He placed Catwoman in the passenger seat.
He had to get her to the batcave.
Her arm looked horrible.
It was broken so badly, the bone had come through her skin a little.
It was bleeding terribly...
He wrapped a length of fabric around her arm in an attempt to stop it.
She moaned in pain.
"It's ok Selina, honey, I'll fix it."
He leaped into the seat beside her and sped off to the bat-cave.
"Alfred!" He shouted into the intercom.
"Get the medical supplies out. Now!"
"Yes sir"
He couldn't believe this had happened.
He had let this happen.
He shouldn't have broken it off with Joker.
Hundreds of people had died in the downtown fires.
Selina's arm was broken.
And her best friend was dead.
Bruce hadn't even known her name.
He parked the bat-mobile and gently lifted Catwoman out of her seat.
And placed her on the bed that Alfred had brought in.
He checked her arm for any other damage.
"Ok, Selina, this is going to hurt, a lot. I've got to set the bone ok?"
She nodded, already crying.
Bruce took her arm and pulled until the bone was back in place.
She screamed in pain.
"It's ok, it's ok it's done."
He started cleaning the massive wound.
"I'm sorry Bruce... this is all my fault..." She sobbed
"How's it your fault?"
She wiped the tears from her face.
"If I hadn't made you break up with him then none of this would have happened. And Rachel would still be alive."
"You can't blame yourself. He's the person who fucking did it."
She looked up at Batman, wincing as he wrapped her arm in bandages.
"You blame yourself for what he's done. Why can't I blame myself too?"
Batman sighed.
"I have a right to blame myself. I created him..."
She looked away.
"I can't believe Rachel's dead... She's been my best friend for... ever."
Bruce finished tying the bandages, and put her arm up in a sling.
Alfred walked in, holding two cups of scolding hot tea.
"How bad is it sir?"
"Better now I've set the bone... Though Selina you're going to have to not move your arm for about 6 weeks."
Bruce sipped his tea.
"Sir what are you going to do about Joker?"
"I've got to put him back in Arkham I guess. I should have done that in the first place..."
Selina scoffed at him.
"Why bother? He'll just get out again..."
"I know, but that's all I can do."
"Can't you just talk to him? You've never actually done that. You just find him, beat him up and put him in prison."
Bruce chuckled at the thought.
"You can't talk to Joker."
"That's what he thought about you, so he knocked you out and tied you up so he could talk to you."
"Even if I did, what would I talk to him about?"
Damien ran down the stairs.
Stopping by his father.
An alarmed and disgusted look on his face again.
"Dad, that user, who uploaded the video... of you and Joker. He's uploaded another video with you in, please tell me you didn't do it again..."
Bruce looked over at Selina and Alfred, slightly alarmed.
"No I didn't. Get it up on the Bat-computer."
The child walked hesitantly over to the computer, and started typing in the web address.
The video appeared on screen.
Damien hit play and then turned away from the screen, in case it was another video of Batman and Joker together.
But it wasn't.
It was of the fight Batman and Joker had had only half an hour ago.
They watched it through.
Silent apart from a couple of disgusted grunts from Damian and Alfred when Batman kissed Joker.
"Why did you kiss him? Why didn't you just throw a batarang at him?"
Bruce had his head in his hands.
"I didn't want to risk Selina getting shot."
"But he shot her anyway, so what was the point."
He sighed.
"Can we just leave it please, I was doing what I thought was best at the time."
Selina sat up, re-adjusting her arm.
"So Joker definitely thinks penguin did it?"
"Seems so." Bruce was relieved by the change of subject.
"But I don't see what we can do about him now, the damage is done now, and he won't learn anything if I do find him."
Selina laughed, "this whole thing with Joker's changed you Bruce, time was you wouldn't hesitate to go and teach penguin a lesson."
Bruce sighed.
"I suppose, but it just doesn't seem the right thing to do at the moment, I mean; if the press found out I beat a man up just because he made me look bad they'd have a field day. With this whole Joker thing their already saying I'm as mad as him, if I beat Penguin up for almost no reason they'll have everyone believing that..."
"So are you going to find Joker and try to talk to him?"
Bruce nodded, he'd already started collecting his gear.
"Yeah, I might as well try..."
Damian laughed mockingly, "You're going to talk to him? You expect him to just sit there and listen?"
"No, I'm going to have to make him listen."
...
Joker was sitting on his blue chair with a laptop on his lap, chatting online to Penguin.
Penguin had just uploaded the video.
'R u gunna jus sit an w8 4 Batman?'
'Yh y not? it'l be funny!'
'Jus seems a bit stupid, u'l jus gt put bk in Arkham.'
'I dont rlly care, but itl be nice to hv a bit of a fight.'
'K bt jus dont kill him in my house, I dnt need the bad publicity.'
'Yh yh, I no the rent agreement Hahah.'
God talking to him was boring.
With him it was always about money or publicity in the end.
Never about the chase.
Never about fun.
And if he did find something funny there was his laugh.
His horrible, horrible laugh.
It sounded like someone hitting a seal in the face with a spade.
Not at all amusing.
Joker sighed.
Batman would come after seeing the video posted online.
Just like he did last time.
But in the mean time he should clean this place up.
Blood was still all over the floor.
...
He was going to have to knock him unconscious and tie him up.
Maybe even gag him if he wouldn't shut up.
What do you say to a man who can't reply?
What do you say to a maniac like Joker?
He suddenly realised he didn't have a clue.
No idea what to say at all, not even a template.
He'd have to make it up as he went along.
He parked the bat-mobile and walked to the rundown bungalow style house.
It was still missing its door so he was able to enter easily.
And silently.
He hugged the wall.
The large first room wasn't very well lit, so it was easy to stay in the shadows.
He watched Joker cleaning, bathed in the dim light of the open laptop.
Whistling and humming to himself.
Bruce sighed quietly as he watched him.
He tried to clear his mind.
He leaped from the darkness, delivering a sharp, hard blow to he base of Jokers skull.
And Joker fell to the floor.
...
He came to.
The room was dark, the only light came from holes in the roof.
He tried to move.
But he was restrained somehow.
He'd been tied to the floor.
"Damn it..."
He looked around.
He could make out the shape of Batman sitting, rigid on the blue chair.
"... Batman, baby, why have you tied me up?... And taken my clothes?"
Batman's glowing eyes stared at him through the darkness.
"I've blotted out the camera, and destroyed the microphones too, just so you know, so you and Penguin won't be able to upload this."
Joker chuckled.
He shrugged slightly, tugging gently at the ropes to see if they had any give.
Batman smirked.
"That's not going to work."
"Fine, I'll co-operate. But I told you I didn't upload it and it's true, I didn't know anything about the first one, but the second one was my idea, I just wanted to get you back here, and it worked didn't it?"
Batman stared down at Jokers limp body.
"But why? Why did you want me back here, Joker it's been decades and I hardly know anything about how your mind works, I don't know anything about you at all really. I didn't even notice you had that dragon tatoo on your back till the last time we... were together."
Batman shifted in his seat.
"You were right, you can't know anything about someone if you're always worried about where their fists are."
"So what? You wanna get to know me now then? What happened to 'I can't willingly continue'?"
"I can't, but if you're forcing me to, by threatening innocent peoples lives, I have no choice."
Joker chuckled again, slightly louder this time.
"Well, not once have I actually threatened anyone. But you knew last time you... Broke up with me, that I'd get pissed and kill a bunch of people, whats to stop you doing it again?"
"I've... Umm... Been given orders... Permission."
Joker sighed.
"So you're here because your girlfriend told you to come?"
Batman made an assertive grunting noise.
"She doesn't want anyone else to get hurt, so I'm doing this for her."
Joker started struggling, "let me free, Batman!"
Batman stood up, "I will, when I know you won't leave."
Joker let out a slight growl.
"You're going to keep me captive? Why not just send me back to Arkham?"
"You're being too unpredictable at the moment, I don't trust you with them while you're like this."
Joker giggled.
"What are you afraid they'll loose me?"
"Yes, or that you'll 'get pissed and kill a bunch of people' I think I've learned a lesson from earlier."
Joker tossed, still trying to loosen the ropes that snaked round his wrists and hands.
"How about you don't let me go, just make the ropes longer so I can sit up? Laying like this is really hurting my back."
"I suppose, but no... Funny stuff."
Joker started laughing.
"And you cannot have your clothes back."
"Ahh please...? I'm getting cold."
Batman slowly shook his head, "no, I know what sort of crazy stuff you have in those pockets."
Joker giggled again, "oh really? 'Coz I'm not even sure any more, I lost track years ago."
"Amongst the rubbish I have already found a lump of C4, a pack of batteries and some really questionable meats."
Joker rolled his eyes, "yeah, Harley used to put sarnies in my pockets for me to eat when I went out, but I hardly ever ate them."
Joker watched as Batman pulled the fridge/freezer from the kitchen and blocked the front door.
"Honey, you take the fun out of everything. Now how am I supposed to escape?"
Batman chose to disregard that comment.
He walked over to Joker.
He checked Jokers hands, making sure there was no way he could free himself, the rope was tied so heavily Joker could barely move his fingers.
He released one of the ropes from the floor, tying it to a longer one.
He repeated this with the other 3 ropes.
Joker now had enough room to sit, possibly stand.
"Understand that this is a goodwill gesture Joker."
Joker sat up, giggling, "yes, and I'm sure I'll be getting a lot more of them from you wont I babes?"
Batman grunted angrily.
"Joker, this isn't going to be some kind of... sex holiday for you. This is so I can figure out what your intentions are, and work out whatever the hell this is."
Joker giggled again, "Fine, fine, sure, you becha. You say that now but just wait till I show you my best moves, you'll be up for anything."
Batman tried to stay calm, he wasn't going to get riled up by him.
"Do do you want some tea or coffee Joker? I don't want you to feel neglected."
The clown let out another suggestive giggle, "Oh there are lots of ways you can keep me happy, baby."
Batman walked to the kitchen, keeping an eye on the madman.
"Ok, tea. Do you want biscuits too?"
"Oh I want lots of things from you, honey"
Why was he doing this?
Making all these cheap innuendos.
Batman didn't reply, and walked back to Joker with some sweet tea and custard creams.
"Here you go."
Joker struggled to hold one of the biscuits.
He kept almost dropping it.
"Should I help you with that? You seem to be having some trouble."
"Oh there are lots of things you can help me with, darling."
Batman grunted, "Joker are you trying to get me to hit you?"
Joker chuckled, "if that's what you're into, my little bat."
"Is that what you're into? Do you want me to hit you 'coz you get some sort of sick thrill from pain?"
"Heheh, I don't know a single person that doesn't get some sort of thrill out of pain. Causing it, receiving it, either one."
"That's disgusting."
Joker turned to face Batman, half a biscuit sticking out of his mouth.
"I know you get a kick from being with me."
Batman's face contorted, "no I don't."
Joker laughed, "yes you do, I could feel it when I touched you."
He mimed holding Batman's hips.
"No I don't Joker."
Joker started running his hands up and down Batman's imaginary torso.
"Well what about when I kissed you earlier? You can't say you didn't feel something from that? I saw how you reacted, and in front of your girlfriend."
"Joker stop this. Stop that."
Joker smirked, "what? You mean this:" he started running his hand over the imaginary torso more slowly, started thrusting slightly, he looked away from Batman, biting his lip slightly, looking down at the non existent Batman in front of him, he started giggling.
"Stop it!
"It was about here:" he made a large, slow thrusting motion into the imagined Batman, "you started quaking, moaning."
Joker let out a loud, lustful noise, "like that. God doesn't it turn you on just thinking about it."
He let out a happy grunt, a smile tearing across his face.
"Joker stop it!"
Joker giggled, thrusting harder and faster, "nope, don't want to, this is just too good. Don't you agree Batsy?"
"I've already admitted that kissing you is better than kissing Catwoman, isn't that enough? Now stop it!"
Joker looked over at Batman, his face split by his smile, "would you say I'm a better fuck than her?"
"Joker no, I not doing this."
"Then I'm not going to stop." He continued thrusting and running his hands over the air Batman, "I can do it all day, and night, I can even do it whilst drinking my tea."
He picked up his tea and continued thrusting while drinking it, spilling some on himself as he did so.
Batman couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at seeing this, Joker smiled at him, "see? Not so bad am I? Could I have a towel, or something?"
Batman picked up Jokers shirt, which had been thrown on the floor, and mopped up the tea spilt down Jokers front.
"Damn that's my favorite shirt. I'll be sending you the bill Batsy."
Joker placed the now empty cup of tea on the floor, "I'm bored. Whadda you wanna talk about?"
"I don't know. What happened to doing that all day and night?"
"I could continue if you want?"
Batman shook his head, "please don't..."
Joker chuckled, "what would you rather be? A giraffe or a dolphin?"
"Why are you asking stupid questions?"
"Giraffe or dolphin?"
"Dolphin."
Joker smiled, "yeah me too. See how alike we are?"
"We're not alike Joker. Maybe in tiny aspects we're similar but we're completely different overall."
"Yeah but a lot of tiny things add up to one massive thing. We're almost the same person, I bet you'd kill your mum for a slice of cheese."
"Shut up Joker!" Batman threw a punch at Jokers head, knocking him forward, the ropes were the only thing making sure he didn't fly across the room.
"Oh, beating your prisoners now are you? Hmm, it seems I hit a nerve with that mother crack. Why? Did you kill her for a slice of cheese?"
Batman sat back on the sofa, refusing to talk to Joker.
They sat in near silence for several hours, Joker eventually curled up in a ball and fell asleep.
Bruce sat in silence watching him sleep.