"You don't understand anything about my life Malfoy. You don't know the first thing about who I am or how I live. I've always eaten after hours, it's something I do." I hissed back, pushing myself from my position leaning on the archway and standing straight on my own two feet. It was a white lie, but believable, I had never really been reasonable about many things, so it wasn't about to change now.
"Not according to your guardian, Katrina." I knew he saw my shock and disappointment as the change to place quickly. A coy like smile seemed to play along in his eyes at the idea. "Yes, I'm not completely stupid Robyn. There is much we both don't understand about each other."
"Good, I hope to keep it that way."
The night passed without interruption. Sleep came depressively as I thought about my blown apart door and as I awoke in the morning, everything felt like it had never happened. Like it was one big dream and I was but a character in my own imagination.
But much to my dismay when I turned to look at the door, pieces of it were still laying shattered in a corner.
Sighing, I pulled up my arms and placed them over my eyes, desperately trying to rub what left over sleep had still remained. Everything about this situation made my blood boil as I could feel my heart accelerate and speed throughout my chest.
There was just something. Something about the way my future had been given up, about how my life wasn't my own anymore, something about this entire arrangement that made me feel as if I had failed myself. As if, I wasn't good enough to give myself everything I wanted, everything I needed.
I never liked depending on others… I suppose that was because those few times I had, I ended up disappointed. "Morning," a voice called out as I felt my heart stutter to a deathly stop as a gasped escaped my lips and my head snapped towards the door.
Malfoy stood smugly leaning against the door frame as he watched me. "Why do you want... stalker?" I asked coldly. He scoffed at my pour choice of words as he shook his head and rolled his eyes dismissively.
"Get up and ready, we're going into Diagon Alley today, my mother has planned a meeting with a dress designer and wedding planner." he stated simply before walking from the door way and down the hall. "And wear something appropriate!" he yelled up the stairs as I could feel my lips curve into a frown as I considered his definition of 'appropriate'.
He most likely came from a long line of witches and wizards that had money pouring out their ears. Wore ball gown everywhere they went and dressed up for the stupidest things.
Groaning, I dragged myself out of bed and towards the large closet. Walking in, I yawned as I looked around the racks, settling with a pair of black jeans and a black confederate style jacket over my sweater. This was my definition of casual. What difference did it make, we were meeting a dress designer, not the queen of England. If anything, this person would want to see me in wedding dresses… not preppy dresses of sorts.
Leaving my hair down, I rushed down the stairs like an over excited child on Christmas and barged into the kitchen pulling a simple chocolate chip muffin out of the cupboard as I walked passed. Throwing my weight and body onto the counter beside me, I pealed the wrapper from the pastry all to keenly as the tasteful treat beaconed me onwards.
That instant, Malfoy walked into the kitchen and straight past me, lifting me up off the counter and carrying me bridal style towards the dining area. "Alright caveman, no need to go all barbaric on me." I smirked as he dropped me in a seat and took one himself across from me.
"Now… we need to discuss details." he smiled as I shifted in my seat. Enjoying my discomfort as I considered all the details.
"Small guest list, not very expensive, and no honey moon." I stated simply as I resisted the urge to hurl at the thought of a honey moon. Only people who are actually in love have a honey moon after their wedding.
"Now… here's my idea. Small guest list, very expensive and a vacation in France." he smiled as my mouth dropped. There was no way I was going anywhere with that man after I got married, not, at, all.
"In your dreams…"
"You wish." he protested like a child. Now it was his turn to hold the cards. "You don't have family, therefore, mine is entitled to pay." he backtracked quickly as he got the full blow of this words suddenly. A look of guilt passed his face as he thought about what he had just implied. Unfortunately, at the same moment I had picked up the meaning also.
"Just because I don't have a family like yours, doesn't mean I can't pay my own also." I countered as he looked at me with an expression I couldn't seem to read.
"It is the Malfoy courtesy, I will not have my bride paying for her wedding."
"Ah yes but should she be an unwilling bride everything changes."
"No it doesn't,"
"Yes it don't…"
"No, it doesn't."
"Oh yes it does. Believe me Malfoy, don't play the bride card with me, you may hold a royal flush. But I have all the aces." I could tell he knew what I meant as I stood from the seat and walked towards the kitchen, leaving him in my wake.
Even in the wizarding word they had cards. "And I get to choose my own bridesmaids!" I yelled out as I walked from the dining area to go explore more of the house. Surprised to find what I did.
I wasn't abandoned, and if I were to really go through with this wedding, I wouldn't have someone else paying my part. Especially not him.
All to soon he came to retrieve me to leave. We would be using the floo powder to get there. And I was to go first. "Diagon Alley." in an instant the swirling and tugging sensation of using the powder and the fireplace left me in the very place I had expected to arrive in. Waiting for the few short moment it took for Malfoy to catch up, I found myself walking down the alley with him by my side.
I had to admit, he was attractive, and we would look the part of man and wife. But I was young, to young to give my life away and this wasn't something to be taken lightly. Especially when the situation stands as it does. It wasn't just some game, something I could avoid or run from. This was my future, this was my life I was about to hand to another person and no matter who they were, I would never do so lightly.
"Here…" he stopped abruptly and lead me into a rather new looking shop where an older lady with white hair met us at the front desk. It was modern, with exotic plants and loud colours painted across the surrounding walls. Pictures of brides twirling in their dresses, and the first kiss as man and wife. It was everything I expected, and nothing like it at all.
"Good morning dearies, and what is it that I can do for you?" she asked as she offered a small smile I politely returned just as quick.
"We have a previously arranged meeting under Malfoy." he replied quickly. His voice leaking a sense of pride in which he held with his name. A pride I did not possess like he did.
I hadn't grown up with a name proud enough to say with an arrogance such as his. Don't get me wrong, I was proud of who I was, and would wear the name on my sleeve for everyone to see, but I didn't carry myself with as much pride as he did. It was almost as if he acted like he were better then everyone else.
"Ah, very good. Follow me please." she said while grabbing a small file from the shelf behind her and walking towards a hallway behind her. Long, with green walls and black accents. Vine like lines were laced among the walls as we were lead to a black shining door and motioned inside.
Stepping in, this room was very different. It was a light cream colour, with cushioned seats and a large Victorian desk with a middle aged woman behind it. Looking up from her paperwork, I found myself looking into blue eyes hidden behind glasses. With a sickly sweet smile, she motioned for us to take a seat and took the file from the older lady.
"Welcome Mr. and soon to be Mrs. Malfoy. Now… let's get right down to business. Colours, what scheme are you interested in using?" she asked as I sat there bewildered. I always thought weddings were white, and that was it.
"White, obviously, and…" he looked to me suddenly, as if to ask what my final output was on the concept.
"Dark red?" I stated. It came out more as a question, but without a second look, she wrote it all too keenly.
"Very good. Now, place… where would you like it too take place?"
"My mansion. It will be August 27th in our back estate. The guest list has been dated and written and any expenses will be taken care of." he stated quickly and coolly as the woman wrote down the information and nodded her head.
"Bridal or groom shower?" she asked casually.
"Joined. A large ball will be held at the Malfoy mansion again on August 24th. All those preparations have already been taken care of. All we need now is a dress, a tux, bridesmaids and a best man." he said as she looked up from her paper.
"Food, guests and music have all been taken care of?" she asked as I looked to Malfoy. This was the first I had heard of any of this. I didn't even think there was enough time to plan anything at all yet.
"Yes." he replied as the woman leaned back in her chair and brought her hands together contemplating.
"Well I'm very impressed. If that is all, then you are free to go. I've already spoken with your mother Mr. Malfoy, and I assume you know she has taken care of everything else?" she asked as Draco stood from his seat and motioned for me to follow suit.
"Yes. She has had this arrangement planned for quite some time." he smiled as we walked from the room and back down the hall, past the desk and out into the alley, holding the door for me as he ushered me along.
"I didn't know of any of this… why was I not informed?" I asked as he grabbed my arm and pulled me further down the lines of shops.
"Because you didn't need to know." he hissed back as he looked desperately to his watch and pulled me further.
"Excuse me. This is my wedding also. I had every right to know." I countered, ripping my arm from his grasp and taking a step away from him. With a confused look, he turned to me immediately and apologized.
"I'm sorry, I didn't think you cared. Now can we go? You have to pick a dress and I have a tux fitting." he stated anxiously as I rolled my eyes and followed him along the line of many shops, each with different merchandise from the last.
"Here…" he said as we stopped before another modern looking shop. In the windows, moving statues flaunted the wedding dresses as I watched intently as they moved. I wondered what spell or charm they used on those to make them move.
Taking a step in, I looked around silently as suddenly an exotic looking woman came running out as she waved her hands everywhere, muttering many incoherent things to herself aloud as I watched half amused and half curious as to what she was actually doing.
"Are you the 'soon to be' Malfoy?" she asked as I rolled my eyes and nodded my head. It wouldn't surprise me if he had paid these people to say that just to through me off.
Grabbing a tight hold on my right wrist she immediately pulled me past heavy dark curtains and into a back room full of white fabric and large mirrors with pedestals in front of them so the 'soon to be' brides could have a better look at themselves.
"So what are you looking for?" she turned on me suddenly, a quill and pad of paper floating up behind her. She was a middle aged woman, with blond streaked hair and beady blue eyes. She would have been pretty in her time, but nowadays, years of worry and stress dawned on her features as she stared intensely.
"Um, I never really thought about it." I admitted sheepishly, "If you would have told me a few months ago I was getting married to a boy I didn't know, I would have contacted to ministry and demand to have you sent to an Insane asylum. The thought just never crossed my mind. I don't know the first thing about weddings or dresses. So I guess I'll have to go by eye." I shrugged as the woman turned on my suddenly. A look of reassurance and somewhat pity crossing her expression.
"Don't worry love, I see it all the time." she offered a small smile as she placed a hand on my shoulder. "I'll tell you what, step onto the pedestal and I'll show you something." she gave me a small push as I mounted the white circular object and turned to look at the lady.
"This is how I take care of the hardest to please women that step in here." I smirked as she gave a small chuckle and cleared her throat. "Look into the mirror and it will show you exactly what you want."
Sighing, I turned to the mirror and clenched my eyes. Picking at my brain to see if there was anything I could pride myself to want. Opening my eyes, I came to the conclusion, that if it were smart enough, the mirror would just know.
But what I saw before me was shocking, it was me. With a smile on my face. That was it. No children, or husband, no family or friends, just me, smiling. "What do you see love?" the lady beside me asked lightly, intent to knowing.
"Nothing. I see me, with a smile on my face. And that's it." I sighed, looking from the mirror to the lady and back again.
"Ah, says the eye of the beholder. But what of the eyes within?" she cooed as I turned back to the picture, my vision blurring from starring so long. "No matter dear. Now… I want you to close your eyes and think of a wedding. A bride, with hair as fair as the pink clouds in the morning, and eyes as delicate as a lake's still water. Now picture yourself as the bride. With a flowing white dress and a smile as radiant as the gleaming sun." her voice began to fade as I could see it all before me.
The sun was setting, and rays of pink and orange shot across the sky. Marking it's path through the clouds. A large fountain sprayed water behind me as I looked out to a sea of people to see those close to my past and present marked along the white seats, smiling up at me. "The dress…" a voice whispered, and as I looked down, I saw it.
"Open your eyes." the voice whispered again as I willed my eyes to open to see the dress once again before me. Right down to the very detail. "Memorize it, right down to the last thread. The colour, the clarity, the shape, the look." she went on as I watched from the corner of my eye, she pulled out a long and light coloured wand before aiming it at the mirror.
In a few short words with a tongue I couldn't recognize, she stopped me and told me to take a step down before sitting me on a seat she had pulled up. "Now describe it to me." she smiled as I turned to her and took a deep breath.
"It was white, like all wedding dresses. Strapless, with many layers and ripples. Much like a friend of mine when she got married. It singes above the waist before pouring out... and it makes me look taller. With a split down the middle to reveal the layers and… I can't actually describe the rest." I shook my head before looking to the lady. Seeing that she was now smiling fully, ear to ear.
"I already know what your dress looks like. It's stored in my mirror. But I wanted to know what you thought. And obviously, you know more of this wedding in your soul then you let on. You know why and what you want, you just don't know how to tell people. And your scared. Of what I'm not sure but it's there and it's real." I looked to her eyes to find myself suddenly trapped. Trapped in the truth as she was dead serious.
"You must comeback within two days time and we will discuss more of your dresses. I expect then to have the measurements and colour for your bridesmaids. Good luck 'soon to be' Mrs. Malfoy." she smiled devilishly as I stood from my seat and shook her extended hand. Nodding my head as I walked from the back out onto into the fresh air, only to be knocked over by someone passing by.
Suddenly, two strong arms wrapped around me and jerked me to a stop as I looked up into grey stormy eyes. There, I saw everything coming back. The grey clouds above, the horror of the gruelling scene before me and the screaming pain of that dead colour.
But… I also saw capacity. Capacity to love, to care. To worry and sweat over small things. To protect and to defend things that were his and that he could get his hands on. I saw everything. Everything and nothing all the same.
Suddenly, the awareness of my body hit me harder then anything else. Strong, muscular arms were wrapped around my torso, supporting my body as I leaned against his arms. Pressed against his rock hard chest, his breath drew out in a steady breeze as it drummed against my skin. Sending involuntary shivers up and down my spine.
The impact hit home as I thought deeper, it was the same. The same as last time, as my memory flashed in and out I desperately grasped onto the front of his clothes and took them in large handfuls, pushing against him as my one hand hit him repeatedly. In what felt like slow, unavoidable motions, I suddenly felt the sick effective feeling of a side along apparation.
Everything played back in my head as I remembered the last time I had been taken like this.
I could see my own breath. And odd factor considering the fact that I new it was only midway through July and that never ever, ever happened.
The blast of wind hit me from all sides as I fell from impact, hitting my knees on the ground hard enough to know I hadn't just stumbled down.
Tired, cold and numb, my body willed itself to get up, to fight as I searched for something, anything to help me win, to help me get through. But the reality of the situation caught up far more quickly then my will power did. And sadly, the choice seemed to not be of my own to make.
I could only faintly feel the tugging sensation as it ripped at my scalp. But I couldn't cry, I couldn't scream in pain, for there wasn't any. There wasn't any feeling. Nothing at all.
"You are a beauty aren't you?" the voice cooed in my ear. Forcing my sudden responsive body to cringe away. Recoiling from the distaste of an unwanted presence, and unwanted touch. It sent shivers up and down my spine, but there wasn't anything for me to do. I hadn't anywhere to go, anyway to defend myself.
"To bad I'll be the only. I'm sure the others would love to have a go too. But I've never been too good at sharing. I guess I'll have to make up for the others myself then." I knew what he meant, and as much as I wanted to scream, as much as I wanted to cry and beg and plead… I knew it wasn't worth it.
I would fight, and I would die. But I had more pride to lower myself to beg before this man simply because if he were to take me, then I would die before it were to happen, or I would die in the process. Either way, it would happen sooner or later.
His cold touch was prying and forceful. Just as a man of his class would be. Malicious and dark, with quick hands and rough fingers.
In a last stand, I gave everything my body would and wouldn't allow me to fight back, to go down with some pride and courage.
Kicking and flailing, I struggled all the way as I made a grab for his wand. My last resort.
Turning on him, I watched as a smile spread itself across his face. Even in his last moments he seemed to smile. With a wand at his head, and his life seconds from ending. This was how he acted.
"You won't kill me, you don't have it in you. You couldn't live with yourself, after everything I've done to you so far, and we haven't even gotten to the fun part. Shouldn't you at least let me finish. What about having my last meal before you kill me? You look absolutly delicious! Besides, isn't that how its suppose to go? Surly you wouldn't be that heartless." his smile widened as I shuddered on the spot.
The feeling of his body, his hands, the look of his nasty toothy grin and that horrible voice.
I couldn't find it in me, but in a sudden rush of anger and pride, they fell. The words fell from my mouth as I watched for the last time as the smile fell from his face before he died.
I could feel the tears sting my eyes as I fell limp against Malfoy's grip. The sickening reminder of defeat washing over me. For even had I won that battle, I had also lost so much more then he could ever imagine. Even now, the lurch within my stomach was enough to make me want to be sick as his grip only tightened as I fell.
We were in my bedroom. And as I fell against my own blankets on the bed, I could feel the imprint of his body over mine as I opened my eyes enough to see the shock and confusion in his own. His hands were still wrapped around my torso, as I could feel the weight against my hands on his shirt and as his voice called out, I could only push back more tears in fear he would see me all the same.
"Robyn. What on earth are you crying about?" he demanded as he pulled me upwards and forced my eyes to meet his own. A place I feared already, I couldn't bare to have the confusion replace the worry as it would only lead to questions I couldn't answer.
With a small shake, he asked over again the same question as before, but this time, a hidden anger laced with his own voice woke me from my start.
With a mighty push, his body flew off mine in an instant, and I had my wand out and ready.
I could see the confusion in his eyes as I felt the sting of hot tears run down my face, blurring my visions as he too pulled out his wand in an instant.
The memory kicked again as a wave of nausea hit me from all sides and my legs buckled under me. Sending me to the ground as Malfoy ran over and knelt down beside me.
"What's wrong?" he asked again, a hidden emotion masked within his voice.
"I-I c…can't t-tell you." I stuttered as I wiped the tears from my eyes and desperately tried to pull from his grasp, a grip he would not let me loose from.
"Fine, but if it happens again, I won't stop until you tell me what's wrong."
The impact hit twice as hard as his voice turned cold once again and he dropped the grip, rising to his feet and leaving the room.
A churning feeling turned my insides as this time, it was not from the memory. But I couldn't help but miss his grip, his voice.
And this, above all else, scared me more then anything or anyone ever could.