MONSTER
A GLEE fanfic
By: Something Dysfunctional
Chapter One: Cold Feet
Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah. We all know who owns it, who runs it, and who's in it. The question is, who is in MY fanfiction? Ha... hahahaha. Easy. Finn and Kurt. Why? Well, my fellow Gleeks, there's always a ton of reasons "why". The first? I don't like the idea of Finn and Rachel together. She's a terrific singer, don't get me wrong! But I don't think Finn is her "ideal type". Jesse is, I think. Secondly, Quin+Puck+pregnancy=Not A Chance In Hell. And thirdly- C'MON! Kurt SO needs to be with Finn. There's a chemistry between them and something WILL happen later on in the season. I'm sure of it! -laughs madly- But anyway, let's sit back, relax, and enjoy this delicious little story. Remember, review nicely and happy reading!
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It's hard to be perfection. In fashion and singing, that is. All of my time is dedicated to those very things. I look good not to impress, but to feel like I know I am fierce. I sing to my heart's content because... well...
okay, I'll admit it. I KNOW I can sing. It's for a given fact. Why else would I have dedicated my time watching Babs, Judy, Liza, and Beyonce? To give myself a voice- an outlet. High school is like a vast play-ground for children. You have the usual: jocks, cheerleaders, the in-betweeners that never get made fun of or just don't really get glanced upon, the goths, the nerds, and last, but certainly not least, the dramatic students. That's when I come in; I am a drama student. I'm part of a rag-tag team of the Glee Club at McKinley High known as New Directions that is run by our Spanish teacher, William Schuester. Apparently, he had his glory days of being in the Glee Club back in the day and wanted to give others a chance at full-filling a dream of those wanting a voice.
Luckily, I already had mine.
As the morning was winding down, I straightened out the collar of my Calvin Klein button down and brushed back a lock of my hair back into its place as I paraded down the high school hallways. We were on our way to Regionals for the Glee Club and it was starting to show a little bit on the fellow members. But not me. There is no excuse to not look your best for ANYTHING. I mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. Especially if it falls under the category of said one Finn Hudson: star quarterback of the football team, tall and dreamy, and a complete idiot at times. He's too adorable, naive, and overly sweet. Sort of like a puppy.
And I was madly in love with him.
...what?
I had been forever. And since the incident with his ex-girlfriend, Quinn Fabray, being pregnant by his best friend, Noah "Puck" Puckerman, and the constant stalking/disgusting/horrible display of flirting by Rachel Berry, Finn was completely lost and tended to wander around by himself. Enter one excellent and fashionable Kurt Hummel, diva and Finn's shoulder to cry on. Of course, you may think it's because I am doing it for his affection. Well, duh. For someone to get what they want, they will do any means necessary for their goal. Mine was just getting Finn to notice me and depend on me more. I want him to go, "Rachel Who?" and go on about me. Conceited, I know.
That's how I am.
I twirled the knob on my locker before History class, opening the door and preening at the mirror that was on the side littered with cut-outs of my favorite icons and crushes- celebrity, mind you. You think I would actually have a photo of Finn hanging up? It's secretly stashed in one of my folders. Making sure each strand of hair was perfectly in place and that I was looking fresh and clean, I grabbed my History book, placed a hand-kiss on Lady GaGa's face and turned to walk away.
Only to meet face-to-face with a sturdy chest that injured my cute nose. "What the hell?," I exclaimed, clamping a hand over it. "Sorry, Kurt. I didn't mean to scare you like that... you okay?," came the concerned and sheepish voice of my inner desires. Looking up, I melted once I say Finn's chocolate eyes. "Of course... but why did you sneak up on me like that? Something the matter? Could it be that you finally realized you need more patterns in your wardrobe than plaid?," I fluttered on, gesturing a hand at his shirt. He glanced down, his brow furrowing in curiosity. "Is it that? Wait, no, no, that's not what I mean. I just wanted to see if I could borrow your Spanish notes before Shcuester's test? I wasn't paying attention last time," he rambled on, embarrassed. I smiled genuinely and turned back to my locker. "Certainly. Just make sure you give them back to me in between classes," I said in a soft tone, my neck tingling as Finn stared me.
I took out the two-paged notes and handed them to him, our fingertips barely brushing each other. Electricity raced through me like a pull of fire. No, seriously, it did. Think of all that "Twilight" nonsense for a moment-
EXACTLY like that.
I drew back my hand so calmly and professionally, I think I surprised myself. "Have fun with those," I said carelessly and walked off, tightening my hold on my book bag strap with each step I took. My fingers were burning, scaring me almost as I cradled my hand then to my chest, eyes on the floor. 'You're acting like a schoolgirl in a playground. Is this how you behave? Honestly...,' my mind rambled. I shook my head and walked into History class, hoping that Finn didn't feel what I had. He probably is still standing there, looking so dumbfounded and confused.
What a little puppy.
--
"Boy, there is seriously something wrong with you today. You're not... prissy enough," Mercedes Jones stated at lunch, looking at me with her searing caramel-colored eyes. I sighed and looked at her. "There's plenty of pissy in me, Mercedes. I'm just not feeling it today. Hmm, I wonder if I need some shopping therapy later on," I mused to myself, thinking of the sales racks at the tiny mall and my excellent tastes throwing certain articles of clothing together. "That could be it, but mind if I bust your bubble for a moment? Our boy, Finn, has been looking over here for over seven minutes. That interest you enough?," Mercedes smirked into her pasta salad. I perked up at this and oh-so-coolly, glanced over my shoulder to see that my best friend was right. Finn was sitting with the other jocks and Puck, his eyes boring into my own.
It was kind of... scary. Not in a Stephen King way, but like "how do I figure you out" look. I felt my heart leap and turning my head away, I leaned down towards Mercedes. "I don't know why he is. I haven't done anything out of the ordinary," I said casually. Mercedes throw me a look and made a noise in her mouth, not believing me. "Back track: you said he needed to borrow your notes earlier. Anything happen then?," she asked. I didn't really want to tell her about the spark I felt when I briefly touched his fingers... that was private! "Nothing happened," I repeated, picking at my salad, eyes cast down.
I didn't want her to know.
--
Glee was then soon upon me, and I bounced into the room with Tina Cohen-Chang, arm and arm with her as we sailed to stop in front of Artie Abrams, striking up conversation before the rest of the club filed in. I stood with my hip jutted out, arms crossed over my chest, flicking my hair ever so often as I saw a familiar build out of the corner of my vision. My Finn was here at last. I continued the talk til Mercedes joined in. I stood straighter and allowed myself to laugh out loud, only so quietly and filled with a husky flair. I've been practicing to not sound so girly. And the same feeling from his previous staring raced up and down my spine and I relished under the scrutiny.
"Okay, class, settle on down," came the voice of Mr. Schue. I walked to my seat beside Mercedes and for some odd reason, Quinn took my other side, her doe-brown eyes flickering to me and a small smile grace her too-pale skin. Shocked, I gave her a uneasy smile back and turned my attention to Mr. Schue. "So, the Regionals are on us soon, and so, for a little fun, I thought we'd work on some older pieces to reach back to our roots of musicals," he said with a air of excitement, rubbing his hands together as he grinned. I sat up and leaned forward, matching his aura. I loved musicals more than polishing my Barbie tiara. Several groans filled the air from Puck, Matt, Mike, and Finn. Typical. "Which ones were you thinking about?," I asked.
"Oh, you know... the old school ones... "RENT", "Fiddler On The Roof", "Oklahoma!" and a special one for you, Kurt. I picked it out myself," Mr. Schue said off-handled, handing me a thick pack of sheet music. I glanced at the title and allowed a shaky breath to gasp out. "You're giving me... Phantom?," I asked, my voice quivering.
"Of course! It suited you when I was looking them up yesterday. It practically screams your name, Kurt," Mr. Schue smiled warmly. Rachel's hand immediately went up. "I do believe that showing favoritism, Mr. Schue. I personally do not see a special reason why Kurt gets to have "Phantom of the Opera" and not someone else," she sniffed, obviously pouting while her boyfriend, Jesse St. James , wrapped a arm around her shoulders sympathetically. Beside me, Quinn sighed and mumbled, "Jealous idiot", under her breath. I chose that moment to stifle a giggle and playfully punch her in the arm. She warmed under the affection and leaned against me, smiling wholly.
"I wasn't showing favorites, Rachel. I chose it because I know Kurt can hit those high notes. I'm giving him a chance to show us how a make soprano can "really" sing," our teacher explained. "So, you're saying you're giving us songs that show us our strengths?," Artie asked, folding his hands together in his lap. "Precisely! I want each of you, to bring out what's within you in one song you think depicts yourself," he said, passing out the rest of the music to the members. I sat still, clutching Phantom to my chest, the warm lean of Quinn's body and started to day-dream of myself on stage, singing...
--
It was empty. One lone spotlight shone on me, the color of fluorescent moonbeams. I raised my head up, closing my eyes:
"Think of me,
think of me fondly when we've said goodbye.
Think of me,
once in a while, please promise me you'll try.
When you find,
that once again you long to take your heart back and be free,
if you ever find a moment,
stop and think of me..."
And then I stopped, unsure of myself.
What was I singing for? And for who?
I stopped altogether and walked off the stage, my feelings and heart left behind me.
--
I drew myself out of my mind when I heard Mercedes call out my name. "Yes?," I murmured, my nerves suddenly shot. "Mr. Schue wants us to practice on some songs. Be my partner?" I started to nod, when my stomach violently churned. "Uhm... give me a moment. I need to go to the bathroom," I said swiftly, lowly. I raced out of the classroom and down the hallway, the smell of cleaner supplies, body cologne and perfume, lunch, and other unpleasantness filling my nostrils. I made it in the girl's restroom in time to a stall and throw up everything in my stomach. I gasped, holding the ceramic bowl for life as I heaved and silently cried.
What was wrong with me? Calm, cool, collected Kurt Hummel had blown everything. Embarrassed and humiliated, I slumped to the floor and leaned back against the stall wall, hiccuping quietly.
"Kurt... you okay?," came a gentle voice from the door. I glanced down at the floor and saw cute, white ballet slippers with silver lining them. "Quinn?," I asked hoarsely. The door pushed opened, revealing the blonde former Cheerio. We silently regarded each other until she joined me, sitting back on her haunches, the pink baby-doll blouse showing off the rounded belly that was growing in her teenager body. "I knew something was wrong with you," she murmured, her face concerned. "How did you know?," I snapped irritatedly, not really meaning to. "I felt it," she answered, blinking slowly, her long eyelashes falling on her cheeks. "When Mr. Schuester handed you that sheet packet, your whole attitude changed. Then, you got really still... and you clenched up. Your whole posture changed. That's how I could tell. What were you thinking?," she asked, taking my hand. I swallowed, not wanting her to know my deep secret.
"Finn?"
Well... damn.
Quinn smiled so sweetly and then giggled. "Come on. Let's go back to class," she offered.
--
That night, at home, I sat on my bed, huddled in my large blanket of white fleece, listening to Madonna croon on my CD player. My heart was a clutter of feelings: the sudden friendship of the pregnant blonde ex-cheerleader, Finn's questionable stare, and my own battling urge to call Finn and see what he meant from today in the cafeteria. Sighing, I ran my hand over my face and stifled the impulse to cry. I knew what I wanted. I stood, padding over to my tall dresser. I knelt and opened the last drawer, the smell of a mother washing over me. I held one of Mom's blouses to my nose and inhaled deeply, wrapping my soul around that piece of fabric. "Mom... what do I need to do?," I asked timidly. I knew there was no "real" answer, but I could imagine it. Something along the lines of, "Follow what's in your heart." But, Mom, diva's can't show off their heart- it has to be covered in ice and never revealed the inner most wishes and desires. We can only flaunt how amazing we are in looks and character, never showing how we really felt.
The more I inhaled the stale but poignant scent of my mother, my mind floated to a particular song from Cabaret...
'Why should I wake up?
This dream is going so well.
When you're enchanted,
Why break the spell?
Drifting in this youthful state,
Morning can wait,
Let it come late.
Why should I wake up?
Why waste a drop of the wine?
Don't I adore you And aren't you mine?
Maybe I'll someday be lonely again,
But why should I wake up?
Why should I wake up till then?'
And when morning came, I found myself wrapped around my mother's blouse, on my bed, and with the faint taste of stale tears in my mouth.
I had woken up, but still dreaming of Finn.
--
I hid behind my locker door until I felt a presence hanging over me. I closed my eyes briefly and inhaled a silent intake of air. "Yes?," I asked mildly. "Here are your notes. I never got a chance to give them back to you," came the sullen reply. I turned, not looking into Finn's face as I accepted them back gratefully, if only a little bit more sadden. "Hey, uhm, about yesterday... you seemed sick during Glee when you came back with Quinn. Are you okay today?," he asked, trying to start a light conversation. Grimacing, I looked up and answered rather dully, "I'm better than what I was yesterday. For a odd reason, I had developed a sense of stage fright-"
"Wait... you? Scared of being onstage?," Finn asked incredulously, blinking rapidly. "Sometimes it happens to the best of us," I grounded out, turning around. "Was it because of the Phantom songs Mr. Schue gave you? I know I'd be kinda freaked out. "Phantom" was a good show and movie, but it's a lot of pressure," he blew out, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "Are you implying that I can't handle it? That Rachel Berry should have my glory?," I sneered, now feeling ugly. Finn blanched and I slammed my locker door with the grace of Joan Crawford and pushed away from him. "Remember who you're talking to, Finn Hudson. If someone tries to take something from me, I latch on and won't let go," I reminded him in a icy tone, glaring at him.
"I-I didn't mean to piss you off...," he trailed off, his face flushing a light pink. "Of course you don't mean to. You never mean to, Finn," I sighed, rubbing my face with a free hand.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
Suddenly, I felt a large hand over my forehead, as if checking for a temperature. I stood there in shock as I let the love of my life touch me, his touch making my blood boil. My heart seized up in my chest and I held my breath, daring to believe any of this. "You seem hot. Maybe you need to go home? We can't let you get sick," he murmured thoughtfully, his eyes narrowed some in concentration.
"We?," I managed to croak out.
"The Glee Club. And me. We need you in there," he smiled, brightly and stupidly. The lovable dummy. I inwardly groaned at his innocent charms and leaned into his hand, trying not to give up. "Maybe...," I mumbled, my cheeks hot and hands shaking some.
"And I don't think Rachel needs your glory. You do find without her," he implied, smoothing back my hair and stepping away. "I know I do," I whispered and closed my eyes, the electricity still swimming in my body. The bell rung for the next period and I was upset that my small time was cut from Finn. I turned around, ignoring his stare. "Hey, Kurt?"
"Yes?"
"... also, about yesterday, when you touched my hand..."
Damn! I thought he forgot all about that!
I kept my back to him and straightened it, ready to take the bullet. "What about yesterday?," I hinted at.
"You shocked me. It kinda stayed during the day with me. Weird, isn't it? Did it happen to you?," he asked, his voice unreadable. I shrugged nonchalantly. "I guess. I will see you later, Finn."
I left him again in the emptying hallway.
What a puppy.
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Odd chapter, huh?
Trust me; it'll get better. :)
I hope everyone is in character SO far for ya'll.
---the moonlight carries the message of Love.---
Later Days...!
-SD
"Think of Me" - Phantom of the Opera
"Why Should I Wake Up?" - Cabaret