A/N: Hello! Hope everyone's having a Merry Christmas!

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

Pre-Wedding 9:

Hotch slammed his hand against the steering wheel for the hundredth time, it seemed, since storming out of JJ's house. After leaving, he spent the hour driving around the city, reliving the kiss and aftermath over and over, until he'd nearly driven himself crazy with thinking about what he should have done instead.

He couldn't believe he'd gotten so carried away. He'd let all of his walls down and he'd put himself out there. And what did he get in return? Not much.

He was on his way back to JJ's house to pick up Jack. He had no intention of speaking about the matter further. It made his head and heart hurt to just think about JJ's rejection. She'd made it crystal clear what she wanted and that was to marry Will.

That was fine by him… it was high time for him to move on anyways. Garcia even had someone in mind for him. He'd go out, have a nice time, and get on with his life. And he'd forget all about how in love with her he was.

Stopping at a red light, he put his head against his steering wheel and took a few deep breaths.

What had he been thinking? When he'd set about to speaking with JJ about the first kiss they'd shared he had absolutely no intention of telling her he loved her. God, that had been new news to him. But then she'd kissed him and he hadn't been able to help himself. The words slipped out of his mouth before he knew what he was doing.

The honking of the car behind him got him moving again. He was two right turns away from JJ's house.

JJ was in the washroom mopping up her face when she heard the front door open. Man, who was it now? she thought to herself, completely irritated at the moment.

She was a complete mess, her make up had smeared, and her hair was a nest; she had no desire to speak to anyone for the rest of the day. To top it all off, God only knew what she was going to say to Hotch when he returned for his son.

Taking another look at her red splotchy face, she decided there wasn't much more she could do about it, and she plopped herself onto the closed toilet, having every intention of staying there for the rest of the night.

She'd done it, the one thing she had absolutely not wanted to do. She'd hurt him. JJ had seen it in his eyes, behind the anger. So many people in Hotch's life had hurt him, and she never wanted to be that one more person to do it to him again.

She let out a long-suffering sigh. Why had she been so stupid? There had been so many other options to choose from to throw Hotch off the topic of his feelings, why did she choose to kiss him?

Well that's an easy one, JJ, her inner voice said wryly. You already admitted to Morgan that you wanted to kiss him.

"Yeah, but wanting to and doing it are two completely different things," she said out loud.

JJ admit it, you have feelings for him. You lo—

"Shut up!" she said rather loudly.

JJ ran her hands over her face. She was losing it, she was actually arguing with herself.

"JJ!" she heard Will call from somewhere inside the house.

Crap! She really had no energy to act all cheerful around her fiancée. Couldn't she hide in there for ever?

"Nope," she murmured, when knocking came at the door a second later.

"JJ, you in there?" Will questioned from outside the door.

"Just a sec," she called back, she turned on the tap and splashed some water on her face.

She took a couple of deep breaths and opened the door to Will's smiling face.

"Hey there, chere," he greeted warmly. "Jack's here, is he staying for dinner? I was going to order some pizza…"

JJ shook her head, stepping out into the hallway. "No, uh… Hotch's coming to get him in a bit."

"That's strange," Will said, looking suspicious.

JJ's heart began to race. "What's strange?"

Will shrugged. "Usually Hotch sticks around when Jack comes over."

"Oh…" JJ stalled. "He uh… had some things… uh to do."

Will just nodded accepting her answer. He started towards the stairs and JJ followed.

"Hey do you mind if I go over to Jason's later?" Will was asking. "He still has a lot more work to do on his basement…"

"No, go ahead," JJ answered, grateful to have some time alone. She had a lot of thinking to do.

Will turned around to place a kiss on her cheek. "You're the best!"

JJ let out a sigh. You have no idea, Will.

Hotch walked up to JJ's front door, a grim set to his shoulders, as he rung the door bell. He was just here for Jack, that's all, he kept telling himself. He sure as hell wasn't going to confront JJ about anything that happened earlier. Nope. He was done.

For the second time that day, when the front door to JJ's home opened he was completely surprised by the greeter. Except this time he shouldn't have been.

"Will, hi," Hotch said, managing to keep the surprise and alarm from his tone.

When Will grabbed his hand to shake in a friendly gesture, Hotch knew that Will knew nothing about the earlier situation. "Hey Hotch, how's it going?"

Hotch smiled, hoping it didn't come off guilty looking. Will was always friendly when he visited the Jareau-LaMontangne household. A thought that brought him extreme guilt and again begged the question: What the hell was he thinking?

"Good, good, you?"

"Same, busy, but good," Will echoed.

Hotch nodded; he went silent after that, not really in the mood for conversation, and definitely not in the mood to comment on Will's busyness. He knew exactly why the man was busy and he had no desire to hear more about the wedding.

"JJ's getting Jack," Will informed, he held the door open for him and Hotch reluctantly stepped inside.

He was itching to leave. The day that had started so hopeful, so promising, ended in disappointment and, unexpectedly, heartache. And he just felt down. He'd definitely had enough that particular day.

Hotch was granted a moment's joy when a second later Jack came bounding down the stairs, coming to an abrupt halt in front of him. His son was beaming, a common side effect from spending the day at his best friend's house.

"Daddy!" Jack exclaimed. "Do we have to go?"

Hotch tried to hide the grim look on his face, not wanting to put his cheerful son in the same mood. He gave his son a pat on his blonde hair. "Sorry buddy, we've got to go."

"You're welcome to stay for dinner," Will offered, genuinely. "We're ordering pizza."

Hotch smiled politely, shaking his head. "Thanks, but we've really got to go."

He began to turn around, eager to get the heck out of there, when JJ's voice was suddenly heard from the top of the stairs, "Henry, he'll be back, again!"

Just as she finished her sentence Hotch saw that she was descending the stairs coming to join the already awkward party. She came to stand at the foot of the stairs, and Hotch saw that she was staring at him intently, trying to catch his eye. He wasn't having any of that, he turned to look at Will, instead.

"Henry still not happy?" Will asked her.

"No," she said simply. He could still feel her eyes on him, burning two holes into the side of his head.

"We'll set something up for another time; make sure you tell Henry that," Hotch said quickly. "We've got to go. Say bye, Jack."

Jack ran over to hug JJ. "Bye Aunt JJ," he said affectionately. "Bye Uncle Will."

"Thanks for having Jack over," Hotch said politely. "Bye."

He let out the breath he had been holding during the entire encounter, relieved to be out of there. But still sad, nonetheless.

"I'll go cheer him up," Will said, good-naturedly, once Hotch was out the door.

JJ nodded in answer, unsure if she could form any words at the moment. She continued to stare after the man who could barely look at her. It was clear to JJ from the brief encounter that Hotch didn't even want to be in the same room as her. She had no words for how that made her feel at the moment.

Will walked around her and she still continued to stand there, dejected. She felt horrible, that much she knew. She had never imagined that having Hotch hate her would cause her this much pain.

Her heart hurt terribly; it felt too heavy for her chest, like at any minute it would burst out and fall onto the floor where Hotch could stomp at it to his heart's content. She put a hand to her chest hoping to hold it in place; God it hurt. It was too much. She needed to fix this. Hotch hating her was not an option.

JJ opened the front door hoping it was too late. He was still there. She could see him closing the back door after having buckled in Jack and now he was opening the driver's side door.

"Hotch," she called to him, before he could get inside.

She needed him to stop. She needed to speak to him. She couldn't leave things like this.

JJ saw him look her way in surprise and she did not hesitate, lest he change his mind about pausing. She rushed towards him coming to a halt in front of him a moment later.

"JJ," Hotch cautioned, looking grim. "Enough, ok."

"Hotch… Aaron, please…" JJ pleaded, shocked by how raw her voice sounded. "I can't… we can't leave it like this, please…"

"JJ," Hotch answered, his voice gruff. "What do you want from me?"

JJ's eyes blurred. "I want… I want…"

He reached out suddenly to cup her face with his left hand. His thumb ran over the skin of her cheek. "JJ, don't cry… ok…just, don't cry…"

"I'm sorry Aaron, about before…" she said shakily. "Before… you asked me to tell you how I felt… I'm confused—"

"I know, JJ. I had no right—"

"No," she cut him off, her voice adamant. She had something to say, something she hoped, at the least, would make him not hate her anymore. "I'm confused, because I'm only supposed to want Will..."

"It's ok," he tried again.

"No, it's not, it's not ok, because I want you!" she exclaimed, abruptly, needing to get it out before he interrupted her again, and she lost her nerve.

Both went silent at her admission, neither of them not knowing what to say next. Hotch dropped his hand from her face and JJ suddenly had a bad feeling in her stomach.

"JJ—" Hotch started.

"JJ!" Will called from the front door.

JJ wiped at her eyes, taking a deep breath, cursing the bad timing of her fiancée.

"Go inside," Hotch murmured.

JJ shot him an incredulous look. Was he really about to ignore everything she just admitted?

"Go on…" he continued. "I'll call you later. We'll talk soon, just you and me."

She smiled, nodding in understanding. Right now was not the time or place. "Ok, I'll be waiting."

I hope you enjoyed. And I hope everyone's having a Merry Christmas!

Thanks for the reviews: Hotch Fan; midmac; JJandHotch4ever96; Francesca; celticgina; canny-bairn; kurussom; and Zolidify.