§2 Gluttony
Many think that Yoshis are extraordinary in their ability to lay eggs irrespective of the sex of the Yoshi. This is not the case – the "eggs" the male Yoshi lays can never ever hatch. What actually happens is that when a Yoshi wishes to defaecate, it encases the waste matter in a hard outer shell for reasons science remains unsure of. Thus anyone who wishes to have hard-boiled Yoshi eggs for tea and takes them from a male Yoshi is likely to get a nasty shock once they see the "yolk". A further puzzlement for science is how some Yoshis manage to produce enough of the "eggshell" material to surround their entire body, giving the Yoshi vastly increased speed. But science is busy enough trying to figure out why Pokémon can be transferred as digital information and how Zelda can produce fire from her fingertips by calling for it. Science works slowly on Nintendo.
This is in stark contrast to Yoshi, who managed to roll in thirty-five hours from the desert between Hyrule and the Mushroom Kingdom all the way southeast to the place where Eagleland, Hyrule and the mountain range to the north of Kanto all met in a great big hodgepodge of nationalities. That included the time needed to sleep and steal some fruit from various Hylian shops. Try rolling from near the French/English Channel to the Mediterranean in a zorb in the same time frame and you will have some idea of what he did. Oh, and the zorb must be nearly opaque, almost rigid and only slightly bigger than yourself.
Reaching the meeting place at eleven at night, he slept at the foot of the mountains before setting off again in the morning along the mountain range. His sense of smell penetrated the shell better than his sight did, allowing him to stop near fruit trees (here, just outside Kanto, berry trees were common) and fill his quickly emptying belly. Had a LOVE agent wished to tail him, it need only have followed the trail of stripped trees. Fortunately, there was no such LOVE agent, and Yoshi reached the foot of the Kanto-Eagleland pass they had used earlier by mid-morning.
Once again, his excellent sense of smell came into play. It was not the first path up the mountains he had stopped at, smashing out of his shell, sniffing the earth and then carrying on his way. At this one, however, Wario's scent still lingered a week after they had left Kanto by this route. Yoshi gave a squeak of satisfaction (or a cry of dismay) and began to jog up the mountain pass.
And what kept him going along this long and tiring journey? What thoughts did he occupy himself with during the twenty-seven hours he spent in an eggshell, rolling along, and now that he was running through the mountains? What staved off the intense boredom, and the even more intense loneliness? Yoshis are social creatures, living together in groups and doing all their daily activities ensemble. The past few weeks, with no Yoshi company, had been hard enough to bear.
His rumbling belly and when he would next get to fill it was always a concern, of course. He worried about his companions, especially Peach, who had sometimes remembered to treat him as more than a dumb animal. He worried about the heroes, held captive by the LOVE in whatever the "Dark Prison" was. He worried about anyone and anything being oppressed by the LOVE, open-hearted creature that he was.
But most of all, he worried about his people. A sole bastion of resistance in a world taken over by the LOVE (not counting the recently liberated Eagleland), having already fought off an invasion attempt by Bowser it was bound to be targeted in future LOVE attacks. The Yoshis were spirited fighters, but should the might of the LOVE army fall on them the survival of the island was in significant doubt. He felt guilty about leaving them at such an important time, and this gave him extra resolve to finish his current task as quickly as possible.
As he ran along the mountain path, he stopped and looked down the mountains. The massive forms of two of the Pokémon that had attacked them here a week ago still lay on the mountainside, moaning slightly. The third, giant sky serpent and LOVErnor of the Pokémon regions Rayquaza, was nowhere to be seen. Yoshi pressed onwards.
Finally, just as a gentle rain began to fall, he saw a little clearing with a decrepit shop, some rickety benches and several rock caves. With a leap of joy, and barely stopping to help himself to some nearby Leppa Berries, he ran down the path towards it.
o o o
Inside one of the caves, an inflatable pink ball gently placed three wet sponges on three feverish brows lying on beds of moss. By its side, a tall man in grey with unkempt hair shook their blankets out, his eyes wandering to and fro. The pink ball began to sing a cheery melody in an oddly soothing tone.
"Jigglypuff, please don't sing," said its companion. "It makes me drowsy, and I've already slept for twelve hours today."
Jigglypuff shrugged as best it could with no shoulders and bustled out of the door. It nearly bumped into the dozy green dinosaur as he collapsed into the cave.
"Yoshi?"
The man in grey ran stiffly towards the entrance, crouching down by the new arrival. Yoshi opened a tired eye and squeaked.
"I'm fine, I guess," said the man in perfect Yoshi. "I don't dare venture far outside the clearing, so I've been living on berries and supplies from the old shop, and my clothes stink."
Yoshi took a sniff and woke up directly, grasping his nose in his hands.
"Granted, it's not as revolting as Wario," he said, "but you do smell atrocious. Who's that reclining in the back?"
The man in grey took Yoshi towards the rear of the cave, where bioluminescent fungi supplemented the small amount of daylight that reached that far. Lying on the moss were a blue lupine, a purple feline and a yellow head with spiky ears, attached to a disproportionately tiny body.
"You remember Mewtwo and Lucario, right?" said the man, indicating the cat and the jackal. "Lucario got attacked by Rayquaza's squadrons while helping you to escape, and Mewtwo hasn't recovered from blowing itself up on Rayquaza."
"If it soothes its mind, neither have Groudon and Kyogre," said Yoshi. "They both remain on the mountains, moaning at intervals."
Indeed, the sleeping cat's face did seem to smile slightly.
"Lucario wakes up occasionally," continued the man, "but Mewtwo's out for the count. Same with the Pichu. You remember Waluigi and his Pikachu? The one cloned from the Pokémon Champion's?"
Yoshi did. Wario's gangly purple brother had set the yellow rodent (or rather, the yellow rodent clone) on the LOL as they ran from this hut a week ago. Jiggypuff had prevented the pursuit at the cost of some minor charring – impressive, given that the Pokémon Champion was the best Pokémon trainer in the world.
"I reckon she's the Pikachu's daughter, out searching for her daddy. Bumped into the clone, tried to cuddle up and got a nasty surprise. Poor girl."
The man stroked the large head, which shivered slightly under his touch. Then he looked at Yoshi sadly.
"What is amiss, Snake?" asked Yoshi.
"You know how Lucario can use his aura to communicate with faraway people? He told me the news about your island. I'm sorry, Yoshi."
Yoshi was about to ask "What news?" but stopped. Snake's cold grey eyes were unusually warm, his stony glare softened. Yoshi felt a huge black weight where his insatiable stomach usually resided.
"Oh no…"
"You didn't know?" said Snake, trying to think of something comforting to say. He settled on, "Bowser took it over a while ago. I'm sorry."
Yoshi turned away quickly and stumbled outside, Snake staring after him. He never was very good at consoling people.
"It is only to be expected," "said" a blue sensation in Snake's head. "He no doubt feels that it is all his fault."
Snake looked at the jackal, whose red eyes had opened, and then out of the cave at the dinosaur, hunched over and with his head (mostly consisting of nose) in his hands.
"Go with him, Snake," said Lucario, raising himself unsteadily. "I am almost cured, and Jigglypuff is completely capable of taking care of the other two. You have looked after us for long enough."
Snake continued to observe Yoshi uncertainly.
"I see your aura, Snake. It is filled with wanderlust. It longs to do something. You are wasted here, sleeping twelve hours a day, restlessly pacing the clearing, longing to do something, go somewhere.
"Plus, you really are starting to stink."
o o o
"Well? How do I look?"
Yoshi turned his head with a mournful gaze towards Snake, who had just returned from the mountains. Jigglypuff had taken him to a recently discovered spring, into which he had dived gratefully. He and his clothes were now soaking wet, and his long uncut hair was dripping.
Yoshi nodded distractedly. "Very nice."
"It's not very nice. My hair and beard still need a trim. On the other hand, I don't look like me any more, and I'm finally clean."
"Yes, yes you are."
Snake sat down next to the lizard, attempting to squeeze his hair dry.
"I can guess how you're feeling," he said. "You're upset because you feel like you let your people and your island down. And I don't blame you. After all, you might have saved your people had you only remained on the island! You could single-handedly have taken on Bowser's forces and forced them to leave! You could have wrestled Bowser himself to the ground, pushed him into the sea and…"
"It sounds so stupid when you say it," said Yoshi.
"Really?"
"All right," said Yoshi, turning to Snake. "What if it turns out that they fell because they lacked leadership? What if my second-in-command was unable to direct operations sufficiently? Or what if there was a point in the confrontation at which one tactical decision from me could have changed the outcome?"
"Or what if you lost the first round of the battle, and then when you had the chance to turn the tide you sat around moping 'cause you'd lost the first round instead of fighting in the second, and so you got thrashed?"
Yoshi opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again. He turned his head on one side. He blinked rapidly. Then he turned back to Snake.
"What are you trying to say?" he asked.
Snake grabbed Yoshi and pulled him up. "I'm saying your people need you to act, dumbass. You're coming with me, and we're going to tear the LOVE a new one."
Yoshi was too stunned to argue as Snake frog-marched him to the cordons barring entry to the plaza, where an inflated Jigglypuff was supporting a wounded Lucario.
"Arceus bless you both," Lucario said, putting a glowing hand on Yoshi's nose. "May your auras shine brightly and lead you to glory!"
Jigglypuff waved a stumpy pink arm, said "Puff!" happily and deflated, nearly causing Lucario to topple over it.
"Now, hold on a minute," said Yoshi. "I haven't recovered from my depression yet!"
"Plenty of time for that on the road," said Snake, pushing aside the cordons and marching Yoshi into the caves of Mount Moon. "We're going now!"
The two vanished into the darkness of the caves, Yoshi still looking stunned. Lucario bowed his head again, before allowing Jigglypuff to guide him back to the cave.
"So, Yoshi," came Snake's voice, "where are we going again?"
o o o
Pokémon trainers can be broadly grouped into several varieties. There are the Hikers, who spend their time climbing mountains, plodding along rocky roads and fighting with tough rock-type Pokémon. There are Psychics, who have (or believe they have) extra-sensory perception, telekinesis and the like, and who favour psychic-type Pokémon. There are Guitarists, who like to play music by plugging their guitars directly into their electric-type Pokémon outside battle. Huge generalisations, of course, but the guild system in operation throughout the Pokémon nations meant that someone who signed up as a Guitarist would get help from his fellow Guitarists and so on. Those who belonged to no guild were just known as "trainers".
Crissy was a Lass. The guild of Lasses consisted mostly of teenage girls who favoured cute Pokémon and liked to enter them in beauty contests as much as battling. They also talked about make-up, clothes and hot guys. Crissy's favourite Pokémon was an insect taken over by a large parasitic mushroom; even its mother would have been hard pressed to call it cute. She had joined because few other guilds would accept teenage girls with little battle experience, and then shunned her fellow Lasses to go rock climbing and mushroom gathering.
Not that the guild met much at the moment. Ever since the LOVE takeover, women distanced themselves from Pokémon as much as possible. The threat of being challenged to a battle, which in accordance with Pokémon League rules was non-negotiable for any trainer with able Pokémon, was too great, and if one lost… But Crissy liked to take her Parasect out and gather mushrooms, which she did in an all but abandoned part of the road below Mount Moon. Ever since the closing of the plaza, few trainers came here, and if any did she would hide her Poké Ball and run. She was able to take care of herself.
The toadstool was small, red and spotted, just like her Pokémon. She smiled, dusted it off and put it in her knapsack. As she did so, the sound of monsters rushing from the undergrowth told her that someone else was in the clearing. She instinctively hid herself behind a small bush and peered out.
It was a tall man in grey, with long straggly hair and a beard to match. She could not help but observe that beneath the sodden exterior and the contempt for barbers lay a very attractive person indeed. His Pokémon was rather odd, though – a ridiculously disproportionate nose attached to a bipedal reptile with oversized boots on, giving it an odd clompy gait that led it directly onto…
Oh no.
The red boot came down upon the foraging Parasect, sending a cloud of yellow spores up from the Pokémon's back. The trainer and dinosaur danced around manically for a short while, before the reptile suddenly fell asleep on the grass, emitting peaceful snores. The trainer, after shaking his slumbering monster to no avail, looked around the clearing angrily.
"Does this goddamn mushroom belong to anyone?" he shouted.
Crissy's breath stuck in her throat. Her body froze. No no no.
"Hey, you! You behind the bush!"
Maybe if she woke up his Pokémon, he'd let her go free. There was always a chance. Scuttling out from her cover on all fours, looking rather like a Pokémon herself, she reached into her bag and brought out a small aerosol. Before the man could say anything, she had sprayed the lizard on the eyelids. The nostrils twitched, the limbs jerked and suddenly she was facing a six foot dinosaur, looming over her and looking ever so slightly annoyed. The man in grey quickly rushed in between them.
"Whoa there!" he said, holding the reptile back. "It's not her fault you stepped on her Pokémon! You should be grateful she woke you up!" Then, turning back to Crissy, "Thanks, miss. Sorry we bothered you. Cute mushroom."
She couldn't believe her eyes. With a gentle smile, the man turned away and continued on his journey. He wasn't going to challenge her? Crissy unclenched her fists and smiled broadly at the man's receding back. She was safe…
But the dinosaur was now running up to its trainer. Tugging at its sleeve, it pointed back at Crissy and squeaked. The man turned to face her again. Her smile froze solid, and she felt the bottom drop out of her stomach.
"Oh, right, yeah," said the man. "Forgot. Trainer, we have locked eyes, so it is my duty to challenge you to a Pokémon battle, which by Pokémon League rules you may not refuse. And stuff."
"It's too dangerous," her mother had said. "You should keep the Pokémon indoors." How many times had she rubbished those words? And now, she was paying the price. She quickly wiped away a single pearly tear trickling down her cheek and nodded. As he said, she had no choice. She had to cling onto the possibility that she might win.
Choking, she ordered the Parasect forwards. The grey man started making unintelligible squeaks at his Pokémon, who nodded.
"What are you doing?" she gasped through her frozen windpipe.
"I talk to… Dinose in its own language," said the man. "Keeps the other trainer from knowing our strategy."
The Pokémon looked at its trainer with an air of incredulity in its eyes.
"Yes, Dinose, that's the name of your species. Now go to it!"
Dinose gave a world-weary sigh and charged. Crissy's legs went numb as it leapt over her Parasect's head and slammed down hard on the mushroom. Parasect had no time to plan a defence; one hit was all it took. The flattened insect rolled over and lay motionless on the grass.
"Hooray," said the man, not entirely sounding like he meant it. "And now, I believe that Pokémon League rules dictate that you owe me money." He looked at Dinose, as if for confirmation. Dinose nodded.
Crissy looked at the man, trying to keep a determined face despite the tears oozing from the corners of her eyes. Her mind was racing through a collage of thoughts – what it would feel like, how traumatic it would be, what her mother would think, what her friends would think, what the boy she liked in school would think if they found out. But they kept returning to one solid belief – that if he wanted it, he would have to drag it out of her.
"Do your worst!" she squeaked, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.
In his time as a special agent on Terra, Snake had experienced some of the cruellest and most warped minds any man outside an asylum could have the misfortune to come across. He required only a few seconds to understand the situation. One look at Yoshi's face, staring in innocent confusion, told him that the dinosaur had failed entirely to comprehend what was going on.
"The winner of a Pokémon battle gets to rape the loser," he explained in Yoshi.
Yoshis view mating, as they view most other compulsory activities, as a necessary chore distracting them from the important job of eating fruit. They couple up without jealousy for the sole purpose of producing offspring. It had taken Yoshi a while to comprehend first the point of rape and then the distress caused by it; he now understood it as being equivalent in other species to stealing fruit, and was suitably shocked by this new revelation.
"LOVE regulation?" asked Snake.
Crissy stared for a moment in shocked silence. How could this man not know about a LOVE-passed law? Where had he been? She bit her tongue and nodded curtly.
"Well, you can tell the next LOVE agent you pass that Solid Snake has better things to do than assaulting teenage girls. Like whupping the LOVE's sorry ass."
The shocked expression was even more marked now. Crissy slowly unfolded her arms and looked in awe at the supposedly dead man.
"Actually, don't," he said. "Don't need anyone else coming after me at the moment. Now, run home to your mother and stay out of trouble, y'hear?"
Crissy was so overwhelmed with gratitude that her habitual impulse to rebel folded without complaint. She bowed to the man with a smile, returned the unconscious Parasect to its Poké Ball and set off home at a run. She justified it to herself by saying that he too was a rebel, fighting against authority just like she did, and so it was fine to obey him. Plus, he was really handsome. In fact, now that the traumatic experience was all over, she was not sure if she was grateful for his morality or regretted it.
o o o
Time passes.
The journey to Saffron City was not long, but that is not to say it was uneventful. Yoshi had passed this way once before, but now he saw it in a different light. The Cerulean City Gym, a training building for the best trainers in the region, was closed – the Gym Leader was female. The trainers who challenged them on their way were all males. Once they passed a young couple, walking hand in hand, the boy wearing the red top and black trousers that singled him out as a member of the guild of Ace Trainers. The girl wore a t-shirt saying "Not a trainer". The only female they saw accompanied by a Pokémon had a hollow, pale appearance that suggested she had seen more than her share of life's unfairness.
Yoshi reflected at length upon the new and awful law, and upon his people. If Rayquaza could legalise rape, what was stopping Bowser from legalising fruit taxation? In his mind he saw his people, unsmiling and emaciated, picking fruit from the island and carrying it up to Bowser, now ensconced in his, Yoshi's, hut on top of the island. It made him feel quite faint, and he "had to" fill himself with berries before continuing.
Eventually, they arrived at the thriving metropolis that was Saffron City. Here, a secondary gym had taken over after the retirement of the primary gym's leader, another woman. However, it was not that sort of training the travellers were after; the Magnet Trains, which departed at regular intervals from Saffron Station, travelled all the way to the country of Sinnoh, where the SubSpace Key lay. And thus they continued their journey relaxing on the maglev train, with Snake trying to stop Yoshi from raiding the fruit bowls behind the bar.
And time passes.
o o o
The train whizzed along, silent as the grave. Snake hated it. He much preferred the clickety-clack of wheels on tracks to this eerie lack of noise. The only way he could tell they were still making progress was by looking out of the window, and even then one patch of ocean looked much like any other. The sun bowed down behind the horizon, casting a red glow over the train.
Even the passengers were subdued, most of them muttering quietly amongst themselves or attempting to snooze. There were some snoring Pokémon, but other than that the only significant noise came from Yoshi. He was keeping his mind off hunger by telling Snake about the myths of the Pokémon regions: about how Mewtwo was cloned from a creature said to be the ancestor of all Pokémon, and upon being treated as nothing more than a science experiment duly went on a rampage and destroyed its creators; how Rayquaza was said to have stopped a fight between Groudon and Kyogre which threaten to either parch or submerge the world, depending on the interpretation; how there were two Pokémon said to have absolute power over time and space, but only within the Pokémon regions, and they were created at the dawn of time by Arceus…
"Ladies and gentlemen, the train lights will now be turned off so that you can get some sleep. We would ask you not to make any excessive noise while the lights remain off, including all Pokémon onboard. We will wake you at seven thirty tomorrow, when a trolley will be coming round with some light refreshments, and we will arrive in Hearthome City in Sinnoh at approximately eight thirty-two. On behalf of all the onboard crew, I wish you a pleasant night's rest."
"Excellent, refreshments," said Yoshi. "Such a pity they're not due for another nine hours."
"What were you saying about Arceus?" said Snake, shifting restlessly in his chair.
"From what I comprehend, it's an all but omnipotent Pokémon of legend with one thousand arms. It's rumoured that it created all the known Pokémon and all the continents containing them…"
"Are you talking to that Pokémon?"
Snake's weary eyes locked with those of a young boy, sixteen at the eldest. They sparkled brightly beneath an untidy mop of brown hair, sticking out from under a red baseball cap set at a jaunty angle. The boy was leaning on their table with a slight smile on his face.
"Yeah," said Snake slowly. "What of it?"
"I have travelled across the land, searching far and wide," said the boy, "and I've never seen a Pokémon talking to its trainer and the trainer understanding except through psychic power. There are rumours, of course, but nothing concrete." He pushed his face close to Yoshi's. "You sure that's a Pokémon?"
Yoshi answered by giving him a lick on the face. The cap was thrown off and there was saliva everywhere. The child's smile looked shaky for a moment, but soon firmed up again.
"He likes you," said Snake.
"Hey, whatever," said the boy, retrieving the cap and positioning it carefully on his head. "None of my business, really. I didn't mean to pry. Just interested, that's all."
"What's his problem?" said Yoshi, as the boy walked off with more than a hint of a swagger. "That goes beyond mere inquisitiveness. And if you're interested, his face tasted disgusting."
"Just a curious kid," said Snake. "Curious kid with a severe case of the egos, but curious kid nonetheless. Go on."
"'Curious kid' my tail. So, Arceus is basically the Pokémon version of God or the Master Hand or what have you…"
"You've lost me again. The Master Hand?"
Yoshi sighed at his friend's ignorance. "Another Nintendo creation myth. Apparently, there was this giant white hand that created Nintendo out of chaos."
Snake scoffed. "It amazes me how many people believe these things. It's as if they need something to explain their own existence, because otherwise they're worried that they are just another small cog in the machine of the world, turning and grinding and of no real significance at all…" He trailed off and stared into the middle distance.
"You all right, Snake?" asked Yoshi.
"Yes, I'm fine," said Snake, snapping out of it. "I do that. Go on."
"Excuse me, sirs."
Snake turned to this new speaker with pre-prepared sarcasm already rising in his throat, but it stuck there. Unlike Sonic, he had done his research on Nintendo before his arrival on the planet, and he recognised the large red nose above a thin moustache, the massive black eyebrows and the slim figure all wrapped up in purple and black. The shiny cyan cap was different, but that was all. He also recognised the yellow rodent with the spiky ears and red cheeks, around which sparks flew like so many furious hornets.
Yoshi had seen both of the newcomers before. He prepared to run.
"Would you like your deaths fried or battered?" the purple man said with a leer.
Yoshi jumped three feet in the air to avoid the thunderbolt that the Pikachu sent at him, before dashing down the train as quickly as his stubby legs would carry him. Meanwhile, Snake did a rolling dash into Waluigi's midriff, avoiding the tennis racket, winding the thin man and giving Snake space to run in the opposite direction.
"LOL!" gasped Waluigi as loudly as he could. "LOL! They're members of the LOL!"
Maybe he had expected the other passengers to go on a witch-hunt as a result. If so, he was disappointed – those who were still awake, or had been woken up by the cacophony, simply stared at him in stunned silence.
"Hey you, Pikachu!" he called. "Let's go!"
o o o
Yoshi faced a difficult choice. On the one hand, he was being pursued by a high-ranking LOVE agent and a rodent with a zigzag tail, intent on lighting him up like a star in the night sky. On the other, the barman was distracted by the commotion, leaving the fruit bowl unguarded. If he stretched over, he could just about grab the large round watermelon that winked at him invitingly. "Oh, Yoshi," she seemed to say, "come, devour me. Consume my round body. Lick your long tongue along my curves. I have saved myself all my life for you."
"Get him!" shouted a much less seductive voice.
A combination of greed and a stroke of genius settled the decision. Yoshi leapt over the counter, narrowly dodging a ThunderShock attack, and slurped the watermelon up in one gulp. She tasted just as good as her voluptuous body had promised – inside the waxy skin lay soft, moist flesh that slid sensuously down his throat, and embedded in that were several little black pips.
"Hoy!" cried the bartender. "You can't do that!"
Waluigi's leer appeared from over the top of the bar, accompanied by his hand and the tennis racket he held within it.
"Enjoy that melon, LOL scum," he sneered. "It'll be the last one you ever eat!"
He drew back his arm for a smash, but was hit full in the face by a barrage of bullet-like seeds. They buzzed through the air like angry wasps and stung in much the same way, pushing the whining Waluigi backwards. Yoshi hopped back over the bar, spitting at both the flailing anorexic and his screaming yellow sidekick, and vanished down the train savouring the last remnants of the watermelon's taste. His mouth still full of ammunition, he grabbed the emergency stop lever and pulled with his stubby little arms.
There was no squealing of brakes, but the squealing of travellers more than made up for it as the train drew quickly to a halt. Sleeping passengers and their Pokémon were thrown down the train; a small bonsai tree-like monster zoomed past Yoshi and impacted with Waluigi's prone body, accompanied by an unpleasant crunching sound. The only person on the train not thrown was the boy in red, who watched with interest as Yoshi and Pikachu picked themselves up.
They stood there, one at either end of the carriage, staring at each other with what might have been threatening glares had both not been adorable, and therefore they simply looked constipated. Sparks started to fly from the Pikachu's red cheeks, coursing all over the Pokémon's diminutive form and crackling ominously. The revival of the lights at this point was completely unrelated, but it was an impressive effect nonetheless. In response to this display, Yoshi just smiled and squeaked cutely.
"Bring it, motherfucker."
Waluigi finally limped over, clutching his stomach and gasping. Bonsly was a rock-type Pokémon and had fractured a couple of ribs, although he did not know it yet. Blissful in ignorance, he was about to wheeze out a command when Pikachu shot off under its own volition. Spinning rapidly and emitting sparks like a Roman candle, it collided headfirst with Yoshi's boot and bounced back. Yoshi sniped at the dodging mouse with more seeds, countered by blasts of thunder.
"Go go Pikachu!" Waluigi choked out. "Show that dinosaur who's boss!"
Yoshi rolled his eyes and spat out his last seeds. The battle was being intensely watched by the entirety of the carriage, who gasped and "ooh"ed and "ah"ed at every attack. Even the guards who had come to see what the matter was stood back to watch the cute powerhouses duke it out. The boy in red kept his eyes firmly on the combatants, a curious expression on his face.
With his seeds gone, Yoshi resorted to short hops and kicks to attempt to land a hit, but Pikachu darted around the small space like a gnat, dashing back and forward and leaping over the reptile's head. Yoshi lacked the speed to deal with the nippy little monster, an aspect that became most sorely apparent when it landed on the back of his neck and proceeded to shoot lightning directly into his brain.
"Just a little more, Pikachu!" said Waluigi. "Shock his… Argh!"
A sickening crack, and his left leg was gone from under him and on fire with pain. It solidly refused to respond to any attempts to move it. Whoever or whatever had done this to him was nowhere in sight. There was, however, a conspicuous cardboard box that had suddenly appeared in the aisle.
Meanwhile, Pikachu was busy unloading the contents of its cheek pouches into the madly thrashing dinosaur. Yoshis' skins are tough enough to take more voltage than your average human's, but the shocks were getting through and when Pikachu dismounted Yoshi fell to the ground, shaking madly and crackling.
Waluigi blinked. Was he going mad, or was that cardboard box moving?
"Hey, box!" he burbled. "Stop there!"
No one was going to pay attention to the wittering of a broken mayfly. Yoshi in particular was too busy being fully paralysed. He could only watch as Pikachu, a grim smile on its chubby visage, clambered on top of him and started to fizz. Its smile became a manic grimace, its eyes glowing blue.
Unfortunately, it failed to notice that the cardboard box had shifted behind it. Hands in insulated grey gloves reached out.
"Snap, crackle, pop."
o o o
Time passes.
Bereft of his Pokémon and in desperate need of medical attention, Waluigi was in no position to stop himself from being used by Snake as a hostage. Snake stayed up all night watching the purple man, even after he feel asleep, making sure he did not try to alert the authorities. Yoshi curled up on the floor and snored loudly throughout the night.
In the morning, when Yoshi had ravaged the trolley, the two of them frogmarched the hapless Waluigi out of the train towards a nearby hospital, using his influence and cowardice to allay suspicions. They then legged it before anyone on the train could alert the authorities. West out of Hearthome City, along the rugged mountain roads, past rocks, rivers and waterfalls they ran, ignoring the challenges of trainers, making for the giant looming lump of stone where Rayquaza supposedly spent its days.
Neither of them noticed the youth overhead on the orange dragon, who smirked slightly to himself as they flew.
And time passes.