Chapter V
As always when a deadline was approaching and she did not know how to decide, Sarah kept busy. It had been a bit of luck that old Johnston had asked her if she could vaccinate his flock, since both Three and Shuck were always welcome to run with their sheepdogs, so at least her dogs were having a good time. And she was too busy with the sheep to beat herself up about what to do. Only it did not work. Sarah sighed. She could vaccinate the whole flock in her sleep, the sheep weren't even nervous and she knew she would be done in two hours the most. And then she would worry her looming decisions again, like an old bone. Her life was better than many, she had a job she loved, good friends and good times, and she knew that if she choose the labyrinth, she would at best get exactly the same - work and people she loved, a life she enjoyed. Why then did the entreaties of the labyrinth draw her so?
Sarah was not a woman given to lying to herself, she knew that the promise of magic and the impossible truth of the underground drew her. Yet she was old enough to understand that even the miraculous can become commonplace, and that duty and responsibility carry the same weight in a mundane reality as in a magical one. What called to her was not the glamor of magic, it was the labyrinth, it was as easy as that. Every night, as she dreamed of landscapes and creatures she had never imagined in her life, her self was enveloped in love and hope by a being so strange that she could not truly grasp it, yet it filled the void in her heart that had been part of her ever since Karen had died. Sarah had never loved a man as much as she had loved her family, and she had grown as close to Karen as a daughter may to her mother if they are lucky. The loss of first Toby and a few years later of her father had brought them even closer. Sarah had found strength and courage in the unshakable belief Karen had had in her abilities and achievements as in the encouragement she would give, as Karen had found belonging in Sarah's love and was engaged and appreciated in the large circle of friends that Sarah seemed to acquire wherever she went. At the end, Sarah was able to take care of Karen in the last short months of life her mother had from the diagnosis of cancer and death, even though her training was for animal medicine. She knew that with Karen's death she would truly be alone, and with her mother she buried the last vestiges of her childhood and youth. Afterward she never again let her guard down completely and never fully relaxed in anybody's embrace, as safe and taken care of as a child. She had learned to deal with the loneliness that is part and parcel of humanity and even accept it. And now, in middle age, against all odds, against the constraints of reality, she had again found the unthinking love and trust of childhood in the touch of the labyrinth in her mind. The knowledge that this touch could be her constant companion for the rest of her life was a powerful inducement. She would never be lonely again but held in love all her days. Which could however be a lot shorter than she might wish for. The nightly visitations of the last year were nightmares at times as much as dreams, and Sarah knew that she would be going into a dangerous future, war looming, in a world full of creatures she could not even begin to understand and conflicts outside any human experience to deal with. She would be leaving, without guarantees of happiness. But then again, when do humans ever get any guarantees?
/
As Sarah cleared the dinner table, she smiled at Eek over her shoulder: "Let's talk, Eek, I'll have a glass of wine. How about some hot chocolate for you?" The little goblin had spend the evening with Sarah, as he had done for most evenings in the last year. She had found that cooking was a lot more fun when you have someone to share your dinner with, and if Eek's table manners left something to be desired, his stories of the underground did not. Over time Eek with his upbeat swagger and mischievous innocence had become a true friend.
Sarah could not know that Eek's increasingly helpful and mature companionship had come to pass by his becoming - he had bound to her, against all odds, as goblins only ever bound to the chosen king or queen. Yet all the time that Eek had spent with Sarah she had not been chosen, but his love and devotion had first brought her to the labyrinth's attention. The labyrinth had found itself swiftly drawn to Sarah's bright, adventurous spirit, her curious mind and her vivid imagination, very different from that of the denizens of the underground, and both her stubbornness as her well-developed mean streak when it came to defending her own were a definite bonus. A good goblin queen had to be obdurate and cruel at times, it came with the territory. So the labyrinth set out to seduce the human woman to come home to the underground as its goblin queen, and it was willing to do just about anything to achieve its purpose. It loved her already, and its desire to have them bound to each other was absolute.
Sarah had found that while her dreams imparted to her the big picture of the underground and let her walk freely in the mind of the labyrinth and share in its musings, she could not communicate very efficiently with it yet, the simple give and take of questions and answers was beyond her ken. Eek had proven an invaluable guide through her maze of questions. Even fully become he was part of the labyrinth, yet like Sarah his physical presence was small and insignificant as compared to the labyrinth, which allowed him to understand her worries and questions in a way the labyrinth could not.
"Can I ever come back to the above unless I am called, just for a visit? It seems responding to a wish is the only time the goblin king comes here," she looked questioningly at Eek as she handed him his mug of hot chocolate.
"You is goblin queen," the little goblin stated as he was puffing on the cup to cool it down enough to take a sip. In Eek's mind there was no question at all. His Sarra was queen, and of course she'd come home with him. It was just that she wanted some more answers, which he was happy to supply. So she needed some more time, well, what did time matter? "You has labyrinth magic, and control of time belong to labyrinth. Time in underground is different from time in above, any chosen need time magic to come to get runners and wished-away." Sarah made a face. She was always a bit embarrassed when it came talking about wishing away as she did not feel she'd cut a very good figure.
"But you say that time passes differently here and in the underground. By the time I'd learned to control the time magic, everybody I love here is likely dead. All the stories tell of visitors to faerie who spend a year there only to find a hundred years passed when they came back. That is not exactly what I am looking for." Sarah was discouraged. She did want to go, but how could she give up everything she had ever loved without a second glance?
Eek looked at her with surprise. "No matter how long you is underground, you can go anywhen you wants. Time in Underground is no like time above. Little time after you run labyrinth other boy loose run for wished-away sister, nasty boy he was, nasty. Boy and girl born long before the white christ came. Goblin king and queen can go to anywhen above."
Sarah swallowed. Whom was she kidding? She had no idea what she might be facing, and she had the suspicion that her ignorance was bottomless. Nothing in her life had prepared her for even asking the right questions, let alone deal with the possible fallout of her ignorance. As she considered her possible future in the underground, she was gripped by a sudden paralyzing fear that she was not up to what the labyrinth was offering, that she would mess up and cause some serious damage. She could not bear the thought of causing the labyrinth damage, yet as she was about to reject the whole notion she suddenly felt herself enveloped in warmth, in love and acceptance, and she knew without a doubt that Sarah will never hurt me, together we can face anything, Sarah is brilliant and will learn all she needs quickly, I need Sarah, I love her, she is wonderful and will be doing great, do not fear, you will never be alone.
She shook her head as she felt tears roll down her cheeks, and found Eek sitting on her lap looking into her face anxiously, sqeeking: "Sarra is good queen, Sarra learn all she need, Eek always help, no worry, Eek know all goblins and all labyrinth, can show Sarra all she need know, please?"
Looking at the little goblin's worried face, Sarah made up her mind. Yes, she was ignorant, she knew too little about the underground and its denizens or about magic, but she was determined, she could learn, and as far as she understood she had all the time in the world to learn it. She knew that she perhaps was not the best choice for a goblin queen, but she was the one the labyrinth wanted. And she wanted to go to the labyrinth, wanted to belong and love it. She already loved the goblins, not just Eek, but also the other ones that came to her, all of whom seemed to care for her as much as she did for them. She did not mind they were silly, uncouth and a lot of work, they were also endless sources of wonderful stories, endless entertainment to watch as they were snooping through her belongings and bright-eyed rascals that brought her strange and often awful little presents: she enjoyed their company. She just needed to figure out how to go about learning the ropes of a goblin queen without causing too much damage. Sarah grinned. Well, perhaps it didn't really matter, after all, goblin queen and damage were not words that could not appear in the same sentence, now did they?