throw the stars in the sky

chapter iii — betrayal is a word of no meaning to me.

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(from Ichi;;)

"Ichi!"

A voice? Strange, I don't recognize this place...

"Ichi!"

The voice is more desperate now. Is it calling for me? No, that can't be it.

"ICHI!"

Something's off. What happened? I think I remember, but just barely... oh, yes. There was a noise, and then there was lots and lots of blood. I think — wasn't there an ambush? Yeah, there was. I forget the rest. I was so tired. I couldn't think properly. Couldn't bend.

"Ichi..?"

Is that...Zuko?

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(from Zuko;;)

"I'm so stupid. So, so stupid. Why did I make her go below deck? She had no idea what was happening until that goddamn pirate found her. And she had no water. Idiot!"

Why do I care? Why am I so desperate for her to wake up? She was — no, is — only a prisoner. What is wrong with me?

"Zuko. It was not your fault. Ichi will be fine. It is not a bad wound—"

"Then why isn't she waking up?" I hiss. This could be horrible. This could wind up really, really badly.

Uncle looks at me with sympathetic eyes. "She'll be fine." I glare at my clenched hands, and don't look up as he leaves the room. "I'm glad, Zuko, that someone has finally gotten through to you."

"What—?" I begin to ask, but he's gone.

I stare at the red stained bandages on Ichi's skin, and it's a horrible contrast. "Why does red look so bad on her now?"

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(from Ichi;;)

"Why does red look so bad on her now?"

What do you mean? I ask, inside my head. Who are you talking to? Who are you talking about? Me? No. Besides, why would you care? I'm just a prisoner. You wouldn't hesitate to kill me. What a joke, pretending to be concerned. You wouldn't mind if I died, would you, Prince Zuko? Because I'm just Water Tribe filth.

I'm just Water Tribe filth.

"Ichi. Please wake up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

No, you're not. You're not sorry in the slightest.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

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(from Zuko;;)

It becomes a chant — "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." —, and I wonder how she broke down my walls just by bleeding. I've seen more blood than this. I've caused more blood then this. Why does her blood hurt me so much?

"No, you're not." Ichi's voice. "Stop lying to me."

And I thought I'd be happy when she woke up. "Why would I be lying?"

She stares at me, and her blue eyes — such a sickening contrast with the red bandages — pierce through me. "Why wouldn't you be? I'm just Water Tribe filth."

"Don't listen to that bastard Zhao! You're not—"

"I'm not what? You know, Zuko, if you disagree with him, you're going against your country." My words catch in my throat. "So, what will you choose? A lowly prisoner you've only known for a few days — or your country, your birthplace, your home?"

"Which would you choose?" I mutter.

"What—?"

"Which would you choose? Would you choose to be loyal or to break the rules? Would you choose your own Father over betrayal? Because that's what this is." I'm yelling now. "This is me wanting a family again!"

"What about Iroh? He's your Uncle — he loves you so much. He probably loves you more than—"

"Shut up! You know nothing about me! You're just a stupid prisoner! I don't understand why I care!"

Her eyes make me regret my words. "If I'm so stupid, why do you keep me here? You have authority over your Uncle — you could throw me in a cell without so much as blinking. Besides, you wouldn't care if I started to rot!"

I turn away. "Whatever. Just go to sleep."

"I hate you! You think you can order me around just because I'm your prisoner!"

"I can."

"You're horribly self-centered, and you can't see past your nose! Why ruin the world's last hope for your stupid Father, who was the one who gave you that scar!"

I'm holding her by the neck two seconds later. Her eyes are wide, and somewhere in me, I don't want to hurt her. "Who told you that?" I hiss. "Who told you where I got my scar?"

"I," She's gasping for breath, and I loosen my grip. "I overheard some of the soldiers talking! Lieutenant Jee and Iroh, I think—"

She drops limp to the floor, angry marks on her neck. It feels awful to see her like this — bloody bandages all over her, and the bruises from my hands. If anyone else had done that to her, I realize, I would kill them.

"Prince Zuko?" It's Uncle. "Are you alright—" he is cut short at the sight of Ichi. "Prince Zuko! Did you..."

"Yes." I say bluntly. "This was all my doing."

"No!" Ichi exclaims, and I am surprised she is able to talk. Still, her voice is choked. "It's my fault! I was rash. I brought up his scar. I don't blame him. This is all my fault!"

I glare at her. "Why are you so self-sacrificing?" I scream at her. "Why are you taking the blame when it's my fault? Why are you so kind to someone who has taken part of ruining your life?"

She cocks her head, just a little. "You need a little sunshine in your life. I'm trying to be that sunshine."

"I don't need that! I don't need you to be so goddamn nice!"

"Zuko!" Iroh shouts at me, but I ignore him.

"You don't understand! How could you?"

Ichi looks at me. "My Father was from the Fire Nation. He was a runaway soldier. I knew him for five years of my life, and then one day, he was taken away. The villagers didn't trust him. My Mother looked after me for most of my life, after that. But she committed suicide — she loved my Father that much. After that, Hakoda, the Tribal Chief looked after me. I loved my Father. I loved my Mother. But because he was Fire Nation, he was killed. Because he was Fire Nation, my Mother killed herself. Because of the Fire Nation, my family doesn't even exist anymore."

I am left speechless.

"So maybe I don't understand you, but you don't understand me."

"Zuko," Iroh says, with so much anger that I can't believe it is my Uncle, "go to your room. Get some sleep. I will help Ichi."

I do what he asks.

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"Zuko! Zuko, help!" I'm running somewhere. I don't know where — no, I do. I'm running towards the voice.

"Please! Zuko, where are you?" It's familiar, haunting, singsongy — where have I heard that voice before?

I see light, and I run faster. When I get there, I am falling through glass.

"Zuko!" A girl is being held up by someone, his fingers tight around her neck. My hands fist and I run towards them, when the young man — boy? — looks my way.

I meet my own eyes.

He — I? — drop the girl. It's Ichi. Her eyes are half lidded, and she's breathing heavily. My fingerprints blare on her porcelain skin, and when she looks up at me, her expression is one of unadulterated fear.

How did I miss that face before?

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I wake up sweating. "Zuko?" A voice asks. "Are you alright?"

It's Ichi. "Why are you here?"

"You were having a bad dream. I heard you screaming, so I came in to help."

I close my eyes. "Why are you so nice to me? One second, you're irrational, sarcastic and angry — then the next, you're trying to help me. I imprisoned you, and yet you seem to care."

I can't see her expression. I'm afraid that if I open my eyes, I'll see that fear again. Then, her voice rings out. "Because you remind me of myself. When my Mother committed suicide, I was angry at everything and everyone. I blamed people. I cussed and I trained like crazy. I didn't acknowledge the wonderful things I had. I ignored all of the people trying to help me. I was just pissed off all the time, and when I wasn't, I was like a time bomb. People started leaving me alone, and I was angry at them for that, even though it wasn't my fault. I think that's how you are right now — but it's only been a few years since you've been exiled. I think that if I try and help, you'll be fine."

"I see."

I feel something featherlight on my temple. "Go to sleep. And soon, I want to hear about you."

I nod absently and drift into a dreamless sleep.