Chapter 20

Save me I'm falling again
Keep me from breaking in a million pieces
In the end no matter what I do
There's nowhere, nowhere to go
Nowhere to go but you

The phone rang out at the other end. Hugging her arm around herself, Stephanie leant her head against the wall, closing her eyes, silently pleading for Paul to pick up. But the disappointment crept in when for the third time in as many hours, the answer machine kicked in and she felt her heart ache as she listened to the sound of his deep familiar tone.

"Hey. I'm not home else I'm too busy to come to the phone right now. Here comes the beep. You know what to do."

Stephanie gripped the receiver tightly as her eyes flickered open and letting out a shaky breath, she spoke into the receiver trying her best to keep it together.

"Paul? It's me."

She paused for a second and swallowed the hot lump in her throat. Her hand trembled lightly as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

"It's Mom, Paul. I….I need you."

Her voice trailed off as her composure shook and she squeezed her eyes shut as she bit down on her lip trying hard to hold back her tears. They were tears she didn't want to shed, scared she would never stop once she finally let them out.

"Look, will you just call me? Please." she finally sputtered out.

The receiver gave a click as she placed it back down. Her sad, glossy blue eyes stared ahead at the hospital ward where nurses were rushing around and people were impatiently waiting for news about their loved ones. It all seemed so normal but for her, it was anything but. In fact, her life would never be normal again. Not after today. Her mom was dying and there was nothing she could do except sit around here and wait.

Stephanie's stomach churned nauseously as she walked back to the hospital room. Her footsteps were slow and deliberate not wanting to get there too soon. Not wanting to sit in that chair and watch the most precious thing in her life slip away from her. She was just so scared. She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to say goodbye and the thought of losing her mom hurt her so much her heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest. The pain was radiating throughout her entire body all but consuming her. Still, she had to find a way to hold it all together. She had to be strong for her mom. There would be plenty of time for her tears and her sorrow afterwards.

Letting out a slow calming breath, Stephanie approached the hospital room. She could see her husband through the glass of the small side window. He had agreed to sit by her mother's bed while she was gone. She hadn't wanted to leave her alone and he had understood that. In fact, he had been surprisingly sensitive and supportive all morning since he had arrived. And John didn't have to be here. She hadn't expected anything from him yet he had come and in a way she had been grateful. It meant she wasn't alone. She could find some form of comfort from his company. Of course it was a poor substitute for the comfort she was so desperately seeking. That could come from only one man. Paul. He was her strength. He was her safe place to fall. It was why she had called him time and time again. She needed him so much and she wished so badly that he was here. She knew he would help her find a way to get through this. Paul would hold her hand and somehow she'd survive.

But Paul wasn't here. He wasn't answering her calls. She wasn't sure he'd even gotten her messages and he was hundreds of miles away. By the time he got here it would probably be far too late. She was going to have to find a way to do this on her own and without him.

Pushing her hand against the laminated wood, Stephanie walked into her mother's room. Despite the bright sunshine that filtered through the gap in the closed blinds, the room felt cold and uninviting. She felt herself shiver as she walked timidly towards the bed where her mother lay. She offered John a brief smile as she moved past him. The tears burned the back of her throat as she saw her mom's beautiful face yet she managed to find some solace in the peaceful expression she wore. She wasn't in any pain. The doctors had made sure of that and that, at least, offered her a small comfort.

Taking her seat next to the bed, Stephanie reached for her mother's hand as the monitors beeped rhythmically beside her. Kissing her knuckles, her left hand brushed back the coarse short strands from her face. Her forehead felt warm and clammy. Her skin was lucid and pale. Holding her hand tightly, Stephanie sat in silence just watching her mom content just to be with her, grateful to be able to hold her and touch her while she still could.

"The office called."

John's voice lifted her out of her haze. Stephanie glanced up at her husband who had gotten to his feet and his grey eyes wore an apologetic expression as he looked at her.

"I have to go."

She nodded and was surprised by the gentle squeeze she felt as his hand lightly gripped her shoulder.

"I'll be back later."

There was a beat before his heavy footsteps echoed in the room and the door clicked shut behind him. Sighing softly, Stephanie shifted on the chair leaning forward to speak softly above the machines as her blue eyes fell fondly on her mother's face.

"It's just you and me, Mom."

She felt her stomach ache and her eyes welled up with her tears as she touched her drawn face, her thumb lightly tracing her sharp cheek as she watched her carefully. Her bottom lip trembled as she whispered softly.

"It's always been me and you, huh?"

Suddenly she felt her pain and her sadness begin to overwhelm her. Stephanie squeezed her eyes shut determined not to cry but she couldn't stop the solitary tear that managed to escape from her lashes and trickle down her cheek. She furiously wiped it away and pressed her lips together tightly determined not to shed any more. She couldn't cry now. She had to be strong. She couldn't lose it.

But that resolve quickly began to crumble when she heard the door open and she turned her head. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him standing there and the tears began to slip down her cheeks as she pushed back her chair and rushed over towards him.

"Paul!" she cried as she reached for him, collapsing into him as she buried her head into his chest. She felt his big arms encompass her and wrap around her, holding her tight. She clung onto him as her choked sobs filled the room, so grateful he was there as her body began to shake with her frightened breaths and tears.

"I'm so sorry, Steph." Paul hushed as his thick fingers brushed through the ends of her soft hair.

She let out a heart wrenching cry as he rocked her in his arms. Her head was spinning. Her throat was burning. Inside, her heart was breaking into a million pieces. The pain was unbearable as she cried for her mother and somewhere a little part of her cried for herself too. She wasn't sure she could cope without the woman who had been her life and who meant everything to her. But somehow she knew she would be alright. She would find a way to make it through. Paul was here and that was all she needed. He was all she would ever need.