Chapter 14

Under your spell again,
I can't say no to you,
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand,
I can't say no to you,
Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly,
Now I can't let go of this dream,
I can't breathe but I feel...

Paul's footsteps slowed in the hallway as he turned towards her bedroom. The door was open just a crack and the light poked through, illuminating the dark shadows of nightfall with its soft glow. Stephanie was still up and moving around inside. He could hear a light banging of a closet door and he tried not to picture her state of undress knowing she'd gotten out of the shower only a matter of moments ago.

And that wasn't because he had been creepily keeping tabs since they'd gotten back. He'd just wanted to check on her before he went to bed. It had been a long day for her. Tough too and he knew despite her brave front, her worry over Linda had taken its toll. Stephanie was physically and emotionally exhausted. She'd practically been sleeping at her mother's bedside tonight which is why he had insisted she came back here to get some rest. She needed a break and there was nothing she could have done at the hospital anyway. Linda was fast asleep and according to the doctors, the antibiotics were finally starting to fight the infection. She was far from out of the woods though and she would be in hospital for at least the next four to five days. But overall the prognosis was positive; well as positive as it could be under the circumstances.

Sighing softly, Paul lifted his hand and his knuckles gently rapped on the wood.

"Just come in."

Pushing open the door, he saw Stephanie sitting on the corner of the bed. He swallowed thickly as he took in her attire of nothing more than a white fluffy bath towel around her torso. And her long legs, the legs that he could still feel wrapped around him, were crossed over one another as she brushed through the ends of her wet hair. Quite simply, the woman was breathtakingly beautiful and if he didn't know better, he'd swear she was trying to torture him right now especially remembering the night they had shared together not even twenty four hours ago.

Deliberately drawing his eyes away from her exposed, smooth flesh, Paul raked his fingers through his hair forcing his attention on her face and pushing last night from his mind.

"Hey."

"Hey." she smiled back.

"So I was on my way to bed and I just wanted to check you were okay."

Stephanie nodded as she placed the brush down on the bed and let out a drawn out sigh. "I'm fine. I'm just not sure I'll sleep much, that's all."

The mattress dipped underneath her as Paul sat down next to her on the bed. She could feel the heat of his presence and she briefly closed her eyes and let herself breathe him in. Paul really had been there for her today in so many ways and she was so grateful. His presence alone had stopped her from completely falling apart. It had been so nice to have someone there beside her; someone she could share her worries and her fears with. God knows it was so hard always trying to cope alone. Sometimes you needed someone to lean on and today, she had leaned on Paul. Not only that, he understood exactly what she was going through and it meant so much to her to have someone to talk to and comfort her.

"You're still worried about your mom, aren't you?"

She could hear the concern in his deep voice and letting out a shaky breath, she opened her eyes to meet Paul's gentle stare and slowly nodded.

"I can't help it." she admitted. "God knows she been through so much already. I'm just not sure how much more she can take."

Her voice wavered and biting down on her bottom lip, Stephanie quickly glanced at the carpet and blinked back her tears. She didn't want to get upset but she couldn't help it. Not when every time she thought about her mother, she remembered the anguish and the obvious discomfort she had been in. And it wasn't just today. Her mom had suffered so much and been so brave for so long. She'd been battling this disease the last few years with everything she had but how much fight did she have left? Her body was weak. It was even too weak to naturally fight off infection and that was the reason why she was now lying in that hospital bed. Any hope she had that the new treatment was working was slowly starting to slip away.

Sniffing back her sorrow, Stephanie felt Paul's warm fingers reach for her and curl around her hand that rested on her thigh. She immediately placed her other hand on top sandwiching him there and drawing comfort from his touch.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked tentatively.

"Sure."

Stephanie slowly lifted her head and asked the question that had been burning in the back of her mind ever since she had remembered their conversation on the landing that day.

"How did you cope when your mom told you she was stopping the chemo?"

She saw Paul's face flicker with surprise before he quickly dropped his head and she grimaced silently cursing herself for her own stupidity.

"I'm sorry. It's personal. I shouldn't have asked."

He slowly shook his head and he looked back up, his brown eyes peering through the blonde strands that fell softly over his face.

"It's okay. Honestly. It's just…….I guess I'm just not in the habit of being asked about her, that's all."

Stephanie nodded and Paul's soft sigh was the only sound between them as she watched him patiently. His big hand lifted to scratch at his beard and his other one stayed on her lap as he shifted slightly, turning to her. His facial expression was thoughtful but held a hint of sadness as he pushed a lock of hair from his eye.

"It's funny what you remember." he began. "I mean, in a situation like that you think you could recall every word that was said or you would know exactly what you were feeling at the time your whole world fell apart. But I don't really remember any of that at all. I don't remember my mom's exact words or if I even cried when she told me she was stopping her treatment."

Paul paused and licked his lips, his brown eyes flickering with the memories as he looked just past her to stare ahead.

"What I do remember was that it was a Saturday. I'd not even arrived at the house five minutes when my mom said she had something to tell me. I knew straight away it was something serious. She had that look. You know that look that parents get when they have something to tell you but they wish they didn't have to? It's like they still want to protect you from every bad thing in this world because no matter how old you get you'll always be their baby, their little boy."

Stephanie nodded, not quite sure he was looking for an answer but giving him one anyway as she squeezed his hand reassuringly and waited for him to continue.

"Anyway that was the look she had when she took my hand in hers. I can remember thinking her hand felt so cold, like ice. My mom's hands were never cold but they were that day and she looked so tired, like she was beaten and I guess really, that was true. She was beaten and she was tired; she was so tired of fighting a disease that bit by bit was taking everything away from her."

Paul's shoulders rose and fell with his sad sigh and he shifted his head slightly, his dark eyes strongly intense as they looked at Stephanie once more.

"Well, Mom was determined it wasn't going to take her dignity or her spirit and she wasn't going to waste the time she had left drugged and hooked up to some machine. And I understood that, I did. I really did but I just remember feeling so angry with her afterwards. I mean she was giving up." he said, his voice lifting slightly with his emotion.

"My mom was giving up and she was leaving me. I wasn't enough to make her want to fight any more. I wasn't a good enough reason to make her hold on just that little bit longer so we could have more time together."

He lightly shook his head and glanced downwards at the space between them, his shoulders slumping with the heaviness of his heart. When he eventually spoke, his voice was hushed and thick with his sadness.

"And I know how selfish that sounds but I was just so scared. I didn't want to lose her. I didn't want to think about my life without her because my mom was my whole world. Without her, I've got nothing. I've got nobody.

Paul's heartbreaking words brought hot tears to Stephanie's eyes as she heard her own crippling fears voiced out loud. Her mother was her whole world too and the thought of waking up one morning and her not being there absolutely terrified her. Her mom was all she had. She was all she had ever had. How on earth was she ever meant to find the strength to let go? How could she ever contemplate her life without her?

A soft whimper escaped from her lips as a solitary tear trickled down her cheek and Paul lifted his head, his brown eyes widening with alarm when he saw her distress.

"Steph, I'm sorry." he said reaching for her and wiping her cheek with the pad of his thumb. "I didn't mean to upset you."

He was concerned as he scanned her face and Stephanie sniffed, forcing a smile to reassure him as his hand lingered against her cheek. She instinctively leant into him, needing his touch, needing him.

"I'm okay. It's just………well, that's exactly how it is for me, you know."

She paused and let out a shaky breath.

"How you felt about your mom, I feel that too. I don't want to lose her, Paul. God knows she's all I've got left. Without her, I'm all alone." she cried.

She gave a light hiccup as she gulped back a sob. Paul's thick fingers tangled in her damp strands as he rested his forehead against hers and she felt his warm breath dance across her skin enticing her.

"You're not alone. At least not right now."

Stephanie swallowed hard pushing back the lump in her throat as his hushed words hung between them. She already found herself getting lost in him. Her overwhelming desire for this man made her forget everything else and as selfish as it sounded, she needed that. She needed him.

"Stay with me." she whispered as her hand lifted from his to curl around his face and pull him closer.

Stephanie sighed into him as their mouths met, softly brushing over one another at first before Paul tilted his head and began kissing her more insistently. Her heart began to race as she kissed him back, her hand moving and threading through his hair as their tongues slid together. The strands felt like the softest silk between her fingertips as she clutched at them tightly pressing his head closer to her, unable to ever have him close enough. She wanted to feel every inch of his kiss. She wanted to taste every part of him and commit it to memory because memories were all she would have left after tonight.

But all thoughts of Paul leaving her quickly disappeared as his hand slowly crept up her thigh, gently squeezing her flesh as it pushed up the bottom of the towel.

Tingles shot down Stephanie's spine as he brushed back the strands of her hair and began assaulting her neck with his wet open-mouthed kisses making her mind dizzy as she struggled to breathe. Paul was gently lowering her towards the centre of the bed and his massive body shifted above her as he roughly tugged the towel from her body, the mattress creaking underneath his weight as he tossed it to the floor. His long blonde strands hung over his face yet still she felt his remarkable brown eyes watching her, penetrating her, making her weak. Stephanie swallowed thickly as she hungrily drank him in. Paul's broad chest was cast in shadows from the soft glow of the bedside lamp and his black track pants hung low on his waist. The muscles rippled in his chiselled abdomen. Her tongue flicked out to lick her dry lips. God, he was absolutely beautiful and she wanted him more than she had ever wanted any man in her life. Stephanie felt waves of desire coarse through her veins as his legs brushed against hers before gently nudging them apart. Her body ached for him as she spread them even further, his massive frame lowering over her. She felt the bubbles of nervous anticipation building in the pit of her stomach as their eyes connected for the briefest of moments. She felt herself falling into the dark pools that smouldered with his longing and desire showing her that Paul wanted her every bit as much as she wanted him.

He captured her mouth once more causing the ends of his hair to lightly tickle her cheekbone letting her smell the fresh scent of his shampoo. Her fingers reached up to into the silky strands eagerly returning his kiss. His skin felt like fire pressed against hers as their laboured breathing filled the silence. Her entire body throbbed as his touch burned her skin, making her tremble.

"Paul." she whispered.

Stephanie's stomach pooled with her desire as her fingernails scraped against his skin, roughly pushing down the waistband of his track pants. Paul seemed to sense her urgency as he kissed her hard, their tongues seeking one another. His skin felt so firm against her hands as they skimmed over his ass. She sucked on his bottom lip as she guided the cotton material of his pants down his long, hard thighs. Her hands slid over his hips pulling him towards her as his piercing brown eyes watched her and her breath caught in her sticky throat as he whispered her name so softly she almost missed it. His fingertips lightly swept her hair across her forehead and she pressed her lips together feeling overcome by the tenderness in that one moment. The brief moment that gave her a tiny shred of hope that maybe Paul did have some sort of feelings for her. Feelings that meant her love for him wasn't completely hopeless because God, did she love him. There was no point in even trying to deny it any longer.

"I need you so much." he hushed.

Paul kissed her once more and Stephanie closed her eyes tightly letting her body succumb to him as she lost herself completely in him. This was their goodbye and she was going to feel every single second.