So here's another chapter! I have a plan in mind and I hope I get it right!
I'm watching Andy Griffith while I write this so I hope I'm not influenced by it xD
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NATANI'S POV
I didn't like this, it didn't feel right! We had never argued like this before and I really didn't want to be doing it now. But I was not about to back down and be the submissive little wife, not this time.
"You know why we can't!" Edmund said, shaking his head and not meeting my eyes.
"I don't think the same way you do, Edmund," I shot back, "Aslan kept you here for a reason. And I believe that reason was for me."
"For YOU, exactly," he said, "But not for anyone else. We both know my life here is not permanent and when Aslan decides it's time for me to go how can I argue with that? It could be ANY DAY, Natani!"
"Shut up!" I snapped, my heart was quickening. I hated when he mentioned this! "I don't think Aslan would take you at a time like this!"
"Oh, so now you suddenly know everything about him?" Edmund asked sarcastically. He turned from me and threw Philip's saddle on and tightened it up.
"Sometimes I think I know more than you do," I mumbled darkly. The look he shot over his shoulder made me feel a little bad for saying it, but I was too angry to care.
"You aren't winning this argument, Natani," Edmund said, deadly serious as he tied his sword to the saddle. "I have to go out on patrol and when I get back you need to have accepted this."
"I won't accept this!" I shrieked, my eyes brimming with tears, "I want children!"
Edmund just looked at me with a blank stare and then continued getting ready to leave.
"You're leaving at a time like this?" I sniffed, "Just going to run away from your problems?"
"I have duties to perform," he replied stiffly, not looking at me. "As, a king, it's what I have to do."
"As a king?" I scoffed; my temper was about to go beyond livid and I could feel dark hatred bubbling up inside me and my voice dripped with venom, "You're a better king than you are a husband. You never EVER let one little kingly duty slip and yet you won't give your wife the time of day! I need you right now, Edmund! I want a child more than anything!"
"Shut up, Natani," Edmund had one foot in the stirrups, but looked almost too drained to pull himself up.
"No! I won't! You promised to be there for me and to give me everything you possibly could! You PROMISED!"
A thought came into my mind just then, a terrible thought that I knew shouldn't be there and I shuddered at my own mind, but in my current state, I didn't hold it back.
"You're just going to turn your back on this and ignore it like it will go away. It's just in your blood, isn't it? To constantly let people down? Once a traitor, always a traitor!"
As soon as it had come from my mouth, I regretted it. Edmund whipped around, his dark eyes locked on me and I was suddenly scared of him. He looked like he was going to beat me within an inch of my life. But surely my sweet, gentle husband would do no such thing, which is why I stood up straight and defiant as he strode over with his fists clenched. But I was wrong.
My eyes shot open wide and I gasped as his hands closed on my arms, just above my elbows, in a bone breaking grip. Pain shot up my arms, but that was not the worst of it. He pushed me roughly back into the courtyard wall and I whimpered and stared at him with eyes wide in fear.
"Don't you EVER speak to me like that again! Do you understand me?" he growled, his voice was completely unfamiliar and cold. I turned my head to avoid his eyes.
"LOOK AT ME!" I couldn't help it, my eyes slowly lifted back to his. "I said, Do. You. Understand?"
It took every bit of strength I had left to part my lips and whisper my yes.
He stared at me for a little longer and then roughly pushed away from me and immediately mounted Philip, who looked absolutely disgusted. I saw his big horsey eyes give me a look of "I am so sorry!" before Edmund yanked the reins and they walked away. I slid down the wall and fell into a sobbing heap, covering my head with my hands and not once looking up to see him go.
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EDMUND'S POV
I couldn't believe what I had just done. Oh, Aslan, what had I just done? I couldn't get the look on her face out of my mind, I had hurt her badly, emotionally and physically. What was wrong with me? I let go of the reins and ran my hands through my hair, trying to think about anything but what had just happened.
"Edmund?" Philip spoke up very carefully.
"Please, Philip," I whispered, not trusting my own voice. "Trust me, I feel bad enough."
"I wasn't going to rebuke you," Philip assured me, "I just want to know if you're alright?"
I couldn't believe he actually wanted to know how I was. I didn't even deserve to be considered at this point. But I was silently grateful for my faithful friend. He must have understood.
We rode on in silence, with the exception of a sniff from me now and then as I tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to come every time I pictured her shocked and frightened eyes and the look of utter disbelief that shone through both of those emotions. How would I ever make her trust me again after this?
Suddenly, Philip stopped, mid-step and whinnied loudly. My thoughts were shattered and my well-trained mind focused on the danger immediately. Had it been any form of danger other than this I would have been fine with taking it on, but the danger was more than just a stray Minotaur or a wolf and I found myself more afraid of this being than anything before. Aslan.
But this time, I didn't see even a glimmer of the compassion and love he usually held in those golden eyes. This time they were pure anger and I felt completely helpless. I dismounted and fell flat on my face in front of the Lion.
I heard a loud growl and felt his great paw press firmly onto my shoulder and found myself being raised to face him on my knees. I couldn't meet his eyes, they were too terrible, so I clenched my eyes shut and tried to steady my breathing. I didn't know what he would do to me; he wasn't a tame lion after all.
"Edmund." In that one word I heard a million different things. Accusation, anger, sadness, pity…
"Aslan," I barely squeaked out the word. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do when I looked up at his face.
"What have you done?" It was less of a question than it was a statement. He knew exactly what I had done.
"Oh Aslan," I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and they streamed down my face and splashed in the dirt at my knees. "I was so foolish. I let my temper get the better of me. But she was being so…"
A loud roar right in my ear made my accusation stop.
"I do not want to hear what she did, Edmund!" Aslan growled at me. My heart was threatening to pump right out of my chest in fright.
"It wasn't her fault," I said, and I knew it was true. I had treated her so unfairly and she had retaliated in the only way she could in a situation like that. "It was all mine."
"Now that you accept this, how will you repair the damage you have done?" Aslan questioned.
"Very…carefully," I responded.
"Go to her," Aslan removed his paw from my shoulder, "And stop thinking of the limits of your days. For I know the day your time here shall be done and it is not this day. This day you have to put things right."
And just like that, he was gone.
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Philip skidded to a stop in the courtyard and I apologized for making him run all the way back, but he just told me to get my butt into the castle and fix things. So I took the steps up to the door three at a time and ran inside. I looked around for her, in her old room, in our room, in MY old room, in the halls, but I couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, as I ran past the library, I saw her out of the corner of my eye. I looked around the doorframe and my heart squeezed tightly at what I saw.
She was sitting in the very same chair where we had both sat when I had taught her to read all those years ago. She was even holding the little red book on Faun celebrations that I had suggested she learn from. I swallowed a lump in my throat as I saw a tear slide down her face onto its cover. I knew she was sitting there thinking about the past, trying to figure out how we had fallen so far. I took a deep breath and knocked on the frame, stepping into the library slowly.
I don't what I expected, but the reaction I got stung far more than even Aslan's words. She looked up and the sad look was replaced immediately by fear. She jumped up from the chair and stood like she was ready to run at any given moment.
"Natani," I whispered, taking a step toward her. I froze when she took a step back. I couldn't believe that I had created this rift between us. She was terrified of me.
I waited for a bit to take another step toward her, but she stepped back and to the side a little. She wanted to have a shot at getting out the door if she decided to bolt. She reminded me of a scared mare.
"I need to talk to you," I said softly, trying to persuade her.
"You can talk from there," she replied, her voice was timid and quiet.
"Natani, please come here," I asked, trying not to order her around. I raised both hands over my head. "Look, see? I promise I won't touch you."
She looked at me funny, like she was fighting with herself inwardly. She finally took a few timid steps forward. Then, as if something snapped, she ran at me. I made a mental effort not to move no matter what she lashed out with, but found myself caught in a firm embrace and her lips met mine roughly. I was shocked to say the least!
She backed off for a moment and looked at me with big, sad, tear-filled eyes. It was all I could do not to wrap her in the biggest hug I possibly could but I kept my promise and didn't lower my arms. She gave me the tiniest hint of a smile and reached up and brought my hands to her face. She rubbed her cheek against my palms and I sighed in relief.
I pulled her into my chest and let my tears fall into her hair as I swayed her slightly, wanting to erase that entire morning and start over.
"I am so sorry, Tani!" I said through my tight throat. "I don't know what came over me. How can you possibly ever forgive me?"
"Only if you can forgive me," she whispered, "I don't know what made me say that to you. I knew exactly how it would make you feel but I said it anyway!"
I couldn't believe she was blaming herself! I pushed her back carefully and pushed her sleeves up her arms. I winced when I saw the hand-shaped bruises forming on her skin.
"Natani, how can you be blaming yourself when I did THIS to you?"
She rolled her sleeves back down without taking her eyes from mine.
"Because I forgive you."
We stood there for a good long time just holding onto each other, the feeling of being forgiven was a powerful thing. Finally, I had an idea how I could fix this even better.
I swept her up in my arms and carried her down the hall to our room. I laid her carefully on the bed and started showering every bit of skin available with kisses.
"Ed, what are you doing?" she sounded weary so I looked up to judge her condition. She didn't look tired, but she did look a little bit….disenchanted?
"I…just thought…" I didn't know what she was thinking so I hesitated in my answer.
"After what we argued about this morning I don't know if this is a good idea," she said softly, twisting her fingers through my hair.
"That's why it's a perfect idea," I finally realized why she was upset. She thought I was going to sell her short again like I always did out of the fear of bringing children into this world without knowing if I would be there for them. "Because you were right."
"I was?" Natani seemed shocked, she looked at me with hope shining in her eyes. I couldn't imagine how I had failed to see how important this was to her before!
"Yes," I replied softly, I kissed my way up her neck the way I knew she loved and stopped at her ear so I could finish my thought, "I may not know how long I'll be here with you, but why shouldn't that time be the best it can be? Natani, if you are sure you want kids…we'll make it happen"
I waited, lips poised above her ear, for some kind of reply or acknowledgement. Finally, I felt her fingers tracing the back of my neck the way she knew I loved and she turned her head to whisper to me.
"I'm sure."
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Wow, this is the longest chapter I ever wrote! But I just couldn't stop writing! I hope you enjoy it!
Reviews are pretty cool if you have time :D