Alright kiddies, addressing some things first of all. I know this story flows along at the speed of a puddle, but that's kind of the point. I don't want to fabricate any plot twists that couldn't be actually going on during Eclipse and if you can't tell, mostly right now I'm trying to lay down all the immense detail that left me missing. But as you can probably guess, things heat up for my heartthrob after the grad party, as it does for him in the book. So just stick along for the ride.

Secondly and a little oddly, I am really a girl. I got an email from someone actually asking me if I was a guy too embarrassed to admit to writing twilight ff. To answer her questions about my muse, it's just the way I imagined and hoped Jared would act when I was reading. Then I took what little snippets they showed of him in the previews and sort of mixed it all into a polyester blend of what I wanted him to be like and the personalities of a couple of guys I knew my first year of college. So undeniable, this little world I made for him is just my opinion of the only way he could have been realistic. The only side note I was incredibly pleased about, was how in the few lines he had in New Moon, he was remarkably just the way I pictured him. "Yea, well we're faster".. what a cocky little jerk face.

Disclaimer: Dear Stephanie, please excuse my stealing of your brainchild and running rampant with it though the holes you left in the third installment. Allow me to make it up to you by buying you lunch on the quad. Or just possibly not suing me. Thanks.

******************************************************Scent: Part I*************************************************

It was only Tuesday and I was already shit-faced exhausted. The events of the day before had taken an atomic bomb sized terrible turn for the worst, but also a toll on old JJ's hind parts. Not only did crackbaby- brain Brady gain admission to our little Cub Scout troop, but we also caught a whiff of some wandering sack of leech juice taking a fucking walk-about a few miles from our Southern border. The thought is still as depressing as a middle aged hooker. I know what you're thinking. "But Jar-bear, why the long face? These are two very rare and equally stellar events occurring on the old res. and should be celebrated with much frivolity and Kim dreams." Well I'll just tell you gentlemen and Sirs. Like a honeymoon on the rag, why did they have to happen on the same fucking day?

After 10 minutes of just letting Brady stretch out his new furry limbs, we all stood around supportively. The human spectators hardly twitched a muscle as they watched their family member and friend feel out his new wolf body. In fact, in the first 10 minutes, the only noticeable movement was Seth and I spreading out on the lawn to create a protective barrier between the bystanders and little Whitefang. Sam stayed in front, coaxing and comforting him without phasing, trying to make him focus on the timber of his alpha human voice. Leah and Embry were only paces away, but kept out of sight to avoid overwhelming the Casados family. Jake was on his way back, and Quil and Paul were heading towards the outer regions to take Emb and Leah's post's. Even Collin and his vagina finally faded in. Confused as to what was going on, and without a specific directional order from Sam's still missing daddy mind, he too headed towards the Clearwater's like an ashamed puppy. His saunter was a slow head-hung walk, and his tail was firmly between his legs waiting for whatever rolled up newspaper that was going to swat his panty sniffing muzzle.

Things went on like that for an hour; Just standing around, everyone one of us slowly introducing ourselves to his new mega psyche, laying out the story of what was happening to him and the world of vampires and wolf life. After a while, Sam decided to phase and takes him on the "first run", as we had dubbed it. It was really just a wolves' first romp through the woods to learn to use his new speed and senses. But pack tradition also used it as a time for some one on one bonding with our alpha. Planting the seeds of a lifetime of loyalty and having your nuts in a Sam controlled vice grip for the rest of your fucking life. Sam gave us all the order to scatter on our land and phase back in later to give Daddy and Brady some privacy. A simple suggestive thought would have sufficed in this instance, but Sam used a multi toned alpha command to give the kid a taste.

For the entire hour we had been trying to calm and explain things to him, his mind had been woven and running in layers of the craziest bullshit we'd ever encountered. He was listening to all of us, and we could tell there was a slice of his brain focused on the events at hand, but there were always these stray thoughts and pictures. They were constantly surrounding the sane parts with questions and colors. With this kid around, none of us would ever have to do drugs. Not that we were lame ball lickers like that anyway.

I was a little relieved when Sam finally gave us orders to human out. Just from the hour of looking in his head, we all realized there was a glowing center to his thoughts that was just normal Brady. If we concentrated directly on it, all the weird crap numbed into white noise. But if you lost your concentration and let your mind stray, it was suddenly flooded with images of last Fourth of July, and the playmate of the month, and the first 14 decimal places of Pi. It was like trying to recognize and sort through a blazing ice cream headache. It was deff going to take some practice.

After Leah and Embry ran towards opposite ends of the border, I too headed away from the middle of town; taking my position to phase and wander the woods like a lost, naked retard. I caught wind of an errant Paul thought while he was trying to figure out best where Leah was heading while simultaneously hoping she didn't have time to pack clothes.

"You are such a horndog, you leechloving muff diver."

"My my, cornhole calling the pussy an ass, are we?" Without speaking, we both silently felt Sam's presence in our conversation and his about to be annoyed attitude. Paul figured it would be more lucrative to just head in my general area, and put the hunt for Leah cooch on the back burner. He was sadly mistaken if he thought I was gunna give him a reach around as a conciliation for abandoning his endeavor.

"You only wish you were lucky enough to stroke this long piece of hardware."

"Awwww, Pauly-boo… how did you guess? Of course I was just asking myself the quickest way to get crabs."

"Enough!" Sam billowed through our brains. Not only forbidding us to continue, but also reminding us about the very confused and slightly scared little puppy now listening in on our big boy conversation. When running next to these pricks at top speeds, and ripping apart some FDA approved vamp cutlet, it's easy to forget how young the little ones are. Not that Collin minded in the least, but per an Emily request Sam tried to keep a PG-13 rating whenever possible.; Which is the biggest hypocritical babble on this side of the beach, considering how many times we've all been witness to a split second slip of what it feels like to be balls deep inside her with her leg swung over his shoulder.

"…………….." and the .7 seconds of blindingly angry silence was the only motivation I needed to be completely consumed on the forest floor. Sorry folks, this story will have to be finished later, post-wolf.

I was closer to Paul then, and decided to phase out to shoot the shit. I wasn't as good as Quil yet, but I had pwned his new, cute little strategy for a quicker de-furification. Only my version wouldn't get me thrown in prison if admitted to Charlie Swan (if he were allowed in the know). Forcing yourself to think about little imprint details was the surest way to calm a doggy's restless body. I thought of Kimmy's face when she was sleeping. I thought about the way her eyelashes flutter when she dreams and how warm and flushed her face and neck get when she's having a good dream. How she rolls away from me when her body registers she's overheating next to me. And how her subconscious mind makes her keep one hand close to the steady beating skin of my chest while she rolls. When I opened my eyes, I was looking at the trees through annoyingly duller human vision, naked, and disappointed that her sleeping form had just been an object of my own creation. I had also decided to forgo the clean pants in the travel baggie around my leg, and tossed the parcel into a shrub to just skip about in the nude for the 20 minutes.

I was through 3 whole versus of Hotel California when I smelled him. Sneaking up on me from behind, no doubt attempting to tea bag me or some other such nonsense only tricked and endured by weaker men. I waited till I could feel the earth shift slightly and the air turned stale to my right and knew the attack would come from the left. I ducked and spun to my right as he lunged forward; eluding his reach but ultimately being over powered by his other hand. I don't know how he did it, but I was twisted and rolled 10 ft away and had my arm pinned behind my back in a matter of seconds.

"HA ha, Say. My. Name. Bitch."

"I hadn't realized Amy had left you this desperate. Don't give her a hard time. If I were her, I'd throw up at the sight of your penis too." I said through different pitches of screams and giggles. Paul let go of his hold and swiped his hands together back and fourth like he was clapping dust off of them.

"A jealous fag would say something like that……. Seeing as how I was having some juicy backdoor play not two hours ago, and you'll have nothing but whacking off to that image for another two days." Every conversation we had ever had inevitably ended not in a victor, but a lazy truce resulting from blow after blow to both egos, and then an apathetic indifference to prolong to fight. Honestly, I would probably tie the guy to the hood of a Cullenmobile if I didn't love the bastard so much.

"Backdoor, huh? Well she would I guess. It amazes me the commitment these girls fabricate from you. The dirty lies they tell themselves as you lovingly suggest plowing them up a wall."

I was chuckling at the memory of Dianna Medina. Man that dame could howl with the best of us. She was two 'Amy's' ago, and by far the most deluded. We both walked on for a few minutes deep in thought. Hell know's what he was thinking about, but I was reminiscing through a memory he once replayed during patrol. Dianna was lying on top of her parent's coffee table on some random morning when they had the house to themselves. She was sweaty and panting, with both legs almost pulled all the way flat to her chest, holding on to the edge of the table behind her head. Paul had his eyes closed, gripping both her ankles, and seconds away from the blue ribbon. He opened his eyes the moment before the plunge, to see her face when he shot out the batter, and that's when he made eye contact with the craziest stalker glare. After letting out a breath in the dumbest porno face she could duplicate, she whispered a slow and intense "I think I love you." I could remember the feeling of my borrowed Paul face contort into the most surprised and disgusted grimace, and then he yanked it out with a rough urgency and came all over her confused face. I could sense the Paul feelings of contentment as he felt he adamantly punished her for being such a stupid lay. The pack was smaller then, and everyone besides me was mostly disappointed with his intimacy choices. I however, almost fell off the cliff I was running along when I saw the story and then burst into such a fit of wolf laughter, that I think I peed a little.

He strode a few paces ahead of me, and then turned to talk to me while walking backwards. "I'm getting worried about Jake. Did you catch a whiff of his gutter mind the whole time during the Brady explosion? Bella this and Bella goddamn that. Besides being completely clouded by that nerdy little piece of ass, his feelings are getting in the way of pack business. It's supposed to be a fucking big day when a guy first changes. All about non-homo brotherhood and all that shit. And every 10 seconds our 2nd in command has to drift back to thoughts of her unprotected little study session back in Forks. Don't get me wrong, the guy is my solid, but well…….I mean,….she's just a chick."

"You don't get it Paul. I mean, maybe if you had more emotion than a lawnmower. But a girl really can be the worst kind of downfall. If you stayed inside one long enough to know what side of the bed she actually sleeps on, you might know these things."

"Cum guzzles!!..... He didn't even give her the "we were made for each other/destiny wants' us to fuck for life and have wolf babies" look. She's just some prudey girl who leads our bro on just enough to give him a permanent bacterial infection of blue balls."

I couldn't disagree with him there. No matter how I felt about Miss Swan, I really did wish he had just imprinted on her and been done with it. Maybe if she was tethered by magic like most of the rest of us, she would come to her senses and stop getting such a hard on for Cullen dick. Not to mention spare us all the pain of feeling second had all the hurt Jacob tried to hide from us as best he could.

"Well, what can you do? He's pussy whipped and I'm pretty sure likes being stuck that way. At least for her." There was more walking in silence. It probably was because any thought we had on any subject was already mulled over to death due to constant mind-linkage. Even before any of us ever mentioned or talked about something going on in our lives, we were collectively already bored with it, because ultimately we had all been present for any forming idea.

Hesitant to appear at all Brokeback Mountainish, we veered away from each other a few yards apart, and walked a parallel path through the woods. Nudity these days, well, shit happens. We had all grown immune to the initial disgust of getting an eye view of the priceless Quileute property. But since Leah, the guys started taking notice for the first time, our proximity to each other when phasing. We hadn't abandoned the predominantly free balling attitude, but just kept notice of how close we were to rubbing tummies when frolicking like this el fresco.

We kept pace like that, occasionally climbing up a tree, or throwing a rock at the back of each others heads. It made me wonder what we use to do with all the free time in our lives. Before the return of Dr. Suck me and his spawns, we must have just layed around and done nothing with our human lives. It's funny how much you can accomplish when you're Halo stats aren't quite as high. And the bonus was that in those days I really only dreamed about what someone like Kimmy's juices tasted like, as apposed to knowing now, firsthand. I absently returned to humming Hotel California, and by the end of the song we were singing to each other the different lines.

Deciding "first run" was probably winding down; I circled back to my bag-o-pants and refastened it around my ankle before going all wet and furry. Paul had beaten me to the punch and we had joined the few phased back wolves into politely eavesdropping in to see how Brady was doing. He had toned down on the hallucinating slideshow as far as we could tell, and mellowed out slightly as we felt his excitement from running at such a fast rate.

I headed back towards my assigned position near the northern border. Everyone else followed suit and were positioning the start of our originally scheduled 1st night patrol. Embry, Jake, and Leah phased out for their time off, and those of us on the job settled back into routine. Running in a wide arc and circling in. Patrol was at least not going to be lonely this evening considering the addition of Brady face and Sam to supervise. One paw after another, I made my way around the reservation, content on doing what we were made to do. Sniffing unnaturally broken branches and disturbed areas of ground, we were undistracted and back in full on search and destroy mode. And then BAM!!! 20 minutes before the end of my shift and it happens.

Out of all the wolves in the fucking pack, did it really have to be Collin? Him and his smug little twat caught a weak but relatively fresh scent wafting in from a few miles south of our border. Almost like a random solar flare just gliding along at its own slow place, it's defiantly vampire. It was male, and less than hours old. Sometimes we would catch lingering smells of traveling vamps close to the area. Most of the time, they would catch onto our scent far enough away to change course and avoid the entire region. In fact, with the exception of dread head and the red haired slut, they had all been smart enough to keep their distance. A few weeks ago one curious George even tried to sneak around in a circle and come investigate from the north. Probably more freaked out by the sudden permeating aroma of the Cullen coven than by us, Dude high tailed it away like a grade-A pussy.

But more importantly, the matter at hand was that we had a fresh target and the little bitch was ours! We all let out a long and waning howl to alert the others and the chilling echoing sound struck through the late night calm. Sam was already strategizing as we all headed towards Collin's position, who was crouched in an ready stance and foaming at the mouth waiting for the order to take off after the bloodsucker. I was more excited than a single mom on welfare check day! After months of going on and on , we actually get the chance to rip a bloodbag to shreds by the hair of his cold ass chiny-chin-chin. That is until I got wind of the single worst idea in Quileute history.

Taking into account Brady's lack of experience, and the idea that La Push still needed to be watched over , Sam had made the decision that the hunting party could spare Brady +2 to stay behind and stick close to home. I don't even need to go on, do I fellow revolted listeners? This tale has become too tragic to repeat. Stuck behind with Leah's whiney ass and the newborn puppy. Not only was being a glorified babysitter the blech of life it sounded like, but I was forced to miss the first good scrap of action in FOR-EVER.

And that's how it all crumbled for the rest of the night. Both being thoroughly annoyed at pacing uselessly over the same worn trails, and drooling over the position's that my brothers who hadn't been left out to dry were currently in. We were so close and could smell the wind getting thicker with his stench the more we closed the gap between us and that pale piece of shit. It was all bitter sweet because the best I got was looking at the excitement through the eyes of everybody else like a filtered sloppy second.

The Vampire wasn't exactly fast, but he kept changing course in unexpected twists and directions. Not like he was baiting a trap or anything, but simply trying to desperately escape the rotten luck of stumbling onto the thundering nightmare that was us. The farther the pack traveled away from La Push, the more sour I became. At first light my stride had slowed to sloth like jog and my eyes kept drooping closed, barely missing logs and snipping sides of trees. Sam told me to head home and get some shut eye since I'd been going longer than anyone else. I was too tired to argue.

After shacking up for a few hours and stuffing my face with the leftover lasagna from the dinner I had missed the night before, I was running at full speed to the cover of the trees behind my house to phase and get the update on our leech situation. To my horror, Paul was the one who had gotten him by his creepy tweed and mothball coat when they cut him off at the Chehalis River. After that, it was just deciding who wanted what parts. Like he was ever going to let me forget how he sliced and diced his own vampuric rack of ribs while I reluctantly slept the morning away.

They had returned a few hours ago and half of them had phased for their off shift and the other half was still circling the forest, high from their morning accomplishment.

Brady was there too. I realized he had taken a nap still wolfed out and had woken earlier than me. He was just as anxious about the chase and even though there was fear, his mind also singed with the slightest bit of jealously that he too didn't get to tag along. Whatever animosity I felt towards him, I guess it really wasn't his fault in the end.

"Sorry man, I know it was the biggest drag having to stay here with me."

"Yea well….yea it was. But just keep your nose clean and listen and learn to what we teach you, and next time well both be there to rip out some worthless vamp's beat less heart." I was gunna give him a chance before I busted his balls.

"Speaking of which, can I ask you something?"

"Yea?"

"Yesterday, …when it happened. Besides EVERYTHING hurting, my ugh…well my balls got super tight. And it's felt like someone hit my groin with tractor trailer ever since."

"Heh, its cause you phased with a full tank. You'll learn after a while how to control your human functions while doggied. Just takes some practice. You might wanna, you know, polish the torpedo a little more than usual; just to avoid this kind of shit."

………"Was that like an alpha command?" I could sense his uncertainty on how that all worked but also a thrill of excitement that he might have an excuse to follow the proposal to the letter.

"Oh my young prodigal son, Big brother has so much to teach you. Especially about the self induced handjobs…….You'll be able to climb a telephone pole one handed by the time I'm through with you." Then Sam's attention seeped through and you could almost feel his big furry wolf head hang and disappointedly nod back and forth, trying to decide exactly when the moment was when he'd gone so terribly wrong.

***Well ppl, ya know, back from vaca. Leave some lovin***