just outside my door and off to the side.
"Hey Lee," Jake greets stepping into the doorframe.
"So, I'll leave you two alone to discuss some matters." Mr. Ellis says before walking away. Oh, that sneaky, adorable, little old man.
"Not busy are you?" Jake asks walking inside my classroom. My heart begins to race again and I only shrug my shoulders resigning myself to my fate. It'd not do to kick Jake out after telling Mr. Ellis that I'd have no problem working with him. Did he plan on that?
"No, come on in. Make yourself comfortable." Immediately regretting the words the moment they pass my lips. In the past, Jake getting comfortable in my classroom meant him sitting on my desk or at least our bodies in very close and intimate proximity.
"I'll try." Jake says with a sigh. I watch in both a mixture of surprise and amusement as Jake tries to squeeze his huge frame into a small 4th graders desk. I chuckle at his attempts, his long legs barely fitting under the desk and the small chair behind him disappearing. Once Jake is comfortable, or at least damn near close, we look at each other and whatever feelings of anxiety I've had about this meeting is gone.
"Comfy?" I tease. He only looks at me letting out a deep breath. "Can you breathe?"
"Barely." He rasps out and we both start laughing.
"Get your fat ass out of there." I order still laughing.
"My ass isn't fat. I can't help that I've got excellent genes." Jake teases back and proceeds to try and get out of the desk. A few hilarious attempts later, Jake is out with some semblance of his pride left and me in tears laughing at his expense.
"So Embry said that Micah and Aaron almost had a confrontation on the playground?" Jake asks. Looking up at him, I notice there is a serious and, yet small, frown on his face. His eyes, however, have a glint of happiness in them. Even though we're getting ready to talk serious for a brief moment, I know that we're cool again. Taking a deep breath I begin to tell Jake my view on the matter from recess.
A/N: As promised here is the Decision update. W00T! YAY! Two updates in one day! IN ONE SHIFT! HA! And my sis doesn't think I'm productive at work because we IM one another all day. Pfft, now who's laughing? We both are because she's cracking up at a comment I made - but you get the point.
I apologize for the long pause in between updating. I think I've finally gotten over the depression that I was in over my flashdrive. I still have the thing but don't look at it longingly everyday like I used to. Although, I think I may have found a guy who can do a data recovery for me. I'm just not sure if I want him to know that I write smut. Damn my organization based up on story name and chapter updates leaving it easy for someone to cyber stalk me. It's happened before...any guys out there reading this (girls, you too, take heed). ADMITTING that you've cyber stalked someone...its a deal breaker. Don't EVER mention it on a date because you'll not only creep the person out but you'll look like the biggest loser EVER! And this is coming from a girl who just nerd'd out...again because she pre-ordered Fallout: Las Vegas and Fable 3 and can't wait to play.
Btw, if you play either game. Especially, Fable 3 OMFG LOOK ME UP! We can run Albion together! BLACKWATER LOVE! I'm thinking that maybe my new 360 account name. lmao.
But make my day and evening by leaving me a review. I know I haven't responded to all of my reviewers but I think I've worked out a system to get it done. So be honest and say, 'Kei, your updating suxs ass!' or 'Why would you end it there?' or 'Don't you think you're overdo for a pedi?'
To which I will respond with; 'Yes, you are so right. T-T I'm shamed!' and 'Really...because I thought it was a great place to end. I mean...so now what happens? *smiles evilly* Do they make up? Make out?' and 'Yes! OH DEAR GAWD, YES! It's been like 4-weeks since my last pedi and express pedis from Mitchell's Salon...SUCKS SAM'S BALLS! Waste of my money. I deserve to be pampered at $65. Which is why the woman only got a $5 tip out of me. I want my Aussie chick to do my pedis or at least Natasha. T-T Or maybe even the chick with the Team Edward button, so I can tell her how much Edward sucks and Jacob is TEN times the man Edward can ever hope to be!'
^-^ Hehehehe. And there goes not only my SM rant but my pedi rant as well for the day. Thanks for reading!