Chapter Twelve

Gabriel

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Going home seemed to be the only option at this point, Gabriel decided. He could see his grandmother and maybe even visit his parents' graves. There was only one problem, though. If he left, he doubted that he would come back. There was nothing left for him in New York and honestly, he needed a break. So as he walked through LaGuardia airport, he didn't bother looking back.

The plane ride was uneventful, to say the least. He had always hated flying. He always felt vulnerable and it was a terrifying feeling. He silently thanked God when the plane landed safely and he was able to get off of it. No one waited for him outside the airport, as expected. Grabbing his luggage, consisting of one duffle bag, he climbed onto a bus headed to Columbus, Georgia.

Two and a half hours later, he stood on the front porch of a blue townhouse. Taking a deep breath, he raised his hand and knocked on the door. There were a few seconds before he heard shuffling within and the door opened. A small white haired woman gazed him with wide eyes and her mouth dropped open.

"Gabriel Knight! Where have you been?" His grandmother exclaimed as she wrapped his arms around him. He hugged her back and nearly broke down into tears. He was home.

"It doesn't matter, I'm home now." He told her and she led him through the house.

"I wish Eleanor had come with you, how I miss that girl. I hope you've been taking good care of her. She was so hurt when your parents died and I couldn't do anything for either of you. Not when I was sick and constantly in the hospital. Oh, I'm so sorry Gabriel. Could you ever forgive me?" She said, her voice tiny but resonating with emotion.

"There's nothing to apologize for, Gran, absolutely nothing." He told her and kissed her cheeks. She beamed at him and led him to a small bedroom. He thanked her and set his things down. After getting unpacked and changing into more comfortable clothes, he went in search of the old woman.

He found her bustling in the kitchen, pulling out ingredients such as flour and milk. A flood of memories filled his mind and he saw himself as a little boy, helping her with her baking. A smile graced his features as he reached out to help her.

"I'm making your favorite, wild berry muffins." She told him as she pulled a bowl of different berries out of her refrigerator.

"You don't have to do that, Gran." He told her and she playfully smacked his arm.

"Nonsense. There's a lot you and I have to talk about. We might as well have something to eat." He nodded in understanding and they continued the baking process in a comfortable silence. After the muffins were put into the oven, his grandmother poured two glasses of milk. They sat at her small dining table and Gabriel stared out of the large window. It was gorgeous outside, and he wondered why he had ever decided to leave this place.

"I don't really know where to go from here. Everything I worked for...it all fell apart and I've got to start from scratch but I don't know if I can. Hell, I don't even know if I want to." He started before stopping abruptly.

"So that's it? You're just going to give up? I know you much better than that, Gabriel. You're a fighter, you always have been. That doesn't mean that you can't have a break every once in a while. Everyone needs time to breathe." She told him and he nodded, understanding the invitation.

"I need more than a chance to breathe, though. I need a reason to live. I built my life around the Ball and it ultimately destroyed me. I want to rebuild, so that I have a purpose but then what?" He asked her, desperate for an answer.

"That's a question you'll have to answer yourself, but first, find a reason to live. You're still so caged up, I can see it in your eyes. I don't know what you've been doing in that city but it's draining you. You feel like you can't trust anyone anymore, am I right?" Gabriel sighed and she put her hand on top of his, stroking it with her thumb. The comfort he felt was astounding.

"No, and they feel as though they can't trust me. They have good reason, I've done some pretty terrible things. If you knew, you'd be so ashamed of me." He whispered and she shook her head.

"It's in the past, Gabriel, and you have to forgive yourself. That's the only way you'll ever truly be free. Running away isn't going to do anything." Her words sunk in and Gabriel pursed his lips, but said nothing.

They ate in silence before Gabriel excused himself and went to the guest room. He collapsed on the bed and didn't move. Hours passed and soon days passed but he never left the bed. His grandmother came and sat with him and they talked a few times. She told him the same thing over and over. He had to forgive himself, but could he? After everything he had done, could he really forgive himself?

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Soon it was Christmas and Eleanor made a surprise visit. He left the bed for that, and they spent the day sitting around the fireplace. When his sister asked when he was coming back, he frowned and told her that he had been looking for a place to stay in the surrounding area. She became angry with him and demanded to know why he was throwing everything away. He had no answer for that, and when she left the next day, he did not say goodbye. Instead, he lay in the bed staring at the ceiling. Was he making the right choice?

"Moose misses you, you know. You guys were almost like brothers." Hearing Camille's voice was strange but when he finally got a new cell phone, she was first person he called.

"Brothers don't put each other in danger, besides, he chose to go. I didn't make him." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice and he hoped Camille hadn't caught onto it.

"It doesn't matter. You should see him, he'll spend a few minutes every night with the charm in his hand. I always ask him why he won't just wear it. He never says anything, though." It was strange, Gabriel frowned, no other words had seemed to have much effect on him, but these did.

"Tell him that I'm sorry." He whispered before hanging up.

He dropped the phone on the bed beside him. Needing to move, he grabbed his jacket and stood up. It was late, so his grandmother wouldn't be awake. He grabbed a key before going out into the cool night air. He had no destination in mind as he began to walk. The wind bit against his skin, but he ignored it as he walked down the lonely road. It wasn't until he reached a small playground that he stopped walking. With a sad smile on his face, he walked over to the swings and sat in one.

Forgiving himself, it was easier said than done. What was it that held him back? It wasn't guilt, and it wasn't shame. Gabriel looked out at the sky, and wondered. He wondered if he'd ever go back home. He wondered if he should. Sighing, he wondered if what Camille said had been true. Had he and Moose been like brothers? Remember his fierce need to protect the young dancer told Gabriel yes, they were like brothers.

If that was the case, Moose deserved a better brother.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Gabriel realized what the problem was. Many people didn't like him. Some despised him to the point of wanting kill him. No one, however, hated Gabriel as much as he, himself, did. That's why he couldn't do it. He hated himself far too much. Because of the things he had done. Because of the things he had put people through. Every last bit of it made him hate himself even more. The realization hurt so much, he gasped.

"Gabriel?" His head shot up and he tried to focus his increasingly blurry vision. What he saw nearly stopped his heart.

"Mom...?" He was going crazy, he thought, but there she was. She smiled at him and knelt down in front of him.

"What are you doing, son?" She asked and he had to restrain himself from reaching out and touching her. She wasn't there. She was dead. She was gone and never coming back.

"I...don't know. I don't know anymore." He choked out, sobs threatening to overtake him.

"Get up, and go home. Your real home, because it isn't here anymore." She told him and he nodded before opening to protest but she shook her head, "I know Gabriel, I've seen everything you've done. And I forgive you. That should be enough for now." And it was.

As the vision of her faded into the darkness, Gabriel stood up. He gave the swing one final glance before he started walking back. When he got to the house, his grandmother was waiting on the porch. He apologized for worrying her and she simply kissed his forehead. Entering the guest bedroom, he began to pack.

"You're going to visit more often, right? I'd love to see you more often." She smiled as she stood in the doorway. Gabriel grinned at her before nodding.

The next morning, he boarded the earliest flight to New York. Eleanor stood waiting for him in LaGaurdia, when he arrived. They didn't hug or exchange pleasantries, but instead nodded to one another. He was here to stay and she understood that.

He spent the next month going over blueprints with various contractors and Jared. Plans to rebuild the Grand Ball had begun and Gabriel had almost everything he needed, except for one thing. A king. He spent an entire night contemplating if he should be the king again. Knowing that there wasn't really any other option, he decided to do it. That is, until Moose showed up.

Seeing the young dancer shocked Gabriel but there he stood, trying to avoid being hit by the steel beams being used to rebuild the Grand Ball. Gabriel opened his mouth to say something but found that he was speechless.

"Heard you were building yourself a ball." Moose said rather timidly and Gabriel nodded.

"Yea...I am."

"Heard that you didn't want to be king."

"Yea...that's true. I don't want to be king."

"Mind if I take over, then?"

"Go right ahead, I got your back."

So basically these chapter eleven and chapter twelve intertwine with one another. I hope it's not too confusing though. And I am sad to say that the next chapter after this will be the final chapter. I haven't decided on a sequel yet but I have decided that there is really anything more that I can do with this story. I love you guys for all your support and I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.

~As the Rush Comes~

Disclaimer: I do not own Step Up or Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance