"All right, Barney, tell us why we're here," Ted said.
"Yea, come on, man, we're missing Wheel of Fortune," Marshall said, checking his watch. Lily nodded earnestly.
"Believe me, this is much bigger than Wheel of Fortune," Barney assured. "This news will change how you – nay, how the world sees Barney Stinson!"
"Mhm…"
"Just tell us!" Lily exclaimed.
Barney cleared his throat. "All right. I, Barney Stinson, am – wait for it…"
Chirp, chirp, chirp.
"Gay!" Barney finished.
There was a dead silence around the table.
"You're what?" Robin said incredulously.
"That's right," Barney asserted. "I'm gay."
"You're kidding, right?" Ted asked.
"No, no guys, it makes sense!" Lily said slowly. "When was the last time he hit on anybody?"
Everybody paused to think.
"That Asian chick last month," Marshall said.
"She was rather mannish," Robin added. "I mean, did you see the size of her feet?"
Everybody murmured their agreement.
"But… this is so weird!" Ted burst out. "You're Barney Stinson! You've slept with over two hundred women! Your apartment is designed to kick women out after one night stands! You can't go five minutes without making a joke about screwing some blonde bimbo over!"
Barney thought about it. "Yea."
"So what happened?"
"I dunno. It's just like you've said. I've slept with so, so, so many women. It's just not as awesome as it used to be, you know. Women no longer present a unique, beautiful front. They are bland and tasteless and impossible to differentiate from each other. Boobs are nothing more than lumps of excess body fat. Women…"
"We get it," Lily interrupted. "You don't like women anymore."
"Do you feel as self loathing as I do now?" Robin asked Lily.
"A little. Come on, Marshall, let's go have sex."
Robin laughed. "Yea, I need to go get hit on."
The three of them left, leaving Barney and Ted.
"So you're really gay," Ted said.
Barney nodded. "Yea. I talked to James about it last week. It feels right, you know."
"Do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Shoot."
"How's my ass looking?"
Barney laughed. "Please, Ted. You're not my type."
"Aw, come on," Ted whined.
"Not happening, bro."