A/N: Thanks for the reviews :) They are much appreciated!

"And then he took her in his muscled arms, holding her close against his well defined chest –"

"You're crazy, you know that?"

Kurt, who'd been perched on a desk delivering his story to a rapt audience comprising of Tina, Artie and Brittany turned to Mercedes with an innocent expression.

"What?"

Mercedes put a hand on her hip. "You can have as many sexual fantasies about Puck as you want, but there's no way in hell he's getting it on with Rachel."

Kurt pouted and flipped his pashmina over one shoulder. "You ruin all my fun."

"How do you know?" Tina asked Mercedes and much to Kurt's outrage the group turned away from him to face the other girl.

"Are you blind people?" asked Mercedes incredulously. "I've never seen anybody glare at each other like those two do during Glee. The hate in the room makes me nervous."

"True" Kurt sniffed, "but at the same time you can hardly move for the sexual tension." This was said with only a slight tinge of jealousy. He'd accepted a long time ago that Puck just wasn't the gay sort and had resolved to wear Finn down instead.

Mercedes folded her arms. "Are you telling me that they've been screwing around behind our backs, Hummel? And just pretending to insult each other every single god damn minute?"

"Maybe not, but they're going to" said Kurt, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "My feminine intuition is aroused."

"Bullshit."

"We'll see…things round here are going to change." And with that ominous proclamation, he flounced out the room.

"He seriously needs to lay off those caffeine soda drinks" sighed Mercedes, shaking her head. "I think they've gone to his brain."

"He's just annoyed because we told him that under no circumstances were we wearing ostrich feathers for our mash up" said Artie.

"Hell no!" Mercedes agreed. "His wardrobe choices get more deranged every day."

Artie chuckled. "It's all good. Mr Schue gave him severe budget limitations."

"Thank God. He tried to get us to wear matching gold Lycra the other day. I mean I know glee club is all about expressing yourself, but I wish he'd do it a bit quieter. Where is everyone anyway?" Mercedes gestured around the empty choir room.

Tina looked up at the clock. "It's only three. The guys have football until quarter past."

"I know" said Mercedes, "but Mr Schue usually gets here before now and Rachel's always, like, insanely early."

"Well, if Kurt's "feminine intuition" is correct, then she's locked in the music storeroom making out with Puck" grinned Artie.

"Yeah, and we all know correct his predictions normally are" said Mercedes, rolling her eyes. "Remember the time he thought you and Quinn were getting it on?"

"I still don't know why you found that so funny" Artie grumbled. "It so could have happened. Chicks dig wheels."

"Well I think it would be cute if Rachel and Puck got together" said Tina.

At that moment Kurt re-entered the room carrying a skinny mochachino.

"Well I'm glad to hear someone agrees with me" he said, shooting Mercedes a superior look as he passed. "I always knew you had fabulous judgement Tina."

Tina smiled. "What makes you think Rachel likes Puck?" she asked curiously.

"Other than his divine body?" asked Kurt, as he perched himself on a desk. "Most likely it's his bad boy persona. I, for one, can completely understand why she would find that compelling. And what's more, I just heard some extremely interesting gossip in the hallway." He lowered his voice as he said this and the others were forced to lean in towards him in order to hear. "Apparently, Puck and Santana have –"

"'Sup losers."

"Eeek!" Kurt fell off the desk in surprise as Puck sauntered into the room with his usual greeting.

"What's up with Hummel?" he asked as Kurt hurriedly picked himself off the floor.

"Nothing of interest" said Kurt quickly, smoothing a stray lock of hair back into place and walking towards him, like a cat intent on its prey. "We were just discussing the, err, rumours that have been circulating about our very own Santana and a certain chemistry teacher…"

Puck frowned. "How'd you hear about that?"

"I have my sources" Kurt smirked. "At the risk of protecting their identities I won't name names. I'm sure they wouldn't want to find themselves waking up in a dumpster. You'll understand."

Puck shrugged and turned away from him. "Whatever."

"So are you and Santana not together anymore?" Tina asked him, exchanging a significant look with Artie.

"We were never together in the first place" Puck answered, wondering over to a desk and sitting down. "That's not the way I roll."

Mercedes shook her head. "Ignoring the fact that every girl in here should cut you for saying that, what she means is are you and Santana still seeing each other? Or have you moved on because of this chemistry guy?"

Puck ran a hand through his Mohawk, somewhat confused. "She only slept with Mr Dreamer to get her grade moved up to a B. Why would I stop hooking up with her? She's hot."

Kurt looked disappointed. "So there's no-one new in your life?"

"Are you hitting on me again, Hummel?"

"No" Kurt sniffed. "I know a lost cause when I see one."

"Good" said Puck, crossing his arms. "Because I am not down with you singing to me in the showers after football practise. Finn might put up with that musical theatre shit, but I sure as hell won't."

"That happened once" said Kurt with great dignity. "And I wasn't singing to you per say, you just happened to be there while I was practising my Celine Dion solo."

Puck shuddered at the memory. "You took my shower gel and used it as a prop." If he hadn't been naked at the time and aware that Kurt would probably have enjoyed it, he would have totally pounded on him.

"Where's Rachel anyway?" he asked hurriedly, not cool with the way Kurt was eyeing up his chest, evidently lost in his own memories of the shower incident. He was surprised that she wasn't here yet. She usually pounced on him the second he got through the door and began teaching him new breathing control techniques or some shit like that (this was another reason why she frequently made him want to set himself on fire. Along with her insistence that he help out at the Jewish community centre – not happening in a million fucking years – and the fact that she cock blocked him that time when he was hitting on a new blonde cheerio and she wouldn't stop lecturing him about the circle of fifths. Seriously. That actually happened).

Despite that, there was a part of him that always felt uneasy whenever he skipped rehearsal or slacked off during routines, like her nagging was actually starting to seep into his brain. Rachel Berry was becoming the voice of his conscience – although admittedly small, it sometimes made an appearance – and how fucking scary was that?

"Miss her do you?" said Artie casually, watching carefully for his reaction.

"Like a hole in the head" Puck muttered.

"So what was all of that about in registration then?" asked Kurt, deciding to cut to the chase. "When Noah Puckerman enters the room with a new girl wrapped around him it usually means someone has to disinfect the bleachers."

Puck grinned. Yeah, he was a badass. Deal with it. "Not my fault she threw herself at me."

This made him think about if Rachel actually had thrown herself at him, preferably in his bed in one of her little skirts, or – hell, this was his fantasy and if she was throwing herself at him she'd be doing it naked. He felt himself harden at the thought. How did someone so obsessed with West Side Story manage to be so hot at the same time?

"So nothing happened?" asked Tina.

"I'm not saying that" Puck drawled. It didn't hurt his reputation for the school to think he could get any girl he wanted. Not that he couldn't; if he worked his moves on Berry she'd totally be begging for it. Which posed the question of why he didn't. He'd had pretty much every other girl you could think of – aside from Tina and Mercedes, who were so low down on the glist they barely counted – so why not go for a clean sweep? He'd be McKinley High legend.

It was something that he didn't like to think about, as he couldn't decide if screwing her would be worth the hassle (because of course there would be hassle. The effort put in to seducing her – he was pretty sure she wouldn't fall for his usual trick of wine coolers and showing off his guns – and the trouble of ditching her once they were done. She wasn't like Santana or Brittany. Sex would mean something to her and he'd have to go through all the emotional crap of if it had just been more than just a hook up for him. The answer to which was always no. No exceptions.)

And this went completely against his principles, as sex was always worth the hassle.

Mike's voice cut across his thoughts. "Yo Puckerman."

He looked round to see Mike and Matt walking over to him. Mr Schue still hadn't arrived but most of the glee members were here now. Except Rachel. "Sup?"

"Nothing much" the Asian guy shrugged. "There's this party tonight at Davies' place. You coming?"

"Sure. What time?"

"Eight. Can I catch a lift?" Mike asked.

"Dude, me too" put in Matt.

"Yeah. I'll pick you up about quarter to."

When Mr Schue and Rachel finally turned up (apparently she'd been talking him through the idea of tri-weekly vocal sessions. He wasn't sure if this was just for her or for everyone, he'd kind of dozed off half way through Mr Schue's talk) he took a seat at the back.

So there was a party tonight. At least now he could get laid while thinking about why he wasn't doing Rachel.

Groaning, he dropped his head into his hands. Man she was totally fucking him up.

I know this chapter was short, but there's a longer one on the way :) Please review!