§7 Pride
To the north of Hyrule, a line of peaks juts out from the earth, tearing into the skyline. This mountain range, known as the Snowpeaks to the Nintens, carries on across the northern Mushroom Kingdom and Sinnoh, only giving up its stranglehold on the north of the map to make way for a highway through to Port Town.
Its centrepiece, the enormous Icicle Mountain, is a state of its own which bestrides Hyrule and the Mushroom Kingdom like the colossus it is. It had only been climbed a few years before the story starts, by a hardy duo hailing from one of the villages around the base. It is said that from the top one can see Nintendo's very own Northern Lights, glimmering softly like an iridescent curtain in the sky.
Further down, the landscape is a peaceful one, all thick snow and log cabins. The mostly humanoid villagers wrap themselves up warmly and hunt the slow-moving beasts, such as polar bears and seals. At the time of writing they were unused to quickly moving hedgehogs that easily dodged their massive mallets, spraying them with melted snow in passing without so much as a backwards "Sorry", and ineffectively shouted curses in a language different from that of every other human on the planet, before shaking themselves off and continuing the hunt.
Sonic and Shadow had covered the long trek across northern Hyrule to the Snowpeaks in a time that would have made a sports car sick with jealousy. Testament has already been paid to Sonic's pace, and with his rocket-powered trainers Shadow could match it. Together they made the sound barrier their bitch as they shot northwards, then westwards and finally mountainwards, occasionally slowing to allow for conversation: or more accurately, to allow for Sonic to bring Shadow up to date with the LOL's adventures while Shadow made snarky asides and pretended to be uninterested.
"Then why do you slow down and let me talk?" asked Sonic.
Shadow sped up in response, but decelerated again when Sonic signalled that he wished to continue; the question was never answered.
It was during their travels up Icicle Mountain, shortly after passing through the larger villages and having reached the heights where most found life unsustainable, that Sonic completed his narrative, ending with a humorous story concerning Captain Falcon going to the toilet outside the Pork Bean.
"…and you know the rest," he said. "You showed up, and now we're searching for a massive blob of purple energy and a small one of blue!"
"If I know the rest, why did you feel the need to tell me anyway?" Shadow retorted.
"Isn't it great, though?" said Sonic, pretending not to have heard. "We've single-handedly…"
"Sixteen-handedly."
"What I mean is, our fame has spread across this planet! Due almost solely to the efforts of eight humble people…"
"And the Pokémon, and the psychic kid, and the guy with blue hair and his soldiers."
"Well, yes, and them, but…"
"And since when have you been 'humble'?" said Shadow, skating off an incline and over a polar bear's head. "I've never known a hedgehog so full of himself."
"All right, Shadow!" cried Sonic, clasping his head as he ran around some crude huts. "Geez!"
The hedgehog had thought nothing could annoy him more than the combination of Captain Falcon's macho posturing, Pit's emo whines, Zelda's prayers and Wario's smell. He had, of course, forgotten about Shadow, an erinaceous life form created some forty years prior to Sonic's birth. The Chaos Emeralds (the originals, now dead and exchanged for liquid cash) had caused their paths to cross; superficial similarity had caused the withdrawn and aggressive Shadow to take a dislike to the arrogant and outgoing Sonic from the outset. This hatred was only increased when Sonic found out that beneath the uncaring exterior lay a heart that, however much its owner tried to hide it, was one of the most compassionate Mobius had ever produced. His copious attempts to coax it out were mostly met with anger and/or sarcasm.
"Whatever cynicism you may pour on my parade," said Sonic, determined to finish, "the people love us. We've brought them so close to freedom they can almost taste it."
"Bullshit!" said Shadow with a smirk. "They're only closer to freedom because you took out Porky. Didn't I tell you already? Outside help isn't coming. The rest of the universe would much rather make deals with the LOVE than help."
"Which is why we've got to take matters into our own paws!"
"What, by going on a wild goose chase for some little gold keys with completely unknown properties? You're the hero, Sonic – what are you hoping to achieve? Do you know how you'll use the keys to help the planet? Or will you just put them on the mantelpiece in your prison cell?"
"We're going to unlock the Dark Prison, dumbass! Free all the heroes! Obviously."
If the world were a giant bowl of fruit punch, Shadow would have been the slice of rotten apple put in to spite the party's host. Not content with festering away himself, he had to give the rest of the punch a funny flavour. Now Sonic was feeling the ill effects of mouldy apple-induced food poisoning, a.k.a. self-doubt, as his mind faced the unfortunate possibility that all the heroes would have been killed before his arrival. After all, with Project Z clones at their disposal, what use were the heroes now? And surely every villain worth his salt wants nothing more than to see to his nemesis' grisly demise personally?
And what if they lived? A year's incarceration in damp and dingy prison cells was not the best training for the mind and body. Would they leap from their prison, strengthened and hungry for revenge on their captors, or would they be overweight from lack of exercise or emaciated from lack of food or both? And what defence would they be against the Day of Reckoning Wario had mentioned?
"Sonic."
"Sorry, sorry," said Sonic. "Distracted."
"Maybe this will un-distract you."
Sonic slid to a halt, and squinted into the twilight in the direction of Shadow's white-gloved finger. Two small people were bounding along slightly higher up the mountain, attached by a rope and hopping from platform to platform. One was wearing a cyan parka, the other a purple one, and both held massive hammers.
"Don't tell me, I know them," said Sonic, racking his brains. "They're the Ice Climbers, right? First people to climb this lump of snow? Popo in the navy blue, Nana in the pink?"
"Those aren't navy and pink, Sonic," said Shadow grimly. "And they're giving off enough purple energy to dye your sneakers in."
Of course. Cyan and purple. The LOVE just couldn't resist making a tiny egotistic alteration to their outfits.
"Let's take them out," said Sonic, cracking his knuckles. "Two on two shouldn't be a problem."
Shadow sighed. "Typical of you, Sonic: rushing into things without considering the consequences. If we start a fight here, one stray shout or energy blast or mallet whack and the whole mountain will be down on us and the villagers."
"I thought you didn't care about the Nintens."
"I don't," said Shadow, "but if their 'hero' squashes their houses with a torrent of snow…"
Sonic growled under his breath. Rich though it was for the steamy-headed Shadow to lecture him on charging into things, the black beast had a point: the last thing he wanted was to lose the people's support because he had submerged their dwellings. He was, of course, completely oblivious to the trail of slush he had splashed up behind him.
He was not oblivious to the movement of the Ice Climbers. Close enough now for Sonic to see their blue eyes shining in the gloom, they were gaily hopping in the hedgehogs' general direction.
"Think fast, Shadow!" he whispered, ducking behind a small snowdrift. "We gotta hide before they see us and start a battle themselves!"
"I could bury you in the snow."
Sonic rolled his eyes and desperately scanned the slope. The crude huts near the polar bear were already miles below, too far to run without being seen. A more hopeful shelter was the log cabin on a small overhang, almost vertically down from their snowdrift. The lights were on and the chimney was spewing smoke, meaning that the owner was in, but Sonic did not let this deter him.
"Jackpot," he said, pointing the house out. "We'll shelter in there."
"Of course we will," said Shadow, glancing out over the bank. "The inhabitant will surely just let two random hedgehogs on the run from the LOVE crash at his place."
"We're not two random hedgehogs! I am Sonic of the LOL, and you are my friend (for the purposes of this exercise). I told you, the people love us! He'll be glad to help out."
"Oh really."
"Got any better ideas?"
Shadow emitted a long sigh and, keeping himself as low as possibly, started to crawl carefully down the slope. Sonic followed, but while the duo could keep their foot speed high enough to traverse almost vertical surfaces with few problems they were less adept at the slower pace required for stealth. The icy terrain did them no favours. Sonic slipped, lost his hold and fell, colliding with Shadow on the way down, and the two formed a great whirling ball of fur and spikes that only separated again when they landed painfully in front of the house.
"Think the Climbers heard us?" asked Sonic, rubbing his spines.
"Of course not," said Shadow, brushing snow off himself. "They'd need to have some amazing auditory equipment to have picked up your loud yell of terror. As long as they don't have ears we'll be fine."
Sonic swore and leapt for the cabin's door. He opened it, rushed inside and slammed it behind him. Shadow took a moment to catch his breath before making as if to follow Sonic, who then ran out again and slammed the door anew.
"Run for it!" he yelled, taking off up the slope again.
Shadow was about to question why when the door burst off its hinges. Standing in the doorway, framed in the orange lamplight, was a broad blue penguin in a pink nightie and frilly cap, holding a massive hammer in her wing. She peered through her spectacles at Shadow.
"Painting your fur black doesn't fool me!" she bellowed in a voice like thunder. "You're that sonic hedgehog who's been upsetting my son!"
"Whoa, lady, calm down," said Shadow with a hideous attempt at a pacifying smile. "I'm not Sonic. Sonic just…"
"He's a good boy!" shouted the penguin, swinging the mallet haphazardly. "Came to see his old ma every Friday! And now just because he's got a healthy appetite they call him a villain!"
"Shadow!" came Sonic's voice through the wind, sounding distressed.
Shadow gave the anguished matriarch a final glance before rushing in the direction of the shout, to find Sonic confronted by an iceberg. The Ice Climbers, dark shapes in the dusk, were slinging more ice down at him from atop the berg.
"You young ruffian!" shouted the penguin from below, her voice slicing through the gale. "I'll learn you to hurt my son!"
There was a loud thud, as if something had cried out in terror and was suddenly crushed against the mountainside with a large hammer.
"That'll teach you to mess with the Dededes!"
The ominous rumbling rippled under the wind's howls. What had been shivering through cold became shivering through a trembling mountain. On the one hand, the vibrations sent cracks through the iceberg, which was good. On the other, they were caused by a massive wall of snow cascading down the mountainside, which was bad. So much for the houses below.
"Run down, Shadow!" said Sonic. "Run away from the snow!"
Shadow smirked. "No."
He reached a gloved paw into his fur and withdrew a single object, glowing brightly.
"You can't use that!" shouted Sonic.
Shadow's eyes began to glow, and the other six Chaos Emeralds emerged from his fur, floating in the air around him. There was a blinding flash, and the gems were gone. In their place, glowing bright yellow, was a levitating Shadow.
"I beg to differ," he said. "Grab my hand, Sonic."
Sonic crossed his arms. "No. I'll take on the avalanche myself. I don't need fake Chaos Emeralds to be awesome!"
Shadow shrugged. "Suit yourself." He blasted off towards the heavens.
Sonic surveyed the situation. Atop their crumbling ice barricade, the Ice Climbers were nervously glancing over their shoulders at the impending peril, but they still kept their eyes on their quarry. Behind them, the snow barrelled down the hill. Behind him, Ma Dedede was waddling up, evidently in order to finish him off should he try to outrun the avalanche.
Piece of cake.
The snow hit the berg, sending the Ice Climbers flying. At the same time, Sonic curled himself into a spiky ball and shot out of reach of Ma Dedede's hammer. He hit the snow and sliced through it, eventually jumping clear and unravelling himself.
As he fell, he twisted to see what was going on. The Climbers were bounding along over the avalanche as if it was not there, Popo tugging Nana forwards with their rope and Nana then repaying the favour. Their bounding was definitely in his direction. Slightly further behind, Ma Dedede had taken to the skies as well, puffing herself up with inhaled air and aided by a rocket hidden in her hammer. She was also coming for him.
As his feet met the waves of rushing snow, Sonic took off at a run. He nimbly sidestepped the larger snowballs that rolled down and dashed precariously along the top of the flow. Now this was how the running machines on board the Strawberry should have been. Sonic felt a rush of exhilaration as he beat his feet against the current. However, he was still moving more slowly than the leaping Climbers or the rocket-powered penguin.
Ma Dedede reached him first. Her massive fire-spewing hammer swung in a horizontal arc that left sparks in its wake. Sonic leapt over the swing, landed smoothly on the torrent and continued to run. The penguin continued to inhale and come after him, but Sonic had hit his stride now. He was slowly building speed and his trainers were spraying his pursuer with slush. It was only a matter of time before one of her inhalations took in equal amounts of snow and air, causing choking, falling from the sky and being swept away.
As the penguin was borne downhill by the tide, still protesting her son's relative innocence, the Ice Climbers took her place, following Sonic with yells that were lost in the gale. Landing on the snow, Sonic was appalled to see that they seemed to run faster on the avalanche than he did. It was a blow to his pride that was followed by several more physical blows he barely avoided. With a Climber on either side of him, he was forced to perform a routine of jumps, flips and dodges that would have impressed even the most hardened acrobat.
Shadow remained unimpressed. Scooting along above the conflict and the snow and the tumbling penguin, he scanned the skyline with weary red eyes. They alighted upon a massive factory at the top of the mountain, looking almost like a gothic castle in the limited light. The energy reading emanating from it was enormous, but there seemed to be another source, a faint line stretching out from the building over their heads… Shadow hovered, unbothered by the wind or by anything happening below, pondering his readings and missing entirely the massive shape winging its way towards the factory.
Sonic had no time to ponder. The avalanche was slowing, but the Climbers were not. He was forced to admit to himself that his legs were starting to get tired, beating against the soft snow flow and propelling his body into the air repeatedly to avoid the Climbers' hammers. Shadow with his fake Emeralds was definitely having an easier time, but then he was cheating. Time to end this.
Mid-leap, Sonic became a whirling ball of spines. As the male Popo drew his weapon back, the ball made a beeline for his young face and pushed him back into the snow. Recovering instantly, the Climber looked up in time to see Sonic dodging round his sister's mallet and embedding himself in her parka. A threatened whack sent him jumping away again, back on the snow and running. Popo charged, hammer whirling, but Sonic sidestepped the mallet and it hit Nana instead, making her stagger backwards and fall into the sluggish snow. With a cry of dismay, the boy leapt after his sibling into the snowdrift, leaving Sonic to abscond from the chaos of the avalanche.
With the snow underfoot stationary again, it was a lonely run up to the top of the mountain. Polar bears still strode around as if they owned the place, but apart from them and the ever-present wind Sonic only had the sounds of his feet and his increasingly light breaths to accompany him to the top of the mountain. His legs seemed more and more insubstantial beneath him, and he had long since become unable to feel his feet. His lungs he could feel – they were the two sacks of pure pain implanted in his chest. It was with many grateful wheezing noises that Sonic finally reached the plateau at the mountain's summit, saw the factory for the first time and collapsed on the paving.
Shadow floated gently down beside him, turned black again and re-pocketed the emeralds. Then he bent over his rival and smiled.
"If you say anything," said Sonic, "I'll… pant at you. Hard."
o o o
Two robots stood to attention as Ridley landed with a thump on the balcony. With a furious glare at the world outside, he lumbered towards the balcony doors, his long barbed tail sweeping from side to side as he walked. The doors slid smoothly open and Ridley entered his private chambers.
They were dark. Ridley liked the darkness: following one of his many confrontations with The Bounty Hunter, and one of his subsequent regenerations, he had developed thermal and x-ray vision, so he had no need of light. It just aggravated his migraines, and following the not-so-recent pursuit of the Halberd and the resulting shell to the face they were worse than ever. He perched down hard on the edge of a specially made swivel chair, popped an aspirin and, reluctantly switching to regular vision, checked his e-mail on a monitor that was the size of a small room.
Ridley was hundreds, some even said thousands, of years old. Times had changed since he was known as the leader of the Space Pirates, a group of intergalactic criminals that had sent the toughest of soldiers running for mummy. Ridley had been the toughest of them all, with his abilities to exhale powerful beam attacks and recover from damage by devouring flesh of the recently living. Then The Bounty Hunter had shown up, single-handedly destroyed the Pirates' operations time and time again and all but wiped them out, before adjourning to a villa in Port Town. His advanced years and migraines no amount of flesh could cure finally proved too much for Ridley, who after one such defeat retreated to a distant planet and hid where no one could find him. No one, that was, apart from a signal telling of amazing power…
How the signal had found him he could not say, but upon receiving it he had marshalled the remainder of his Pirates and warped back to Nintendo. The chance to finish off The Bounty Hunter was too good to pass up. Thus did Ridley become a member of the LOVE and director of this, the Omega Factory, in which he was now flicking through his inbox and refusing opportunities to buy medicines guaranteed to enlarge his cloaca. He remained unsure of exactly what the factory did, and especially why it needed the massive funnels on top that seemed to do nothing at all, but it was linked to SubSpace and seemed to run itself.
"Mr. Ridley sir?"
Ridley clamped a large clawed hand to his head and groaned. The slightest sound could set off a headache. He turned and viewed the robot in thermal vision, where it registered as a green blur. He had long since tired of the Space Pirates, disorganised creatures who only liked treasure and who, above all, were LOUD. These robots, made by a queer old man in Port Town, were much quieter. The Space Pirates had been loaded en masse into the factory incinerator, where they could make as much noise as they liked as they burned.
"Yes what?" he growled from between his razor-sharp teeth.
"The factory's external cameras detect two life forms on the summit," droned the robot. "We recognise one as Sonic the Hedgehog, and the other as a clone with the power of flight."
So that was what the yellow glowing object had been. Trying to discern anything about it at a distance had only further emphasised the headache.
"Your orders, sir?"
That was the problem with robots. They expected him to tell them how to do everything. At least the Space Pirates would take the initiative when Samus showed up, screaming as they charged. Granted, they were usually massacred in the process, but sometimes it is the thought (or lack thereof) that counts.
"Let them come," said Ridley with a pained grimace. "They won't last two minutes in here."
o o o
Unaware of Ridley's menacing words, Sonic and Shadow were glad to walk through the double doors into the Omega Factory. As soon as he relinquished the chaos power, Shadow was exposed to the freezing cold and lack of oxygen of the summit, not to mention the energy detector in his brain doing an amazing impression of a police siren at five paces, and as they walked through the door he was vehemently explaining to Sonic that these were the only reasons he had helped the blue hedgehog out of the snow and half supported, half carried him indoors.
The entrance hall was large, shiny and empty, and stank of disinfectant. The hedgehogs' trainers on tiles, polished to within an inch of their lives, were the only sound apart from a faint whirring. As the duo neared the other end of the hall, they deduced that the cause of this noise was a robot behind a desk, arranging files. It had a thin cylindrical body except for the thick disc in the middle where the arms came out, and a cuboid of a head with shining lamp eyes only. Had Sonic been to Port Town, he would have recognised the robot as a smaller cousin of the behemoth that towered over the Aero Dive racetrack. Like its bigger relative, it sported a fetching beige and red palette.
Sonic leaned on the front desk in a nonchalant manner, hoping the robot would notice him. It did not. After half a minute of watching the robot filing papers, Sonic gave a slight cough.
The robot rotated its head slowly to face the new arrivals, gave what sounded like a digitised sigh and put the files down. "Welcome to the Omega Factory," it said in a voice sounding almost human. "Can I help you in any way?"
"Yes," said Shadow with a half-smile. "My buddy would like to wander up to whoever's in charge of this place and take their most valuable possession please."
Sonic shot Shadow a glare that bounced right off the smug expression.
"I am sorry, but I am not in a position to take you to the Director," said the robot sincerely. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No, that's okay," said Shadow. "We'll find our own way, no doubt falling into the plethora of traps laid out for us and getting done in by at least two Project Z clones in the process. Sound good to you, Sonic?"
Sonic's stare could have cut glass, but it left no mark on Shadow's fur. The robot looked from one hedgehog to the other in confusion.
"Is that sarcasm?" it asked.
Sonic observed the robot, its lamp eyes shining hopefully, through the corner of his eye. Once again, that annoying berk of a genetically modified hedgehog was right. What did they do now? Warm up in the entry hall (which was little warmer than outside other than the lack of wind), and then what? Waltz through the factory, looking for the owner of the key? He had rushed (or been carried) into a situation he had no idea how to handle, and had been stumped ever since he had recovered enough energy to think.
Yet now the cogs began to whir beneath the blue spikes. A robot with personality? Furthermore, a robot with personality being made to do a menial job, sighing about it and trying to understand the nuances of "intelligent" conversation? Most importantly, a robot with these qualities running the front desk of the factory he was trying to infiltrate?
"That's right, well done!" he said. "Most robots wouldn't get that."
"I learn about emotions in my spare time," said the robot. "I am studying for an MA in psychology. It is… slow work." It picked up some papers and began to move them again.
"And I bet the Director doesn't contribute towards your studies none," pressed Sonic.
Shadow's face, formerly contorted into confusion, snapped into realisation.
"No," said the robot, filing, filing, filing. "We are slaves. We work for him and run the factory and fight his battles sometimes, and we receive nothing for it. We are told that is our purpose in existence."
A hissing behind them gave away the presence of another, identical looking robot, armed with mop and bucket, making the shiny floor pay for what little filth it harboured. It hovered slightly above the ground on several jets blasting from a hexagonal base.
"We are all the same," continued the receptionist. "I am nothing but Robotic Operating Buddy Number 380,113." Definitely a sigh there. "Not even a prime number. I am not special."
"Sure you are!" enthused Sonic. "I mean, look at you! A robot, designed for nothing but a lifetime of serving, studying for an MA? In psychology? You're really special!"
The lamps lit up brightly. Sonic leaned in.
"Listen," he said, "can the Director hear us now?"
The lights flashed in what might have been alarm. The robot's arms darted to and fro behind the desk. On the ceiling, a CCTV camera swung around to view the door, and a microphone now obvious in a pot of flowers retreated into the vase. Then the robot craned its head forwards, eagerness evident even without a face.
"We'd like to have a word with the Director," said Sonic. "There are lotsa things wrong with this operation he's running here. How about you let us through and we'll have a little talk with him, and see if we can arrange a study grant for you? Or, y'know, pay?"
The lamps were a fixed size, but they would have widened if they could. Their owner pressed a switch and a door to the right of the counter opened.
"Just keep going," whispered the robot. "Follow the path. If anyone asks, I did not see you enter."
"And we didn't see you," said Sonic. "Thanks for everything, Arr Oh Bee Three Eight… er… One…"
"Three Eight Oh One One Three," supplied Shadow.
"Yeah that. And good luck with the psychology!"
Sonic ran towards the doorway. Shadow stood by the desk for a moment, his mind percolating. Then he looked at the robot. One corner of the mouth twitched up, unsteadily, like it knew it should not be there. The other tried to follow suit, but got stuck halfway. Meanwhile the eyes were attempting to widen, but spoilt the effect by blinking repeatedly. The robot looked on with its head on one side.
"I… do not… understand…"
"Yeah, that one won't come up on your test," said Sonic, grabbing Shadow's arm. "It's Shadow trying to look grateful. Forget it, buddy, it's not your strong suit."
Shadow's face relaxed with an almost audible sigh of relief and the two hedgehogs vanished into the gloom of the inner factory.
The robot watched them leave before returning the camera and microphone to their original positions. It went back to its shuffling of papers with perhaps a bit more of a spring in its hexagonal base-aided floating step than before, while signals flashed through its CPU with a joyful spark. What wonders could it not accomplish with a grant from the Director and a bit of free time? It could gain an unparalleled (by R.O.B. standards) understanding of the human psyche! It could