Disclaimer: The original manga, Naruto, is the work of Kishimoto Masashi. Characters and settings have been adapted without authorization or approval, and I am making no profit from their use.
"Two in the Bush"
"But why did they name the bridge after you?"
"What do you mean, why'd they name the bridge after me?"
"I mean, why?"
Boys would bicker, Karin thought, rolling her eyes. Why did it really matter that some random bridge builders had taken a shine to Sasuke's tag-a-long Blondie? As far as she could tell, he had the IQ of mashed potatoes, but she'd seen him fight while she monitored their approach to the prison. He was anything but half-assed, and the rest of him wasn't that bad either.
Meanwhile, questions from Fishy and Blondie repeated like seagulls bickering over scraps: barely too annoying to fade into the background. Listening to them natter made it feel like half a month had passed since leaving Orochimaru's prison, not half a day. But whatever. It meant she didn't have to deal with the pale, slimy bastard herself, and thus her only competition for Sasuke's one hundred percent complete attention was The Bitch. That was as good as winning. No way was the Pink Thing, with her nothing curves and her giant head, any kind of long-term competition. She was always telling Blondie they'd have to go back to Home Sweet Konoha soon.
Really soon. Like today.
No problem at all.
And holy fucking shit, Sasuke had gotten hotter or something since their last mission. There was a strange, subtle hum in the air, like his massive hotness was now an area-effect weapon - and she wasn't talking about some exploding tag. He'd transformed into a walking, talking, jounin-level firestorm sex bomb. With very sigh and every step, he left waves of carnal devastation rippling in his wake - mostly 'devastating' her while everyone else could manage normal conversation. Karin was used to other people lacking a sensor's magic touch, but this was ridiculous.
One false move, and she might plausibly start orgasming from exposure in a senseless heap on the floor. The past few hours at ground zero had been nothing but a constant build-up of sexual tension that wasn't going to get any relief until she'd had a good shot at Sasuke behind a closed door. Or on a couch... on the floor... She wasn't picky. What she needed, like a storm cloud needed to thunder and rain, was a chance to get Sasuke on his own and work him up for a little one on one.
"Would you idiots keep it down?" Sasuke snarled at Suigetsu and the blond. "Help or shut up," he demanded, and jabbed at the map of the Northern Laboratory.
For a moment, the only sound was Suigetsu slurping some water out of the cup that seemed permanently attached to his hand. Blondie, meanwhile, smiled at Sasuke, yellow hair and orange jacket looking pale next to his bright grin, and he laced his fingers behind his head. "My bad," he answered. "So what's goin' on?"
That had to be the Naruto. If she remembered those Chuunin Exams, he and the Pink Thing had been on a genin team with Sasuke. No wonder Sasuke had been calling dibs on cutting Blondie's throat before he left for every mission in the field. Nothing said 'It's personal' like calling a kill.
He wasn't killing Blondie now, but given that Sasuke's genin team reunion had turned Orochimaru's nest into a gravel quarry, that was no shock. Those were the kinds of plans a ninja would hide. Besides, it would have been a shame for a piece of ass that fine to get wasted. Tan and effervescent wasn't to her taste generally, but right now she'd jump that at the bat of an eyelash. The 'garish and loud' thing was working somehow...
Of course, Blondie would have the Konoha Effect going for him. Inexplicable but anecdotally irrefutable: Konoha boys were measurably hotter than boys from other villages. Like Sasuke's brother - the most dangerous man in anybody's bingo book anywhere, and possibly also the hottest. She'd heard the stories about Itachi. Orochimaru wouldn't shut up about Itachi and how much he wanted to take him down. He was always talking about it.
All. The. Time.
Constantly.
If Konoha's number one bad-boy was half the man he sounded like, they were signing their own death warrants by looking for him, but she'd die with a smile on her face - because there was hot, and then there was Konoha hot.
Maybe right now Sasuke had her so worked up that she'd hit anything with a cock (except Suigetsu), but her theories on the Konoha Effect went all the way back to the Chuunin Exams. Three years ago, the only thing as noticeable as the universal Konoha hotness had been the 'essence of warm and fluffy'. Karin didn't know how the fluffy could tie into the hot, but they all radiated it. Even Sasuke had a trace still, and Blondie...
He was made of it, flickering blue and gold all around her. Looking at him made her feel snug all over, like he was a featherbed your lover had just rolled out of to take a shower. A kunoichi could get soft lazing about in a presence like his.
A rasping shiver shook her out of the moment's reverie. Was that... another chakra? Inside that ball of fluff? Something... Something that wasn't nice at all. Karin suppressed a shudder, backing away from the cold, sharp mass. It wasn't the Konoha boy she was feeling, that was for sure. What it was, she was certain she didn't want to know.
"You shouldn't even be here," Sasuke spat at his old teammate. "Just leave already." Neither Blondie nor Sasuke had noticed her staring, thank goodness. No, they were locked in an unrelenting boy-on-boy staring match, Sasuke's lip curled with a vicious ferocity that snapped Karin's unfairly tortured and strained libido right back into full drive.
Seriously, what had Sasuke done to himself? She'd been pretty damn horny at various points in the past, but this level of fuck-or-die heat shattered every memory she'd ever had of being turned on.
"Say, Sasuke..." Karin leaned over the map with a big smile, and posed carefully to highlight both her attention to duty and her ample bosom. "I remember the southern gate is the most accessible, and there's an easy approach from the beach here."
He didn't show a hint of breaking his stare with Blondie, she noticed with a sigh. Still, she'd get him in the end, assuming she didn't go crazy with waiting.
"We could use a list of probable defenses," the Bitch said.
Sasuke nodded, and turned back to the map. Great. So the Pink Thing got a response, did she? And where had the Konoha Princess been all these years while she'd been working her way up through Orochimaru's ranks, just to get closer? She'd show Sasuke who really cared, and it wasn't some bitch with a forehead as wide as her ass. "What's this 'we', huh?" Karin shot back, and crossed her arms over her chest. "I thought you were ditching us to run back to your precious Hokage."
Screw her little holier-than-thou pose, the way she popped her heel - oh, so demure - and the big green eyes looking like Karin was some piece of crud to clean off Sasuke's shoe. And screw the snippy-sweet tone in the Bitch's voice, too. "Well, I simply can't stay longer without reporting in from our mission, but I still want to make sure that Sasuke's as safe as possible. He's-"
"Naruto, where did you keep your blank scrolls?" Sasuke interrupted, turning away from the table completely and rubbing his head like he was getting a headache. He'd been doing that all day, although he'd never been prone to headaches before.
Karin ran to Sasuke's side and checked his forehead for fever. "Are you feeling all right?" He wrested away almost immediately, but at least it got her a look and a shove that was dangerously close to a grope.
The Bitch had pulled something out of her hip pouch and was offering it from where she stood. "I've got pain relievers if that headache hasn't gone away."
"I'm fine, both of you," he answered, pushing Karin a whole step back. "Naruto?"
Blondie looked over and blinked his big, pretty, vacant blue eyes. "Eh? I've got blank scrolls in my bag. Why?"
"Because I need one." Sasuke shoved his old teammate on the shoulder to get a better shot at rifling through the pouch on his ass. That left Blondie to start up another staring match with Suigetsu, who had stopped questioning him about the whole bridge thing and was squinting at him silently like some strange breed of fish. A fish with a sippy cup and a loud slurping habit.
Meanwhile, the Bitch was still studying the map like she was part of this team. Who did she think she was, moving in on Sasuke like that? She couldn't claim she didn't have a thing for him. It was all over her wide, ugly face, but she'd had her chance three years ago. Sasuke ran with a different crowd now.
"Can I help you with something?" The Pink Thing's dewy eyes were friendly and helpful - helpful like all she'd want was to 'help' her new 'friends' get themselves impaled on the lamppost outside the inn.
Karin replied with her best smile. "Oh, no. I was just kind of wondering what shampoo you use on your hair. It's so shiny."
"Oh, thanks." The Bitch smiled back and tossed her head. It was a fake smile, but at least they were on the same page. "It's really nothing special. I just have to say, though... Those shorts look fantastic on you. Where on earth did you get them?"
"Around. You know," Karin laughed. "And they were totally on sale, too."
Finally the Bitch went back to whatever she was doing and Karin could steal another glance at Sasuke digging through Blondie's hip pack. Her dark-haired prince seemed to think his tag-a-long organized his weapons inefficiently, if she had to judge from the low-voiced mutterings drifting over to the table, but so what? She'd be happy to watch Sasuke handle the Konoha boy's ass all night if he had to.
"What the fuck?" Sasuke pulled something out of the blond's pouch that wasn't a scroll of any kind. "Naruto. Is this what I think it is?"
It was a Konoha headband - that much was obvious. The metal looked clean, though there was something dull about it, as if it hadn't seen the washing of wind and time and blood. A mark across the leaf that should have sent any Konoha shinobi to the quartermaster for a new headband was the only scratch, too - none of the traces of a shinobi's career anywhere. Whatever it was, Sasuke recognized it, and he wasn't amused.
He thrust the blue headband forward so the blond barely had to turn to see it. "Is what- Eh? It's your forehead protector. What else would it be?"
Karin didn't even have time to finish thinking, "...Oh" before Sasuke had Blondie pinned against the table and the thought transformed to, "Oh my!"
"Why the hell would you have something like this?" he demanded, his voice in a raw bellow that Karin had never thought to hear from the cold-blooded shinobi she adored. His pale skin had turned visibly white in the knuckles where he'd twisted his hands so tight in the fabric of Blondie's jacket that she was surprised the seams hadn't burst.
"Not again..." Suigetsu groaned, wandering to a nearby chair to work on his sippy cup. "They are so gay."
Naruto, pushed off the table so he was nose to nose with Sasuke and yelled, "Well, it's yours!" loud enough to hurt. And if her eyes weren't playing tricks on her, the whisker-like marks she'd thought were tattoos had started to darken and grow. Sasuke released his grip on the blond's jacket long enough to slam his shoulders against the table. Good thing it was made of thick wood.
There was absolutely no doubt. That was the Naruto that Sasuke had claimed out of all the opponents they might meet on the battlefield. There had always been a subtle flare in his chakra when he'd given those orders, and now it was erupting all through him. He was brighter, like he was reflecting the shine that seemed to pour out of Blondie like a geyser. She'd never seen Sasuke so vibrant. All in all, this little trip was like a dream come true.
"How many times do I have to say this, Naruto?" The way Sasuke narrowed his eyes like he was thinking about ripping out the blond's throat was kind of electrifying. And she had a front-row seat! Lucky!
"Sasuke..."
She wasn't reading an ounce of killing intent off either of them, despite the power flowing through all their muscles, despite the determination letting Blondie strain up, despite Sasuke's arms shaking with effort to keep him down. Just... well, maybe she was a complete pervert, but that was total sex. The arch of Sasuke's neck where his collar fell back, the tremble on both their lips as they breathed heavy and hard, the splay of Naruto's legs looking for purchase on the table where they pulled his pants tight enough to show that hint of package... It was beautiful - and strange - how Konoha people fought.
And kind of seriously hot.
Sasuke turned his non-death glare at the gallery, then pulled Naruto silently off the table - moment, alas, paused. "Okay, let's go," the Bitch sighed and pushed on Karin's shoulder. "The boys need some alone time to work out their issues."
Well, she hadn't needed some pink-haired, green-eyed, half-demon snob to tell her Sasuke didn't want people around while he was bickering with Blondie. But why? Why? She'd never seen two Konoha shinobi scuffling to get their rocks off before, only kill-or-be-killed fights against other nations. The idea of two highly skilled ninja fighting, not on orders and not to kill but because they couldn't stand not to throw each other around until they were both worn ragged... That sounded like the best porn ever. But on top of the look in Sasuke's eyes, there was the chakra-enhanced force in the Pink Thing's hand. She knew better than to grapple with someone as stupidly strong and short-tempered as the Konoha Princess. Besides, if she wanted to ogle the oddly pornographic image of two pretty, pretty Konoha boys fighting, she could spy on them from the next room. It wouldn't be hard, given the way both of them had their chakra raging.
While the Bitch pulled Suigetsu out of his chair, Karin kept her eyes on the two boys getting in each other's faces. The blond said something to Sasuke too softly for her to hear just before her flat-chested rival shut the door, but even through the solid wood she could hear Sasuke yelling back, "What the hell do you know?" loud enough to set the rafters singing.
Karin tuned to their chakra as soon as they got to the common room, happy as peaches. Suigetsu headed the bunks everybody but Sasuke shared and slammed the door - bonus! - leaving her to ignore the Bitch and watch hot action of two Konoha chakras assaulting each other at full force.
"That doesn't matter!" Blondie's voice, though muffled by the closed room, was more than loud enough to understand, and the sounds of a scuffle echoed softly under his yells. Sasuke and Naruto's centers of energy - easy to differentiate by flavor - were pacing around what had to be the table now. Staring each other down, guards up, legs tight and ready to spring. Ooh, and that was Sasuke tossing Blondie at the wall, then dragging him up by the collar. The shock in that crash was better than chocolate. Now, never let it be said that she didn't get off on violence, but that energy was a quintessence of what had been laying her libido to waste all weekend. Someone should have been bottling Konoha Fight as an aphrodisiac for years.
Unsurprisingly, she couldn't hear what Sasuke was saying when their chakras got all knotted up in the press of bodies. He wouldn't yell from that close. Before this, she never heard him yell at all. He always had it together.
Except when it came to that blond.
"It doesn't bother you that Sasuke might kill your little boyfriend?" Karin mused aloud, and caught the Bitch's eye. Pink Hair was writing a letter - probably another message to her Hokage, keeping Konoha informed of Sasuke's whereabouts and plans. The sooner he faced up to where her true loyalties were, the better. "You know, that's the only thing he ever tells anyone about Konoha - that you guys have a ninja named Uzumaki Naruto whose life is his to take." Poison-green eyes narrowed across the table at her. What did she think she knew? Any chuunin could determine whether a fighter had the balls to kill, but she couldn't claim to have Karin's level of sensitivity to what was and was not killing intent. The Bitch would be guessing at best, and it was worth the half-lie to drive home the fact that Sasuke never talked about her while he'd been in Sound.
But she had some nerve on her; Karin had to give the Pink Thing that much. After the comment sent a palpable ripple through her stone-smooth chakra, she locked it down immediately and her face didn't even twitch. "Sasuke might not know, but I do. When he has a choice between killing Naruto and not killing Naruto, he chooses the same way every time. He's just trying to make Naruto give up." With a bright, sunny smile, she turned away and picked up her pen. "For Naruto, that's not a choice."
"You really think you know him, don't you?"
This time, Karin had earned the Bitch's full attention; she pushed her letter aside and turned as she recrossed her legs so the two of them were eye to eye. "So, I guess if you know him better, you must know what they're arguing about in there."
Self-righteous, pink-haired, flat-chested skank. Maybe he didn't kill Naruto because now he knew it wasn't necessary, and he didn't like to kill when it wasn't necessary. Orochimaru had scolded him for that often enough.
Not that Blondie didn't get under Sasuke's skin. Anyone with eyes could see that. But a girl who'd been living in a different world all this time would never get the satisfaction of thinking Karin didn't know everything there was to know. A Konoha headband, right? Sasuke's headband, which Naruto had been holding onto for years. A gash through the leaf emblem that wouldn't have lasted two seconds between missions. It all added up. "They're arguing about the day Sasuke left Konoha, obviously."
She'd expected vexation when she got it right, but hadn't been expecting the other kunoichi's eyes to cloud over with pain. One verbal dart shouldn't have disturbed her chakra that much; her control was what put her in the big leagues. Pain like that, from mentioning how Sasuke had left...
Well, can I blame her? If I'd-
What would it get any of them to compare how she would have felt? She turned her eyes back on the closed room to drive it out of her head. There, the two chakras tangled on the floor, wrestling to subdue the other with the occasional crash against furniture or thump against a wall punctuating the exchange.
"When the Kakashi-sensei found Naruto at the Valley of the End..."
The kunoichi had a quiet seriousness that crawled under Karin's skin and that she couldn't manage to ignore, as hard as she tried.
"... he was unconscious - half dead."
The other girl put so much effort into making herself calm enough to say that, the strain resonated in the clean, precise strokes of her pen on paper.
"I think it might be harder to put Naruto in that state than it would be to kill him completely, especially since Sasuke could have finished him off before he ran."
Karin tried not to feel the sadness in the other girl's silence as she rolled up the letter. It was easier thinking these Konoha interlopers had no more true feeling for Sasuke than strangers, but she could feel emotion like a knife's edge despite herself. The boy, still chasing a battle that was long since lost. The girl, used to looking at someone who was always looking at someone else.
"Sasuke doesn't want Naruto dead," the Konoha girl concluded in her strangely even voice, "and I hope that never changes."
A door slam ended the quiet yet decidedly uncomfortable conversation, thank goodness. Karin was practically dying to turn away from the pink-haired girl...
... And there was Sasuke pacing down the hallway, fighting an urge to choke a bitch. She could tell, because she could see his muscles tense across his cream-worthy shoulders that she could see because his shirt was hanging from his fist. Sasuke. Half-naked, right down to the tight black gauntlets tracing up his arms. She couldn't remember having a thought in her brain besides, 'Thank you, O Powers that Be!' She'd missed the end of the fight, unfortunately, but she still got to see shirtless Sasuke, and wasn't that a fair trade?
But does that mean I missed naked arguing? Not that I'm complaining, but ... naked arguing? I was joking when I said them fighting would be porn!
Then Blondie came out after him, slamming the door and following Sasuke down the hallway. Likewise sans shirt. Both of them bruised and cut up in only the non-swelling, sexy ways. All attempts to explain or justify, Karin shunted aside. Those two could have naked arguing any time they wanted, as far as she was concerned. Hot and bloody, skin on skin, lean-built ivory on ripped tan? Watching that might just be a heretofore unexplored definition of heaven.
"Sasuke! What's the matter?"
Her prince stopped so suddenly that Blondie ran into his back. Hand at his temple, rubbing at that headache that wouldn't go away, he hissed, "I said no, I mean no, and I want you the fuck out of here now."
"I don't understand!" Naruto pulled Sasuke's arm so they were face to face, both pushing into each other's inches and not giving any ground. The boundary between their chakras was bubbling and steaming every which way in a frenzy of colors. She couldn't remember ever having seen that kind of feedback firsthand, but then, Karin had never felt Sasuke strain so hard to keep himself under control. She struggled just to breathe under their weight.
Sasuke grabbed a fistful of Blondie's waistband, nose to nose and almost mouth to mouth while they bickered. "I can't go back, Naruto!" He sounded like he wanted to rip the blond's head off even more than he looked it. "You are going to walk out that door, and you're going to forget that any of this ever happened."
Naruto didn't back down, and quite frankly that was no problem. The tension shooting between their faces, in distance to breathe each other's breaths, was enough to make Karin's week.
"I'm not forgetting anything! And what does-"
"What the hell kind of jackass do you think I am?" Karin gripped at her seat. No one did this to him. No one made him lose his cool. She would have killed to be able to get Sasuke to flip out like that. That blond...
Naruto gritted his teeth and snarled. "The same kind you've always been!" He pushed right back into Sasuke's face... and... into his arms? There was really no mistaking the way Sasuke's hand stroked across the blond's back. Likewise the desperate look she never thought she'd see in Sasuke's eyes, nor the way he bit his lip before he got a hold of his senses and shoved Naruto up against the wall. Even if she could have missed that, she never would have missed the ripple of pure lust erupting all through both of their chakras - which only Sasuke felt compelled to try to cage in.
He~llo. She couldn't just be seeing things through sex-colored glasses, not with that. And it was perfect. What the hell! Sasuke could have told her he had a boyfriend! Especially a boyfriend with as great an ass as Naruto's.
"What does you being a jackass have to do with anything?" the blond demanded, as if he hadn't noticed Sasuke throwing him around. "You'll be a jackass wherever you are! You're not making any sense, Sasuke."
Tearing his eyes away from his old teammate didn't look easy, but far be it for Sasuke to forget that the hallway didn't have a door. "This isn't a show," he told her with a truly vicious edge on his glare. The Bitch, damn her non-sharing of important details, was busy writing little notes in her journal and ignoring the argument - which meant Karin got his full attention. Not that that was a problem. His dark eyes could cut through her anytime. That was o~kay.
Alas, arguing that it ought to be a show because it'd be the hottest ticket in any country wouldn't get her any more Konoha-on-Konoha action. She turned a full one-eighty and studied the table for some hint of a reflection. More the pity, there wasn't a single reflective surface anywhere she could use for spying. Audio only.
"I told you, Naruto, I'm not..." His voice trailed off, then he yelled at the top of his lungs. "Don't fucking look at me like that! I can't. There's no way."
"Can't what? You keep changing the freaking subject!" Karin strained her ears as the dialogue dropped off into silence. The low sounds of cloth against cloth against the wall were the easiest to hear, then the unique signature of a violent kiss - heavy breath and involuntary groans stifled by a lover's mouth. And the slight shift in the fabric rustling might be one of them holding on while the other tried to force his way out. "Sasuke..."
"That was the last time, Naruto. You don't want this."
"Like hell I don't."
The tumult of confused intentions seethed in Sasuke underneath the calm of his voice, throwing her so off balance that, before she'd realized it, Karin had started gripping her chair to say upright. She put up every wall she had to shut out the urge to scream 'Just go with him already!' Those were Blondie's emotions, and a bit of the girl's, she guessed. That wouldn't help. It'd only piss Sasuke off more, and she didn't even know if going back to Konoha was a good idea.
"I'm not explaining again," Sasuke snarled. A moment's scuffle sounded from the hall and fell to quiet footsteps. "And don't you ever lie to me."
"I never-!"
"Don't give me that shit! Since when do you want me? Huh, Naruto? Since when? What happened to Sakura?"
"She's right there! If you can't tell what she thinks, you can ask her yourself!"
"Why are you such an idiot?"
Sasuke's voice rang like thunder in the room - the kind that was just a bit too close behind the lightning and made you wonder if the fear would ever stop shivering from your neck to your toes. That confusion, bleeding through her shields from Sasuke's chakra no matter how hard she tried to block it. And the pain... If an old teammate brought a little light into Sasuke's life, great, but at that instant he felt like he had third-degree sunburn of the soul. It was a good thing she hadn't called out a second ago that Sasuke should just go home. She couldn't bear the thought of him living under that kind of heat.
Then there was the girl - Sakura... She had that sadness around her again, the strain of two men playing tug-of-war on a rope that tied all three of the Konoha ninja together.
Karin looked back to the hallway, not sure what she was hoping to see. Maybe that Sasuke wasn't about to succumb to spontaneous combustion. He wasn't, of course. His eyes were screwed shut and his hands tight around Naruto's throat. He had a lot of pride - too much for this. There was a solid chance he'd never forgive her for seeing him like that, but what was she supposed to do? Stop caring?
But even though she couldn't say why, watching them made Karin certain that Naruto wasn't the cause - she just had a sense. He was the one who could make Sasuke feel anything as deep down as that, while she hadn't even realized there was anything to worry about.
She hadn't felt this helpless since the day she'd first seen Sasuke smile.
Please, Sasuke. Don't push him out, too, she prayed inside her head. This time she was sure.
Like an answer from heaven, his grip relaxed, fingers curling into his friend's blond hair and hands cupping his face. Naruto's eyes closed, too, when Sasuke rested their foreheads together, and he wrapped his arms tight around the other boy's back. "I don't need someone like you," Sasuke whispered. His voice choked up in his throat, but the sound of it was nothing compared to the anguish ripping through him. Ripping through her - Karin couldn't stop it. All she could do was wince at the strike of a few warm tears falling on her thigh. "Just disappear already."
"Never. I told you, I'll-"
"You won't always be here!" Sasuke threw down his arms, and she snapped her eyes back to the wall and shut them tight. No taking chances with that mood. "You're leaving today, Naruto. Understand? This is goodbye. All this nonsense is over when you walk out the door."
"I'll never go back on my word! That's my w-" The blond's voice cut off, swallowed in the heartbeat when both their bodies hit the wall again. In the silence, Karin found herself crossing her fingers and hoping Naruto could keep that promise. The confused haze of Sasuke's mixed-up storm was clearing for the first time, all because of those few words.
"Moron," he murmured. "You need me to show you why this is a bad idea? Fine. Whatever. But don't say I didn't-" Silence fell again - what felt like an eternity but couldn't have been more than a breath. Then Sasuke growled. "Naruto..."
"What? You started it!"
"Not in the fucking hallway."
A rough grab and a surprised shout later, she heard a door slam hard against its frame. One of those boys was the world's luckiest idiot. At the moment, she was having trouble deciding which one. Over on the couch, on the other hand, it looked like someone was having trouble going back to her notes. A little bit of Sasuke's headache was rubbing off on the pink-haired ninja, but if there was one thing Karin knew how to do, it was clear the air.
"Hey, thanks for nothing, Bitch."
Sakura's head snapped right up and she clearly wished she really could shoot poison darts out of her eyes. "I'm sorry, Slut. Were you talking to me?"
"Don't even pretend you had no idea. I guess a quick, 'Give it up, chicky - he sucks cock,' was too much to ask, huh?"
"And I guess it never occurred to you that maybe more important things are going on here." The honest bile from the other kunoichi decimated the last of the lingering heaviness in the atmosphere. Thank goodness.
"Oh, please." With a sigh, Karin rolled her shoulders to drop all her excess tension and started pulling her hair up into a ponytail. For the first time in over a day, pent-up vibes weren't frying her brain like an egg in a volcano, and she was feeling almost normal. "Like getting Sasuke to go home had a-ny-thing to do with you stonewalling me - and for the record, I'm not gonna stop you, so you can take that ice out of your knickers any time you want. But whatever. I would have done the same thing if I were you."
Silence. And one hell of a deadly scowl while Pink Hair found something more fascinating to take notes on.
"Have it your way." Karin stood and stretched while she stole toward the hallway, then pivoted around a corner of the wall and whispered, "You know you want a peek. Come on!"
The Konoha girl blushed as red as her shirt, startled and aghast. "You're watching them?"
"There's a certain etiquette to situations that one does and does not put a chakra sensor into without a little warning. After everything they just put me through, you know what? I deserve to watch."
Despite the suspicious wonder overcoming the ire in the girl's eyes, Sakura kept her seat. Well, if her new sort-of teammate didn't want in, that was her loss.
Karin crept silently toward the sliding door. Opening the door a crack was just as touchy, but at least it was a paper screen and not a thick, wooden door on a hinge like the planning room. One miniscule push was more subtle than turning a handle and trying to get a door open to the right angle without being seen. She could make out Naruto's hair and part of his side. It was clear his pants were most of the way to the laundry pile, and his... well. Wow. She wouldn't have minded getting a lick on that popsicle one bit.
From the two boys' lips locked in a distracting kiss to Sasuke tugging Naruto's pants past his knees, this was a dream come true. The blond boy worked the knot on Sasuke's belt, and with a rough shove, Sasuke knocked Naruto onto his back to tear his pants the rest of the way off. Karin would have paid good money to see hard-breathing abs like those. "Wait up!" The blond pushed back onto his shoulders. "I can't- I mean, what kind of knot is that, anyway?"
"You are useless," Sasuke sighed. In all fairness, though, Kouzanchou-musubi was an A-rank knot - Karin had been studying for years how to untie it gracefully. Sasuke had picked that knot specifically because it was too secure for Orochimaru to do something to it without him noticing. But now, all of Sasuke's problems were over! The pants could finally come off! Karin ogled the fine lines of his back while he untied the belt himself and unwound it from his waist. Then he paused, just as he was dropping his ass-warmer, and looked straight at the door.
Oh, shit. Show's over.
"Can I help you?" Sasuke asked.
Karin pushed the door all the way open and smiled a big smile. No sense pretending she wasn't there, not when she was dealing with Sasuke. He looked extremely confused in her direction for a moment, and she took the opportunity for one good, long look at the tableau of hot, naked boys in a pile on the floor.
Prompting Sasuke to clear his throat and drop his ass warmer on top of his boyfriend's erection.
"Ah, right," Karin stalled. She pointed out into the entry way. "I sensed someone. Approaching. They were... ahh ... coming this way." At least she had an excuse she could always count on.
Sasuke's confusion changed to mild annoyance. "Are they attacking?"
"No, I don't think so," she answered with another smile.
Karin took one last opportunity to admire him turning back to his prior commitments and straddling his boyfriend (still sprawled on the floor). Limited time offer and all. Blondie waved, ears blushing bright red and an awkward grin on his face. Of course she had to wave back. That was super-fucking-cute. Sasuke, meanwhile, tossed his ass-warmer out of the way and shoved his own pants down around his hips, "Good. If they show up in the next few minutes, you handle it. We're busy."
"Sure thing!" Nobody could handle an imaginary visitor better than her. Karin shut the door with a solid thunk and turned back to the sitting room.
Where the pink-haired Konoha bitch was grinning like mad. About damn time.
She sunk into the next seat over on the couch with a sigh, happily replaying the scene from Sasuke's bedroom in her mind. "Oh man. They're totally fucking in there."
"Well, they've been two inches from tearing each others' clothes off all week." Green eyes that were now more curious than venomous shot her a sidelong glance. "So, now that you know how it is, you're just going to give up on Sasuke? Just like that?"
"Hell no!" she laughed back. "Holy shit, that was hot. I'm going for the full combi."
The girl's eyes went wide. "You're what? You mean... together? Both of them?"
"Did I say you weren't invited?" Karin pouted at the other kunoichi's blank shock. Oh, she was definitely going to have to do some work on her if that was a stretch of the imagination. "Come on! Like I want to break up the set. I thought Sasuke was great on his own. Sweet and cool," she said, remembering how his chakra presence felt when she'd seen him the first time, and when she'd come to Orochimaru to find him. "Like ice cream. But with Blondie in there... just wow. That's like... ice cream with hot fudge sauce. And you could have this great waffle cone thing going on. Trust me, I would do anything to be the cherry on that sundae."
The blinking and the uncomprehending stare were practically worthy of Blondie.
"What? You're cute enough when you're not being a bitch. I'd totally do you."
"Ah... thanks?"
"Just think about it." She pushed her glasses up on her nose, activating the chakra in her eyes at full force to get a look at what they were projecting through the walls. Watching Sasuke bend his head low between Naruto's legs didn't even require that much imagination. "Oh, nice," Karin giggled. "Actually, in that position, they're more like ice cream on hot apple pie. Now that's what I call a la mode."
Karin was dead certain the horrified blushing on the Pink Thing's face meant she was planning to object to the peeping - again. Then Blondie's voice echoed out into the main room in a choked gasp, like he was trying to say Sasuke's name but took a left turn towards Incoherentsville halfway through. She could hardly blame the girl for losing it in a fit of giggles. Sex noises were hilarious. Before long, they were both hysterical, fighting the laughter off as best they could to keep from disturbing the boys, and fighting harder to get a breath in edgewise.
Suigetsu walked a few steps out of his room, looking confused as he turned between Sasuke's door and the two girls laughing. "What the hell is that noise?"
Karin managed to get a straight face on first, but only kept it long enough to say, "Sasuke and Naruto. They're consummating their uncontrollable passion." That set the Konoha kunoichi to giggling again, and watching her try to stifle the sound made Karin start laughing out loud.
The white haired freak narrowed his eyes at them and turned back to his room. "Girls are weird."
Rolling her eyes, she whispered in the other girl's ear, "One of these days, he's going to wonder why he can never get laid, and I'm not going to tell him."
"Seriously." One ponderous jade-green stare and a troubled sigh later, she said, "You can't expect me to believe you'll let Sasuke go back to Konoha without a fight."
Oh, suspicion. That was so like a ninja.
"Believe me or don't. Your call," Karin answered with a shrug. She'd watched Sasuke get colder over the past three years, and she'd seen him come alive today because of his genin team, but she'd never seen a side of him she didn't like. Konoha might be good for him. Hell, it might be best for him, and she wasn't going to stand in the way of that. Still, it wasn't her village, and never seeing him again was one hell of a major downside.
Although... technically, she was minus a village at the moment.
"Hey, it's Sakura, right?" She sat up straight and intent, even consenting to ignore the hot sex in the next room. "What kind of immigration policy do you guys have?"
If she'd been suspicious before, the girl was now about ready to hit the proverbial panic button. "Immigration? I thought you said that our 'touchy-feely training made us soft and useless'."
"I was being a bitch, okay? Everybody who's even halfway sane thinks about moving to Konoha sometimes - and here I am, a free agent. I'm totally serious. Where do I sign up?"
"Excuse me if I'm blunt, but you worked for Orochimaru. Even Sasuke..." Sakura bit her lip and looked to the far wall, where Karin couldn't see her eyes. "The Hokage and Kakashi-sensei may be on our side, but that doesn't mean it'll be as easy as Naruto thinks. There are a lot of people in the village who won't accept him. I can guarantee you, those same people - and a lot more besides - would question whether you could have any loyalty to Konoha."
"You mean, people like you?" Without answering, the pink-haired kunoichi turned back to face her, gaze steady as could be. "See, I know you think Sasuke's a good bet, and I think I know how far you'd go for him. You came all this way, and I'll be damned if you didn't break orders doing it. So you'll understand when I say my loyalty's to him. Screw villages. I'm not asking 'cause I want a pretty leaf on a forehead protector. Sasuke's my teammate, too, and if I'm not going to leave him because he's dragging us all on some crazy suicide-revenge thing, why the hell would I leave him just because he wants to play house with his sweet-assed boyfriend back in the land where all the hot boys live? Seriously not a DQ, chicky."
Stunned stammering from her interlocutor. She'd been following with what looked like sympathy as far as 'loyal to Sasuke through anything', so that probably wasn't confusing her.
"Please tell me you've noticed," Karin sighed. Konoha girls were seriously spoiled if they didn't recognize that their dating pool was good enough to be called an employment benefit. "Like, ninety percent of people from your village are outright hot, and the rest are just kind of meh. No one too funny-looking, no one who's an eyesore or a total freak. And the jounin... I mean, holy shit. That Ibiki was unbelievable, not that you'd catch me saying no to Anko any day of the week. Maybe I was young and impressionable during the Chuunin Exams, and maybe I've been hanging around Orochimaru's freakshow too long, but I'm not wrong."
Sakura shook her head while she packed up all her papers. "You can't expect the Hokage to approve you for immigration because you think the boys are hot."
"And the girls," Karin reminded her, nudging Sakura's leg with her toe.
"It's crazy."
"So crazy, it just might work? Come on. I know you believe me."
"I believe what you said about Sasuke," she answered, and smiled a sad, placid little smile. "I don't know how far that'll get you, but... for my part, I'm glad someone will be looking after him."
Karin eased back onto the couch and took a quick look at the mingling chakras beyond the wall. Odd - she couldn't even see the dividing line anymore. They swirled around each other like ripples around rocks in the water, burning the whole way through. "You just keep Blondie alive," she told Sakura. "I don't think I want to see what'll happen if someone else kills him."
When she turned back, Sakura was smiling at her. Really smiling, with that 'sugar and spice and everything nice' flavor that leant itself so well to Konoha girls. "I think I can work with that," she said.
But before she could break up the saccharine atmosphere, Karin picked up a trace of something approaching fast. Apparently, she hadn't lied to Sasuke after all. She refocused on the chakra signature more closely to work out the particulars. "Someone's coming. One of yours. I assume you tipped someone off to our position?"
"I'd imagine Tsunade-shishou sent our teammate, Sai, although I'm surprised she'd send him alone. I wonder if it's Captain Yamato?"
Karin grinned. "There's another teammate, huh? So tell me. How hot's this Sai dude?"
"He's all right, I guess. Personality problems, but..." Then the pink-haired girl trailed off and started giggling again despite herself. "On an ice cream sundae, he'd be the nuts." Whether she was right or not, Karin was quite proud to have made a 'nice girl' think about orgies as ice cream sundaes. "But don't tell him that. He'd probably say, 'Why yes, I have nuts. Also a penis.' He's... special."
Whatever retort Karin could call to mind was cut off by Naruto letting out a loud moan and gasping Sasuke's name.
"Keep it down, would you?" Sasuke hissed, muffled by the knock from the front door. Sakura rushed over and cracked it open slowly, holding a finger to her lips to let their new visitor know to be quiet. From the next room, Sasuke went on in a barely audible tone. "I'm going to move. Are you ready?"
"It's fine, just move it-" Naruto said before his voice broke into another gasp.
The front door clicked shut, and Karin turned to see Mr. "All Right, I Guess" standing just inside the entryway. He was staring at the bedroom, which meant she got a good chance to examine him without him noticing. If that's what passed for "All Right, I Guess" in Konoha, those girls had definitely been spoiled by overexposure to hotness. Could his abs have been any tighter?
A puzzled look crossed the boy's face. "Is... Sasuke fucking Naruto?"
"So it would seem," Sakura replied, and her teammate looked more confused than ever.
"Huh." He dropped a huge, empty sack on the ground - plenty big enough to stuff a person in. "I always thought Sasuke would be the bitch."
"Sai!"
"What? Oh, I guess you didn't see the way he talked to Orochimaru, did you?"
Karin collapsed back on the couch in a fit of giggles. Sasuke had always talked back to Orochimaru like a bitchy mistress, even if he'd never let the snakey bastard get a hand on him.
So, so true.
"I guess he found Naruto's tiny penis unsatisfying to have up his ass," Ab-tastic Boy went on, unfazed. "It might not be long enough to get to any good parts, and he definitely doesn't have enough girth to-"
"What, are you crazy?" Karin cut him off with a wave of her hand. "I've seen a few cocks, and neither length nor girth was a problem on that boner."
The newcomer took a long look at her, then turned to Sakura to ask, "Who's the peeping titty?"
"She's part of the ex-Sound ninja cell Sasuke's putting together. Karin, this is my teammate, Sai. Sai, meet Karin."
"So, she's a friend?"
"Ah..." The other kunoichi studied her with an awkward smile. "Close enough, I guess."
At that glowing recommendation, Ab-tastic Boy and his tight pants walked over with a big smile. "Nice to meet you, Princess," the boy said, holding out his hand. As if he could sense the dubious expression on Sakura's face, he turned back to tell her, "The book I was reading said that, to forge a closer relationship with friends, I should start with calling them by nicknames."
Karin shook his hand, grinning ear to ear. "Right back at you, Sunshine."
"So, Naruto has a real penis after all. That's a shock." he said, polite as could be, then put a hand to his mouth and shouted toward the wall, "Grower not a shower, huh, Naruto?"
They all heard a loud crash from Sasuke's bedroom, and Karin nearly died laughing as the pink-haired girl jumped Sai to clap a hand over his mouth.
"What the... Shut the fuck up, Sai!" Blondie yelled, only to have the end of his words swallowed in a muffled moan and another crash.
Sakura, meanwhile, was hissing a lecture about what was and was not appropriate commentary to yell while their teammates got it on, and Karin was sure of one thing: After all this shit got wrapped up, Sasuke definitely had to get hauled back to Konoha, and she'd be damned if she wasn't going, too.