MONSTER
A GLEE fanfic
By: Something Dysfunctional
Chapter Nine: Cry
Disclaimer: Ryan Murphy owns the show and my soul. Damn you.
I swear... I'm alive. But barely.
Let's Get Physical!
-

The summer was crawling along at a agonizingly slow pace. I tended to hide myself out of the house and in the recesses of Mercedes' house or hanging out at the mall with the rest of my fellow gleeks. The latest I ever came home was usually around dinner time, and even then, I didn't show my face around Finn that long. I occupied in my room. Finn no longer stayed downstairs with me and was using the guest bedroom. No decorating ideas from me, no questions on what would look good with his comforter and dresser that would match. Nothing. I wanted it that way. Dad noticed my unusual behavior, but assumed that because it was summer, I wouldn't want to stay cramped up in the house all the time. He never asked me about Finn because, as usual, I performed marvelously in front of him.

Good job, Kurt. Good job.

Late at night, I could hear him talking on his phone to Rachel, or Puck. I laid there, still as can be, and ears strained to hear him talk about me from the ceiling. He never did. And then, with a heavy heart and dried eyes, I would roll over and face the wall. I cried all my tears and couldn't produce anymore. There goes my excellent gift of crying on cue... I was more than angry, pissed, and upset at him. It was a feeling of disappointment. There was nothing I could do now. I had to let it pass... somehow. One night, I laid in my bed and went over every single detail in my mind of what went wrong. Was I too brash? I don't think I pushed him into anything. He was more than willing to do what I wanted to. Did I scare him? I flushed some at the night that we passionately- yes, it was VERY passionate- made out and then he held me so close to him, breathing in the musky scent of our release and just... held me. We didn't say anything for the longest time. At the point, I was still nervous to say those three-dreaded-words to him even though they threatened to pop out of my mouth.

How could he turn away from me like that?

And go back to Rachel?

I should've been the bitch I am, find her, and cut that face up. But I mentally and physically held myself at bay and thought to be the better person in the situation. But, how long could I hold on before snapping and loosing my mind completely? I knew I was tough, and the other glee members knew too, but sometimes, maybe... possibly...

it was better to let it loose and win back what rightfully belonged to me.
-

I never told Quinn about what happened between Finn and I. I didn't want to tell her nor Mercedes. So, instead, I approached Tina. She had exactly what I needed for part one of my plan I was concocting up. And later on, I went to Santana and Brittany about my plan. As Cheerios, we held the keys to the school and to the student body. Plus, they both knew how to get guys to fall head-over-heels for the without really trying. With twinkling dark eyes, Santana sat me on her bed and leaned forward one afternoon, grinning maliciously it seemed. "So, Finn thought it would be funny to go from you to Rachel, huh?", she sneered prettily, flipping back her black hair. I nodded stiffly and stared at my hands. "I knew it wouldn't happen anyway", I mumbled darkly. Santana snorted and glared at me. "You are worth twelve of that big-nosed wannabe."

"That's a lot of Kurts. Wouldn't there be, like... a riot or something? That's too any fashinistas going after Finn", Brittany said thoughtfully, cleaning her nails, looking seriously at me. Be glad you are cute, Santana uttered under her breath. Brittany smiled and giggled to herself at the comment and I looked on with a bemused smile on my face. "This is what you are going to do, Kurt, and you may not like it... but it's got to be done", the Latina told me pointedly, looking determined. I nodded, swallowing. "I can't believe I stooping down to this level, but, I'll do anything", I said detachedly. "It's going to take the rest of summer, a lot of trips to the mall and gym, and with Tina's sense of dark clothes, trust me- no will will resist you. You'll even get the straight boys panting after you."

"Are girls dogs? They kind of scare me. They drool a lot too", Brittany said thoughtfully.
-

At the end of July, the glee club was invited to the new karaoke club in town from Mr. Schuester. Eager and excited, they dressed to the nines and walked in like the place was made for them. As for me, I waited until I received the text from Santana at my house. Tina was placing the final touches on me. Scrutinizing under bright yellow eyeshadow, she brushed back my hair and smiled some, though it looked sad.

"Kurt, are you sure you want to do this?", she asked softly, her almond-shaped eyes steady on me. I nodded at her, my heart fluttering. "There's always a reason for something. If you really want it, I got to go get it", I sniffed, turning away to look at the floor-length mirror, staring at the person who stared back with hollow sea-green eyes and a outfit that would make Davey Havok cry.

We made it there when everyone inside had gotten good and comfortable. I walked in the dim house, not looking for the group as I slid against the back walls. I saw the lumbering form of Finn sitting with Rachel, acting cool and as if they weren't going out at all. I thought bitterly and angrily that it was a possibly that they were holding hands under the table. I scowled and made my way to the song book, flipping through the laminated pages for a specific song that I knew would have the whole group think differently of me. I found the song I wanted and requested it. I sat in the corner, hands on the table top as I saw my cell go off with a text. I opened it, seeing the message from Quinn.

'Where are u? you should be here with us!'

'Oh, I don't know if I up for tonight. Haven't been feeling too well.'

'ok. let me know something. hope you feel better.'

I smiled grimly and closed my phone, leaning back. I closed my eyes and let my head clear, readying myself. I let the noise wash over me until silence rang in my mind. I focused on Finn and wondered if he would have any idea what was coming... I allowed my vision to open and fall on him, chatting away and laughing with the other members. And then, unlike anything Ive ever felt, my heart died and a emptiness swept over me. I hardened at the emotion and felt everything that I've ever held in brimming to the surface, boiling over. I heard Artie finish his song and everyone applaud him as he wheeled off the small stage. Everyone settled in, waiting for the next person. Rachel beamed, thinking it was her as she pushed back her hair, priming herself.

"The next singer tonight will be... Kurt Hummel!"

I stood and walked briskly to the stage, slowing my anger into a sway, allowing my hips to naturally fall into a rhythm. I lowered my eyes, smiling secretly like I knew something and my body moved on its own as I took the microphone. I heard the Glee club whispering loudly to each other and the gasps that erupted when they saw what I wore. My hair was pushed back messily, the form-fitting black leather pants hugging me tightly along with the midnight, sequined v-neck long-sleeved shirt that showed off my long neck and some of my chest. Tina did my eyes in a smoky black that was still easy on the eyes but screamed "I am sexy pussy-cat." Black platform shoes completed the look, including the faint dusting of glitter powder that reflected off of my milky-white skin. Faintly, I could hear Puck's voice saying, "Shit!", and I soaked up the spotlight, raising a brow. "Tonight, I will be singing... a song. I'm not saying what. I like to keep people on their toes", I practically purred, hearing the echo of feedback around me.

I inhaled quietly, and began:

"I love the way your heart breaks,
With every injustice and deadly fate.
Praying it all be new,
And living like it all depends on you."

"Here you are down on your knees again.
Trying to find air to breathe again.
Only surrender will help you now,
I love you please see and believe again."

"I love that you're never satisfied.
With face value wisdom and happy lies.
You take what they say and go back and cry,
You're so close to me that you nearly died!"

"Here you are down on your knees again.
Trying to find air to breathe again.
Only surrender will help you now.
I love you please see and believe again."

"They don't have to understand you,
Be still.
Wait and know I understand you,
Be still.
Be still!"

"Here you are down on your knees again.
Trying to find air to breathe again.
Only surrender will help you now.
The floodgates are breaking
And pouring out!"

"Here you are down on your knees.
Trying to find air to breathe.
Right where I want you to be again,
I love you please see and believe again"

"Here you are down on your knees again.
Trying to find air to breathe again.
Right where I want you to be again-
See and believe...!"

The last note I sang hovered in the air like a knife until the audience roared with applause and whistles. I drew back into my hole as I gave the mic up and walked towards the exit, ignoring the pleads and calls of my fellow glee club members. I saw Santana wink at me and Tina stare on, sympathy hovering over her face. I knew what I did and what I had sung. I opened the doors and allowed the cool summer air to hit my face. I didn't feel a thing.
-

Later on, as I did my nighttime facial regiment, I knew that Finn would be in soon. I tried to not act nervous and settle how fast my heart kept beating at the thought of him possibly coming down here and asking what the hell was wrong with me tonight. I swiped back the rest of my moisturizer until I heard the front door close and the quiet talking between my father and Finn. My hands stilled and I waited with bated breath. Blood pounded in my ears as I heard the heavy footsteps above me in the kitchen. Then, they traveled near my door. I bit down hard on my bottom lip, trying to not break the skin. They stilled, as if trying to figure out where to go. Instead, they walked on. I let out a shaky breath, stood, turned off my light to let the others upstairs know I was now in bed, and sat in the dark. Slowly, I walked to my bed and slid in the safety of the sheets, pulling the over my head like a little kid. It was over- it had to be. Finn made his choice and now, he could lie with it. I knew that no one could replace the void that was inside. No one like him.

Melodramatic of me, I know.

I laid there, trying to allow sleep to take over. Within thirty minutes and of Dad going to sleep with Carole, I then heard a door open. My eyes flew open at the sound and the padded footsteps walking around, quiet and soft. I strained to hear them and then, I felt the air shift down in the basement.

My door opened.

I shut my eyes quickly as I felt a presence come near me. I allow my breathing to come out even and labored, as if I had already fallen asleep. This was twice Finn caught me playing possum and I wondered faintly if it would work again.

"I know you're awake."

... damn.

"What do you want, Finn?", I asked in a clipped, whispered tone. "What was up with tonight? Acting all like that? It didn't seem like you", Finn replied, equally quiet. "Well, I'm sorry. I can't please everyone. Things have been... difficult for me. I needed to let some steam out by singing. Nothing wrong with that", I answered defensively. "I didn't like it. It sounded like you were mad. And what was with the get-up? You looked like that Adam Lambert person", he bit back, a angry tone in his voice. I grounded my teeth and sat up, trying to find him in the darkness of my room. "Listen here, Finn Hudson, what I do and wear doesn't concern you. It shouldn't anymore. Now that Rachel is clinging to your side now like some badly dressed leech, there's no reason to act so high-and-mighty with me. Now, please go to bed!"

"This has to do with her, doesn't it?"

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "It took you that long to figure it out?", I scoffed, hugging myself. I was getting pissed and I didn't want to get Dad down here, but Finn was pressing my buttons. Hard. Silence was met and then, he leaned towards me, a hand grasping my arm tightly like a steal vice. I gasped and pulled back. "Let go of me!", I hissed, fear creeping in my chest. "You're jealous...? Is that what it takes to get you worked up? Kurt... please? Listen to me?", he pleaded, using his free hand to cup my face. I jerked away, the touch electrifying. Oh, no, he still had that effect on me! "It's not jealousy, Finn. It's the fact you don't know who you want! Or who you can't have! It's not a three-way street, it's either one or the other!," I snapped back icily. Finn made a noise and pressed his face against the top of my head suddenly, pulling me practically into his lap. "This isn't easy on me either! First you swoop in and catch me off guard and then I broke during Regionals with Rachel standing there... it was a mistake and I'm paying for it, but dammit, I don't like people looking at you the way they did tonight!", he groaned in my hair, his arms tightening around me.

I sat there, unmoving.

"What are you saying?", I asked in a timid voice, shaking.

"I'm saying that I miss you, Kurt. I-I don't want to loose you like this. It's hurting me."

I sat there in the darkness, in Finn's lap as I then felt him move above me, his large and achingly familiar hands sought my face, turning it up. I allowed his mouth to seek my own, pressing lips against my temples, cheeks, chin, the jawline...

My composure crumbled and I turned my head, claiming his mouth fully.

I died once more.
-

...
cliff-hanger.
Fwahahaha.
I swear, I am not a mean person! I just dont have ENOUGH time on my hands.
Ugh.
I will be gone for a week in North Carolina with NO INTERNET because I is going to do some missionary work but I will be writing on paper the next chapter. And its gonna be gggeeewwwdddd.
-the moonlight carries the message of Love.-

Later Days...!
-SD

Again- Flyleaf