"You also want a house, a nice one, that we can settle into. One big enough for us to have a family in, one day. You love your job, I don't know why you're in such a hurry to start expanding our family. Can't we just enjoy each other?"
"You are never home. You aren't home enough to know what I want."
"What do you want?"
"Gabriel, I need you to be home, damnit!"
"Why all of the sudden are you so clingy? Up until recently, you didn't need me around. You were happy seeing me when you saw me. What has changed all of the sudden?"
"One day is a lot sooner than you think," she replies.
"What are you talking about? What does that mean? One day is a lot sooner than I think?"
"I just want you home with me. I want to know that if I need you, you are going to be reachable, at least for the next few months."
"Why? What is going on?"
"I know that I am asking a lot, but you have to understand."
"Understand what?"
She stares at a black and white picture. A picture of the future that she had envisioned. The way she thought things were going to go. It's funny how much things can change, from one minute to the next. How what you want one day, is the last thing you want, the next. It's easy to violate rule number eight. You start getting comfortable, and you forget that the world, is not always a good place. Life is not always a fairytale. There aren't always happy endings.
She looks at him. She decides she has to tell him, before he goes back to work, and leaves her again. He has to know.
"Ziva?"
"I'm sorry that I have not been myself lately."
"Is there a reason?"
"Yes. A big one."
"And what is that?"
"One day is not very far in the future."
"How can you know that? Can you see into the future?"
"No, but I know that the clock has started ticking."
"What clock?"
"I'm pregnant."
"What? How long have you known?"
"Weeks."
"Weeks? Why didn't you tell me, sooner?"
"I was waiting for the right time."
"So how far along are you?"
"Are you going to try to do the math in your head or..."
He cuts her off, "Just tell me."
"Ten weeks. You were home," she adds.
"Why do you expect that I always think the worst of you?"
"Because sometimes you do."
"We were young, and I have gotten over it."
"Really? Because it seems to me like you still hold it over my head."
"Ziva I do not want to talk about that today."
"You never talk about it. You never say anything about it. I just see it in the way that you look at me, that you still don't trust me. It was a lapse in judgements, and it meant nothing."
"We had vows, and you broke them. I never broke my vows. You did. You cheated on me, more than once."
"And I have apologized a million times, and you still don't forgive me."
"I forgave you, a long time ago. I am just waiting on you, to forgive yourself."
Before she can respond she feels the air being knocked out of her. She hears tires screeching, and metal flying. She smells burning rubber. She feels a loss of control. She looks at him, hoping that it is not the last time she sees him. Then it all goes black.
When she comes to she is sitting in a hospital bed. She opens her eyes, and looks around the room. Light shines in through the window. She finds her father, sitting in a chair next to her. She feels woozy, but she feels no pain. She looks at her arm, it is covered by a cast. The other arm has an IV, and several bruises, and contusions. She brushes her hair out of her face. She feels a bandage, covering stitches on her forehead. Her nose feels dry. She realizes that she has oxygen on. She takes a breath, and she notices that her chest moves asymmetrically.
Eli touches her hand. He begins to speak, before she asks questions.
"You were in a car accident. Do you remember that?"
"Yes," she replies hoarsely.
"What else?"
"That is the last thing I remember," she admits.
"Ok."
"Where is Gabriel?"
He looks at her, and struggles to come up with the right words, "Ziva, Gabriel wasn't as lucky as you. He did not make it."
"No," she shakes her head, finally feeling the pain. Her chest tightens, and her heart races. "I don't believe you."
"It is the truth. Ziva it is no secret that I was not incredibly fond of him, but I would not take him from you. I would not lie to you about this. You loved him, and I would not cause you the pain of losing him. It is true."
"It simply cannot be," she argues.
"I am sorry."
"Why is it that I cannot remember how I got here?"
"You have been heavily sedated, for three days."
"Three days? Why?"
"You sustained a lot of trauma. There was a lot of blood loss, and the head injury, broken bones. They thought that it would be best if you had time to rest, time to heal."
She looks at him, afraid to ask her next question. He looks at her. He answers before she can ask.
"There is more," he tells her.
She shakes her head, "No," the tears well up in her eyes, "I do not want to hear anymore."
"This is a tragedy, but you will recover."
"No, I don't want to."
"You have no choice."
"What do I have to live for?"
"Your job. What you do is important."
"I have just lost everything, and that is what you are thinking about? The job?"
"I am sorry. What do you want me to think about? What would you like me to say? I am not good at this. You just lost your husband, and your unborn child, what would you like me to say?"
"I want you to leave."
"Ziva..."
"Go. I do not want you here."
"I am your family."
"No. I lost my family three days ago. You are not my family."
A single tear falls from her face as she stares at a black and white picture. A picture of an unborn baby, that she would never have, never meet, never know. A child that she thought would be her future, but instead was her past. She almost had it all, and now she had nothing. Just a box, full of worthless memories. A box full of the past she could not change. A box full of pain she always felt. A box that she carried around with her, everywhere she went.
She did not need another box like this one. Even though she knew she could have one, she didn't want it. She couldn't take the chance. The first time she met Tony, she saw that same look. She knew, that she could have those things back, but she did not want them. She could not bear the thought of losing it all, again. She could not bear the thought of losing him, so to keep from it, she would never have him, instead.