Pretty Words
Pairing: Severus Snape/Remus Lupin
Title: Trust
Word Count: 536
He noticed, that when he went to his bed- or when he came to his own- he never closed his eyes. Not once. Not when they kissed, or when he lay beneath him, or even when they were lying together, tangled up in post coital exhaustion.
He would have liked to call it bliss. But it wasn't, really. Not when he drew out the longest moans, or when they moved fast, furious, as if there was no time left in the world, or even when he was slow, sweet, tender, as if there was no one else but them who mattered, as if the rest of the world could wait, and he never shut his eyes, choosing to keep them wide open, dark, passionate, but still assessing, still watchful.
Still distrustful.
He tried to pretend it didn't hurt. He tried to pretend that, when they were both spent and he was dropping into sleep, his lover would turn on his side to watch him with those dark eyes, with affection, instead of wariness, instead of a silent guard in case he lashed out, transformed in his sleep.
He had once tried to talk to him about it. Tried to persuade him- show him he wasn't a monster all the time.
"I won't hurt you," he had said quietly, staving off Sleep's welcoming arms in favour of his lover. "I won't attack you at a random moment. I'm not that much of a monster."
"No," he had replied, just as quietly, calmly, "But you nearly did, once."
Remus would have said something in turn- some reasonable argument, if he had not felt the silent tremor of fear running through him, through Severus.
Instead he had sighed, turning over, fighting down the growing emptiness inside- the hollow feeling that only spread every time he looked at him, every time they slept together, every time they kissed and he saw the blank, watchful eyes.
They were doing it again. He was beneath him, writhing and sighing, in sync with his own harsh breathing, his own moans and sighs. And then he was looking into his eyes, silently pleading, silently begging for something, anything, some form of affection- maybe even want, need, lust.
But nothing. Only those masked, veiled eyes, so dark he could fall into them.
He came with a silent release of air- Severus following soon after.
Even at the peak, there was nothing in his eyes.
He sighed, the hollowness now a vast pit inside him, stretching on for eternity, and he was spread over it, fingers and toes desperately gripping to edges that were slowly crumbling, slowly disintegrating until he would fall, fall forever, and never resurface.
He turned over, not drowsy at all, only empty.
Severus touched his shoulder, and he turned around again, wanting to see his face, even if it was for nothing.
"Yes, Severus?" the name felt harsh, formal, but he couldn't bring himself to use any endearment, any affectionate term. It made him feel slightly sick inside.
His eyes were curious, head tilted slightly on the pillow. "Did you not enjoy it, Remus? Is something wrong? Schoolwork? With your friends?"
He smiled bitterly. "No, Sev. It's just a matter of trust."
Well. Angst, much? And er, Remus appears to be suffering from mild depression... Poor darling.
So, to those of you who said that they thought my fluff was OOC para mi, here you go, a solid block of angst, courtesy of me. Aw, hell, it makes me feel slightly depressed. :/
Anyways, this is quite exciting, because I now have nineteen reviews. Unfortunately all of them appear to be from my friends aka people who I know who know about fanfics aka people I pester for reviews until they submit. Ahem. Sorry storm-petrel, (or whatever your name is. You know who you are.) I'm being a bit hypocritical here. :O
Alright then. Bye, all you motherfuckers who read and can't be arsed to review. I know I'm awesome. Don't need you inflating my ego. Hmpf.
...
Yeah, not really. Review, you bastardised sodomites. (Haha, long words.)
Disclaimer: Don't own, fuck off, but I do own the Ruling Ninja of Uzbekistan, because she gives amazing hugs and I'm keeping them for myself. And I've claimed Tajikistan, which is so much more immense. And I'm a Samurai. Fucking ninjas...