Chapter 13

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you

Paul's feet lightly squeaked against the clean grey linoleum floor and coffee cup balanced in hand, he slowly made his way back to the hospital waiting area. He briefly smiled in acknowledgment at a nurse who passed him by as he wondered how Linda was faring right now. It had been a little over an hour since they had brought her here and he knew as the minutes crept by, Stephanie was starting to get extremely anxious about her. And he wasn't sure why but he had got her the coffee somehow thinking it might help her and calm her down a bit.

God, she had been so distraught this evening when she'd found Linda. When he'd walked in the room the tears had been spilling down her cheeks and she had looked so small and frightened standing by the bed. That fear was something all too familiar to him being he'd been just as scared when he'd found his own mother and seen her struggling for her breath.

But thankfully Linda's breathing had been fine. It was her temperature that was the concern and straight away he knew they needed to get her here. The risks involved were far too great and fortunately the ambulance had arrived within minutes whisking her and Stephanie away leaving him to follow on behind. Not being here with her was never an option for him, not when he knew how terrifying it was to face all this alone and he had a feeling Stephanie had been completely alone up until now. Because one thing was for certain; his father sure as hell wouldn't have been supporting her or comforting her in any possible way. That man wasn't capable of it and he never had been.

Sighing softly, Paul approached the seated area and gently touching Stephanie's shoulder, he held out the drink to her.

"Here. I thought you could use this."

Her sad blue eyes looked up at him and she smiled gratefully.

"Thanks."

He nodded his head and taking the seat next to her, he watched her cautiously take a sip of the coffee.

"So, any news yet?" he asked her.

Stephanie shook her head. "Not so far."

Her head bowed forward and Paul heard her heavy sigh behind her soft brown strands. He knew the waiting had to be killing her and he just wished he could do something to help. He hated seeing her so upset and every single tear she had shed had felt like a sharp knife in his gut. He just wanted to take care of her and take her fear away. He wanted to try his best to do something to comfort her.

Paul shifted in his chair and let his big hand settle on her left thigh. He gently squeezed it through the denim and his thumb absently began to trail back and forth across her leg.

"Try not to worry, Steph. Your mom is in good hands."

She slowly turned to him, resting her coffee cup on her opposite leg as her hand lifted to tuck her hair behind her ear. Her face was pale and streaked with her dried-in tears and he could see the concern etched in her troubled frown.

"I just……I don't understand what happened." she said. "She was fine when I brought her home this afternoon and then when I saw her tonight and she was burning up like that……"

Stephanie paused pressing her lips together as an image of her mom flashed through her head. Her beautiful face had been as white as a ghost and she had been shivering so violently under the covers. Yet despite the shivering, her skin had felt like it was on fire when she had touched her and she had completely panicked, screaming on Paul not sure what else to do.

Within seconds, he had called the ambulance and he had been so wonderful and calm as he had sat there with her and her mother carefully observing her until the paramedics had got there. Paul really had stopped her from falling apart in that bedroom and now here he was sitting by her side once more somehow holding her together again. Even his presence alone soothed her and he really had been way beyond incredible tonight.

Looking at him gratefully, Stephanie reached for him covering his hand with hers and curling her fingers around him tightly.

"Thank God you were there. I don't know what I would have done without you." she told him.

"Yeah well getting your mom to the hospital was the important thing."

Stephanie's brow crinkled with her confusion. "But what's wrong with her, Paul? What happened to her?"

"She spiked a fever." he sighed.

"But how?"

Paul shifted in his chair and raking his fingers through his hair, he began to explain. "It's her chemo. See, when cancer patients get chemo it not only affects the cancer cells in their body but the normal cells too. Their red blood count goes down making them feel extremely tired and their platelets are low as well, like at a dangerous level, and there is always that risk of bleeding or haemorrhage. Their white blood count also goes way down and there is a real risk of infection there. That's why a high temperature is a real danger for someone like your mom. She can quickly go into septic shock just because of that really low white blood count."

Stephanie gasped and her worried blue eyes frantically scanned his face. "But what can they do? Will she be okay?"

Paul quickly nodded and placing his left hand over their joined fingers, he squeezed them reassuringly once more. "Her temperature should start to drop once the antibiotics get into her system."

Stephanie watched him carefully for a moment and satisfied Paul was telling her the truth, she felt her panic subside and she let out a shaky breath.

"I'm just so scared. She's been through so much already……"

Her voice trailed away as she felt the hot lump well in her throat and biting down on her lip, she tried her best to stop the tears that threatened to fall as she glanced down at their joined hands. The thought of anything happening to her mother terrified her to death. It was bad enough watching her suffer and trying to battle the disease; a disease she was fighting so bravely.

"Hey, try not to worry, okay? Your mom is tough."

Her head tilted upwards and she looked at Paul once more seeing the slight smile that twitched at the corner of his mouth.

"She has to be if she is anything like her daughter."

In spite of herself, her lips curved up gently and she realised she needed this. God, she needed him. "I'm not tough." she told him.

"Well, you seem pretty tough to me."

As Paul's hand moved from her fingers to lightly brush through her loose strands, Stephanie felt herself crumble with his touch as her bottom lip trembled. She briefly closed her eyes blinking back her hot tears. There was just something about this man that stripped her of her defences. Maybe it was that he listened. Maybe it was that for the first time there was someone there to share the burden with her. God knows, she always tried to be strong and brave especially for her mother's sake. But with Paul, she could let it out. She could let him see just how scared she was and she was scared. She was so scared every single minute of every single day.

"Maybe I look tough on the outside." she admitted, looking at him with her big glossy eyes. "Inside, I'm not so good."

His brown eyes were sympathetic as he tenderly brushed her hair back from her shoulder. "I know how that goes." he sighed and his hand fell away.

Stephanie watched him shift back round in his chair not before she saw the flicker of sadness in his face. Of course Paul more than understood what she was going through. He'd been in this exact position himself watching his own mother fade before his eyes. He knew all about the pain and the heartache involved in watching them suffer. He also knew the fear involved and the loneliness in coping with it alone. Only she wasn't alone. At least not tonight and she was so grateful for that. She was more grateful than Paul could ever possibly know.

Placing down her cup of coffee on the small table next to her, Stephanie turned in her seat and her hand reached for his big arm feeling the warmth of his skin underneath his white long sleeved shirt.

"Thank you for staying with me tonight." she offered softly.

Paul's head turned and he smiled. "You're welcome."

"If it wasn't for you I'd probably be going nuts here by myself."

"Yeah well hopefully you'll get to see your mom soon and you can put your mind at rest."

Stephanie nodded as she sat forward, leaning further into him and gently breathing the faint scent of his cologne. Unable to help herself her fingers trailed from his arm and lightly caressed his face, her brow crinkling as she took in his heavy eyes.

"You look tired Paul. You should go home and get some sleep."

He slowly shook his head causing his blonde strands to shift across his massive shoulders. "I'm fine."

"No you're not and honestly, you don't have to stay with me."

Paul was silent for a few seconds and Stephanie swallowed thickly when his brown eyes eventually looked deeply into hers.

"Maybe I want to."

The tenderness in his words moved her and she felt the shift in her chest as Paul lifted his hand from her thigh and slipped his huge arm around her shoulder. She felt him gently coax her in his direction and Stephanie let her head drop against him as she shifted in the chair and nestled into the crook of his neck. His gentle heat soothed her as she breathed him in once more and realised this was exactly what she needed. Just being here with Paul, in his arms, it gave her strength. It helped her keep faith that everything was going to be okay. And it would be okay. It just had to be.