"So how did last night go master Bruce? ... Sparing the details of course..."
Alfred pulled open the curtains in a final effort to wake the sleeping man.
Bruce let out a loud yawn, stretching in his bed.
"It went rather well I guess."
Alfred gave a slight chuckle.
"I hope you didn't lose too much sleep over it sir."
Bruce slid his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up.
"I'll be down for breakfast in a minute."
Alfred gave a small bow and left Bruce to get dressed.
He walked down stairs wearing his favorite shirt, unreasonably happy considering what he'd done last night.
He'd gone to bed with a guilty smile on his face, and he'd had the best nights sleep he'd had in a while.
He mentally punched himself.
How dare he feel like this.
He'd done one of the things he promised himself he would never do, consorted with one of the people he morally hated.
The Joker...
That terrible person.
Who'd killed several of his friends.
For god's sake he'd killed Jason!
Bruce sat on the stairs.
How could he have done this?
He clenched his fists.
This wasn't right.
He sighed and slowly got back up.
What happened had happened, he'd had to do it.
...But he shouldn't have enjoyed it so much...
He tried to put his thoughts and feelings aside.
He walked into the kitchen, as the dining hall was one of the many rooms destroyed in the explosion.
He sat and started to eat the scrambled eggs and toast that Alfred had prepared for him.
He didn't eat much.
He didn't deserve to.
Damien stormed in, scowling at his father.
"You're disgusting. I can't believe you'd do that, with the Joker for fucks sake! I never want to talk to you again!"
He then left the room, slamming the door as he left.
Oh shit.
How did Damien know?
"Alfred!"
Bruce was furious.
"Sir?"
"I told you to keep an eye on Damien last night!"
Alfred looked thoroughly confused.
"I did sir, he didn't leave the house all night."
Bruce stood up.
"Then how does he know what happened?"
"I honestly don't know master Bruce. But getting angry isn't going to help."
Alfred walked to the door.
"The best way to find out how would be for me to ask him, sir?"
Bruce nodded "k."
Alfred gave another small bow and left to find the child, leaving Bruce to angrily eat the rest of his food.
This didn't reasure him about his actions last night.
A few minutes later Alfred walked back in.
"I'm afraid it's not good news sir..."
Bruce held his head in his hands.
"How did he find out?"
Alfred sighed.
"The same way millions of other people have found out sir."
"What!"
"It's on the Internet sir... Search 'Joker and Batman ;P' and its the first thing that comes up."
Bruce felt sick.
This was the worst thing that ever could have happened.
How did this happen?
"I want to see it."
Alfred looked shocked "sir?"
"I should be able to trace who uploaded it."
Alfred's face turned from shocked to confused.
"I'd have thought it'd be obvious sir?"
Bruce laughed slightly.
"What? Joker? I don't think so. It's got him in it too, I don't think he'd risk his own image just to get at me."
Alfred smiled, "I'll get it up on the batcomputer, on one of the smaller screens." His voice heavy with sarcasm.
Bruce nodded, "I'll be down in a bit... Just... Don't watch it Alfred... Please."
"I wouldn't dream of it sir." He said, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice now.
Bruce left the kitchen, he thought it would be best to talk to Damien.
He knocked on his sons door.
"Go away!"
"Damien...?"
"GO AWAY!"
Bruce opened the door anyway.
A shoe was thrown at his face.
He ducked out the way.
"That's enough!"
He stood his ground.
"I know you're upset but that's no reason to get violent! I am your father!"
Damien was sitting on his bed, watching the T.V on his computer.
"I wouldn't have been so upset if you'd told me." He growled angrily, refusing to even look at his father.
He clicked a button on the computer and the screen went black.
"But no! I had to find out from a link one of my friends sent me, and I didn't know what it was when I clicked it, so I was in total shock when I saw it. My father! Batman! Is gay. And even worse, the guy he's doing it with is Joker!"
Bruce sighed in exasperation.
"I'm not gay Damien."
Damien laughed mockingly.
"Well for a 'not gay' person you sure seem to be enjoying yourself there!"
Bruce sighed again.
"I had to do it, I'm not gay, Joker forced me into it, he was threatening to kill... everyone."
The boy started fiddling with a rubber band he'd had round his wrist.
"He always does that."
Bruce walked a little closer to Damien.
"But before I've been able to control him. I couldn't this time."
He put his hand on his sons shoulder.
"I'm sorry you had to find out about it like that. I'm sorry you had to find out about it at all."
Damien looked his father in the eyes for the first time in this conversation.
"I can see what you meant about not wanting to know about it."
He and Bruce giggled nervously, then Bruce left to try to find out who had done this.
...
"This does seem rather peculiar master Bruce..."
He was looking at the screen: Batman at one end of the room, Joker at the other, on his blue chair.
"Look at the camera angle. It's definitely not a handheld - pointing through the window or anything like that. It doesn't look like security footage. If anything, it looks like one of those 'nanny cam' devices."
In the left corner of the room...
"I do remember there being some holes in the wall. maybe it was hidden there..? Maybe it was Joker after all."
That bastard.
He felt betrayed.
Hah.
He couldn't believe he actually felt betrayed.
It would make sense if it was Joker.
"Can you leave, Alfred? I'd like to find out exactly where this is being streamed from."
Alfred grunted, "yes, and I don't really want to watch it..."
He walked back up the stairs, presumably to make dinner.
Bruce waited till he heard the door close before playing the video.
He watched it a couple of times through, trying to focus on Jokers face.
It was hard to concentrate though... He couldn't help but get a little turned on watching it.
He couldn't see any malice in Jokers eyes.
No sly looks.
He seemed to be truly enjoying himself.
Joker was a good actor.
But he'd never got the hang of hiding his overall intent.
His eyes normally gave him away.
He had such expressive eyes...
Massive dark green eyes.
That seemed to stare into your soul...
Bruce shook his head.
Concentrate.
Those feelings wouldn't help him, not if Joker was in fact the one who posted this.
The user name by the video was Kufudenmapa which really didn't help him guess whether it was him or not.
"...I guess the only way to know is to ask..."
...
He waited for darkness.
And dressed himself as Batman.
He went straight to their new meeting place.
"Hey, I thought you might drop in unannounced tonight. I bet you've seen our latest Internet appearance?"
Batman nodded.
"Was it you?"
"No, come on bats... Sweetie, you know me, that's... not how I do things."
Joker strode over to Batman and kissed him.
He started touching Batman in that gentle, calming way he had done before.
"Joker... Don't..."
He kissed him again "why not...?"
Batman pushed him back a little.
"We might be filmed again."
Joker smirked "then we'll just go someplace else, you must know somewhere safe."
Joker moved closer, his hands rubbing gently on Batman's hips.
Batman could feel himself giving in.
"No! Stop it."
He pushed Joker back again, this time more forcefully.
"What we did, it's had too much of an affect on my personal life for me to willingly continue."
Joker crossed him arms, jilted again.
"Hmm... What if I said, if we did it again... I could get rid of the video?"
"Really...?"
He laughed, "Yeah, I'm a brilliant hacker!"
Joker rushed to Batman and whispered in his ear.
"Oh come on batsy please, don't make me beg now..."
Batman pushed him back again, this time pushing him so hard he almost fell over.
"I could get rid of the video myself."
Joker scoffed, "then why didn't you already?"
"I needed to trace the signal, to find out who uploaded it."
Joker walked back to Batman, a very large smile painted on his face.
"I know who it was..."
"What? Who?"
Joker giggled, "I'm not gunna say... Yet... Now do you know a place we could go or not?"
Batman didn't push back this time.
"Blackmail?"
Joker nodded, grinning from ear to ear, moving closer and touching Batman's hips again.
"And if I'm not right, I'll help you find out who it really was."
This was probably the easiest way to get Joker to tell him, he'd not provoked him enough to warrant a beating.
But...
He didn't want to...
He tried to stay strong, but there was something about this man.
Something in his eyes.
That made Batman feel... good...
He tried to resist but found himself leaning in to kiss him.
That amazing feeling washed over him.
The same feeling he'd felt the night before.
Lightheaded, dizzy.
And odd feeling of warmth... happiness?
"...I know a place."
He took Joker by the hand and pulled him down the road, towards the hideout of a man he'd put in prison a couple of weeks ago.
So he knew it'd be empty.
...
...
Joker sighed contently.
They where both now sitting in a brightly coloured room, almost completely naked, hot mugs of tea in their hands.
"I think Penguin's the one who filmed us."
Batman looked at him, confused, as if asking him to continue.
"Oh come on bats! Penguin owns that place, I didn't know that camera was there, so if I didn't put it there who else could have?"
"I guess... I just thought that would seem a little too obvious."
Joker laughed, "well, look for the obvious solution first, then spread out to the less obvious ones."
Batman nodded.
He could have figured that out himself
He was slightly angry that he was with Joker again.
Given in to his urges.
He'd spent so long trying to keep them in check.
He would have beaten Joker up for tricking him, but he hadn't really tricked him.
Batman had let this happen.
He'd subconsciously wanted this to happen.
"Where is Penguin now then?"
"Last I heard he was going out pursuing Catwoman again..."
Batman laughed slightly, "Yeah, that'll happen, she hates him!"
"...Yeah and she fancies you."
Batman smiled.
"..Yeah..."
He stood and started gathering up his clothes.
Joker stared up at him.
"Where are you going?... To try to find him? Why? The damage is already done batsy."
Batman started pulling his suit on, "I should find him anyway."
Joker nodded happily, "Have you actually watched the video anyway?"
Batman nodded.
"Don't we look good together bats? Did you see my comment?"
"What comment?"
Joker looked away in an effort to remember it, "something along the lines of 'wow we look so good together, can't wait till we next meet up.' I'd have thought you'd seen it?"
Batman exhaled angrily, "no I didn't read any of them, I can't believe you left a comment..."
Joker gave into his laughter and fell back, onto the floor, "oh you can't believe the bad man- murderer- insane asylum escapee did something you don't approve of? You make me laugh!... Oh and if you didn't like that, them I'm glad you didn't read the comments, they where all along the same lines as that, some where worse, or just plain rude!"
Batman grunted.
It was true, he shouldn't expect Joker to act in a way he would approve.
He couldn't really believe he had, kind of, expected him to.
"Can you just get rid of the video? I'm gunna find Penguin anyway, give him a bit of a talking to."
Joker sat back up and watched Batman leave the room, "here, same time tomorrow then bats."
"Yeah."
...
Batman had scoured the city and been unable to find Penguin, so he'd decided to look for Catwoman instead, maybe she had heard something of him.
He'd prepared himself for her angry jibes about the video.
She scowled at him.
...God she looked pissed...
"Hi Batman, out from the Jokers clutches are you? Not that you minded being in them."
Yep there we go... first thing she said...
"Hello Selina..."
"Did you come to tell me you're breaking up this weird little relationship we're having? And tell me why?"
"No. I've not come to do that, firstly I've come to tell you I'm sorry about what happened with Joker, I was pushed into it."
She scoffed, and gave a small nod, "you didn't look very unhappy about it in the video, in fact you seemed to be the driving force."
Batman looked down ashamedly, "... I enjoyed it at the time..." He mumbled.
Catwoman looked as if she might throw up, "You're disgusting... After all the things he's done?"
"I know... I need to find Penguin. Do you know where I might find him?"
She laughed mockingly, "I'm not gunna tell you! Not now."
Bruce grunted, "and I guess there's no way I'll be able to persuade you?"
She shook her head angrily.
"... I spent a week with you, last month... Sleeping in the same bed as you... Then I hear nothing from you for ages... Then I see that? Bruce? And you come to talk to me, and its not even about anything important? Of course you won't be able to persuade me!"
Batman glared at her, "This is important..."
And with that he left.
...
...
He'd spent the rest of the night reading the comments people had left on the video of him and Joker, he also sent several e-mails to Selina trying to explain what had happened.
Joker was right about the comments.
Each one made him feel worse about himself.
He even found one written in, what he thought was, Damien's writing style.
'How could Batman do that, he's supposed to keep criminals away from us, not fuck them!'
It was timed 10:37am.
Before they had talked.
Even so it made him feel terrible.
He hardly slept that night.
He kept waking up feeling sick... ...
Joker on the other hand.
He couldn't have slept better.
When he'd gone to hack the video he'd found that it had spread.
It had spread to many other sites, and been uploaded by many different users.
There was even some remix versions...
It'd only been, what?
28 hours?
It would be impossible to take them all down.
Joker giggled to himself.
Batman was going to be sooo pissed!
He sat down with a nice cup of hot chocolate, with whipped cream and marshmallows, and watched some of the funnier remix versions.
He fell asleep at the computer.