Chapter 6

Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

There was a brief moment of silence as the two men appraised one another, the air thick with the unspoken tension that existed between them. As his brown eyes scanned his father's face, Paul noticed how old he looked since the last time he had seen him exactly one year ago. His well groomed hair was almost completely silver and dark shadows encompassed his grey wrinkled orbs. He looked tired too. Being sixty and still the main partner in a large, successful law firm was obviously beginning to take its toll on his father physically. Mentally, he knew it was an entirely different ball game. This man thrived on the stress and the pressure of the business. In fact, he relished it. He was determined and calculated and prepared to do whatever it took to win. The court room was like one giant battlefield to him and his career meant absolutely everything. Unfortunately his success hadn't come without its sacrifices though; his family being the main victim.

So it wasn't any great surprise that this man felt like a stranger to him. Even before his mother's death, he and his father didn't have a close relationship. They never really had done especially when he had left for college. He had very seldom seen him when he visited home and on the rare weekend that he did, their words were strained and scarce. There was nothing that bonded them to one another; no hobbies or shared interest in sports; not even their blood.

Paul suspected that being another man's child was the major reason why they were so far apart. Sure, this man had raised him. He'd fed him, put him through college and provided for him no questions asked. Financially, he had been everything a father could be to a son. Emotionally though, it was a totally different story. This man was cold and distant and even resentful towards the child who constantly reminded him of wife's betrayal. It was a betrayal that had cost both his wife and him dearly over the years.

Yet in spite of that, in spite of everything her husband had put her through, his mother had died still loving him with everything inside her. In some strange weird way, he also knew that his father had loved her too. It was a love he could never fathom yet a love that brought him back here year after year searching for the one thing he needed to get on with his life and move on. But he could never move on. He could never finally put his ghosts to rest not when his father denied him what he was searching for every single time. His understanding and if he was lucky, maybe even his forgiveness.

"I must say this is a surprise. I wasn't expecting a visit."

Paul slowly shook his head, his father's words angering him and reminding him that while he was stuck in limbo over his mother's death, her husband had managed to move on. In fact, he had moved on to the point where he was even starting to forget when she had passed. But he couldn't forget. He would never forget.

"It's August. I always come home in August." he said lowly.

He saw the flicker of acknowledgement in his stoic expression.

"Yes, you do. Of course you do."

The old man paused as he toyed with the shirt collar around his neck and glanced around him. His eyes fell on his wife who was standing awkwardly by the refrigerator and he nodded in her direction.

"I assume you and Stephanie have introduced yourselves to one another."

Paul licked his lips as he turned his head slightly, feeling his heart skip a beat as he met those big sparkling blue eyes staring back at him. He could see the tense awkward expression on her face and it looked like he wasn't only one reeling from his father's appearance. Stephanie obviously wasn't expecting her husband back so soon and he had to say she wasn't exactly acting overjoyed at his homecoming. And while he knew this was no normal loving marriage in any sense of the word, he was surprised by how distant they appeared to be. There were no welcoming embraces on either side, not even for appearance's sakes. In fact, not even a hello had passed between them yet. And while he found it strangely intriguing, he was also relieved. It meant he didn't have to witness Stephanie and his father interacting with one another and God knows he was struggling with his emotions right now without throwing that one into the mix.

Raking his fingers through his long blonde hair, Paul reluctantly drew his eyes away from her and back to his father.

"Yeah. We've met."

"Good. Then you won't mind if I leave you alone in her company for a little while longer. I've got a couple of phone calls I need to take care of before dinner."

John then finally turned to his young bride, his lips lifting in the briefest of smiles.

"Stephanie, I'm going to be in my study. Make sure I'm not disturbed, please."

She nodded clasping her fingers together in front of her as she watched her husband leave the kitchen turning briefly in the door to address his son.

"Oh and I hope Elizabeth sent your birthday package to the right address?"

She saw Paul nod as John disappeared into the hallway, her blue eyes watching him thoughtfully as he stared after his father. There was something in his face; something sad and desperate that inevitably tugged at her heart strings especially after witnessing their conversation just now first hand. It appeared that not only was her husband cold and indifferent towards her, he was the exact same way with his son. John really was a heartless son of a bitch. It was no wonder Paul's words had been so harsh whenever he had mentioned him and clearly something had happened between them to make them this way; something that had strained their relationship and torn them apart. But what could make a parent act that way with their child? She knew there was nothing in this world that would stop her mother from loving her yet when John had talked to Paul, she saw no evidence of love in his eyes. In fact, the man could even barely stand to look at him. But in spite of that, in spite of what had happened between them, Paul was here in his home and he was obviously here for a reason.

Sighing softly, Stephanie remembered John's question about a birthday package and tucking her hair behind her ear, she stepped forward and smiled at Paul suddenly wanting to reach out to him. She didn't know why but maybe she just wanted him to know he had an ally in her; an ally that understood about John and an ally that sensed his loneliness and pain over his mother. Everything else between them, well right now it just didn't matter. Not when it meant she wasn't alone and there was someone she could talk to. God knows she hadn't really talked to anyone in so long.

"It's your birthday?" she asked him.

Paul slowly turned his head in her direction. There was a flicker of something in his face but it was gone before she could catch it as he quickly shook his head.

"It was last month."

"Well a belated Happy Birthday to you then."

His lips curved up gently and Stephanie suddenly felt a little breathless.

"Thank you." he replied.

She nodded her head in acknowledgement as she slid her fingers together in an almost nervous movement, her feet bouncing on the spot on the floor almost like she had a rush of energy and she couldn't keep still. "So, do I get to know how old you are?" she asked.

Paul's brown eyes narrowed in her direction lightly twinkling at her. "That all depends. How old do you think I am?"

Stephanie lifted her shoulder in a shrug as she walked to the counter leaning back against it, her lips pressed together tightly as she tried to disguise her smile. "Forty? Forty one maybe?"

She tried not to laugh as Paul scowled at her.

"You've got a damn nerve. I'm only thirty eight."

"Hey, I wasn't that far off the mark." she grinned.

"No but you were far enough. Your answer was practically bordering on offensive."

As his shoulders shook with his light chuckle, Stephanie felt something shift in her chest and her smile faded with the words tumbling out of her mouth before she even realised.

"Funny that. We seem to be in the habit of offending one another."

Paul's expression was soft and contemplative as he looked at her. "Yeah. I guess we are."

Swallowing thickly, Stephanie looked into his brown eyes. That's when she felt it; this weird, unspoken tension that seemed to exist between them. A tension that was dangerous for her and a tension that she had to ignore no matter how badly she wanted Paul to take her into his arms and kiss her right now. God, her heart felt like it was beating right out of her chest.

Feeling her breath catch in her throat, Stephanie blinked rapidly breaking the spell those incredible brown orbs had cast on her. She deliberately tilted her head towards the floor and silently cursed herself for being so weak. What was she thinking? Was she nuts? She had to be if she was thinking of kissing Paul and his father, her husband, was only a matter of feet away. Clearly her lack of intimacy over the years was screwing with her head. Yes. That was it. She was delusional. She had to be if she thought anything could happen between here because it couldn't and it wouldn't. She could be Paul's friend and nothing more. It didn't matter that her knees trembled and her heart melted every time she was near him. It didn't matter that for the first time in forever she suddenly felt alive, her whole body tingling with the attraction she felt for this man.

Letting out a slow breath in an attempt to try and compose herself, Stephanie paused for a beat before slowly lifting her eyes once more. She avoided the chocolate brown pools that sent a rush of heat to her chest and feeling awkward in the silence that hung between them, she licked her lips glancing absently around the kitchen.

"So if it's not your birthday and you visit here the same time every year, can I ask what the special occasion is?"

She swore she felt Paul tense beside her as he stepped away, his hand pushing back his hair. Her brow furrowed as her face crumpled apologetically.

"I'm sorry. I've clearly overstepped the mark asking you that."

She braced herself prepared for his usual harsh comment or sarcastic jibe but she was pleasantly surprised when he sighed softly, lifting his shoulder in a shrug.

"It's okay. If you must know, it's my mom's anniversary. Tomorrow it will nine years exactly since she died."

"God Paul, I'm so sorry." Stephanie said, her heart once more breaking for him as his face flickered with his sadness. Her hand briefly lifted to touch his thick arm but it faltered in mid-air quickly dropping to her side.

"Don't be. It's no big deal."

Paul leant his large forearms on the island in the centre of the floor. His head bowed forward as he clasped his hands together in front of him, his blonde strands hanging over his face, partially hiding it from view.

"I don't know why. I just like to come and visit her, you know. I guess I sort of feel closer to her here if that makes sense."

His head lifted and he saw Stephanie smile at him.

"It makes perfect sense." she said softly and he saw the understanding in her big blue eyes. For a brief moment it was like he had found a kindred spirit in her and he was grateful, probably more grateful than she could ever possibly imagine. It had been a long time since he'd felt any sort of connection with anyone. It was just a pity he had to keep her at arm's length. He couldn't get close. It was the only way to protect his heart. God knows this woman could wreck him which was why he had to leave. After visiting his mother he had to leave and forget all about Stephanie although he feared it wasn't going to be as easy as he wanted it to be, not when he was standing here feeling all these things as she looked at him; things that reminded him that what he felt for Stephanie was very strong and not only that, very terrifyingly real.

Briefly glancing at his hands, Paul absently flicked at his nail before straightening up and taking a step back from the island. He sniffed and smiled at her as he stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets. "Anyway, I'll be gone the day after tomorrow. You won't have to put up with me for much longer."

Stephanie's face flickered with an unreadable expression before the corner of her mouth lifted in a playful smirk. "Thank God for small mercies."

Ignoring the pang in his chest, Paul lifted his finger pointing it menacingly in her direction. "Watch it or I might really piss you off and decide to stick around."

Stephanie laughed as she watched him turn and walk out of the kitchen but that laughter faded into a sad smile as she wrapped her arms around herself and looked around the room. Suddenly it seemed cold to her and she knew the reason why. Paul was gone leaving this huge empty space and she knew it would be the same when he was gone for good. The only problem was the empty space she felt wouldn't just be in this house. She had a feeling that emptiness just might also be in her heart.