episode 2, pt. 2

"Welcome back to Whose Line: Anime Style, where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Like Envy's fashion magazines." I thought I just kinda muttered that last part, but apparently I didn't, because the others laughed, and... well... Envy kinda pelted me with a crumpled up piece of paper. I rubbed my head. "Well, anyway... let's move onto a game called Whose Line. Yup, there's actually a game on Whose Line called Whose Line. And, this one is for Ed and Al, our favorite brothers." The two got up and walked over to my desk. "So in this game, Ed and Al will act out a scene, but every now and then, they have to read out loud one of the lines on these little strips of paper I'm about to give 'em..." I gave them the strips. Ed put his in his pocket and Al... well, Al stuck them in the side of his apron-thing. "...and work them into the scene. Which is... (reading card) Ed is the lead singer and Al is the guitarist of a band that is about to go onstage. So whenever you guys are ready, hit it."

Ed took a deep breath. "Mimimimimiiiii--"

"What are you doing?" asked Al.

"I don't know," he shrugged.

Al fidgeted for a second before speaking up again. "Um... are you nervous at all?"

"What? No way, why would you ask tha-- Al, how could you be nervous? You've done this a million times!"

"Uhm...can I tell you something?"

"What is it?"

"...That wasn't me that you guys went on tour with last month."

Ed's eyes widened. "What?!"

"It was just some guy in a giant suit of armor that could play guitar."

"Wait wait wait a minute. Al, are you telling me that you've never actually played a concert with us?"

"No, that's not it! I mean, I was at first, but that was back when we had the small audiences. I had no idea we'd get to be so famous, especially with a name like..." He pulled out a strip of paper and read it out loud. "Dude Looks Like A Lady."

Ed shrugged. "Yeah, we never should've let Envy name the band." Al shook his head. "Hey, I got it!" Ed went on. "Just pretend the audience is really small, like it used to be, so ya don't freak out."

Al took this into consideration. "I guess that could work."

"Yeah," said Ed, "just go out there, and as you're holding that guitar, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and tell yourself..." He read a strip. "Is that a talking head or am I imagining things?" Al looked at him strangely. "I dunno, it always works for me," Ed responded.

"Y'know, brother, I think you might be onto something. I'll just remember what Mom always told us," Al said before taking out another strip. "The fangirls are coming! The fangirls are coming!"

Ed sighed. "Yeah, she was a good mom. Always protecting us from those crazed women..."

"Yeah," agreed Al.

The two fell silent for a moment before Ed piped up, "So! With that in mind, think ya can handle going on with us?"

"Well..." Al began, "I don't know."

"Al, c'mon! What's there to be afraid of? They're just people," Ed reminded him. "I mean, if we mess up, it's not like they'll get so angry they'll pelt us with rotten food and start yelling..." He grabbed another slip. "'What the heck is that sticking out of your shoulder?!'"

Al's eyes widened. "There's something sticking out of my shoulder?"

"No, nonononono. I'm just saying, that's not gonna happen. Okay?" Ed replied.

"Okay." Al breathed a sigh of relief. "You scared me for a second there."

"Yeah, I could tell."

"Y'know something, brother?" said Al. "I think you're right. All I need to do is relax."

Ed smiled. "There ya go, Al! That's exactly what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah." Al took on a confident expression. Well, as confident as a suit of armor can look. "I'm gonna get on that stage, do my thing, and when that concert's over I'm gonna tell that audience... 'I like big butts and I cannot lie!'"

Ed's eyes widened. "Is that really what it says??"

"Yeah, look."

Al showed his brother the strip of paper he had just read. Ed read it over silently. "Omigod," he laughed.

Bzz! Bzz!

Ed and Al returned the slips and went back to their seats. I laughed. "That was really.. somethin'. Thousand points to Al for having the nerve to say that." Al kinda-sorta blushed, and Ed laughed. "Now we're gonna do another really good game called Quick Change. This is for everybody." The four in question walked down to the stage, and I went on to explain the game. "So the way this game works is, Ed, Al, and Lust will act out a scene, and Winry's gonna be off to the side. And every now and then, when the others say something, Winry is gonna say 'Change' and the other person has to change what they just said. So the scene is, Ed is rushing Al to the emergency room after an accident, and Lust is the doctor checking to see if anything is wrong with Al. Whenever you guys are ready, go ahead."

"I'm a doctor?" Lust asked.

"Yup," I laughed. She rolled her eyes, but went with it.

Al got down on the floor and slowly sat up and looked at Ed. "Brother? Where am I?"

"Al, you're up!" Ed exclaimed.

"Yeah... What happened?" Al went on. "Last thing I remember, I was in the park near a tree, then I woke up here."

"Change," said Winry.

"The last thing I remember, I was grabbing something off Dragon's desk, then I woke up here." I put my head in my hand.

Then Lust walked in. "Alphonse Elric?"

"That's him," said Ed, pointing to Al.

Lust looked down at Al's head and her eyes widened. "Oh my God, what happened to him?"

"Well, it's gonna sound kinda strange," Ed replied.

"I'm listening," Lust said with a shrug.

"See, he was chasing after a cat and smacked into a tree trunk."

"Change."

"A bird fell on his head."

"Change."

"It's Dragon's fault!" He pointed at me accusingly. I was resting my chin in one hand, tapping my fingers on the desk with my other one, and shooting Ed a dirty look.

Lust nodded slowly. "I see... We're probably gonna have to operate on him. He'll have to stay here overnight, but he should be good to go by tomorrow."

"Change."

"He should be out of here in a few weeks."

"Change."

"Gimme two minutes."

"Change."

"Well, hopefully he'll be okay by the end of the game!" she said finally.

Ed nodded after a moment. "Yeah, that's what I'm hoping for, too."

"Uh-huh," Al agreed.

"Let me show you what we'll probably be using, just so you don't freak out later," said Lust.

Al nodded in understanding. "Right, and give me time to freak out now." Ed laughed upon hearing this as Lust took out her 'tools.'

"Okay, we might have to use this pointy thing," she said.

"Change."

"We'll need to use this plunger and soccer trophy."

"Change."

"We'll use this kitten."

Al's eyes widened. "You're gonna operate on me with a kitten?" he said incredulously. There was a little bit of fear in there, too.

Lust snickered. "No, what lunkhead would do that? Fluffy's gonna operate on you. She's the best cat in the business."

"...Really?"

"M-hm. Graduated Feline Medical School no problem. Best surgeon you could ask for."

"Change."

"You should see her operate the CAT scan, she's incredible."

Bzz, bzz! "Okay, that's it," I said. The four went back to their seats without any hesitation. "Sorry if that was a kinda weird ending, I ran out of ideas." I shrugged.

"Um.. Dragon?" asked Al.

I turned to face him. "Yeah?"

"Who are you talking to?"

I gave him a look that said something like 'Come on, man.' "My audience."

"Ohh."

"Yeah. So now let's move on to a game called Superheroes. Once again, this one is for everybody." Everyone got back down on the stage. Lust, Winry, and Al stood off to the side while Ed stood smack in the center. "Okay, in this game, Ed is gonna start off as an unlikely superhero. So, what I need from the audience is an unlikely name for a superhero. (suggestions) I heard Hot Dog Man, that works."

"Hot Dog Man?" Ed asked.

"Yup. Now I need a crisis concerning Hot Dog Man. (suggestions) No ketchup! Yeah, I like that. So, Ed is Hot Dog Man, the crisis is there's no ketchup, and Al, Lust, and Winry are gonna come in later as Ed's 'superfriends.' So, there's no more ketchup in the world, Hot Dog Man! What are you gonna do?"

Ed shrugged after a moment. "Not too sure," he said. Then he got into character.

Ed sighed. "Man, I'm hungry." He looked down at his arm in slience for a moment. "...Nahh." His head then perked up. "That sounded like the crisis stand!" he gasped. He ran a few steps forward and jumped back in shock. "Oh my dog!" he exclaimed. "The world is out of ketchup! Oh man, I hope my superfriends show up to help me."

Al ran up to his brother. "Hey," he said.

Ed turned around and looked at him. "Oh, thank goodness you've arrived, Captain Paranoid!"

Al glanced around the studio with a strange look on his helmet-face-thing. Then he said, "Sure, that's what you're saying now! I betcha the seond I leave, you're gonna start cracking up at how--"

"Listen, there's no more ketchup in the world!" Ed interrupted.

"Well what's that supposed to mean?"

Ed had nothing to say to that. Fortunately, Lust chose that moment to pop in and take a glance at Ed.

"Sorry I'm la-- Ooh, nice buns."

Ed put his head in his hand.

Al threw up his hands. "Great, now.. Afraid-of-the-Smallest-Thing Girl is here."

Lust let out a small laugh. Ed walked up to her and exclaimed, "I need to tell you som--" To which she yelped and jumped back. He sweatdropped.

"Sorry," Lust replied, just as I happened to take a drink of somethin' from the mug on my desk. She then looked down and saw her, uh.. chest. "Whoa! Wait, what am I freaking out for? Those aren't small."

I did a spit-take. Everyone looked in my direction and I smiled sheepishly. "Heh. My bad."

Winry jumped into the scene. "What'd I miss?" she asked.

Lust shrieked. Then she let out a relieved sigh. "Oh, it's only you... Captain Ego."

"...Only me? What do you mean only? How many Captain Egos are there in the world? If you ever even think about confusing me with some chump not even worthy of my name, I swear, I'll--"

"Winry! Winry, breathe!" I shouted.

Winry turned around and looked at me. "Oh. Was I getting too into that?" she asked, a sweatdrop rolling down her head. I nodded. "Sorry."

"...Guys, listen to me," Ed went on. "The world has run out of ketchup!"

Lust screamed again. "What do you mean there's no more ketchup?" Al asked. "Is that some way of calling me stupid?"

Ed gave him a strange look. "Uhm... no."

"Right," said Al sarcastically.

"Please, no more ketchup my wrench!" Winry said. "I brought tomatoes, duh. Hot Dog Man, all you need to do is plant these in your garden and turn them into ketchup or... something."

"That's brilliant!" Ed exclaimed.

Winry smiled. "I know. Now if you'll excuse me I need to buy a mirror." With that, Winry walked away.

"That was really scary," Lust shuddered. "I think somewhere in there she turned into Sharpay." She then followed Winry to the side of the stage.

Al pointed to Lust as she left and asked Ed, "Was she talking about me?"

"No."

"I'm so sure." Al rolled his eyes as he, too, walked away. (Wait, can he roll his eyes?..)

"Well," said Ed proudly, "another crisis averted thanks to Team Food Court!" He gave the audience a thumbs-up, then looked at his thumb curiously. "...Nah."

Bzz, bzz!

Everyone returned to their seats as I applauded them. "Nice job, a thousand meaningless points to everyone," I said. "Especially Lust for having the courage to mock herself like that." Lust gave her eyes a slight roll and shrugged. "Okay, so we'll be right back to find out who the winner is on Whose Line: Anime Style! Don't go anywhere!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Welcome back to Whose Line: Anime Style!" I shouted to the audience as I stood on the stage with Ed, Lust, and Winry. "Tonight's winner... (point to desk) Alphonse Elric!" Al waved from over at the desk. "So, as punishment, me and the losers are gonna do a game called World's Worst." Ed, Winry, Lust, and I took a step backward onto the small step behind us as I went on explaining the game. "This is another good game. Ed, Lust, Winry, and I are gonna stand up here on the World's Worst step and come up with examples of the world's worst what, Al?"

Al opened an envelope on the desk and read it aloud: "The world's worst opening act for a show."

"Okay," I said, "world's worst opening act. Here we go."

Ed stepped down first, holding a fake microphone in his hand. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, sit back and enjoy the lovely singing voice of Yomi Mizuhara."

Bzz!

Azumanga Daioh joke. Yeah. Ed stepped back, and Winry went down. She took a deep breath, then said, "Okay... Is this your card? Really?... Okay, how 'bout this one?"

Bzz!

"This one?"

Bzz!

"This one. Please say yes."

Bzz!

"Sorry." She smiled, stepping back.

I went up next. "Take me out to the cro-- ball- ballgame, uh, Take me out to the... thing-- no, crowd, umm, Buy me some.. stuff but I don't know what--" Al buzzed me, and I walked back. By the way, I'm not as stupid as I make myself out to be, I do know the lyrics to 'Take Me Out To The Ballgame.' 'Kay? 'Kay.

Lust took a step forward. She rubbed her temple and said thoughtfully, "...Does it start with an R? Oh, really, it does? I- I mean, um... Ray. No? Okay, then iiiit's Roger. Oh, are you kidding me?"

Bzz!

"Okay, Roy."

"Yes!" Mustang said in the audience.

"Not you," said Lust.

Mustang sat back down. "...I knew that."

Lust shook her head and stepped back. I went down again.

"'Cause it's 3, 2, 1 strikes--?... Uhh, at the old ball--"

Bzz!

I walked back laughing. Then Ed stepped back down and said, "No, see, you put your right foot in, then you put your right foot out, then you put your right foot in, then ya shake it all about, okay? Got it?"

Bzz!

"Good."

Winry stepped down again. "Okay, okay, I got one: Why'd the chcken cross the road? Huh?... C'mon, people, don't leave me hangin'!"

Bzz!

As Winry went back, I went down again. I turned around so my back was facing the audience and pulled the sleeves of my shirt down just above my elbows, took off my glasses, and took my hair out of its ponytail, then faced the audience, looking a heckuvalot like Lust, if you ask me.

"Okay, who am I?"

Bzz!

Lust (who by then had made a mental note to sharpen her nails later) stepped down.

So did Ed.

So did Winry.

Lust stepped back.

So did Ed.

So did Winry.

Ed stepped down.

So did Winry.

They stepped back.

Lust stepped down.

So did Ed.

They both stepped back.

"That's what it's all about!"

Everyone looked at me. I sweatdropped. "...Don't mind me."

After a brief awkward silence, Lust stepped down. She paused for a moment before sticking out her tongue and attempting to touch it to her nose. Desperately.

Bzz!

"Wait, wait, wait, I got it!" she said to Al. He sat back, waiting for it to actually happen. And about ten seconds later... she got it. And the crowd went wild!

Bzz bzz bzz!

Ed went over to high-five Lust... then thought better of it and held out a fist, which she then bumped. Hard. He shook his wrist out, mouthing the word "Ow!"

"Thanks for reading, everybody! See ya next time in Whose Line: Anime Style!"