With a small shake, he asked over again the same question as before, but this time, a hidden anger laced with his own voice woke me from my start.
With a mighty push, his body flew off mine in an instant, and I had my wand out and ready.
I could see the confusion in his eyes as I felt the sting of hot tears run down my face, blurring my visions as he too pulled out his wand in an instant.
The memory kicked again as a wave of nausea hit me from all sides and my legs buckled under me. Sending me to the ground as Malfoy ran over and knelt down beside me.
"What's wrong?" he asked again, a hidden emotion masked within his voice.
"I-I c…can't t-tell you." I stuttered as I wiped the tears from my eyes and desperately tried to pull from his grasp, a grip he would not let me loose from.
"Fine, but if it happens again, I won't stop until you tell me what's wrong."
The impact hit twice as hard as his voice turned cold once again and dropped the grip, rising to his feet and leaving the room.
A churning feeling turned my insides as this time, it was not from the memory. But I couldn't help but miss his grip, his voice.
And this, above all else, scared me more then anything or anyone ever could.
"W-wait!" I called out, the tears blurring my vision as I staggered to my feet and leaned on the bed as I wiped the salty water from my eyes as saw the pity in his own expression as I shuddered at the thought. The last thing I wanted from him was pity, and that was something I would never take lightly.
"I-I…" I stuttered again, cursing myself for my own weakness as I looked to him and forced myself to stand upright and drop down everything that threatened to hold me back. Not wanting the haunting feelings and memories to keep me from who I really was.
"Robyn, drop it." his voice was laced with emotions I wanted nothing to do with. I did not take pity, or a forfeit. He would not walk away from this. Not if I could help it.
I had never been good at taking pity. I had grown up strong and right, and if anything, I would fight until everyone around me knew better then to pity a person that did not deserve their time wasted worrying about me. I didn't need the extra pressure nor the constant reminder that to these people I was a helpless soul. Someone that needed to be pitied and deserved their shame.
"Stupefy!" I yelled out as my wand twirled and sent the curse flying his way, purposely hitting the wall beside him as he turned on me suddenly, a slightly baffled and angered expression on his face. His grey, stormy eyes seeing right through my act, the exact place I wanted to keep him out of, the exact place that I had built up impenetrable, only to be taken down just as quickly by him.
"Are you daft?" he yelled out as I doubled over and turned to him, refusing to let him leave like this. I had never let anyone walk away from me before, and that fact wasn't about to change now because I didn't feel normal. No, I would stand, and I would show him that I was just as strong as anyone else.
"Tell me you don't care about me. Tell me you hate me and that you have no pity for me." I demanded as I watched his face change to that of confusion before he brought a hand up and dragged it through his untamed white blond hair. "Say it!" I yelled, more tears streaking my face as his grey eyes met my own torn ones.
"I won't lie to you." he admitted, refusing to meet my penetrating gaze. I knew there was no way that he loved me this closely, but the one thing I wanted more than that was to know that he didn't pity me, he didn't hold me under him because of one fault that managed to etch it's way under my skin.
"Stupefy!" I yelled again as this time, the curse hit closer to where he was standing. But he could only shake his head sadly as everything seemed to press down lower on me.
And that's how it proceeded, I threw curse after curse, finding the darkest and most powerful magic within and perhaps making it stronger with force as I shot it at him and he simply blocked every curse. "You no good bloody coward!" I yelled out in the midst of all the chaos erupting around us.
This struck a nerve as he starred at me with eyes of pity and shook his head in dismay. "You can't call me a coward Robyn. I've seen more then you'll ever know, so don't judge me." his voice was cold as he fired spells and hexes towards me at an unexpected speed. With every shield, they got harder and harder to block.
This was dark magic. Magic that I had once encountered long ago but hadn't ever managed to come across since, and as he threw more and more magic towards me, his footing approached me also. And as he came closer and closer, my heart rate picked up as it caught in my throat and I desperately threw spells just as hard as him, in hope that something would win over his shields.
Stopping for a second, we stood in utter silence as he starred to me, almost as if he were starring threw me and everything seemed to halt. With another ripping sob, I turned on him and threw another aimless strike. "Stupefy!" and suddenly, as I opened my eyes to watch it flash past his head, I watched it hit the wall behind him and explode.
Once again, he sent a hex just as strong as mine towards me, and I ducked at the last second and turned as I watched paralysed as it smashed into the large grandfather clock behind me. Setting it off balance as I starred frozen when it began to tip. Awestruck, it began to sway as the clock came crashing forwards.
I was frozen, paralysed. And the thought of it landing on me didn't even scare me, but the adrenalin of the situation did.
Watching it inch closer and closer, it was unexpected when I was hit from the side and sent flying to the ground, feeling something land heavily on top of me. Crushed to the ground, I only just began to feel the large slice of glass in my side as it began to leak scarlet liquid.
With a gasp, I felt Draco pull me up from the ground and support my weight as I desperately tried to ignore the pain in my side. That's when I heard the sound of the fireplace. Someone had flooed here and was downstairs. "Hey Malfoy!" the male voice called as I felt the man beside me visibly stiffen.
"Blaise. Give me ten minutes! I'll be down in a second!" he yelled back. Clenching my eyes closed, I tried to pull away from him with what little strength I had left when he forced me to stay still. Grabbing his wand, he placed a silencing and impenetrable charm around the room, so even if the visitor wanted to get in, he couldn't. As I turned my hands to hit Malfoy, I was unaware that he had quickly grabbed them and with one lengthy arm draped across my front, was holding them together as well as forcing my body against his.
Snaking the other hand down my one side, I flinched and tried desperately to get loose from his grip. I had witnessed people tortured to death before, felt the pain of a thousand knives, and I didn't want anymore pain then I had to take. Lifting his arm slightly, he covered my mouth and shushed me quietly. "The glass is deep, but I'll take it out. I can't risk infection or something worse and if I take you to the hospital, there will be questions. So bare with me." he murmured in my ear as I undoubtedly tried to hide the shiver that ran down my spine at his very breath on my skin.
With a deep breath, he lowered his hand and gripped the piece of glass that was stuck in my side. Wincing, I bit down on my lip as the pain was numbing and threatened to knock my feet out from under me as I gripped his arm that covered my mouth and pressed it harder against my face. Willing it to squish me and dissipate the pain that stung as he slowly and gently pulled the glass from my side. I'd imagine he pulled it slow as it wouldn't do anymore damage, but my darker side also figured that perhaps it was payback, perhaps it was suppose to hurt.
It felt like forever until I noticed the last of the glass was gone. And with a deep breath, I swallowed the tears and the sob breaking in my throat and stepped away from Malfoy. Wiping my face and ridding the rest of the evidence of the pain, I turned on him with an emotionless expression as he looked from me, to my side, then to his blood filled hands and dropped the glass to the ground.
"I-" I tried to start as the air in my lungs seemed to rush from my body. I didn't know what to say. There was nothing I could do, no way I could explain how it felt, how I felt. But he cut me off before I could continue.
"Your broken, and I pity you because you won't let anyone in. Your scared and I don't know what or who it is, but until you can tell me so I can help, there's nothing I can do." he said strongly, the confidence and leadership long in his voice as he starred down at me with defiant eyes. I hadn't noticed that I still had my wand on me until he looked to it and a different expression took over his features. Taking my wand from my hand, I felt defenceless, as if I couldn't bare to try and fight him because I knew it was true. But I wouldn't cave that easily.
"Don't say that, I can take care of myself." I threatened, turning my head away as I felt his gripping hands come to my shoulders and shake me as I turned to look into the grey pools of penetrating colour that seemed to seep right threw my bones, right through the years of training and practice to keep myself safe, to keep myself guarded.
"I don't even know you!" he yelled out in frustration as I felt his grip tighten considerably. And it was true. He didn't know who I was, what I liked, how I acted or reacted to things I wasn't expecting. He didn't know what I wanted from life, or how I wanted it. He didn't know who my friends were or my second year enemies, everything that two, soon-to-be-married couples should know about eachother, we had neglected to learn.
"I don't want this." I called out in a small voice as I turned away and clamped my eyes shut, forcing myself to stay away, to retreat and back off for long enough to build my walls back up. To make the quick recovery in hope to shield myself and keep him out, keep him away from myself.
I had let my guard down. And that had gotten me this far. And if he threatened to tear my walls down again any further, there would be nothing left I could do, nothing left I could hide. "And you think I do?" he asked incredulously as my legs were knocked out from under me and with my weight added to that of his own, we fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs.
Breathing heavily, I desperately tried to drag myself away, to put distance between me and Malfoy before this could turn to something that I would never be able to let go of. Before he thought that things had changed, before I could totally convince myself that this was real. What I did and didn't feel for the man in front of me that I hardly knew.
In all my efforts, I pushed and prodded, and did everything I could to pull away from him, but I was locked, stuck within his grasp. And in a notion, I didn't want to leave. Here, I felt safe and protected, like I would never have to worry about anything else that could threaten to harm me. But I also felt scared.
Perhaps it was the fact that, in all… I didn't want to let him in in fear I would loose someone else. In fear that overall, there was no way to keep everyone safe, to keep everyone here and with me all the time and for the rest of my life. The fact that though I wanted to keep everyone safe, there was no way I could keep them around me forever. And I had learned enough times what it felt like to loose someone close. Someone you care about.
With a single wretch, I pulled myself from his arms and stood up. Ignoring the burn within my side as the raw and tender wound tore at itself. Watching with confusion, I saw him stand up and take several steps forward as I did the same, but traveling away from him. With a hearty gasp, my legs buckled as I fell towards the bed, but used it as leverage as I motioned to stand back up.
And soon enough, his hands were there again, assisting me as I managed to stand to my feet, only to push him away again as I wrapped my arms around myself. Standing tall and proud as I refused to look at him. Walking to the front, his hand came to my chin as it pulled me to face him. So adverting my gaze down, I couldn't force myself to look into his eyes. "Your pride…" he trailed off as his hand forced my chin up as my eyes met his own. "will be the biggest weight to carry you down." he finished as I forced my walls up higher then they had ever been before.
"Generosità sta dando più allora è possibile e orgoglio è prendere meno allora che cosa avete bisogno." I retaliated as he starred with confusion for the few needed seconds to get the message across. "Generosity is giving more then you can, and pride is taking less then what you need."
Pulling me in closer, I froze as he wrapped another arm around my back and forced me tighter against him. Turning my head to the side as he leaned in, I heard him sigh, and in an instant. He was headed for the door, removing the silencing charm as he paused before completely leaving.
"Clean up quick then get yourself fixed up. We're expecting company in a few hours." he stated in a mere commanding voice. Any other day, I would be offended and fight back, but I couldn't find the energy to try anymore. So as he shut the door, I retrieved my wand and looked around the room. Repairing and replacing anything that needn't be, and walking into the bathroom to heal my side.
An hour later, I was ready as Malfoy had stopped in and handed me a bag with my attire for the evening in it. He said we would be having dinner with some old associates of his. I didn't know what it meant. It could have been old families associated in the dark side, it could have been students from Hogwarts he knew. But if anything, I just wanted to get this night over and done with.
The dress was black and silver. And oddly enough, he knew my exact measurements as I slipped it on and starred at myself in the mirror. It was strapless, and with a corset like top half, it flared out at my waist from under a ribbon of silver until it reached to just above my knees. The house was warm enough, and I didn't plan on leaving any time soon, so I suppose if this is what he thought looked best, then I would silently agree. For tonight, I hadn't the energy to argue anymore.
The black heels were strapped and high, showing my perfectly polished toes and accenting my long, toned legs. Overall, it was perfect, I couldn't remember the last dress that had flattered me quite like this one, but I also couldn't ignore the fact that once I got out of the shower, I looked, as well as felt different.
Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I curled the ends and straightened the hair that fell in front before adding a little dark makeup and some colour to my cheeks before walking from the bathroom and heading towards the stairs. I looked as if I should be going out to a dance, and I felt ridiculous. Any time I had ever had company over at my old house, it was fun and entertaining, we talked and laughed together. We didn't wear fancy dresses and expensive shoes.
I had ten minutes until everyone was due to arrive, and by the time I made it downstairs, there was only one person here. A dark skinned boy, handsome and livid, and he was talking to Malfoy as if they had been life long friends, but stiff ones at that. Walking up behind, I could feel the new man's eyes on me as I stepped forward and offered a small smile before extending my hand to shake his own.
"Robyn, this is Blaise Zabini, a friend from Hogwarts." Malfoy offered as he placed a hand around my waist when I stood and nodded my head. "Blaise, this is my…" he paused for a second, not knowing what to say. It was true, we were arranged to get married, but even though that had been sprung on us, he still hadn't asked the question, so I suppose in a way it wasn't official. "This is my fiancée, Robyn McCarthy."
I hated the touch, the feel of open awareness that his presence took away from me when his arm was placed around me. It was if I thoroughly believed that he could protect me, but it was foolish. The more people you allow to protect you rather then protecting yourself, the more people are in risk of being hurt. And I wouldn't be held responsible for that. But perhaps tonight, just this once, I would let him get away with it, as he was counting on impressing his guests.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Zabini." I offered as Draco pulled me closer and I shivered slightly from his touch.
"The pleasure is all mine Miss." he smiled back, flaunting a pair of perfect white teeth as he nodded his head in appreciation. "Malfoy, quite a catch you have on you here, look… she practically shivers at your very touch!" he laughed as I tried to hide my glare.
"I wouldn't say it's one of pleasure Blaise. But all the same, I admire your keen eye." I mused as he bowed slightly for a joke.
"And I admire Draco's." he laughed again before adding, "If I may say milady, I have never seen a more beautiful looking young woman. I just hope your as powerful as you are gorgeous, and maybe you might be able to give this old bat a run for his money." he joked, hitting Malfoy playfully on the arm as I smiled at his comment.
Within half an hour, everyone had shown up. So far, I had met Blaise, Marcus Flint, Malfoy's old Quidditch Captain, Micheal Redback and Sean Windler from school, and Ryan Skuyler with his date Amanda Grey. Everyone seemed pleasant, their eyes lingered longer then I would have liked, but Amanda was the one to talk to as I joined her in conversation much more then the others. As we both most likely felt the eerie, uncomforting male dominance of the population.
By ten o'clock, the boys had brought out the scotch and were making a toast to their Hogwarts' Days and new memories to come. I had to admit, all of his friends were equally good looking, not picture perfect, but they were decent enough. And Sean, Ryan and Amanda were completely polite throughout the night. Which made it all the more convenient.
After Sean and Micheal left, the house began to get stuffy. It's not that we were running out of room, or there was too many people. But it was almost as if things were piling on top of me, and after a while, the pressure was becoming unbearable.
"I'm just going to step out for a minute." I excused myself from Amanda and Ryan's conversation while bringing my drink with me as I walked outside. Swishing the red, thick liquid in my cup as I approached the back garden of the house, I sighed. It was amazing, the path walks and flowers perfectly sculpted and the twinkling lights above lighting up the sky even on a cloudy night.
Walking a way's out to the middle of the garden, I sighed and leaned up against the railing that trailed along side of the small creak that ran through the garden. Looking up to the sky, I brought a hand up to rub my neck and smirked as I ran over the events of the day.
This wasn't the Robyn I knew, this wasn't the Robyn I was. I would never allow for people to tell me what to do, or host a party that wasn't that of what I had been raised around. So looking from the sky, to the glass of red wine in my hand, I sighed and poured it into the water below me.
"That's such a waste of something completely potent and alluring. Red wine is one of the many pleasures of life. Waste not, want not." I turned slightly to see Marcus Flint walking up behind me. Tall, with brown, slightly shaggy hair and daring blue eyes. His teeth crooked, and his air of self reliance, cocky and arrogant, but for the most part he was pleasant.
"Yes well, I'm sure I'm not wasting that wine, as I wish to have no more." I offered and looked back up to the sky, searching for the stars I used to see when I was younger, the stars I relied on to remind me of who and where I came from.
"You, my dear, another waste of something so alluring." he stepped forwards and as his cold breath seethed along my skin, I shivered at the thought. But this wasn't the same kind of shiver. When I reacted under the touch and feel of Draco, it was because he held that effect over me. But now, I shivered from the overbearing reminder of how a scene like this had played out before.
"Thank you, but it is rather chilly outside, perhaps we should join the others inside." I smiled slightly and motioned towards the house as he didn't move his stance at all, backing me towards the barricade and pinning me between the fence and himself.
"I can warm you up, love." stepping forwards again, I only merely pushed further back against the fence, shrugging from under his touch.
"Draco... he... we should so, my fiance will be waiting…" I stated before I was cut of as his hand sculpted the side of my face tenderly and the memories threatened to flood back. His hands were tough and callused. Nothing like Malfoy's as over the past few days, I had witnessed the sickly soothing presence of his hands more than once.
"That's one thing I always thought odd with Draco." Flint mused as I froze and turned to him suddenly, but before I could ask, he carried on. "Not only has he never been good at keeping a better hold on his possessions. From what I saw, he never was good at pleasuring his women." a sudden fear trickled through my body and flooded within my system as I wished to know not where this was going. "But lucky for you, I've always been good… at picking up the slack."
My hands slid down to my sides momentarily, as a sickening realization hit me from all sides, as if someone had dropped a wrecking ball overtop of me. The fear welled up within as I could practically feel my heart leaping out of my chest, as my wand still remained in the upstairs bathroom of my house.
Leaning closer, I felt paralysed. And as he inched closer and closer, my body screamed at me to move, to finish him off and complete this before it got to far. And at the last second, when I finally regained my bearings, only then did I regain feeling to find that my hands and arms had been pinned to my sides to make sure I didn't move.
Struggling under his iron grasp, he lunged forward suddenly as I could feel the fence behind me grabbing at the fabric of my dress. With a sudden crash, everything fell down around me as his lips moved harsh and rough against mine. Nothing like I was use to, nothing like anyone should be treated. With a fathomless attempt to pull my head away, he shoved his tongue into my mouth as I could feel the worry and fear collide with the anger within.
As his hands grovelled for the bottom of my dress, I pulled harder away when he broke the kiss and violently shook me, but it was as if I wasn't there. As if I were watching it from someone else's eyes, because I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel his tender grip on my wrists as he forced them immobile. I couldn't feel the scratch of his vicious nails as he fought against me to raise the hem of my dress. I couldn't feel his rough and sadistic lips bared down on my own. And I couldn't feel the wracking sounds of protest that came from my mouth when he put a silencing charm on me.
"You're a feisty little thing, aren't you?" he asked cruelly as I silently sobbed against his grip. "I always taught my team to share some things and keep others to themselves. But I can see the dilemma he had with you." his cold voice was like ice through the open air. "I can see why he was desperate to keep you to himself, but why not share you around. Some things are to good to keep to one person, especially when their not used to their full potential!"
I was strong, and brave, but out of everything, the very idea of the situation scared me more then possibly imaginable. And as his hands left bruises on my wrists, I could feel one crack and break as the numbing pain shot in waves up and down my arm.
With a simple spell, I watched as his movements sped up tenfold. His hands wrenched mine away as his hands finally found themselves underneath my dress as I kicked and screamed in silence. I could hear the tear of my clothing as I thought it was all over. Once again, I couldn't do anything about it, and this time… I didn't have anything to defend myself with.
I could hear the ruffle of his clothing as I struggled harder, feeling the still raw wound from earlier tear, but not break, and for the first time, there was someone I couldn't beat. All my life I've been able to out do others in anything and everything. But now, defenceless and tired, no amount of adrenalin would ever erase the memory of watching I had been through already, the real pain that was soon to come.
Clenching my eyes together, I turned my head to the side and bowed it in horror. No amount of pride could ever help me recover from this as I felt him near closer and closer. "ROBYN!" at first, I thought it was him, Flint. He was mocking me. But when I heard the words fall from his lips and find the weight lifted from my body. Only then could I bare to open my eyes and look, to brave everything else and see through disgrace.
The sobs were evident and the tears sprang hard as I collapsed to the ground and prayed for someone to grant me death. For Satan himself to save me from this pain, this turmoil that seemed to remind me so much of what I had already been through.
Everything hurt as I felt the cold wind brush along my skin. The cold electric feeling of a new touch burst through out my skin as I shrunk away from the contact. "Robyn, Robyn, it's me. It's Draco Robyn. It's me." I heard the voice coo as the scene wouldn't stop. I could see it, I could see them, and it was all coming back to fast. I didn't want to remember what I had witnessed before. And the amount of times I had blocked it from my memory, I couldn't bare to let it slip once again.
Taking the silencing charm off, I was eerily quiet as the sobs continued to wrack my body, and without knowing it, I felt his hands on me again, helping me up, helping me stand. But they were to familiar, they were too much like his hands that I couldn't bare to have them near me any longer. "Please," I begged quietly when I felt my weight lifted from the ground as he walked forwards with me. "Don't do this anymore, please!" I begged in sobs as I closed my eyes when the pressure became to much.
It didn't have to be him. It didn't have to be Flint, but even the presence of his hands reminded me of them, reminded me of who I was and what had happened. "Robyn, I swear I won't hurt you." he whispered as I heard a door open and close and the clunk of stairs as I felt myself propped up in something that supported my back and feet.
When I heard the strain of taps and the rush of water, I couldn't help but cringe when the luke warm water his my skin. My sore body lapping up any soothing it could get, but draining me more then I could take any longer. I remained strained as it continued to pour down and surpass the levels of my body. When I felt his gentle and soft hands grope at my hair and pull it down easily, I couldn't stop myself from gasping at his contact.
"Robyn, I'm not going to hurt you. You half to trust me." his voice was soft, reassuring. Like a fathers', like a protectors'. "I'll never hurt you Robyn. I promise you that." he whispered lightly when I felt my body unwillingly react to his words.
Then, the sound of feet on stairs tore me even more as I thought of all the possibilities. When the door opened, I turned my head slightly as I saw Amanda standing in the open door with Ryan close behind her. "Oh my god Robyn, I'm so sorry." she broke quickly as she stepped forwards and Draco stood from his position. "Draco I never thought… he just said he was going out to check on her, he never… I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so sorry." she begged slightly as Draco turned to Ryan and looked at his guilty expression.
"It's not your fault. You couldn't have known." he reassured them strongly as he turned to Amanda with a confident look of accepting. "Amanda, would you help Robyn get cleaned up. Try and get something out of her." he said before walking towards the door with long strides.
"Where are you going?" she demanded while setting her things down on the bathroom counter.
Looking between me and Amanda, then to Ryan, he turned towards the door and starred at nothing as his voice was eerily angered but calm at the same time. "I'm going to go kill that bastard."