Chapter 8

Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you

3 am.

Sighing in frustration, Stephanie reached over and shoved the alarm clock across the nightstand hiding the red luminous digits from her view. She was sick of looking at them. She was sick and tired of tossing and turning and seeing the minutes slowly creep by reminding her that despite the late hour, she just couldn't find sleep. And she was starting to think she never would. Not tonight. Not while her mind was in complete turmoil and her body was still reeling from the aftermath of that kiss.

Her fingers lifting to lightly trace her bottom lip, Stephanie rolled on her back, her blue eyes staring up at the shadows on the ceiling as she thought of him. Paul. He was the man who had awakened her soul and taken her breath away. God, kissing him tonight had been nothing short of incredible. The way his touch made her feel, it was like someone had set her heart alight and its beat danced in her chest every time she remembered it. Paul's mouth had been so soft and warm and inviting and he'd tasted of mint and the salty air of the ocean. His kiss had been so sweet and she had felt it to the very tips of her fingers making her knees weak. It was like nothing she had experienced in her life before. It had been the kind of kiss that she had only ever imagined; the kind of kiss usually found in a fairytale book. Only this kiss had been no fairytale. This kiss had been real. It had been so real that it had it had terrified her and she had pushed Paul away, running across the sand and leaving him standing there alone.

Stephanie bit down on her lip and her hand lightly hitting the mattress, she turned her head on the pillow, glancing in the direction of the open window ignoring the pang of guilt in her chest. She could see the full moon shining in the sky casting the room in a soft white light. The moon had been out when Paul had eventually come home. She had been listening for him. She had heard his slow but steady footsteps as they had passed by her room, the only sound in the still and silent house. Her heart had been pounding in her chest and her stomach had twisted in anxious knots as part of her hoped he would come to her. Only he never did and those footsteps had disappeared down the hallway. And while inside her voice had cried his name, outside her lips had remained firmly pressed together unable to trust herself not to call out to him. How could she when every part of her wanted him so much and wanting Paul was wrong. It was dangerous and stupid and she had been crazy for even letting her emotions get the better of her tonight.

Yet despite that, despite everything, something had felt so right. Kissing Paul made sense in some weird and wonderful way. It was like she was meant to kiss him although of course that wasn't true. In fact it was as far from the truth as she could get but if that was the case, why couldn't she stop thinking about it? Why couldn't she get Paul out of her head and why was she lying here wanting desperately to go to him?

As a low groan slipped from her mouth, Stephanie lifted her hand and pushed back her hair from her forehead. She stared for a brief moment at the ceiling before she suddenly shot up in bed and felt her skin lightly prickle in the cool breeze. Even it was taunting her, the salty air reminding her of the ocean and ultimately of Paul. God knows everything always came back to him. She just couldn't help herself. He was all she could see. He was all she could think about. Paul undid her in ways she just couldn't begin to explain and she wasn't sure she could fight it. Not any more. Not when every part of her needed him so much and that need was quickly overriding everything else including all the reasons why this couldn't happen. But those reasons were fading quickly into the background the more and more she thought of Paul. Knowing he was just down the hallway alone was killing her and she just couldn't stay away from him. Not any more.

Throwing back the covers, Stephanie swung her legs over the bed and absently rubbing her bare arms, she quickly crossed the room before she lost her nerve. God knows, it had taken her this long to find the courage.

Reaching for the door handle, Stephanie swore her fingers were lightly trembling as she stepped out into the darkness of the long hallway. The door lightly clicked shut behind her as she began to tiptoe towards Paul's room nervously tucking her hair behind her left ear. Her heart was beating wildly in anticipation as she tentatively approached his door. Even her mouth was dry as her knuckles lifted to gently tap against the wood but they hovered in mid air as the courage she had boldly found a moment ago was slowly beginning to slip away leaving her absolutely petrified.

Dropping her hand to her side, Stephanie swallowed hard and briefly glanced at the floor. She let out a shaky breath as she tried to fathom what the hell she was doing here. After all, this was madness and it wasn't going to change anything. It wasn't like being with Paul would wave a magic wand and all her problems would be solved. She would still be married to his father for God sakes. And then there was the most important thing in her life, her mother. God, she couldn't lose her. Her health and her well-being overrode everything else in her life including her own personal needs and even her heart. Sure, she was lonely but that was a small price to pay to keep the only family she had left in this world. Coming here had been a huge mistake. Quite clearly, she had been caught in a moment of weakness; either that or temporary insanity.

Allowing a fleeting glance at the door once more, Stephanie spun on her heel. She let out a light gasp and her heart leapt to her throat when she made out his bulky frame standing there in the shadowy darkness. Placing her hand to her chest, she exhaled slowly trying her best to catch her breath.

"God, you scared me." she whispered.

"Then I guess that makes us even." Paul replied softly, reminding her of only last night when she had startled him in the kitchen. She had been unable to sleep then too, her mind haunted with thoughts of this man. He had quickly become a habit she couldn't break yet somehow she had to find a way to do just that. Paul was a dangerous habit and a habit with serious consequences and not just for her.

Hugging her arms almost protectively around herself, Stephanie shifted her feet awkwardly on the carpet suddenly desperate for the sanctuary of her room. "Anyway, it's late so…….."

She made a move to leave when Paul stepped out the shadows blocking her path. He was illuminated by the soft moonlight that filtered through the sky light and Stephanie swallowed thickly as her blue eyes met the smooth skin of his chest allowing her mind to briefly ponder if it was as firm and soft as she imagined it to be. Her spine tingled with her desire as she breathed him in.

"How's the hand?"

His tone was concerned and she slowly lifted her eyes as she felt his fingers reach for her right wrist, the simple touch sending her into a tail spin as her arms unwrapped, the left one falling to her side.

"It's…..it's good. Better." she told him, her throat suddenly feeling thick as their eyes met and Paul's fingertips lightly caressed her knuckles outlining the dressing she'd hastily placed around her palm earlier. But the dressing was the last thing on her mind as she stood there, the blood beating in her ears and her knees lightly trembling as Paul brought her palm to his mouth and brushed his lips over it. Feeling her resolve weaken, she whispered his name in protest.

"Paul."

Her sad blue eyes searched his, looking for an understanding. Surely Paul had to realise this was a huge mistake. This couldn't happen no matter how badly they wanted it to. And anyway, shouldn't he be pissed at her instead of standing here making her feel this way? She'd run off tonight. He'd kissed her and she'd run off without a single word or an explanation. He should be angry with her not standing there with that look on his face telling her he was going to probably kiss her again. And he was going to kiss her. She could see it and she could feel it too and God help her, she wanted it.

Her mouth slightly parted, Stephanie watched Paul's face move closer, her body crippled with her raging battle between her desire for this man and her overwhelming fear at what she felt in her heart every single time she was near him.

"You're so beautiful." he hushed.

She slowly closed her eyes as she inhaled slowly, the sincerity in his words working their way into her as his hand moved to cup her face and instinctively, she let her head lean into him.

"Steph, what's happening here? What's going on between us?"

Stephanie's eyes fluttered open as Paul's words made her realise that whatever this thing was that was pulling her in, he was obviously feeling it between them too but God, that didn't make it any easier. If anything, it only made it more complicated and more terrifyingly real.

"I….I don't know." she replied, her voice barely a whisper.

"But you feel it, right? I mean, I'm not imagining this."

She saw the confusion in the shadows of his handsome face and she slowly shook her head against his palm, pressing her lips together, feeling the hot tears burn in her throat.

"Good because all I can think about is kissing you again."

Stephanie felt the panic twist her stomach into knots as she lifted her head, her big eyes staring and pleading with Paul.

"We can't." she said weakly.

"Why?" Paul asked, his face hovering dangerously close to her, close enough that she could feel his warm breath on her face drawing her in, enticing her.

"You know why." she breathed unconvincingly as she gazed back at him, her body completely still and her eyes entranced by his deep brown orbs. Her heart was hammering wildly in her chest as Paul's thumb trailed along her jaw seeking out her bottom lip and lightly tracing the soft, wet flesh, in turn making her lose any ounce of fight she had left.

Stephanie's head instinctively turned to her left, her lips covering over the digit and pulling it into her wet mouth, her tongue circled around it tasting the sweetness of his soft skin. She could feel Paul's other hand slide around her waist as he growled lowly, making her giddy and her mind was heady with her desire as she brushed her lips over the pad of his thumb before slowly releasing it. Her eyelids were heavy as they sought out his once more and the sound of his deep breathing echoed in the thick silence between them as he slowly backed her against the wall, his hand pulling her closer to him and the heat of his skin penetrating the flimsy material of her silk nightgown.

"You know there's not a moment goes by where I don't think about kissing you or touching you." admitted Paul as his thick fingers moved to her hair, lightly brushing through the soft strands.

Stephanie swallowed thickly wondering if he could feel her heart right now as it pounded madly, beating right out of her chest. She could feel him, his fingers on her back burning her skin and his bare chest pressing against her, tempting her. Licking her lips, she gave the only response she could muster.

"Then kiss me." she breathed.

Closing her eyes, she felt his big hand curl around her neck and his fingers threaded through her hair as Paul lowered his head and covered her mouth with his warm and passionate kiss. In that moment, the world stopped and her heart raced as his tongue slid into her open mouth brushing over her tongue. The familiar taste of him made her knees tremble with longing and Stephanie moaned softly, her lips parting further allowing Paul to deepen the kiss, his tongue expertly sweeping over her mouth causing her to feel every sensation to the tips of her toes. Her stomach pooled with her desire as she slid her hands over his back, feeling the soft heat of his skin and pressing him to her unable to get him close enough. She wanted Paul so much. She needed him. She was beginning to need him like the very air she breathed and God, he felt so good.

Her hand roaming lower, Stephanie's fingers dipped into the waistband of his track pants. Her mind was dizzy and the heat of his skin enticed her fingers to travel lower. His body was so firm and smooth and her throat felt dry as Paul's mouth moved and gently nipped and sucked on her neck. His tongue flicked out tasting her as his hand pushed up the bottom hem of her nightdress, his fingers lightly pressing on her skin. Her legs parted slightly, the heels on her bare feet lightly bumping against the wall as Paul pushed her up a little higher.

"Steph!" he breathed into ear.

Paul's mouth had just captured hers once more when he suddenly froze, his brown eyes wide with alarm.

"Did you hear that?"

"What?"

"The voice. Down the hall."

Stephanie turned her head in that direction and her face crumpled with her guilt as she heard her mother's frail voice call her name.

"Shit. I'd better go to her."

Paul nodded as he stepped back and watched Stephanie quickly fix herself, adjusting the thin strap of her nightgown as she scurried off into the darkness, his brown eyes following her even after she was long gone and the door had clicked shut behind her. His big arms hung by his side suddenly feeling cold and empty and he wondered how the hell he was supposed to walk away in a couple of days. But more that that, how the hell was he supposed to forget the women who had surprisingly and unexpectedly crept in and stolen his heart.